"NO MORE MR. NICE GUY"
From NIGHTMARE! THE MUSICAL
Original song written by Alice Cooper (alicecooper.c0m), with additional lyrics by Diane N. Tran (tranimation)
I've been helping co-write my friend Abri Isgrig's (Lady Jekyll) story, Innocent Demon, which is a re-invention of life of Freddy Krueger before was "killed" by the parents of Springwood. As we're both lovers of musical theatre, it was she thought up a Nightmare on Elm Street musical as a joke. I screamed, "That's awesome! I would pay to see this! We should totally do this!" So we knocked our heads together to make this a reality, based on the films (specifically Dream Child, Freddy's Dead, and intro to Freddy vs. Jason), the Freddy's Nightmares TV series, our own pastiches, and personal theories about the character. Robert Englund is such a ham that it's not that far off to see him randomly belt out in song; he had already done this for Fat Boys' "Are You Ready For Freddy?" rap video, if you recall.
Understand that I don't know anything about music composition, but I do know poetry and enough general knowledge about musicology to muddle my way through, learning more as I go, along with a handy-dandy rhyming dictionary at hand and a ton of patience. (For some reason, I had to re-upload this because FF was being a weird bastard.)
Synopsis: Presenting Nightmare! the Musical, Freddy Krueger goes into a rageful song-and-slaughter after losing custody of his daughter. Canonical (to the Englund franchise): Horror/Parody: Complete. Rated M for violence and sexuality.
Nightmare on Elm Street © Wes Craven/New Line Cinema
"No More Mr. Nice Guy" (original song) © Alice Cooper, with additional lyrics by Diane N. Tran
SONG TYPE: Rock
SCENE PLAYER(S):
- Freddy Krueger, the murderer
- Katherine Krueger, his six-year-old daughter
- Child custody lawyer
- Prepubescents (three to five)
- Male chorus (offstage)
Outside the federal courts, FREDDY KRUEGER has gotten free from his murder trail due to a technicality. He should be pleased, but isn't because he looses custody of his six-year-old daughter, KATHERINE KRUEGER, and after a tearful goodbye, she is taken away by a CHILD CUSTODY LAWYER supplied by the city. KATHERINE hugs close a teddy bear, which has long stitches across its belly, a souvenir from a previous kill of his, which he begrudgingly gave to his daughter because she wanted it.
She drops the teddy bear accidentally before exiting offstage, but lawyer turns stops to pick up the teddy bear, notices the stitches, and throws the bear at the alleged Springwood Slasher.
CHILD CUSTODY LAWYER (spoken spitefully):
Burn in hell, Krueger!
Exit LAWYER. Picking up the stuffed bear, FREDDY silently contemplates his situation and concern that be may never see his daughter again, as he traces the stitches with his fingers. Spotlight on him, alone, a flood of emotions boil over within him.
FREDDY (sung mournfully):
Oh, you always were such a sweet, sweet thing
So young and free
I stand here all helpless to see you stolen away
My lil' princess-to-be
Don't you believe what they say in those papers
That you can't be seen ... with me
And I'm gettin' real shot down
And I'm ... feelin' mean
FREDDY, CHORUS (sung violently):
I'm sayin', no more Mister Nice Guy
No more Mister Cl-e-e-ean
No more Mister Nice Guy
They say, I'm sick, I'm obsc-e-e-ne
He throws the bear offstage in a fury; he puts on his hat and razor glove.
FREDDY (spoken):
They don't know me very well
I'm just a sweetheart
FREDDY (sung):
Don't you believe what they say in those papers
Now you can't be seen ... with me
And I'm feelin' real shot down
And I'm ... gettin' mean
FREDDY, CHORUS:
Singin', no more Mister Nice Guy
No more Mister Cl-e-e-ean
No more Mister Nice Guy
They say, I'm sick, I'm obsc-e-e-ene
He hungrily stalks to stage right where a small group of naughty PREPUBESCENTS, wearing school jerseys, with a basketball at their feet, as they cautiously light cigarettes, sip beer, and stare into the centerfold of a Playboy magazine.
FREDDY:
I wandered through the streets that night
And somethin' caught my eye
CHORUS:
Nice guy
FREDDY:
Daddy snuck amongst the parks and playgrounds
Blades wavin' high
I hid behind incognito
I arrived and rose ... the Springwood Slasher
Tipped his hat and slashed 'em 'cross the nose
FREDDY (spoken):
Laughin', no more ... nice guy!
FREDDY, CHORUS:
No more Mister Nice Guy
No more Mister Cl-e-e-ean
No more Mister Nice Guy
I say, I'm sick, I'm obsc-e-e-ne
Screamin', no more Mister Nice Guy
No more Mister Cl-e-e-ean
No more Mister Nice Guy
Baby, I'm sick, I'm obsc-e-e-ne
E-e-e, e-e-e, e-e-e-ne
He steals the cigarette from the lips of one of the disemboweled victims, takes a long drag, and exhales a heavy, heavenly sigh and cold chuckle.
FREDDY (spoken):
How sweet — Fresh meat
He undoes his pants and turns his back to audience, facing the dead children, as the stage goes dark.
CHORUS (sung):
Nice guy, yeah!
End scene.
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