Title: Unkempt

Summary: Yappy Obi story (as always, he is always 13 in these stories). Obi-Wan expresses his concerns about an encounter with a Council member on his way home from classes.

"Master, are you unkempt?"

"Have you been talking to Windu again?"

"Not intentionally. I was walking down the corridor, minding my own business and he starting yammering about me being unsupervised and how it could lead to the destruction of the entire planet. I told him I was just on my way home from classes and why was he bothering me when I was trying to ignore him. I swear, Master, I was just there walking and he went off."

"Not unexpected, but what does that have to do with my appearance?"

"Once I got him to stop worrying about me destroying the planet, I told him I would let you know that I spoke to him. So, he went off about you and your long-haired hippie self and your scraggly facial hair and how you defy the code by insisting on not keeping your face clean and hair free and…Master, what is a hippie?"

"Did you defend me?"

"Yes. I said you bathe regularly and you own a razor, but you don't often use it, and that your long hair gives me something to grab onto when I fall into random holes on missions and you have to help me get out. It's like a rope."

"I'm not certain if that is really in defense of me. You tried though, so thank you…I think."

"Master Windu is very clean. Obsessively so. His head squeaks when you rub your hands on it."

"Obi-Wan, don't touch people's heads. That's odd."

"He told me to. He said if I wanted to know what clean and kempt was, then I should put my finger on his head and see how squeaky clean it was. So I did. It's very squeaky. Unnaturally so. But I don't understand, maybe he's clean, but what about the rest of the Council? Master Medusa has snakes on her head. Seriously, how sanitary can that be?"

"How long were you talking to Windu?"

"Not very long. Once he was done and I started talking, he wrapped things up quickly and told me to run home to my unkempt master. He's a little arrogant, Master. I like you better. You only think that you are high and mighty sometimes."

"I am not high and mighty."

"You are not, but sometimes you act like it."

"I do not."

"Then why did you tell Padawan Arguss that you were the boss of him?"

"Because I am."

"But he's not your apprentice. I am. You are the boss of me."

"As a Master Jedi, I can instruct any apprentice to obey me, and they must."

"See? High and mighty. Apprentice are small. You are big. They must obey. You need to drop it a notch, Master. You're not all that."

"I will count to three..."

"I'm sorry. Master Windu got me all wound up and confused. He's making me say stupid things. Why do I let him bother me?"

"He does it on purpose. His goal in life is to hate me."

"But there is no hate and why would he hate me if he hated you instead?"

"You are an extension of me. And you are quite annoying."

"True. I'm glad you aren't squeaky clean. I would hate to reach for your hair in a life or death moment only to find baldness. Then I'd fall and die and you would be sad. Right?"

"What?"

"When I die because your hair is gone, you would be sad."

"Okay. Yes? I think. I don't really understand why I would be bald, but…"

"You missed the point, Master. The point was that you would be sad."

"But if I'm not bald, you stay alive and we don't have to get to that point."

"Oh, right. Okay. I'm good with that. So, if you were not unkempt, then I would die horribly. It all makes sense now."

"If you insist. Did you have anymore Council encounters while you were coming home from your classes?"

"A few."

"A few…Obi-Wan, your last class is one floor down and one corridor away. How did you possibly have time to…"

"Not my fault, Master. The Council was out and about and all in my business. Master Poof even mocked me for walking by him without speaking or bowing. I don't have to bow every time I see them, right? Only in the chambers. If I have to bow every time I see them, I'd spend all day with a crick in my back and look like a hunchback. I can't be a good apprentice as a hunchback."

"Well, that is true and no you do not have to bow every time you see them. Only if they are instructing you or ordering you around."

"They like to do that. I have a headache now."

"From what?"

"Defending you and fending off the Council's corridor attacks."

"Go lay down then."

"Do you think I should grow a beard, Master?"

"You are thirteen. No."

"What about when I become a hermit?"

"Do you plan on becoming one soon?"

"Not right now, but it's on my mind."

"Remove it from your mind then. You should not be thinking about facial hair until you are old enough to actually grow it."

"I don't want to be unkempt, Master. I'll worry about that now."

"Why?"

"Because it'll make the Council talk to me more and you saw what happened today. We spend enough time getting lectured by them because you are a rebel who doesn't follow the code, I really don't have time in my busy life to have them stop me in the halls to ask me about your hair, beard and dirty tunics."

"Now my tunics are unclean?"

"Oh, did I leave that part out?"

"You may have."

"Master Windu says you are dirty and should wash your clothes more often."

"My tunics are clean unless returning from a mission. And why am I defending myself to you?"

"Not my fault, Master. Remember, I was just an innocent boy wandering the halls – I mean, coming right home from class – and was assaulted by the Council. It's almost like they were waiting for me. Like a sneak attack. I put nothing past them. Any group that has trolls and women with head-snakes, they are not to be entirely trusted."

"Obi-Wan, this is giving me a headache."

"Sorry, you probably got it from me."

"Headaches are not contagious, Padawan."

"Can you walk with me down the hall next time?"

"I am not going to class with you."

"I mean tonight. I forgot my data-pad in class. I have to go get it. They might get me again if I go alone. Maybe we can practice that super-speed stuff you do. Teach me that."

"I cannot teach that to you in the next ten minutes. It takes many years of practice and study. I can however walk with you."

"Can you hide me under your robe?"

"No."

"Can we take the long way?"

"There is no long way. There is only one way to get to your classroom."

"Damn it. No wonder they know my pattern."

"Are you certain you didn't instigate the encounter today?"

"Master, I was just minding my own business. Why would I want to annoy the Council on my way home to free time?"

"You have after-class studies, not free time. So, you could be stalling so you don't have to get right home and do your studies."

"Master, I am manipulative, that is true, but you really think I'd poke the beast that is the Council just to avoid homework?"

"Or you did it so you could get upset and then con me into hugging you."

"That does sound more like me, but honest, Master, I was there minding my own business. I think they were just bored. Don't they have Council-ily things do to or something? Passing codes, admitting punishments and talking down to people?"

"One would think."

"For the record, I don't think you are unkempt, stinky or unclean. Would I beg for hugs from someone fitting that description? I think not. Can we just blame the Council and move on with our lives?"

"We can. Let's go get your data-pad."

"We can do it, Master! We are Kenobi and Jinn!"

"Obi-Wan…"

"Sorry. Jinn and Kenobi! We are strong! We are clean! Most of the time. Let's get 'em!"

"This is ridiculous."

"It is. But it's how we roll, Master. Here we go!"

The end