The sleepless nights continue, I want to see you,
my interrupted half-dreaming, ephemeral wish
For some reason, my steps wouldn't carry me as far as the others' did. They all walked ahead of me, down the white stone path in this beautiful forest. Facing all of their backs, I noticed two things. One was that I was the only one who was absolutely sure of where we were going. And two was that today, I knew something unbearable was going to tear me apart.
Inside my head, my thoughts followed a tune of sorrowful violin, and I struggled to find the words to fit it. Before I knew it, I was falling behind in our path yet again, and my legs couldn't move faster, as if the weight of an unbearable sorrow that I feared, and that hadn't yet come was already crushing me.
You took my hand without doubting,
We walked this path together,
We promised, didn't we?
As I watched, Yuki, Teru, Hizaki, and—wait... Jasmine had just been there.
Suddenly, I felt something touch my shoulder, and I turned to see the beautiful Jasmine You turn to face me, with one of his warm, ringed hands on my arm. And then, I felt that burden of the weight of the world on me disappear. He seemed to notice this, too, but smiled for a moment, and began to walk ahead of me. But the burden remained lifted, as Jasmine took my hand, and began to lead me back towards the others. So, we continued to walk this path together, with a promise of safety and strength binding our hands. But slowly, I began to fear that this feeling of serenity would falter, like a candle with a flickering flame.
"No matter how high the walls may be, let's surpass them together"
Why are you no longer here? I want to see you right now
"No matter how high the walls may be, let's surpass them together." Jasmine turned and smiled to the four of us. We nodded, and he continued to walk forward, almost skipping in happiness. And the others followed, as that horrible feeling of burden and dread swept over me again, and I felt like I was slipping into darkness and loneliness, away from our beautiful world, that the five of us had hidden ourselves in. The last thing I saw before I slipped away into sorrow, was Jasmine's smiling face turning away as he continued forth, much father ahead than myself. And in the moment he disappeared, I wanted to see his shining smile again, oh so badly.
My heart is closed off, everything frightens me,
How far must I go? I cannot walk any further!
My eyes opened to the same path, only different. Horribly, dreadfully different...
Where blooming white trees had been, now only stood their barren corpses, the stone path was cracked and scattered, and the running marble fountain that had been behind us was dry and shattered. Cold statues of angels, with broken wings and halos only made the place even gloomier. It struck my heart with a sorrowful loneliness I had feared all my life, and I felt like it swept the very life from my soul, the strength from my body, and the desire to continue walking on faded as well.
I dream because I can meet you in dreams,
Your afterimage fades away again,
Yes, like a shooting star
When I looked up towards the dark sky, at the farthest edge of my sight, I barely thought I could see the purple silhouette of my friend, drawn out in the stars. I wanted to grab his hand, to reach to the sky and feel the happiness that he gave me for a mere moment, but I felt the loneliness taking over. I cannot walk any further! My strength was swept from me, and I fell to my knees with a sorrowful cry to the heavens!
You are a dazzling light; tears clad in the night sky
become the key to my heart, opening the sealed door
As I fell and reached out, my hand caught another's. For a split second, I suspected that it could really be him, Jasmine, back to lift my fear and shine his smile to give a warming light back to my frostbitten spirit.
As I looked up, thunder crashed and a deluge of heavy rain fell over the path I was on, and I looked to see what had caught my hand. The thunder scared my expectations of the slightest happiness away, as I found myself staring into the cold, lifeless stone face on an angel statue, which had caught my hand. The rain hid my tears that fell quickly and quietly, with no whimpers or sobs. Instead, the only noise was the thunder that shook the ground, also shaking my body with fear and grief.
But as the next crescendo of thunder sounded, the light flashed before my eyes, blinding me for moments.
When they snapped open, I was back in the pathway I had been before. Teru, Yuki, Hizaki and I were all standing in a line, and Jasmine was facing us. Something was wrong. Everyone besides him had an expression of pure misery and sorrow. Teru was practically crying. Then I realized it. What I had feared all along, it was finally coming true.
This was Jasmine's last goodbye.
I gasped, and couldn't speak. No, it couldn't be!
Jasmine approached Yuki, and smiled at him, putting a hand on his shoulder with loving regards. He hugged Hizaki, whose face was tense from trying to hold back tears. Then to Teru, whose lip was quivering, Jasmine hugged him too.
If one day I'm able to see you I want to say...
Then, he approached me, and the world seemed to go silent.
"No matter how high the walls were, we surpassed them together, didn't we?"
"Thank you, you can sleep now, because I can walk on my own"
"No matter how high the walls were, we surpassed them together, didn't we?" I managed to choke back the tears and mutter this to him. He placed his hand on my cheek, and gave a regretful smile. It was his way of telling me that there was no way I could stop his decision. Jasmine knew that now was his time to leave, despite all of us begging him to stay. There was nothing we could do, now that his mind was made up. So I sighed, and said my last goodbye as well.
"Thank you. You can sleep now, because I can walk on my own..." As that last part of my farewell escaped my lips, I felt that it was a lie. I knew it too, that I couldn't walk on my own. I needed Jasmine. But now, he had already begun to walk forward, leaving us behind again. Towards the gate he had led us to, to which he only held the key.
The dream I saw with you turns into the key to my heart,
Someday I'll surely bring morning to this night sky
He turned to us when he was inside, smiling again. Such a happy smile that made all of our hearts ache and cry in fear. We weren't ready for him to leave, not now, not ever! Nevertheless, he still smiled. He closed the gate softly, and we all heard the lock click, like a strong thunderclap of terror and misery.
He gazed at us from behind the gate, and with that elegant smile, he blew us all one last kiss.
Then, it struck me as hard as lightning, the feeling of horrible loneliness that I refused to stand. All of us were thinking it, that we couldn't go on without Jasmine. We couldn't, and we won't!
Ah…resound to the wounds of the heart we all hide in our chests,
Oh notes, push through the shut gates and reach!
Before the others realized it, I had begun to run, as fast as my legs would carry me, breaking through that spell they'd been under, my fear and yearning for Jasmine's smile keeping me going and giving me strength. My body crashed into the steel gate, and I cried and thrashed against it, screaming for him as he walked father down into a beautiful garden of roses.
"Jasmine! Jasmine- wait! Don't go!" I shrieked, as the others caught up with me, thrashing against the gate with all their might. I reached my arm through the gate, but it wouldn't reach him!
"Jasmine!" I cried. We all cried it, in a chorus of other pleas of, "Don't leave us!", "Don't go!", "We need you!", "Jasmine!"
No doubt he could hear us, but it wasn't Jasmine's character to cry or to dwell on sorrow. He simply smiled at us again, and waved into the sky. And there, right before our very eyes, he vanished into the shining sunlight.
"No!! Jasmine!!!" We all screamed as far as our breath would let us, but it was no use. He was gone.
"No..." I felt my body weaken with sorrow, and the four of us fell to our knees with tears pouring from our eyes, we embraced eachother to hide our sadness in the comfort of eachother's presence. One final time, I lifted my head towards the sky, to see a purple butterfly fly over the gate, and across the sky above us...
Illuminate the darkness!
Kamijo's alarm clock rang, sending a shrill beeping through the room. He opened his eyes slowly, they were still red and sore from the way he cried himself to sleep. It was the only way he did sleep now.
Today was Jasmine's funeral.
Kamijo sat up in bed; he was still in his clothes. His heart ached. Jasmine had only died a few days ago.
What an odd dream he'd had that night. He dreamt that Jasmine led the four of them down a beautiful forest path, only to bid them a sorrowful and premature farewell, disappearing into the sky. Kamijo always remembered how Jasmine looked at the sky. He loved its endlessness, how it could go on forever and you'd lose yourself in it, just like he always did.
Kamijo got out of bed and walked over to the window. His heart still hadn't stopped aching. He stuck his head out the window and breathed in the warm August air. Gazing down towards the city below, he felt as if he was one of the only four people who'd ever felt such sorrow before.
Jasmine was gone, and he wasn't coming back. Kamijo had yet to comprehend that.
When he lifted his head, he hummed a violin tune that he had worked on all night. A song for Jasmine, that drove him to cry himself to sleep that night. And then, he saw it. Fluttering across his sight, was the same light purple butterfly he had seen in his dream about Jasmine. It silently flew up towards the sky, towards the clouds. And the sun suddenly became revealed, and the butterfly seemed to dissolve into the sunlight, just like Jasmine had in his dream...
He remembered the words Jasmine said to him in his dream.
"No matter how high the walls may be, let's surpass them together." It was like him to say something like that. It would be perfect for a song.
For, a soft, sorrowful serenade.
In loving memory of Jasmine You.
"No matter how far apart we have been separated from one another, the sky continues on everywhere, so during heartbreaking times, emotionally painful times, sad times, and even happy times, I am always near you."
~ Jasmine You