His eyes ached.
His vision had been blurred lately, the sharp lines ore reality bending out of his control, and he hated to lose control.
Fire and blood and watchbands and the color purple.
He seemed to melt into the surreal quality of it all, the harsh Hisokadon'tleaveme that escaped his lips. Cornsilk hair and vibrant green eyes in his peripheral vision.
All soft features and flawless skin.
Tatsumi's hands were harsh as they ran through his hair. Familiar, but not quite the same. Like a lost chapter, a torn page in his book of days.
Too many sharp angles and long-forgotten promises he'd never meant to keep.
His eyes slid closed at their touch. Memory; another scream, a soft mouth pressing hard against his own, and then Hisoka's hands leaving his is a flash of blindingly white light.
Hisokadon'tleavemeherealone.
The boy had never really liked him, only loved him unconditionally. Sixteen, a cloud of hormonal fog. Rash. No time to think things through, no time to really listen to his warnings, but time enough to steal his heart.
Hisoka had known how to make his coffee just right, even the first time. "Lotsofsugar,right?"
He felt himself sink low and then Tatsumi's strong hands holding his shoulders. "We'llfindyouanewpartner,Tsuzuki."
HisokaI'msorry.
Hisoka had always simply known. Knew what he loved to eat, knew how many spoons of sugar he preferred in his tea, knew just how much pressure to apply to make him quiver, even in his dreams. "Idon'twantanewpartner." Soft, gentle hands on his face, on his arms, in his mouth, even when Hisoka hated to be touched.
"You'reanidiot,Tsuzuki."
Hisoka had allowed him to fade. The first one to see him tremble in ecstasy, the first one to make him feel truly wanted. Forgave him for all that he'd done, to others and to himself. Filled him where he was now only empty, an unknown emotion. Hisoka, with bright eyes and soft hair and coffee on his chin. Tsuzuki had licked it off.
"Youthinklikeadog!"
Rain, now. Rain where once there was sunshine. Emptiness. Memories of chocolate, of light, of smiles, of… of…
"You'resuchanidiot,Tsuzuki. You'reanidiot!"
A small smile, a light touch, and then…
"Iloveyoutoo."
I'll always love you.