Well, welcome to my first ST fic! This is a oneshot that kinda spawned into something entirely different, and there's now four chapters; I'll post the rest depending on how well received this is. I tried a different writing style from what I usually do, which is present tense, so I'd really like to know if it's good or if I should go back to a more past tense prose.

Notes: regular font is present, italicized are Helen's memories; in way, it's two stories in one.

Disclaimer: don't own Star Trek, and if I did, I wouldn't be here.

~*~*~*~

Running Uphill

Chapter 1: Hysteric

It's late, I know full well, but my heart won't let me sleep. The halls of the starship are empty of life for now, but I know that won't last for long; shift changes are going to start in an hour. Turning left twice more, I find myself at my destination. And for the hundredth time tonight, my heart seems to jolt to a stop and I can barely get my fingers working to break the security code.

~*~*~*~

"Get out of the way!" somebody roared above me. The voice I would learn later belonged to Dr. Leonard McCoy, but at the moment, I was half unconscious and trying not to scream out from the pain. I was jostled gently as several pairs of hands placed me on a hard yet yielding surface. I couldn't move if my life depended on it; the pain was awful. I vaguely heard something rip, then cool air hit my chest and abdomen; somebody had cut or torn off my tunic, undoubtedly to observe the wounds that lay underneath it. "Christ..."

It's the last word I hear before my world goes black at last.

~*~*~*~

I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing, breaking into an officer's cabin at three in the morning; logic is arguing that I should wait until proper morning, but then again I'm about as far from a Vulcan as you can get without being alien. But, I also remember the past events just hours ago, and that my heart is as impatient as my mind is stubborn. Somehow, my fingers start moving deftly over the small console.

The door slides open with a slight hiss, light falling into the cabin. I can see him now, fast asleep on the couch. My heart stops yet again.

~*~*~*~

"How are you feeling?" asks the man with blonde hair and eyes as blue as a perfect fall day. I momentarily stared at him, admiring his beautiful eyes; blue eyes had always been my undoing. He introduced himself as Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise, the ship I was now on.

"Still a little sore," I told him, "But much better than before." He smiled, and my legs turned to butter. "I'm Helen."

"You wouldn't happen to be a princess of Troy, would you? Because that face of yours could launch a thousand ships," he said easily, pushing a wisp of my dark hair out of my eyes. I blushed like never before; I'd never considered myself pretty before.

"T−Thank you," I stammered, hiding behind my hair.

"Jim, stop antagonizing my patient," snapped that deep, slightly accented voice. I was startled into looking up; another man had just entered the room. He was handsome as well, although maybe not as blindingly obvious as Jim; his was an acquired but still wonderful look. His hair was almost the exact same shade as mine, but it was his eyes that were so surprising. They were the darkest hazel I had ever seen, but it was like looking into a forest with a yellow sunset. For once, I wondered if hazel eyes would replace my coveted blue.

Jim simply rolled his eyes, letting the dark haired man past him.

"How are you feeling?" he said sharply, and waved a small light in my eyes, watching my pupils' reflex. I blinked, shying away from the light instinctually.

"Fine, although I still hurt on my chest and back," I answered again. He looked at me sharply.

"I see... I'm Dr. McCoy. You said your name's Helen? May I call you that?" he said at last. I nodded, trying to not to concentrate on how the way he said my name sent shivers down my spine. "Alright Helen, I have to look at your wounds. It might... look very shocking at first, but I promise that there will barely be any scarring."

At this, my blood ran cold, and I looked fearfully from the doctor to Jim. As if getting the point, he shooed Jim out of Sick Bay and drew a curtain around us. As he started to slowly peel away the bandages that encircled much of my torso, he gave me a wary and yet comforting look.

"You don't have to look, Helen," he murmured. I bit my lip, determined to show this man I was made of sterner stuff. Reading my look, he gave a slight sigh and concentrated on my bandages. The pain slowly increased as the layers fell away, and I was disturbed by the amount of rust coloured blood that was spotting the soft fibres. Giving one last look at me, the doctor unwound the last layer as quickly as possible.

I never expected to see what I saw: my entire torso ripped to shreds by giant claws, red scars slicing across my pale skin in an ugly pattern. I started shaking, and I could feel my back trembling unnaturally with the tightness of healing.

"I want to see," I rasped. The doctor's look grew sad, but he didn't deny my request. He disappeared for a few seconds, returning with a small silver square that unfolded into a large mirror. If I'd thought that I'd seen the worst already, I was horribly mistaken. I hardly recognized my body anymore. I looked exactly like the Rackla fodder I had been. The memories came rushing back like floodwater, and my emotions finally burst. I fell to the ground, sobbing.

~*~*~*~

He looks so absolutely perfect in the broken light from the hall, the shadows playing with his eyelashes, his nose, his lips. Barely breathing, I step over the threshold into his room. I know he may not be happy initially, but I think and hope that he will be extremely happy when I tell him my news.

~*~*~*~

I was the only survivor; my parents, my siblings, all slaughtered by the Rackla. The doctor, whose name is Leonard as I did learn, thought it best for me to hear the story from Jim than from himself. I didn't understand why, but now I think was because when Jim speaks it somehow seems less harsh and safer. It did nothing to stem the horror of what happened to my family, or indeed the entire colony, but when I broke down sobbing, Jim's arms made me feel like maybe life wasn't entirely lost yet. I'd never been held before in such a way, and I never wanted to leave.

It was many hours later when Jim finally left, but somehow he'd helped to start the long healing process I needed.

~*~*~*~

Now, I don't hesitate. The door closes with another little hiss, and the room is plunged into darkness. And somehow, the starlight finds a way to give it a pale glow. With soft steps, I walk forward. His breathing fills the cabin and my head. It fills me with a peace I haven't experienced in weeks.

~*~*~*~

A few weeks had passed, and I found myself spending equal amounts of time with Leonard and Jim. Jim was the wild ride that I need to make me laugh, Leonard was the rock to keep me steady. Both of them were accommodating to me, although Jim went out of his way a little bit more. Leonard was always so busy, and I would often think that I got in the way more than kept him company. Still, it didn't explain his attitude to me in those weeks. Whereas Jim became more open and flirted so much it bordered on disgusting, Leonard withdrew from me, only speaking to me when he needed to look at my wounds.

Jim would laugh it off and reassure me that he was always like that, but I didn't fully believe him. Especially after Leonard walked in on Jim and I kissing. I'll never forget that look on his face; even Jim was embarrassed, and I knew that Leonard must have walked in on him making out with numerous women.

"Bones−" he tried to say, but Leonard was already gone. Jim cursed under his breath, and I looked up at him, my own skin crawling like I'd done something terrible.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I knew it, I knew it," Jim said, pacing. He paused, looking at me. "You have to talk to him, Helen. I know he won't hurt you, and I'm not sure he won't hurt me right now." Without looking back, he disappeared to the nearest turbo lift, leaving me confused and a little hurt. Still, I needed to find out what had disturbed Leonard so badly.

I wasn't prepared for his revelation.

~*~*~*~

I stand for I don't know how long, simply studying the face that I now knew I loved. He isn't that old in all honesty, but his job has given him lines and a hardness that would otherwise be vacant. He shifts suddenly in his sleep, throwing one of his arms loosely over his chest. I become aware of a sudden sense of peace in my chest, and I pad softly to where he lays, sitting down beside the couch. I haven't been this close to his face since he told me how he felt.

~*~*~*~

"Leonard?" I said tentatively, standing in the darkened doorway of his office. He stood at the window looking out to the stars with a stiffness to his shoulders I'd never seen. Not knowing what to do, I had to remind myself of what Jim had told me. I needed to talk to him. Walking on near silent feet, I paused just behind him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. Before I even knew what was happening, he whirled, grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a rough kiss that hit right at my soul. It was something Jim's kisses hadn't been able to do, pleasurable as they had been. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't respond right away. Then I leant in, gentling the kiss but drawing it out at the same time. Leonard's mouth fit mine perfectly. And just as suddenly as it was there, he was gone, pacing the room and shaking slightly.

"Len, what's wrong?" I said finally, catching him so we were face to face. I was startled by the tortured pain in the dark hazel depths of his eyes. We only held each others gaze for a second before he looked away. As if on maternal instinct, I reached out, stroking the side of his stubbled cheek. He looked just past me, but I could see the deep well of emotions in his eyes, and my breath caught as realization that I had caused this dawned on me.

"Helen, choose me or Jim, please, but stop toying with us. It's not right," he murmured huskily, looking at me again, and this time there was defeat. He was sure I'd pick Jim.

"Oh Len," I whispered, backing away. Leonard didn't look at me again, just brushed past as he made his way back to sickbay. I was left in the dark office, trembling slightly and trying to concentrate on my thoughts.

I didn't see either of them as I made my way through the ship as the day passed. Of course, I also spent a great deal of my time in my cabin thinking about what Leonard had said. If I was to be honest with myself, I hadn't even noticed that Len had taken a notice to me. But now his past behaviour made so much more sense. Whenever I was with him, he'd clam up until I could I get him to smile. And then he'd look at me with those beautiful eyes of his and we'd joke around. I knew at the time that I'd hoped he wanted more than friendship, but he'd never reciprocated the want to me, and by then Jim's flirting was starting to work very well. Now I had a decision to make, and even to me it sounded horrible. Choose Len or Jim. I pondered for hours, only moving when I had to use the bathroom, and I finally looked at what I wanted in a relationship. After that, my decision came swiftly. Opening the door to my cabin, I slipped into the deserted hallway, making my way to where his quarters were.

~*~*~*~

Len's hair is falling slightly over his brow, in a way that was enduring. Somehow I can't disturb his slumber now. With a soft sigh, I slowly trace a delicate design on his hand with the edge of my nail. Len murmurs in his sleep but doesn't awaken. Looking at him one last time, I stand up and make my way to the door.

"Helen," says a soft voice and I freeze, cursing my inability to sneak away unnoticed. Turning around slowly, I meet Len's sleepy hazel eyes with as much strength as I dare. "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing," I reply quickly, but I know my face is showing my lie. Len stands up, walking over to me. I notice the rips in the faded shirt, the peeks of skin and hair that show through. Then I look up, meeting those hazel eyes. It is hard to read his expression, but I would have to say his primary emotion is anger and confusion. He folds his arms, and I am suddenly reminded of how much larger and stronger Leonard is than me.

"Helen, either you tell me the truth right now or I'm calling security to have you escorted to the brig," he growls, his southern drawl coming out in stronger force. I swallow thickly, terrified.

"Len, please... I've been thinking about what you said, and... I've reached my decision," I mumble, looking down and twisting a lock of my hair. I can almost feel him stiffen; I hear his sharp intake of breath, and I know he's awaiting the word of defeat. I touch the side of his face like I had hours ago, and we finally meet eyes again. "I need to talk to Jim when he's awake about it, but I think he'll understand..."

"Helen, please, you're not making this easy," Len says, and this time there's a rough note of pain. A surge of impulsiveness goes down through me, and I stand on my toes, touching his lips to mine. Leonard freezes much the same as I had when he kissed me previously. As I pull away, I smooth the stubble on his cheeks with my hands.

"Len, I was sitting for hours, thinking about what I've always wanted in a man, for the long run, and I knew almost right away that Jim isn't that man, certainly not now. Then there was you. And I knew that it was you I wanted," I whisper, my eyes burning. I silently curse my over reactive emotions, but I barely have time to register the thought before there's a gentle finger wiping away the tear sliding down my cheek. My entire body seems to throb in rhythm with my heartbeat and I'm sure Leonard can feel it.

"Dammit, you," he laughs softly, continuing to stroke my cheek softly. I can't help but laugh as well, but there are still tears falling slowly down my face, streaking it red and salty. Len doesn't seem to care, for he starts kissing me, much softer than before. Even with the gentle kiss, I can feel the warmth in the room start to increase tenfold. At first all I'm aware of is his mouth, but then I feel smooth fingers exploring the folds of my uniform, and my heart stops once more. My own fingers are roaming Len's body, staying safe but obviously wanting a taste of danger.

Len seems to know what my body is saying even if my brain is still trying to process the situation, because he pulls me smoothly to the couch, his weight supporting us both. The warmth is now radiating from select places on my body, and I fight to remove my uniform just to relieve some of the heat. Len must be reading my mind, because his hands quickly move under the dress and he pulls it over my head with one swift movement, yet still mindful of my scars. Somehow it doesn't relieve the heat, but I'm not caring any more. Ripping at Len's shirt, I toss it to the floor, running my hands down his chest. Although it's not sculpted and washboard hard, I can tell that there's power beneath the skin and light covering of hair. Len slows for a minute, looking me in the eye. Both of us are near naked, with me in a bra and panties, Leonard in just his worn out pants; I can tell he's not wearing any underwear.

"Helen, I won't push you if you're not ready," he says, but his voice is husky with a quality I've never heard before, and I know he's lying through his teeth; he's barely controlling himself now. In response, I slowly sit up so I straddle his chest. Len's eyes widen slightly as I remove my bra, then work off my panties...

I do not know what time it is when we're finally silent, squashed a little uncomfortably on the couch. Leonard's drifted off to sleep again, but the sheen of sweat still glistens on his body. I've discovered a thermal blanket behind the couch and I pull it over us to keep us warm until duty wakes us. I lie against his chest, soaking in the comforting warmth, and stroke the side of his face, pushing wisps of damp hair away from his forehead. I'm reminded of a song I love, by a band long forgotten by almost everyone.

...Flow sweetly, hang heavy,

You suddenly complete me,

You suddenly complete me...

"You complete me, Len," I whisper softly. He doesn't answer, although a smile appears on his lips. With a smile of my own, I snuggle further down and close my eyes.

~*~*~*~

Well, that's the first chapter; please review! But keep it constructive; depending on how this is received, I'll post the other chapters soon.