Disclamer: The Animorph people belong to K.A, Teddy & Johnathan belong to those Arsenic and Old Lace people, and Lee Jordan belongs to J. K. Rowling, and Brett Farve belongs to himself. And anybody else who doesn't belong to me belongs to somebody else.
ANIMORPHS: THE ULTIMATE FOOTBALL GAME
PART 1: THE PREPARATION
"GRRROWWWWWWRRRR!" Rachel roared, swinging her paw into a Hork-Bajir warrior. It bellowed and slashed into her shoulder.
The Animorphs were at the yeerk pool, attempting to save the Governor from being infested. They were doing a very bad job.
(Get him! Get him!) Jake screamed at Cassie.
(I can't get to him! I'm battling three Taxxons!) She yelled desperately.
The Governor was being dragged down the pier by a Hork-Bajir. He was kicking and cursing.
(COME ON!) Jake snarled, clamping his deadly teeth into the arm of a Hork-Bajir. The shot it was aiming at Marco missed by a hair. (Can anybody get to him?)
A yelp came from across the room. (He got my front paw!) Cassie yelled (I might need some backup!)
FWAAP! FWAAP! FWAAP!
(You appeared as if you required assistance.) Ax said calmly as the Taxxons slumped upon the ground.
(GET HIM!!!!!) Jake bellowed. The Governor's head was being shoved into the yeerk pool.
TTTSSSEEERRR! Tobias spiraled down from the top of the cavern, a blur of red feathers.
Tobias went swooping at the Hork-Bajir... And past him.
(WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?) Jake screamed, tearing into Hork-Bajir as he tried to reach the Governor.
Tobias hit a controller who wasn't doing anything. She screamed and started hitting at Tobias.
(I have Kim! I have Kim! What should I do with her?) Tobias yelled.
Try to imagine a tiger slapping it's forehead. It looks very funny.
(IT'S WAR TIME!) Rachel screamed, and barreled through the fight, making a beeline for the Governor.
(YEE-HAH!) A gorilla dove from the top of a cage and landed on Rachel's back.
(Marco! What are you doing!?!?) Rachel yelled, slashing through a Taxxon.
(Someone has to grab him, Xena.) Marco said. (Besides, this is fun! Giddy-Up!)
(Shut up before I throw you!) Rachel yelled. Marco grabbed a human controller and started swinging him at the Hork-Bajir in front of Rachel.
(AHH!) Cassie screamed. She went flying through the air and landed in the yeerk pool.
(AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH!) Cassie cried. (I don't want to be a controller!)
(Swim, You idiot!) Marco yelled. Cassie started splashing and kicking.
(I can't! I'm too scared!) She cried. Her head popped under the water.
(Oh. My. God.) Marco said. (Head for the yeerk pool, Xena.)
He kicked Rachel on her sides. Rachel growled and bucked Marco through the air.
(AHH!) Marco yelled. He landed in the yeerk pool. (Rachel!)
(Giddy-up that!) Rachel snapped, and bit down on the Governor's leg.
"YAAAAAHHH!" He screamed. Rachel dragged him from the yeerk pool.
(Hey! He has a slug!) Tobias yelled. He saw a slug sticking halfway into his ear.
(I can't see it!) Rachel growled. Her bear eyesight wasn't that good. (Kill it for me, Tobias!)
(I can't get it!) Tobias yelled. (I'm trying to get Kim to Jake!)
(Tobias!) Ax snarled. (Please cease attempting to seize Kim and assist Rachel!)
(ANDALITE BANDITS!)
Everybody froze. A very large, green creature had just crashed through the wall. It looked like the Jolly green giant, except the Jolly green giant didn't have claws protruding from every inch of it's flesh.
It waved it's claws. (You will not escape this time, Andalite Bandits!)
(Wanna bet, creep?) Marco snarled in an amused voice. (HEY TOBIAS!)
Visser Three lunged at Marco. Hork-Bajir and Human controllers scattered from under his shadow.
(LOOP AROUND-) Marco began, but cut off with a yell. Visser Three had just tackled Marco.
It was roughly like the empire state building falling on top on an ant.
"Tobias!!" Screamed the free humans angrily from their cages. "LOOP AROUND-"
Their cages suddenly filled up with water. The Humans were flailing and trying to close their mouths.
(HA! Fools.) Visser sneered. (Do you think that we didn't take counter measures against you activating that vile creatures awesome powers?!?!)
Visser swung his claws and started hitting the Animorphs. (AGH!) Jake cried. He could only count to three on his legs.
(HELP!)
(AHH!)
(HE GOT ME!)
(NOOOOO!)
It was over before it started. All of the Animorphs were out, except Tobias. He was flying above the Visser's head, preparing for one last attack.
Suddenly, one of the human controllers looked up, his face twitching crazily. "Tobias!" He gasped out.
He was struggling with his yeerk. "L-L-Loop around Uh.. Uh...Us!!"
The yeerk clapped his hand over his mouth, but it was too late.
Tobias looked down at the human controller. (What did you say?) he asked.
Mr. Tidwell jumped up and down angrily. "He said loop around us, you stupid idiot!" He screamed.
(Oh!) Tobias said, his eyes glowing red. He prepared to loop like he had never looped before.
TSSEEERR! He screamed, and circled insanely around the yeerk pool. (I don't see anything, Mr. Tidwell! What am I looking for?)
Mr. Tidwell closed his eyes and pointed a dracon beam at his head.
Two thousand hosts all broke free of their yeerks from sheer anger. "ARGGHH!" they screamed in frustration. "TOBIAS!! LOOOOOOOP AROOUND UUUSSSS!" They bellowed.
(Ohhhhh!) Tobias said. He flapped to gain altitude. His eyes glowed red. And then...
Time froze.
"No! No! No!" Marco cried. "Why, Ellimist? Why? What did I ever do to you?"
NOTHING MARCO. I BROUGHT YOU HERE FOR A REASON.
"It better be one of a reason!" Marco yelled.
"Yeah!" Jake snapped.
I WAS BORED. SO WAS CRYAK. THIS WAR HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR TOO LONG. ME AND CRYAK HAVE DECIDED ON A FAST, EXCITING METHOD OF DETERMINING WHO RULES THE GALAXY.
"Exciting?" Cassie said. "But what about earth? What about the animals? What about humans? You can't just write off a whole planet for the sake of your excitement. Please, Ellimist. I know that it is boring, but can't you continue battling Cryak the slow way? For our sake? For me?"
I MIGHT HAVE IF YOU HADN'T SAID FOR YOU. WE HAVE EXAMINED THE GALAXY FOR THE MOST EXCITING GAME, AND WE HAVE FOUND IT.
(Ahh.) Ax nodded wisely. (You of course mean Andalite Blade Ball.)
NO.
(Huh?) Ax looked surprised. (Oh! You must be thinking of Holo-Wars, the third most popular game on the Andalite home world.)
NO.
(What?)Ax looked puzzled. (I cannot think of what you mean? Certainly not hoof-races, or grass eating contests.)
NO, YOU ARROGANT ANDALITTE! THE HUMAN GAME OF FOOTBALL!
(What?!?!?) Ax exploded. (A human game? I assumed that Ellimists were a very intelligent advanced species. Obviously I was mistaken.)
YES, YOU WERE MISTAKEN. ELLIMISTS ARE NOTHING BUT MEDDLING FOOLS.
Rachel's eyes narrowed. "Cryak." She hissed.
YES, PITIFUL HUMAN. I HAVE ALREADY CHOOSEN MY FIFTEEN. HAVE YOU CHOSEN YOURS?
"Fifteen?" Marco sniggered. "Man, I thought you were all-knowing. Football only has seven players."
NOT OUR FOOTBALL, IDIOT.
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. WE HAVE INVENTED OUR OWN VERSION OF FOOTBALL. I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH A RULE BOOK.
An extremely thick book, about half the size of Marco, appeared. Everyone groaned in unison.