Title- Switching Sides (1/?)
Author- Starbrigid
Rating- PG-13
Disclaimer- Sailor Moon does not belong to me, it belongs to Kodansa, Toei Animation,
Takeuchi-sama, and other various associations.
Summary- Mamoru and Zoisite went to sleep one night, and woke up the next morning,
realizing there is something very wrong about themselves- they're in each other's bodies! Will
they be able to restore themselves before anyone finds out their true identities?
Author's Note- This is set in a very vague part of the canon, sometime when Zoisite has
retrieved two of the crystals and Tuxedo Kamen has only one. No one knows Tuxedo
Kamen's identity but the Man Himself. An experimental-type one parter, just an idea that came
into my head. I kind of liked it, so I put it down, just for laughs. This is rather similar to
my BtVS story about Willow, only less serious.
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
He was so, so sick of the dream. He could say that outright now. Unless the princess wanted
to be just a little more specific on what he should do, she could kiss her ginzuishou goodbye,
Mamoru thought sourly. The Dark Kingdom was winning, and the princess was still designing
dreams economically.
Completely without how instructions, they had been the same from beginning to end. Find
the ginzuishou. Save me. Blah blah blah. So what if the crystal would give him his memory
back? His memory was starting to get really overrated.
He mentally scolded himself at these thoughts. He was Tuxedo Kamen, honorable superhero,
protector of the Earth, ally of the Sailor Senshi. He had to continue being noble and strong,
even if it was hard. Yeah, yeah, Kamen, it's your bloody destiny. Get on with it.
He sighed and stretched slightly. He wondered what time it was. His alarm for his first class
hadn't rang yet, so it was probably pretty early. He rolled over to the side the clock would
be on-
And felt another body next to him. What in the world? His eyes shot open. A large, dark-
skinned man was in bed with him. And both of them were very naked. He was instantly
confused and a little panicked. He didn't remember drinking. And he didn't even like men,
either!
Suddenly, he saw long, copper-blonde hair splayed out on the pillow, in addition to the other
man's white strands. His head jerked back violently. He definitely didn't do threesomes, even
drunk! Then he noticed something much more distressing. The hair had moved along with his
head. He jerked his head again, and the hair followed it.
He felt a sinking feeling grow inside him, and he carefully inspected his surroundings. He was
in a dark, stony room. There was a menacing air about the room, but there was still a lived-
in feel to it. His eyes automatically went to the large mirror.
He picked himself up quietly, careful not to wake the other man. He was painfully aware of
his nakedness. He slowly padded over to the mirror. His body felt strange to him, amazingly
light and easy to carry. Finally, he reached it, and nearly fainted at what he saw.
He wasn't Chiba Mamoru, but that was far from the worst. He recognized the body he was
in, despite the loose hair and the nakedness. He was the Dark Kingdom king Zoisite! This was
not happening. This was not happening! Calm down, Chiba, he told himself. This is just
another dream, like the one with the princess. No way could I suddenly be Zoisite.
To prove his conclusion, he reached over and pinched his very naked arm. It hurt. His eyes
bugged out. "Oh, my god! I'm Zoisite! I'm Zoisite! Oh my god somebody help me! I'm Zoisite!"
Kunzite stirred a little, apparently roused closer to consciousness by the other man's
hysterics. This was enough to cause false-Zoisite to stop his monologue and come back to
his senses. Who was the white-haired guy who Zoisite apparently slept with? He didn't
recognize him. What would the guy do if he realized he wasn't Zoisite? What would the Dark
Kingdom do to him once they found out he was their enemy, Tuxedo Kamen?
Better get used to being Zoisite, he decided, if that was possible. His eyes drifted from his
reflected face downwards. Zoisite was slender and straight, and although there was
definitely something feminine about this body (ugh!) looking at the genital area it was
fortunately male.
False-Zoisite winced at his actions, and looked back to his new face. Somehow, in all the
time battling this man, he had missed something. The little sakura was strikingly beautiful, in
an androgynous way. Again, ugh. False-Zoisite already missed his muscular, masculine body
as Chiba Mamoru. Shut up, he told himself.
Okay, he decided, first thing would be finding some clothes. Not only was it uncomfortable
waltzing around naked, but he was cold as hell- bad analogy, Mamoru-kun, he told himself.
He dimly recollected that Zoisite wore the same gray uniform the other Shitennou had. After
a few moments of inspection, he found a closet on the other side of the depressing room.
He opened the closet slowly, and harsh reality hit him again. There was a variety of clothes
in there, but predominately, overwhelmingly, it was full of gray Dark Kingdom uniforms. He
was now the enemy of the Earth and the bishoujo senshi.
How did he get one of these things on? After much inspection, he found an intricate system
of buttons in the front, obscured from view on the outside. He managed to get the top on
himself. The clothes felt unusually tight to him, and he wondered if Zoisite had them that
way on purpose. The pants fit the same way, too. He awkwardly shoved the boots on top on
the pants. They felt odd to him, just like the rest of the uniform had. His body was used to
them, but his mind wasn't.
He walked back over to the mirror and stared at his reflection again. He couldn't believe this.
This was too much for him to deal with. Especially his stupid, stupid long hair. How could
Zoisite deal with keeping it that long? It was so heavy, even after he put it up in a ponytail.
He hadn't thought long hair would be that bothersome. Odango Atama must have so much
work to do on hers, he realized. Maybe that's why she hates me insulting it so much.
I'm never going to see the Odango Atama again, he realized. Or Motoki, or Reika, or Rei, or
the rest of Odango's friends, or Unazuki, or any of my teachers or classmates. I'm probably
stuck with one of my worst enemy's bed warmers and a whole bunch of youma and no one
else. I want to be Chiba Mamoru!
He heard a slight rustling behind him. The white-haired man sat up, and False-Zoisite had to
fight the urge to avert his eyes. "Zoisaito," Kunzite murmured, "Why are you already
dressed?" He had a deep voice, False-Zoisite noted. "Did Queen Beryl-sama summon us?"
Who the hell was this Beryl person? He had no idea, but he had to give an answer. "Um, no,"
he said, keeping his voice calm and level.
"It's not like you to get up this early," Kunzite continued, sounding either amused or puzzled.
Then he gave the equivalent of a shrug, and clothes appeared on him, a gray uniform with
light blue trim. He pushed the sheet off him and stood up.
An involuntary squeak issued itself from False-Zoisite's mouth. Kunzite stared at him,
confused. "What's wrong, Zoisite?"
What was wrong? What was WRONG? The guy was a full-blown king, just like Zoi! False-
Zoisite realized then that he was so, so, screwed.
"Nothing, Kunzite-sama," he blurted out. What was with that? He had automatically spoken,
seeming to just know the man's name. It was probably from Zoisite's body, residual traces of
Zoisite's mind. His analytical mind accepted all this coolly.
"We should go make an address to my troops, now that we're awake and dressed," Kunzite
informed him. He didn't ask False-Zoisite if he wanted to come or not. He simply assumed he
would be coming.
Kunzite disappeared in a flash of silver light, leaving False-Zoisite puzzled. He had no idea
how to teleport. Didn't Zoisite usually disappear, surrounded by cherry petals? He was
vaguely sure that was it, but how was he supposed to do it?
The other general reappeared, looking annoyed. "Zoisite, I don't want to wait around for you
to comb your hair or fix it or something stupid like that. Hurry up." He teleported away from
the baffled-looking younger man, then returned a second later, looking pissed off. "Zoisite,
you can't-"
Suddenly, False-Zoi heard a loud noise. Actually, calling a loud noise was too mild to describe
it correctly. It was more like an explosion, and it resounded through him. "KUNZITE! ZOISITE!
REPORT TO MY THRONE ROOM IMMEDIATELY!" This was shrieked by a high, scratchy female
voice he didn't recognize. He glanced at Kunzite, and it was obvious that he feared and
respected the speaker.
"Come on, Zoisite. We have no time for your games now," Kunzite said softly, then grabbed
False-Zoi's arm and teleported him to the throne hall of the great Queen Beryl-sama.
***
Zoisite wasn't in his own body. He had woken up in a completely different place then where
he had gone to sleep, and in a completely different realm to boot. Kunzite-sama hadn't been
there with him. To top it all off, he didn't even have his powers!
The second king of Beryl's hierarchy was fully aware of all of this, and so one might have
expected him to be doing something productive, like investigating why, or even crying for his
Kunzite-sama. And indeed, the no-longer gender ambiguous man did intend to do one or both
of these things in due time. But for now, this was an opportunity he couldn't pass up. Sure,
someone had pulled some strange magick on him, but he'd panic later. This was actually a
great time to have some fun!
He was only minimally familiar with the Earth realm, but he knew enough to get by there. His
goal wasn't anything remarkable or honorable, like to make friends or discover new
surroundings. Quite frankly, he wanted to eat until he made himself sick. Zoisite had never
been able to eat as much as he wanted to, fearing that he'd gain weight. He just couldn't
damage his beauty. What could he offer to his Kunzite-sama then? He'd always had to
restrain himself. Now was a once-in-a-lifetime situation. He could eat all he wanted, because
he wouldn't be ruining his own body, he'd be ruining someone else's, namely some black-
haired guy's.
The apartment the said guy lived in repeatedly, prominently displayed the name of the Crown
Center, and even had instructions on how to get there. It was all so convenient. False-
Mamoru pranced into the small establishment, grinning. It was of a fair size, with a lot of
arcade games, and with a counter to order food from. He seated himself at one of the stools
and waited to be served.
After a few moments, in which False-Mamoru sighed and tapped his foot impatiently, a guy
finally came up from the other side of the counter to serve him. He was fairly tall, with short,
dark blonde hair and a rather unflattering apron on.
"Can I help you?" he asked, grinning rather unprofessionally. False-Mamoru considered for a
second. "Your usual cup of black coffee, right?"
"No!" False-Mamoru shook his head and let out a few giggles, which was quite unlike his
body. "I'm a man on the edge today-" he checked the man's name tag- "Motoki-san! Give
me the largest hot fudge sundae you've got!" He giggled some more.
Motoki made no move to obey his order, but simply cast a concerned glance on him.
"Mamoru-kun, you're acting strange. You're not like you usually are."
False-Mamoru felt his jaw fall a little bit open, then hastily shut it. This guy knew him? Cool.
If Motoki ditched the apron, who knew what possibilities there might be? Hmm... false-
Mamoru wondered. Definitely grow out the hair...
"Are you sure you're not sick or anything?"
He turned his attention back to reality. "Sure. Can I have my hot fudge sundae now?" He
gave Motoki the bright, innocent smile that always worked when he wanted something from
Kunzite.
Motoki shook his head. There was something different about Mamoru. Something totally
wrong. Throwing off a sudden irrational sense of panic, he entered the kitchen to prepare
the sundae. He exited with it, several minutes later. The thing was extremely huge. Motoki
recalled the last time he had tried to eat one of them. He had thrown it up, all over Unazuki-
chan. He cringed at the memories of Unazuki's wrath (and her broom) that were brought up,
and turned his attention to his scarily OOC friend.
"All yours, Mamoru-kun," Motoki said in the cheeriest voice he could. Suddenly, lightning
struck him, in an extremely non-literal way, and he almost dropped the ice cream sundae.
"Hey," False-Mamoru said, "I do wanna eat that, you know."
"Mamoru-kun!" Motoki gasped. "You have Saturday classes! Right now!"
Zoi pouted inwardly at this. "Oh well," he finally said brightly. "Classes are stupid!" To
emphasize his point, False-Mamoru scooped up a large amount of vanilla ice cream and
dumped it in his mouth, pointedly savoring it.
"Mamoru-kun, what do you mean? What's gotten into you, anyway?"
False-Mamoru pointedly ignored his friend, turning his back as if to say, You're no fun. Motoki
was about to say something else to him, but them spotted Usagi entering. She sat down a
few seats away from False-Mamoru, and eyed the huge amount of ice cream he was
devouring with barely disguised envy.
"Konnichiwa, Usagi-chan," Motoki greeted the teenager, still a little shaken up by Mamoru's
unusual behavior.
"I'll have a dish of chocolate ice cream, Motoki-oniichan," Usagi ordered. Motoki hastily went
to get her order.
You know, he was getting really tired of serving ice cream to people when it was still
rightfully breakfast-time. Even if they were close friends of his.
Zoisite turned his eyes to the young girl and watched her carefully. This Mamoru guy seemed
to find her familiar, for the words Odango Atama automatically sprang to his mind at the
sight of her. This Mamoru guy's body had a slightly different reaction as she licked her lips
semiconsciously. And Zoisite wondered at the next thought that sprang up, which was that
he wondered what it would be like to kiss a girl.
It was funny. He had never thought of women at all that way before. Mamoru must have
been straight, and his body reflected that as False-Mamoru gazed at the Odango. It wouldn't
do any harm to experiment, would it? It would be good to be able to say that he had
actually kissed a girl, even if he had only done it once. And it wouldn't even really be
cheating on Kunzite, anyway. Even after, he could truthfully say the Dark Kingdom Tennou
Zoisite hadn't touched anyone but Kunzite.
Usagi was playing with a few loose ends of her hair when she saw False-Mamoru come up to
her. "Hi, Odango!" he announced, grinning broadly and openly.
"I don't have time to argue with you, Mamoru-baka," Usagi said, purposefully sounding
disinterested.
"Yes you do!" Mamoru said cheerfully. He swung his long legs onto the seat next to Usagi
and turned to face her. "And I don't want to argue, anyway!"
"What do you want?" Usagi asked, looking up into False-Mamoru's earnest face. Zoisite
considered saying 'You', but then realized it would be a little forward, especially for this
innocent schoolgirl.
Metallia's tits, this was hard! He had never been involved romantically with anyone besides
Kunzite. Even then, it had been more like an "I'm your superior officer and your teacher, just
get your trousers off already" sort of deal. Zoisite was rapidly beginning to lose his
enthusiasm for this activity, and he himself would have never found this Usagi girl attractive
anyway. But still, he had to get through this.
"Odango Atama, you're going to go out on a date with me!" False-Mamoru finally blurted it,
then breathed much more easily after just getting it out. As for the form he had said it in?
He was used to ordering everyone he knew around, excepting Beryl and the other Shitennou.
It was completely natural for him. However, it can safely be said that Usagi didn't see it that
way.
"You JERK!" Zoisite saw the girl's clenched fist heading towards him long before it struck, but
oddly enough did nothing to prevent it. He was unprepared for the sheer, unbelievable force
in her blow, which sent him flying from his stool to the ground. His attacker stood up and
began to wail incoherently, something about the first guy asking her out just being a joke
from stupid old Satan, then fled from the arcade, ice cream forgotten.
Mamoru looked up to see Motoki sitting on the counter, watching with a sympathetic yet
amused expression. It was impossible to tell how long he'd been watching. False-Mamoru
picked himself up angrily. Motoki was completely unprepared for his friend's reaction.
"You little BITCH! How dare you attack me? ME? I'll show you who's the master around here!
YOU WON'T EVER DARE TO CROSS ME AGAIN!" It is worth noting that False-Mamoru bellowed
this entire questionable monologue to the ceiling.
Suddenly, Mamoru's anger seemed to fade a little as he placed himself back where he had
been sitting. "Ano... Motoki-san?" he asked in a sort of little-kid voice.
"Hai, Mamoru-kun?" While Motoki seemed calm on the exterior, inside, he was wondering,
what the hell was his best friend on, and where could he get some?
"Can I have another one of those sundaes?"
Author- Starbrigid
Rating- PG-13
Disclaimer- Sailor Moon does not belong to me, it belongs to Kodansa, Toei Animation,
Takeuchi-sama, and other various associations.
Summary- Mamoru and Zoisite went to sleep one night, and woke up the next morning,
realizing there is something very wrong about themselves- they're in each other's bodies! Will
they be able to restore themselves before anyone finds out their true identities?
Author's Note- This is set in a very vague part of the canon, sometime when Zoisite has
retrieved two of the crystals and Tuxedo Kamen has only one. No one knows Tuxedo
Kamen's identity but the Man Himself. An experimental-type one parter, just an idea that came
into my head. I kind of liked it, so I put it down, just for laughs. This is rather similar to
my BtVS story about Willow, only less serious.
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
He was so, so sick of the dream. He could say that outright now. Unless the princess wanted
to be just a little more specific on what he should do, she could kiss her ginzuishou goodbye,
Mamoru thought sourly. The Dark Kingdom was winning, and the princess was still designing
dreams economically.
Completely without how instructions, they had been the same from beginning to end. Find
the ginzuishou. Save me. Blah blah blah. So what if the crystal would give him his memory
back? His memory was starting to get really overrated.
He mentally scolded himself at these thoughts. He was Tuxedo Kamen, honorable superhero,
protector of the Earth, ally of the Sailor Senshi. He had to continue being noble and strong,
even if it was hard. Yeah, yeah, Kamen, it's your bloody destiny. Get on with it.
He sighed and stretched slightly. He wondered what time it was. His alarm for his first class
hadn't rang yet, so it was probably pretty early. He rolled over to the side the clock would
be on-
And felt another body next to him. What in the world? His eyes shot open. A large, dark-
skinned man was in bed with him. And both of them were very naked. He was instantly
confused and a little panicked. He didn't remember drinking. And he didn't even like men,
either!
Suddenly, he saw long, copper-blonde hair splayed out on the pillow, in addition to the other
man's white strands. His head jerked back violently. He definitely didn't do threesomes, even
drunk! Then he noticed something much more distressing. The hair had moved along with his
head. He jerked his head again, and the hair followed it.
He felt a sinking feeling grow inside him, and he carefully inspected his surroundings. He was
in a dark, stony room. There was a menacing air about the room, but there was still a lived-
in feel to it. His eyes automatically went to the large mirror.
He picked himself up quietly, careful not to wake the other man. He was painfully aware of
his nakedness. He slowly padded over to the mirror. His body felt strange to him, amazingly
light and easy to carry. Finally, he reached it, and nearly fainted at what he saw.
He wasn't Chiba Mamoru, but that was far from the worst. He recognized the body he was
in, despite the loose hair and the nakedness. He was the Dark Kingdom king Zoisite! This was
not happening. This was not happening! Calm down, Chiba, he told himself. This is just
another dream, like the one with the princess. No way could I suddenly be Zoisite.
To prove his conclusion, he reached over and pinched his very naked arm. It hurt. His eyes
bugged out. "Oh, my god! I'm Zoisite! I'm Zoisite! Oh my god somebody help me! I'm Zoisite!"
Kunzite stirred a little, apparently roused closer to consciousness by the other man's
hysterics. This was enough to cause false-Zoisite to stop his monologue and come back to
his senses. Who was the white-haired guy who Zoisite apparently slept with? He didn't
recognize him. What would the guy do if he realized he wasn't Zoisite? What would the Dark
Kingdom do to him once they found out he was their enemy, Tuxedo Kamen?
Better get used to being Zoisite, he decided, if that was possible. His eyes drifted from his
reflected face downwards. Zoisite was slender and straight, and although there was
definitely something feminine about this body (ugh!) looking at the genital area it was
fortunately male.
False-Zoisite winced at his actions, and looked back to his new face. Somehow, in all the
time battling this man, he had missed something. The little sakura was strikingly beautiful, in
an androgynous way. Again, ugh. False-Zoisite already missed his muscular, masculine body
as Chiba Mamoru. Shut up, he told himself.
Okay, he decided, first thing would be finding some clothes. Not only was it uncomfortable
waltzing around naked, but he was cold as hell- bad analogy, Mamoru-kun, he told himself.
He dimly recollected that Zoisite wore the same gray uniform the other Shitennou had. After
a few moments of inspection, he found a closet on the other side of the depressing room.
He opened the closet slowly, and harsh reality hit him again. There was a variety of clothes
in there, but predominately, overwhelmingly, it was full of gray Dark Kingdom uniforms. He
was now the enemy of the Earth and the bishoujo senshi.
How did he get one of these things on? After much inspection, he found an intricate system
of buttons in the front, obscured from view on the outside. He managed to get the top on
himself. The clothes felt unusually tight to him, and he wondered if Zoisite had them that
way on purpose. The pants fit the same way, too. He awkwardly shoved the boots on top on
the pants. They felt odd to him, just like the rest of the uniform had. His body was used to
them, but his mind wasn't.
He walked back over to the mirror and stared at his reflection again. He couldn't believe this.
This was too much for him to deal with. Especially his stupid, stupid long hair. How could
Zoisite deal with keeping it that long? It was so heavy, even after he put it up in a ponytail.
He hadn't thought long hair would be that bothersome. Odango Atama must have so much
work to do on hers, he realized. Maybe that's why she hates me insulting it so much.
I'm never going to see the Odango Atama again, he realized. Or Motoki, or Reika, or Rei, or
the rest of Odango's friends, or Unazuki, or any of my teachers or classmates. I'm probably
stuck with one of my worst enemy's bed warmers and a whole bunch of youma and no one
else. I want to be Chiba Mamoru!
He heard a slight rustling behind him. The white-haired man sat up, and False-Zoisite had to
fight the urge to avert his eyes. "Zoisaito," Kunzite murmured, "Why are you already
dressed?" He had a deep voice, False-Zoisite noted. "Did Queen Beryl-sama summon us?"
Who the hell was this Beryl person? He had no idea, but he had to give an answer. "Um, no,"
he said, keeping his voice calm and level.
"It's not like you to get up this early," Kunzite continued, sounding either amused or puzzled.
Then he gave the equivalent of a shrug, and clothes appeared on him, a gray uniform with
light blue trim. He pushed the sheet off him and stood up.
An involuntary squeak issued itself from False-Zoisite's mouth. Kunzite stared at him,
confused. "What's wrong, Zoisite?"
What was wrong? What was WRONG? The guy was a full-blown king, just like Zoi! False-
Zoisite realized then that he was so, so, screwed.
"Nothing, Kunzite-sama," he blurted out. What was with that? He had automatically spoken,
seeming to just know the man's name. It was probably from Zoisite's body, residual traces of
Zoisite's mind. His analytical mind accepted all this coolly.
"We should go make an address to my troops, now that we're awake and dressed," Kunzite
informed him. He didn't ask False-Zoisite if he wanted to come or not. He simply assumed he
would be coming.
Kunzite disappeared in a flash of silver light, leaving False-Zoisite puzzled. He had no idea
how to teleport. Didn't Zoisite usually disappear, surrounded by cherry petals? He was
vaguely sure that was it, but how was he supposed to do it?
The other general reappeared, looking annoyed. "Zoisite, I don't want to wait around for you
to comb your hair or fix it or something stupid like that. Hurry up." He teleported away from
the baffled-looking younger man, then returned a second later, looking pissed off. "Zoisite,
you can't-"
Suddenly, False-Zoi heard a loud noise. Actually, calling a loud noise was too mild to describe
it correctly. It was more like an explosion, and it resounded through him. "KUNZITE! ZOISITE!
REPORT TO MY THRONE ROOM IMMEDIATELY!" This was shrieked by a high, scratchy female
voice he didn't recognize. He glanced at Kunzite, and it was obvious that he feared and
respected the speaker.
"Come on, Zoisite. We have no time for your games now," Kunzite said softly, then grabbed
False-Zoi's arm and teleported him to the throne hall of the great Queen Beryl-sama.
***
Zoisite wasn't in his own body. He had woken up in a completely different place then where
he had gone to sleep, and in a completely different realm to boot. Kunzite-sama hadn't been
there with him. To top it all off, he didn't even have his powers!
The second king of Beryl's hierarchy was fully aware of all of this, and so one might have
expected him to be doing something productive, like investigating why, or even crying for his
Kunzite-sama. And indeed, the no-longer gender ambiguous man did intend to do one or both
of these things in due time. But for now, this was an opportunity he couldn't pass up. Sure,
someone had pulled some strange magick on him, but he'd panic later. This was actually a
great time to have some fun!
He was only minimally familiar with the Earth realm, but he knew enough to get by there. His
goal wasn't anything remarkable or honorable, like to make friends or discover new
surroundings. Quite frankly, he wanted to eat until he made himself sick. Zoisite had never
been able to eat as much as he wanted to, fearing that he'd gain weight. He just couldn't
damage his beauty. What could he offer to his Kunzite-sama then? He'd always had to
restrain himself. Now was a once-in-a-lifetime situation. He could eat all he wanted, because
he wouldn't be ruining his own body, he'd be ruining someone else's, namely some black-
haired guy's.
The apartment the said guy lived in repeatedly, prominently displayed the name of the Crown
Center, and even had instructions on how to get there. It was all so convenient. False-
Mamoru pranced into the small establishment, grinning. It was of a fair size, with a lot of
arcade games, and with a counter to order food from. He seated himself at one of the stools
and waited to be served.
After a few moments, in which False-Mamoru sighed and tapped his foot impatiently, a guy
finally came up from the other side of the counter to serve him. He was fairly tall, with short,
dark blonde hair and a rather unflattering apron on.
"Can I help you?" he asked, grinning rather unprofessionally. False-Mamoru considered for a
second. "Your usual cup of black coffee, right?"
"No!" False-Mamoru shook his head and let out a few giggles, which was quite unlike his
body. "I'm a man on the edge today-" he checked the man's name tag- "Motoki-san! Give
me the largest hot fudge sundae you've got!" He giggled some more.
Motoki made no move to obey his order, but simply cast a concerned glance on him.
"Mamoru-kun, you're acting strange. You're not like you usually are."
False-Mamoru felt his jaw fall a little bit open, then hastily shut it. This guy knew him? Cool.
If Motoki ditched the apron, who knew what possibilities there might be? Hmm... false-
Mamoru wondered. Definitely grow out the hair...
"Are you sure you're not sick or anything?"
He turned his attention back to reality. "Sure. Can I have my hot fudge sundae now?" He
gave Motoki the bright, innocent smile that always worked when he wanted something from
Kunzite.
Motoki shook his head. There was something different about Mamoru. Something totally
wrong. Throwing off a sudden irrational sense of panic, he entered the kitchen to prepare
the sundae. He exited with it, several minutes later. The thing was extremely huge. Motoki
recalled the last time he had tried to eat one of them. He had thrown it up, all over Unazuki-
chan. He cringed at the memories of Unazuki's wrath (and her broom) that were brought up,
and turned his attention to his scarily OOC friend.
"All yours, Mamoru-kun," Motoki said in the cheeriest voice he could. Suddenly, lightning
struck him, in an extremely non-literal way, and he almost dropped the ice cream sundae.
"Hey," False-Mamoru said, "I do wanna eat that, you know."
"Mamoru-kun!" Motoki gasped. "You have Saturday classes! Right now!"
Zoi pouted inwardly at this. "Oh well," he finally said brightly. "Classes are stupid!" To
emphasize his point, False-Mamoru scooped up a large amount of vanilla ice cream and
dumped it in his mouth, pointedly savoring it.
"Mamoru-kun, what do you mean? What's gotten into you, anyway?"
False-Mamoru pointedly ignored his friend, turning his back as if to say, You're no fun. Motoki
was about to say something else to him, but them spotted Usagi entering. She sat down a
few seats away from False-Mamoru, and eyed the huge amount of ice cream he was
devouring with barely disguised envy.
"Konnichiwa, Usagi-chan," Motoki greeted the teenager, still a little shaken up by Mamoru's
unusual behavior.
"I'll have a dish of chocolate ice cream, Motoki-oniichan," Usagi ordered. Motoki hastily went
to get her order.
You know, he was getting really tired of serving ice cream to people when it was still
rightfully breakfast-time. Even if they were close friends of his.
Zoisite turned his eyes to the young girl and watched her carefully. This Mamoru guy seemed
to find her familiar, for the words Odango Atama automatically sprang to his mind at the
sight of her. This Mamoru guy's body had a slightly different reaction as she licked her lips
semiconsciously. And Zoisite wondered at the next thought that sprang up, which was that
he wondered what it would be like to kiss a girl.
It was funny. He had never thought of women at all that way before. Mamoru must have
been straight, and his body reflected that as False-Mamoru gazed at the Odango. It wouldn't
do any harm to experiment, would it? It would be good to be able to say that he had
actually kissed a girl, even if he had only done it once. And it wouldn't even really be
cheating on Kunzite, anyway. Even after, he could truthfully say the Dark Kingdom Tennou
Zoisite hadn't touched anyone but Kunzite.
Usagi was playing with a few loose ends of her hair when she saw False-Mamoru come up to
her. "Hi, Odango!" he announced, grinning broadly and openly.
"I don't have time to argue with you, Mamoru-baka," Usagi said, purposefully sounding
disinterested.
"Yes you do!" Mamoru said cheerfully. He swung his long legs onto the seat next to Usagi
and turned to face her. "And I don't want to argue, anyway!"
"What do you want?" Usagi asked, looking up into False-Mamoru's earnest face. Zoisite
considered saying 'You', but then realized it would be a little forward, especially for this
innocent schoolgirl.
Metallia's tits, this was hard! He had never been involved romantically with anyone besides
Kunzite. Even then, it had been more like an "I'm your superior officer and your teacher, just
get your trousers off already" sort of deal. Zoisite was rapidly beginning to lose his
enthusiasm for this activity, and he himself would have never found this Usagi girl attractive
anyway. But still, he had to get through this.
"Odango Atama, you're going to go out on a date with me!" False-Mamoru finally blurted it,
then breathed much more easily after just getting it out. As for the form he had said it in?
He was used to ordering everyone he knew around, excepting Beryl and the other Shitennou.
It was completely natural for him. However, it can safely be said that Usagi didn't see it that
way.
"You JERK!" Zoisite saw the girl's clenched fist heading towards him long before it struck, but
oddly enough did nothing to prevent it. He was unprepared for the sheer, unbelievable force
in her blow, which sent him flying from his stool to the ground. His attacker stood up and
began to wail incoherently, something about the first guy asking her out just being a joke
from stupid old Satan, then fled from the arcade, ice cream forgotten.
Mamoru looked up to see Motoki sitting on the counter, watching with a sympathetic yet
amused expression. It was impossible to tell how long he'd been watching. False-Mamoru
picked himself up angrily. Motoki was completely unprepared for his friend's reaction.
"You little BITCH! How dare you attack me? ME? I'll show you who's the master around here!
YOU WON'T EVER DARE TO CROSS ME AGAIN!" It is worth noting that False-Mamoru bellowed
this entire questionable monologue to the ceiling.
Suddenly, Mamoru's anger seemed to fade a little as he placed himself back where he had
been sitting. "Ano... Motoki-san?" he asked in a sort of little-kid voice.
"Hai, Mamoru-kun?" While Motoki seemed calm on the exterior, inside, he was wondering,
what the hell was his best friend on, and where could he get some?
"Can I have another one of those sundaes?"