Just going to warn you now, this is a Kyman fiction. I love this paring and for reasons such as hating characters OoC I have done my best to keep it as close to an actual episode. So yes, there is tons of swearing and soon to be large amounts of violence. My greatest challange is seeing how I can pull the two together flawlessly. Hope I don't fail :)
Chapter 1
It was just another cold snowy day in South Park Colorado as four seniors trudged towards the local high school. Kenny McCormick, was wearing an orange parka that covered everything but his blue eyes and Stan Marsh, a brown jacket with a blue and red puffball hat. The louder two; Kyle Broflovski who threw on his usual green ushanka with an orange winter coat and Cartman who was in a black leather jacket and brown messy hair, were having a shouting match that the other two seemed disinterested in. The argument seemed heated at usual.
"Don't call me fat you fucking Jew," Cartman bellowed. "I'll stop calling you fat when you stop calling me a fucking Jew," Kyle retaliated. "But you are a fucking Jew, you day walker." "That doesn't mean that you have to fucking say it like that you fat-shit." "Ay! At least what I say is fucking true unlike you, Kahl." The teen in question seethed.
Arguing like this was normal to them, almost a steeple in their everyday lives. They even managed to keep an even pace in between sneaking glares and growls. "As I said before Cartman, I'll stop calling you fat when you stop calling me a Jew and ripping on my people, you sadistic Neo Nazi." Stan turned around to face the other two once they started cutting across the school's parking lot. "Dude, just stop, this is Eric Cartman you're talking to remember? He's been like this since you met him and he hasn't changed since then. Just forget about it before you become a lost cause like him," Stan sighed. Kenny tiredly muttered in agreement as the four teenagers walked up to a big yellow bus filled with students.
"Whatever," Kyle mumbled as he threw his bag into the side of the buss. Stan and Kyle were best friends and they both knew each others on and off switches. Cartman only snickered, "Aw isn't it just cute how the Jew always listens to his boyfriend?" Unfortunately, being Kyle's enemy mean that Cartman knew his on switched more then anyone else. "Cartman stop making fun of Kyle and Stan. What those two butt-monkeys do on their own time doesn't concern the rest of us. Now get on the damn bus," Mr. Garrison said. Eric started laughing hysterically as Kyle went red with anger. "See, I speak the truth, you Jew-fag," The larger teen doubled over in laughter.
Kenny and Stand took one look at the pair and gave up. There was no point in trying to stop it they were like the Joker and Batman. Always destined to fight the other until their last breath. They sluggishly retreated to the safety of the buss. They were obviously sick of the arguing, but Kyle and Eric were going on as strong as the first day it started; if not stronger. As Cartman laughed Kyle snapped. "That's it you fat ass," Kyle launched at Cartman. It wasn't often that Kyle let Cartman get to him, but when he did it was almost euphoric. He needed it. Eric, who was startled, managed to get knocked over Both of them fell into a ditch in a flurry of limbs. At first the larger teen was stunned and allowed Kyle a few good shots but he managed to regain his senses and opted to restrain the Jew.
Kyle kept punching with all of his might as the other just kept blocking him. Something seemed off to Eric."Ay! You fucking Jew, get off of me or I'll kick your ass," Cartman roared. The only problem was that they were guys, and he wasn't about to grow a vagina just to counsel his favourite chew toy. He was supposed to be resilient. "Fuck you Cartman," Kyle growled in between punches. Cartman just kept blocking the hits and trying to pin Kyle as they rolled further away from the buss. Both were struggling for a while until finally Cartman saw his chance and he pinned Kyle's hands above his head.
Their bodies thrashing about caused the snow to hover around them in thick heaps not unlike fog. "Don't be a fucking idoit Kahl. You know I could kick your ass if I wanted I'm not the fat little shit that I was back in grade school," Cartman panted dangerously. The only thing both of them could hear for a while was their sharp intakes of breath. They were both trying to get into the others mind. Kyle was wondering why he wasn't a bleeding ball of shit already, and Eric was wondering why his insults were seeping through.
The smaller teen knew what he did was stupid. Cartman was on the football team; not even Stan, Kyle and Kenny could stand up to him in a serious fight now that all of his fat had turned to muscle. "Well, Why didn't you fat ass?" he asked tonelessly. "Don't give me that shit, Kahl. We keep each other alive because if we didn't we'd go insane. We need someone to constantly keep us on our guard, to kick us when we're down so that no one else can. How else is going to stand against me or you? Butters?" Eric Scoffed and released his grip on the teen almost hesitantly. "Like it or not Jew, we're stuck like this," Cartman said as he struggled to get up. Kyle just sat there absorbing what the other had told him. "Fuck, Cartman don't you see how screwed up that is?" Kyle propped himself up with his elbows. "This is South park you faggot, everything is screwed up." Kyle laughed as he got up and started rushing the snow off of his clothes. "Fuck," He whispered. Somehow that explained everything, without having to. Cartman just smirked back until he saw something that made his face fall.
"Shit! You goddamn Jew you made us miss the buss!" "What?" Kyle whipped around just in time to see the yellow buss turn the corner and disappear. His heart sank instantly. "Oh fuck. No, no, no, no, no. That did not just happen," Kyle groaned in disbelief. "Yes it did you fucking Jew and you better fix it right nuah. I'm not letting my senior graduation trip to the world biggest theme park in America get away because you are on your goddamn period," he gritted. Kyle patted himself down looking for his phone." Shit, I left my cell in my bag," Kyle cursed. Cartman was looking ready to kill. Then something miraculous happened. Eric backed down. "Alright give me a second," he said as he started walking towards the school. Kyle was right on his heels. "If we talk to Mackey then maybe he'd be willing to call the buss and tell them to come back." Eric refused to look at his friend. "What the hell are you waiting for Jew? Passover?" Cartman asked as he started bolting for the principal's office.
By the time Kyle got to the office looked eager to help them out. Cartman turned to look at Kyle as he stood by the door panting and out of breath. "See Mr. Mackey? If I hadn't gotten off of the buss to help Kyle after that racist buss driver had kicked him out for simply being Jewish then nobody would have even said anything until after the trip," Cartman lied smoothly. "Is this true Kyle? M'kay?" Mr. Macky seemed completely serious and worried. Kyle glared at Eric, so much for the hospitality. "Yes," Kyle spat begrudgingly as Cartman stood there inwardly dying of laughter. He could see it in his predatory grin and the way his eye crinkled slightly. "Well instead of having that happen to you again Kyle, m'kay, I'll drop you both off at the hotel where the class is staying at, m'kay? I'll be at my car in a bit, m'kay?" Kyle shuttered and put on a fake smile. "M'kay," Cartman snickered.
As they both left the principal's office, Kyle's hackles raised. "Cartman you fucking dick! Couldn't you have picked an excuse that wasn't racist?" "Well, I just thought that it would be more believable then saying that she didn't allow fags in the buss because then Stan would have to be here," Cartman said innocently. Kyle just glared at him as they got to the principal's car. "Seriously Cartman, out of the four of us you are the gay one." "Prove it Jew," he sniped. "What about when you and Butters-." "Don't go there day walker," "Okay fine then, what about Imagination land? You were practically hunting me down so you could make me suck your balls all because of a stupid bet we made about leprechauns."
Eric's face went red. "Oh well being super-best-friends with Stan is definitely not gay either, douche. Plus you agreed to sign the damn contract, Fag" They stopped talking as walked into hearing range. "M'kay, we should be there in about 2 hours so make sure that you don't have to go to the bathroom. Kyle and Cartman groaned, "We went." "M'kay," Mackey chirped as he opened the doors and everybody got in. "I can't believe that this is our best option." Cartman just stared back at him before settling into the back. This was going to be a long trip.