Meeting Doctor Katherine Blaine

Part I

Garrison closed his briefcase ready for another trip to headquarters and asked, "You really believe she can help?"

Actor said, "Yes I do. And I have no doubt that she can be trusted."

Garrison shook his head. "The question is will he believe she can be trusted."

Actor sighed and said, "It won't be easy for him but in time I think he will. Our problem now will be to get him to meet her."

Garrison nodded, "Any ideas?"

Actor shook his head and said, "None. I'll speak to him and see what happens."

Garrison looked at him. "That doesn't sound like you. You're always prepared for everything."

Actor's voice spoke of his frustration, "For every con, yes but I simply can't be certain what he will think. Trying to reach him, get him to talk is like walking through mine field."

Garrison in complete agreement said, "You don't have to tell me. Thank you for doing this. To be honest I'm afraid for him. This business with Hughes walking in and trying to take him is eating away at him. Even before that… cutting himself and blaming himself for things that he has no control over and expecting me to physically punish him. I don't want to hear him tell me again how I have the right to beat him."

Actor replied, "I understand Craig but years spent at the mercy of G-CAT will not disappear overnight. In truth he may never be able to let go of all of it. I'm afraid there will always be a part of him that will believe he is nothing more than a trained dog."

Garrison sadly, "And that is the stuff of my nightmares." Grabbing his briefcase he said, "Let me know how it goes. If worse comes to worse, I'll order him to meet her, at least once." Smiling sadly at his co-conspirator he asked, "Walk me out?"

Later:

For the last three days the weather had been wet, cold and dreary. Everyone's spirits were low and none more so than Chief's. Even the reading lesson had failed to lighten his spirit. Actor had watched sadly as both Goniff and Casino bent over backwards trying to engage their taciturn teammate in some activity to alleviate the gloom that seemed to hang over him. Chief had been polite but finally walked away and was now hiding out in the attic. He had claimed the east corner of the attic with a large window overlooking the estate as his own territory and everyone respected his privacy.

Today though, Actor felt that he had no choice but to breach the walls of his safe haven and make Chief understand that he needed help and that there was someone who could help him. There in the dim light from the window he found him slouched down in an old overstuffed chair, staring out.

The words came unbidden to his mind, desolate, despondent, and dejected. Each one an apt description of the young man sitting there. Another word came into his mind but one he wouldn't give credence to – suicidal. No, he had hope now and Chief had sworn to his Hearth that suicide would only be used as a last resort if he could not escape his owners. "Chief?" Actor asked tentatively.

As if to prove Actor right in his decision to talk to his young friend, Chief didn't even turn to look at him and barely responded, "Actor I don't want to talk to anyone right now. Can't it wait?" The voice was flat, empty.

Gently Actor said, "I don't believe it can anymore. I want you to know that I have found someone whom I feel can help you."

Chief turned and with a puzzled look on his face said, "I don't need no help." It was not a denial just a simple statement of fact.

The response was just as Actor expected. Chief had too much pride and too little reason to trust or accept anyone's help for anything, even his. He had learned the hard way that to open up and let someone else see how vulnerable he was lead to betrayal, humiliation and the greater risk of having someone control his life. Years of being literally owned and controlled by G-CAT taught him that if he was to survive at all, he could never admit that he needed anything. Actor decided to try a different tactic.

"Yes of course, my mistake. You never have nightmares, you've never cut yourself badly enough to scar you arms and legs, and you are never uncomfortable when Goniff puts his arm around you in friendship. Your whole life has been full of success and happiness." Actor responded harshly.

Chief completely baffled by Actor's remarks and the edge in his voice asked, "What are you talking about? What has any of that got to do with helping me?"

Actor knew his words would confuse him, making him angry and knowing that he would choose the rest of his words carefully.

He walked over to Chief and quietly asked him, "Are you happy, Chief?"

Bewildered by Actor's question he frowned and asked, "What?"

"When was the last time you laughed? I honestly do not remember ever seeing or hearing you laugh." Actor said.

Chief felt the tension in his body rising. He had no idea what Actor was talking about and he hated not knowing. If he didn't know, if he didn't understand he could say the wrong thing at the wrong time and then…but Actor wouldn't hurt him or make fun of him. He never had. Actor had always been kind.

"I laugh." He said quietly.

"When you're supposed to, yes, during a con you are quite good at pretending to laugh and as long as no one looks in your eyes they would never know that it wasn't real, that there was no laughter in your heart," Actor explained.

That was it – he had messed up a con, Chief thought. He didn't laugh the right way and that could have put them in danger. Actor was right he didn't know how. He had watched them all to learn how to act like a real person but to be honest when, why, and how they laughed didn't make sense to him. He had tried…wait…when was the last mission where he was supposed to have laughed? What did laughing have to do with finding someone to help him? Someone to help him learn how to laugh… that was crazy even for Actor.

He wasn't sure what to say but if he sounded like he wanted to do what was asked of him maybe Actor would leave him alone. "Guardians don't laugh. I can pretend and I'll practice if you show me how to make it look real."

Actor sighed, well that didn't work. "No, Chief, that's not want I'm asking of you. I believe that Guardians don't laugh, not because they aren't capable but because Guardians have been hurt so much by G-CAT's training they have no reason to laugh. They are never given a reason to be happy. You were able to escape Hughes. You are not at the Institute and the Warden is not a Handler. You are free here but it is clear to all of us that you are still hurting and we don't know how to help you to stop hurting."

Chief saw the honest concern on Actor's face, "No Actor, I'm OK. I'm not hurt. Your right about the Institute. Alll the real people do there is hurt us. But that's so we do what we're supposed to do when we're supposed to. It's training so we don't get lazy and make stupid mistakes and…"

Actor couldn't listen anymore, "Chief, stop defending them! What they do to Guardians in the name of training is wrong. What they've done to you is wrong. And it hurts us to hear you talk like this."

Actor, the man who was always in control, turned away from him, got up, and walked toward the door but not before Chief saw that he was trembling with emotion and Chief didn't know why. Why did Actor and his Hearth always get upset when he tried to explain about the training of a Guardian and why it had to be so hard? He didn't understand but he did know it upset them and that he had upset Actor. He didn't like seeing Actor upset because of him.

Softly he asked "Actor? The someone…how do you think they can help me?"

Actor shook his head realizing that his poor tormented friend knew how upset he was and was now trying to make him feel better. Well, Actor thought, I'll take what I can get. "She is a doctor and she specializes in helping people who have been hurt so much they don't have any reason to laugh."

"A woman doctor?" He asked surprised that a woman could be a doctor.

Actor smiled. "Yes a woman can be a doctor and she is a very good one."

Chief shook his head, "I told you no doctor would want to help a Guardian let alone a woman doctor."

Actor said, "She's a friend, Chief. I've known her for many years and I know she will do everything she can to help you stop the pain you feel inside."

"So I can really laugh and not just pretend? So I can be happy?" He paused trying to gather his courage and asked in a whisper, "Can she stop the nightmares, Actor? I don't care about laughing, but the nightmares…they're getting worse. When I wake up sometimes I don't know where I am and I'm…," he bowed his head, "afraid I might hurt someone."

Actor sat back down saying "I believe she can."

"The Lieutenant wants me to." It was not a question.

"Yes, your Hearth, your Center wants what is best for you." Actor said.

"He'll make me go." Another statement.

"He'd rather not." Actor replied.

Chief nodded and Actor knew that he had won the first battle but the next battle would be even harder. For the next battle, to get Chief to meet Doctor Blaine, he would need to carefully lay out his plan and possibly get reinforcements.

Actor had hoped to discuss ways to get Chief to meet Doctor Blaine with the Warden when he returned from headquarters. Unfortunately, as the fates would have it, the Warden returned that night with another mission. He realized that the discussion would have to be put on hold until they completed the mission, debriefed, and everyone was safely back at the estate.

Fortunately, the mission turned out to be one of the extremely rare ones where everything went right and a little more than a week later Actor found himself summoned to the Warden's office.

The Warden handed him a drink and motioned for him to sit down. "Here's to more missions like this one."

Actor smiling, "Here's to luck!" And both men took a drink.

Taking a breath the Warden said, "Never got a chance to ask you if you talked to Chief."

Actor said, "I thought that's why you called me in. Yes, we talked and he, at least he was then willing to try to talk with Doctor Blaine. He told me his nightmares are getting worse and he wakes up not knowing where he is. He's afraid when that happens he could hurt someone. He's willing to talk to her about them if she could help stop them."

Garrison nodded and said, "That's a start anyway."

Actor decided to lay out at least the beginnings of a new plan to get Chief to meet with Doctor Blaine. He had started working on it after he had overheard Casino explaining to Goniff how to crack a safe. "It's sensitive, you have to be patient, you can't rush it or it won't work and you'll have to start all over again." And he realized that was what he had to do for Chief. He had to be patient, not rush him or he would shut down and Actor would have to start again.

"I've decided to try something a little different to ease him into accepting help," Actor began to explain. "I don't believe we should even try to encourage him to meet her. I believe he will fight us all the way. I propose to set up a lunch meeting with my old friend, first to get reacquainted and then to seek her advice on how to help a good friend of mine to recover from being imprisoned and tortured by the Nazi's for several years. I will explain to her some of the behaviors his friends are worried about and how we would like to find ways to help him."

Garrison was frowning. "Well if she could recommend a way we could help him know that he doesn't need to be punished and how wrong it is to expect me to punish him, I'm all for it."

Actor smiled at his Lieutenant and friend, "You are not alone but I am actually talking about a con to get Chief to see and listen to her before he meets her. I want him to see first hand that she can be trusted and eventually make the choice to talk with her on his own."

Garrison laughed. "Make the choice himself? Actor if you can pull that off …"

Actor finished his drink and said, "Yes the operative word is IF but I think it is our best chance. At the very least she might be able to give us some advice on how to help him."

Garrison nodded, "Just tell me what you need."