Jung, Freud, Masters and Johnson, and Kinsey
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost Girl or any of the show's characters.
Summary: My headcanon on why Lauren had that outburst. One shot. First ever fanfic, comments and reviews are most welcome!
There was someone before Nadia, before Bo.
She was entrusted with Lauren's deepest secrets, was a source of comfort on excruciating days, and sometimes, was the only person in the world to keep the doctor going.
In a city of constantly collapsing buildings, she was a pillar of strength. In days that seemed forever dark and endless, she was a beacon of light. In a warzone where emotions were shut off or numbed, her door remained opened for all.
Lauren liked her immensely, and once thought that had they met at a different time, another place, she would have loved her. She didn't know if they would have become close friends, lovers, or family, but it would be one of those. She was sure.
However, there was a line you couldn't cross with your psychiatrist, and Lauren wasn't one to break boundaries. So she showed up to her appointments on time, stayed respectful, and took her meds as she was told.
At that time, she couldn't find out what they could have become due to the nature of their relationship. Later, she learned that she would never find out, due to a bomb.
Lauren was at another place, saving someone else. It wasn't until she got back to the site, bloody and gritty, that she found that her psychiatrist was no more. She then realized that it was never like in the movies where people had the chance to say goodbye.
She wasn't given the opportunity to thank the other woman for all that she had done, so Lauren honored her in her own way. She took her psychiatrist's textbooks – Jung, Freud, Masters and Johnson, and Kinsey – as part of her collection, and brought them to Congo, to the Fae, to everywhere.
While the Ash bought her the latest editions of whatever medical reading material she needed, she kept the four texts. Not in the lab where everyone could get their hands on them, but in her apartment, close to her, where she would flick through them in her early days with the Fae. At times, she could still find sand trapped within the pages, which brought her back to her darker days. But she refused to let herself slip, for she wanted to cherish the other doctor's good work.
After her duties increased, after she met Bo, after Nadia, she had less time to think about her days at the field, and had almost forgotten about the books. The memories barely surfaced when Bo mentioned 'avoidance technique', but they came back in full force as her lover finished the dismissive statement with 'crack a book or two'.
And she saw red.
Later on, she wanted to tell Bo why she objected to the 'fake doctor crap'. Far from being 'crap', it had saved the life of Lauren – and many others. She wanted to explain that while she could mend a person's body, an unhealed heart could render someone with perfect physical health a corpse.
But she couldn't say all those things to Bo, because she hadn't told her about Afghanistan, about her PTSD, about her psychiatrist. So she apologized for the mean comment she made about Bo's education, and apologize with kisses for keeping yet another part of her past from her lover. And in her heart, she apologized to Dr Hill for nearly forgetting about her.