A/N: This is my first time writing an Angel fic, so feedback is definitely appreciated. I hope everyone enjoys this!
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own own anyone in this fic. That still really hurts to say by the way.
Summary: Set after Epiphany. Wesley muses on his relationship with Angel and wonders what exactly keeps him coming back to the vampire. Slash! Angel/Wesley
Wesley hates Angel. He hates how the vampire could make him feel with something as simple as a look or touch. He thrived on the feelings of love and protection those gestures rewarded him. Wesley was never sure he felt that way because it was Angel, or if it was because someone actually took the time to pay attention to him, to take care of him. That, in itself, should have told him that it would never last.
He isn't sure why it hurts so much when Angel betrays them, betrays him. He knows he should be used to it by now. Cause Wesley knows that Angel isn't the first, or will be the last, to use him and then push him aside. Sometimes Wesley hates that Angel chose him. There were others so much more worthy of his affections than him, but yet, the vampire chose him.
Sometimes Wesley hates himself for loving Angel. He wasn't lying the day he said that he was his faithful servant. He knew that he would always belong to the vampire, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make that part of him disappear. Angel has always had a way of making someone feel special, like all that mattered was the two of them, at least that's how he remembered it. Angel could could do no wrong in his eyes, and he realized, that's part of how they got to this point in the first place. He thinks that if they fought harder, Angel wouldn't have been driven to the breaking point, but its too late for thoughts like that. Angel made his choice and now he had to make his.
When Angel comes back, there's so much between them he finds it hard to look at the other man. They had finally learned to get along without him, and he suddenly returns and throws everything into a tailspin. He apologizes, he does whatever he can to make things right again, but even he realizes it was gonna take time before they even thought of trusting him again.
Things are awkward the first few weeks they're back in the Hyperion. Then things slowly began to go back to normal. He wins Cordelia back over by buying her new clothes, Gunn had always been distrustful of Angel since the beginning and he continues to keep his distance, but his anger was slowly waining.
It's Wesley that offers the most resistance to Angel's attempts at mending their relationship. He wants Angel to suffer, to feel any part of the pain he felt that night when he heard the words, "You're all fired." He had went back that night, attempting find some reason why this happened. Instead of explanations, he's treated to more pain.
"You're all in my way, you especially. You make me weak Wes and I can't have that right now. I won't have that. If that means you have to go, then so be it."
He needs Angel to feel that pain, to know how it feels to be abandoned by the one you love more than anything. When he's sure that he understands it, the he will go back to him. He knew staying away was never an option once he returned, because Wesley knows that no matter how much he hates Angel, his love for him will always keep him coming back.