Disclaimer: The characters of Tenchi Muyo and spaceballs are not mine, but the property of Pioneer and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/Mel Brooks, respectively. If they were mine, I would be rolling in dough and buying as much anime as i could carry and I would be writing episodes and I would RULE THE WORLD and...Wait, got a bit carried away there...Oh well. Anyway, they aren't mine.
Acknowledgements. I would like to thank Masa for helping me with a few of the jokes in this and future chapters, as well as proof reading this one.
Spacetrees, the fic. Chapter 1
By Paul "IrrCapT" Bernard
Once upon a space-time Gaussian deformation.....
In a galaxy not that far away from us, but sort of to the right 3 dimensions and up two dimensions and over 4 more dimensions on the gamma axis perpendicular to . . .well, you get the picture. Where was I?. . .Right. In that dimension there live a not evil but sort of distorted and misguided race of beings known as. . .Tenchi Universe.
Chapter 698,596,235,798,269. . . .or was that the date. . . . .oh well.
The desperate leaders of the Planet TV Jurai, having foolishly driven away and generally alienated it's fanbase with Tenchi Muyo in Love 2, have devised a secret plan, a plan that even I, the author and narrator are not privy to. But since this is a Spaceballs fusion, I can pretty much guess that they are going to suck every fan from their peace-loving and quite popular neighbor, OAV Jurai. If I'm wrong then what can I say other than that they have a good counter-intelligence service.
Today is the wedding day of Princess Aeka of OAV Jurai to the oddball Seriyo. Unbeknownst to the princess but knownst to us, unless I am guessing their plan wrong and they are going to do something else, danger lurks in the stars above.
If you are reading this, then you are curious about the fic.
In the depths of space, a large, spiky ship moves it's way slowly across the star field
continuing on.
And on.
And on.
And on.
And on.
And on.
And-We get the picture!-Right.
In the center of this quite large agglomeration of spikes was a proportionally small,
but still quite large red sphere. This was the nerve center of the Ryo-ouki one, the
flagship of the Tenchi Universe. Within this large area was a woman, attended by a large
number of crystals at different stations, each doing a job for her. The woman was tall,
with spikey, long cyan hair and attractive features. Suddenly, one of the crystals floated
over to her.
"My-myaaa!" Translation: *Sir, you asked me to tell you when planet OAV Jurai was in
sight, sir!*
"So," said TV Ryoko, for that is who the woman was.
"Myaaaa!" Translation: *Planet OAV is in sight, sir*
TV Ryoko sweatdropped. "You really are a hard headed crystal."
*Thank you, sir!* (translated from Cabbit)
"That wasn't a compliment."
"MYAAAAAAAA!"
"Don't cry! Anyway, I need to notify Dark Mask."
*I've taken the liberty of notifying him myself.*
"WHAT! You went over my Spikey Hair!"
*Not over, sir, more to the side. It'll never happen again!*
"Your right, it won't!" Ryoko said in a dangerously calm voice. She charged an energy blast in her hand.
*No, not that!*
"Yes, that."
Suddenly, a deep, sepulchral voice rang out. "Ryoko."
Ryoko snapped to attention. "All rise in the presence of Dark Mask!"
*How are we supposed to do that. We're crystals!* Ryoko fired the energy blast into the ceiling.
"MYAAAAAAA!" The entire bridge crew said, and rose as high into the air as they could. Dark Mask, a man in a black, form fitting suit of Jurai armor. He wore a dark mask (duh!) over his face, and as he walked forward, his breathing became more and more belabored. He walked up to Ryoko, panted for a few more seconds, and then ripped off the mask. "DAMN! It's hot in this mask! It feels like my face is going to sweat off!"
"Tenchi!" Ryoko said, and flung herself Dark Mask, for they were one and the same.
"Ryoko." Tenchi said peevishly as they both fell to the ground. "I'd wish you'd stop doing that!"
"Sorry. You in that uniform makes me want to forget myself."
Tenchi gulped, and then said, "What is the status of the mission."
Tenchi was blasted into the ground by a wall of sound as the entire bridge crew shouted (In English and Cabbit) "Planet OAV Jurai is in sight, sir!"
Tenchi got up and dusted himself off. "Good, I must notify the President."
*I've taken the liberty of calling her as well, sir.* Said the same upstart cabbit crystal.
"What!" Ryoko yelled. "You went over his-"
"Ryoko."
"Sorry."
"Ryoko!" Tenchi said, turning to the screen. "Where is planet OAV Jurai? I can't see it!"
"We don't have it on visual, but we do have it on radar. Let me punch it up for you."
"That's okay, I'll do it myself." Tenchi said, and walked over to a small screen over to the right of the main one. "So Planet OAV Jurai is in the middle of all that churning and bubbling?"
"No, sir."
"What is all that churning and bubbling anyway?"
"It's coffee sir."
"What kind of radar shows coffee?!"
"It's not radar, sir."
"Than what is it?"
"It's, Kofi-San! Want some?"
"Yes!" Tenchi looked around suspiciously. "I always have coffee when I watch Radar. You know that."
"Yes sir."
"You all know that!"
*OF COURSE WE DO, SIR!*
"Good, now that I have my coffee, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?"
"Right here sir," Ryoko said. "Radar-San!"
"So, are we this blip, or that blip?"
"Actually, I think that were both."
"Damn, this ship's big! Which blip is the planet then?"
"I think this one, sir."
"Then switch to Teleview." The screen flickered and changed as Ryoko fiddled with the knobs under the screen. I resolved into a picture of . . . Galaxy Police HQ.
"Whoops, wrong blip." Ryoko said, and twisted one of the other dials until the picture
resolved into a picture of OAV Jurai.
"There it is, Planet OAV Jurai. And underneath the good writing shield, Ten Million fans."
"Yes. Once we kidnap Princess Aeka, we can force her father , King Azusa, to give us the combination to the writer shield. Then we will steal all of their writers, and all of the fans will flock to us, thereby destroying Tenchi Ryo-Ouki, and saving Tenchi Universe."
"Everybody got that?"
"Of course they did. It was in the introduction."
"Right. When will she be married?"
"Within the hour, sir" Ryoko said with a smile.
"Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's going to be a short honeymoon."
"It would have been a short one anyway, and I don't mean that the planned it that way."
"True."
Meanwhile, on Planet OAV Jurai.....
Princess Aeka stood in her wedding dress, radiant as she awaited her happy....okay, not so happy day. Beside her stood, in his royal grab, King Azusa of OAV Jurai. "Oh, if only your mother was here to see this day."
"Why isn't Mother coming?"
"I cant get her out of our room. All this crying about taking her baby away and how cruel it is."
"Oh."
"Is everyone ready?"
"No, my maid of honor has not arrived."
"Where is that girl. Someone send for her."
A courtier left the room shouting. "Ryoko? Ryoko Hakubi?"
Suddenly, behind Aeka, cyan haired girl teleported in. "Here I am."
"Where have you been? And aren't you one of the villains in this story?" Azusa said
indignantly.
"You're thinking of TV Ryoko. I'm OAV Ryoko."
"And why are you late?"
"I tried to drive here, but I was laughing so hard I could barely see." Ryoko said, and began to laugh again.
"I fail to see what's funny about this Ryoko!" Aeka snapped.
"Don't you?"
Aeka thought about this for a second. "Yes it is sort of funny in a tragic sort of way. Why are you my maid of honor anyway?"
"And miss this? Not likely."
"You haven't Read the script, have you?" Aeka said with the hint of a smile on her face.
"What do you-" Ryoko started.
"Be quiet! It's time to start the ceremony." Azusa roared. "Now everyone walk forward
starting on the left foot."
"Oh, we're not going to try to do that joke, are we?"
"JUST WALK!"
And so the royal wedding procession began. In front, Aeka and Asuza walked down the aisle with as much grace as they could muster. Ryoko, holding up Aeka's train, was trying to muster all of her self-control so as not to laugh out loud. The wedding march from a quaint little backwater colony called Earth was playing, and everyone seemed happy.
Except for the Princess. She halted on third of the way down the aisle. "Father, do I have to do this?"
"I'm sorry Aeka, but he is the only qualified noble on Jurai."
Aeka and Ryoko looked at each other and began giggling. For, at the alter, stood the very odd figure of Seriyo, his pink hair and light complexion making a stark contrast with his black tuxedo. "Boy this planet must be a bunch of morons if HE'S the only qualified noble." Ryoko whispered into Aeka's ear. Their giggling increased, until a look from Azusa silenced them and the procession started gain. This lasted for about 5 seconds before Ryoko burst out laughing, stopping the procession again.
"Do I really have to do this?" Aeka asked has Ryoko tried to regain her composure. "I don't love him."
"I'm sorry Aeka, but you must advance the plot."
And so the procession started up again. It reached the alter where the officiating priest, Nobiyuki (how else were we to fit him in?), stood, ready to marry Aeka and Seriyo. As Aeka walked up to the alter, he began to speak.
"We are here to see Princess Aeka, daughter of King Azusa, Going right past the alter and down the ramp. But, there to block her is King Azusa. She faints left, she faints right, but he's blocking her every move. Now she's spinning by him. But he is summon his shield! She's in trouble now. But wait, she's countering the shield with her own! She's going down the ramp, having passed Azusa! She. . . might. . . go. . . all. . .the. . . way! Aeka is through the door! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!"
"Stop that!"
"Sorry, sir."
Meanwhile, outside, Aeka was running toward the Ryu-Oh. "Hey wait, wait! You forgot to get married!" Ryoko yelled, since she was being dragged behind her.
"Ryoko, will you read the script next time! I'm supposed to do this!"
"WHAT!?!"
"Just get into the spacetree."
As they got into the Ryu-Oh, Azusa came out of the church. "Where are you going?!? Stop!"
"Now it's your turn to advance the plot, father." Aeka called out of the window as she flew away.
"Blast!"
Will TV Tenchi get a mask with better ventilation? Will OAV Tenchi get into the picture? Will the confusion between OAV and TV universe characters ever bee resolved? Will Ryoko read the script? Is the author sane? These and other questions much more important to the plot will be answered in the next. . . edifying. . . installment of. . . Spacetrees!
Acknowledgements. I would like to thank Masa for helping me with a few of the jokes in this and future chapters, as well as proof reading this one.
Spacetrees, the fic. Chapter 1
By Paul "IrrCapT" Bernard
Once upon a space-time Gaussian deformation.....
In a galaxy not that far away from us, but sort of to the right 3 dimensions and up two dimensions and over 4 more dimensions on the gamma axis perpendicular to . . .well, you get the picture. Where was I?. . .Right. In that dimension there live a not evil but sort of distorted and misguided race of beings known as. . .Tenchi Universe.
Chapter 698,596,235,798,269. . . .or was that the date. . . . .oh well.
The desperate leaders of the Planet TV Jurai, having foolishly driven away and generally alienated it's fanbase with Tenchi Muyo in Love 2, have devised a secret plan, a plan that even I, the author and narrator are not privy to. But since this is a Spaceballs fusion, I can pretty much guess that they are going to suck every fan from their peace-loving and quite popular neighbor, OAV Jurai. If I'm wrong then what can I say other than that they have a good counter-intelligence service.
Today is the wedding day of Princess Aeka of OAV Jurai to the oddball Seriyo. Unbeknownst to the princess but knownst to us, unless I am guessing their plan wrong and they are going to do something else, danger lurks in the stars above.
If you are reading this, then you are curious about the fic.
In the depths of space, a large, spiky ship moves it's way slowly across the star field
continuing on.
And on.
And on.
And on.
And on.
And on.
And-We get the picture!-Right.
In the center of this quite large agglomeration of spikes was a proportionally small,
but still quite large red sphere. This was the nerve center of the Ryo-ouki one, the
flagship of the Tenchi Universe. Within this large area was a woman, attended by a large
number of crystals at different stations, each doing a job for her. The woman was tall,
with spikey, long cyan hair and attractive features. Suddenly, one of the crystals floated
over to her.
"My-myaaa!" Translation: *Sir, you asked me to tell you when planet OAV Jurai was in
sight, sir!*
"So," said TV Ryoko, for that is who the woman was.
"Myaaaa!" Translation: *Planet OAV is in sight, sir*
TV Ryoko sweatdropped. "You really are a hard headed crystal."
*Thank you, sir!* (translated from Cabbit)
"That wasn't a compliment."
"MYAAAAAAAA!"
"Don't cry! Anyway, I need to notify Dark Mask."
*I've taken the liberty of notifying him myself.*
"WHAT! You went over my Spikey Hair!"
*Not over, sir, more to the side. It'll never happen again!*
"Your right, it won't!" Ryoko said in a dangerously calm voice. She charged an energy blast in her hand.
*No, not that!*
"Yes, that."
Suddenly, a deep, sepulchral voice rang out. "Ryoko."
Ryoko snapped to attention. "All rise in the presence of Dark Mask!"
*How are we supposed to do that. We're crystals!* Ryoko fired the energy blast into the ceiling.
"MYAAAAAAA!" The entire bridge crew said, and rose as high into the air as they could. Dark Mask, a man in a black, form fitting suit of Jurai armor. He wore a dark mask (duh!) over his face, and as he walked forward, his breathing became more and more belabored. He walked up to Ryoko, panted for a few more seconds, and then ripped off the mask. "DAMN! It's hot in this mask! It feels like my face is going to sweat off!"
"Tenchi!" Ryoko said, and flung herself Dark Mask, for they were one and the same.
"Ryoko." Tenchi said peevishly as they both fell to the ground. "I'd wish you'd stop doing that!"
"Sorry. You in that uniform makes me want to forget myself."
Tenchi gulped, and then said, "What is the status of the mission."
Tenchi was blasted into the ground by a wall of sound as the entire bridge crew shouted (In English and Cabbit) "Planet OAV Jurai is in sight, sir!"
Tenchi got up and dusted himself off. "Good, I must notify the President."
*I've taken the liberty of calling her as well, sir.* Said the same upstart cabbit crystal.
"What!" Ryoko yelled. "You went over his-"
"Ryoko."
"Sorry."
"Ryoko!" Tenchi said, turning to the screen. "Where is planet OAV Jurai? I can't see it!"
"We don't have it on visual, but we do have it on radar. Let me punch it up for you."
"That's okay, I'll do it myself." Tenchi said, and walked over to a small screen over to the right of the main one. "So Planet OAV Jurai is in the middle of all that churning and bubbling?"
"No, sir."
"What is all that churning and bubbling anyway?"
"It's coffee sir."
"What kind of radar shows coffee?!"
"It's not radar, sir."
"Than what is it?"
"It's, Kofi-San! Want some?"
"Yes!" Tenchi looked around suspiciously. "I always have coffee when I watch Radar. You know that."
"Yes sir."
"You all know that!"
*OF COURSE WE DO, SIR!*
"Good, now that I have my coffee, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?"
"Right here sir," Ryoko said. "Radar-San!"
"So, are we this blip, or that blip?"
"Actually, I think that were both."
"Damn, this ship's big! Which blip is the planet then?"
"I think this one, sir."
"Then switch to Teleview." The screen flickered and changed as Ryoko fiddled with the knobs under the screen. I resolved into a picture of . . . Galaxy Police HQ.
"Whoops, wrong blip." Ryoko said, and twisted one of the other dials until the picture
resolved into a picture of OAV Jurai.
"There it is, Planet OAV Jurai. And underneath the good writing shield, Ten Million fans."
"Yes. Once we kidnap Princess Aeka, we can force her father , King Azusa, to give us the combination to the writer shield. Then we will steal all of their writers, and all of the fans will flock to us, thereby destroying Tenchi Ryo-Ouki, and saving Tenchi Universe."
"Everybody got that?"
"Of course they did. It was in the introduction."
"Right. When will she be married?"
"Within the hour, sir" Ryoko said with a smile.
"Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's going to be a short honeymoon."
"It would have been a short one anyway, and I don't mean that the planned it that way."
"True."
Meanwhile, on Planet OAV Jurai.....
Princess Aeka stood in her wedding dress, radiant as she awaited her happy....okay, not so happy day. Beside her stood, in his royal grab, King Azusa of OAV Jurai. "Oh, if only your mother was here to see this day."
"Why isn't Mother coming?"
"I cant get her out of our room. All this crying about taking her baby away and how cruel it is."
"Oh."
"Is everyone ready?"
"No, my maid of honor has not arrived."
"Where is that girl. Someone send for her."
A courtier left the room shouting. "Ryoko? Ryoko Hakubi?"
Suddenly, behind Aeka, cyan haired girl teleported in. "Here I am."
"Where have you been? And aren't you one of the villains in this story?" Azusa said
indignantly.
"You're thinking of TV Ryoko. I'm OAV Ryoko."
"And why are you late?"
"I tried to drive here, but I was laughing so hard I could barely see." Ryoko said, and began to laugh again.
"I fail to see what's funny about this Ryoko!" Aeka snapped.
"Don't you?"
Aeka thought about this for a second. "Yes it is sort of funny in a tragic sort of way. Why are you my maid of honor anyway?"
"And miss this? Not likely."
"You haven't Read the script, have you?" Aeka said with the hint of a smile on her face.
"What do you-" Ryoko started.
"Be quiet! It's time to start the ceremony." Azusa roared. "Now everyone walk forward
starting on the left foot."
"Oh, we're not going to try to do that joke, are we?"
"JUST WALK!"
And so the royal wedding procession began. In front, Aeka and Asuza walked down the aisle with as much grace as they could muster. Ryoko, holding up Aeka's train, was trying to muster all of her self-control so as not to laugh out loud. The wedding march from a quaint little backwater colony called Earth was playing, and everyone seemed happy.
Except for the Princess. She halted on third of the way down the aisle. "Father, do I have to do this?"
"I'm sorry Aeka, but he is the only qualified noble on Jurai."
Aeka and Ryoko looked at each other and began giggling. For, at the alter, stood the very odd figure of Seriyo, his pink hair and light complexion making a stark contrast with his black tuxedo. "Boy this planet must be a bunch of morons if HE'S the only qualified noble." Ryoko whispered into Aeka's ear. Their giggling increased, until a look from Azusa silenced them and the procession started gain. This lasted for about 5 seconds before Ryoko burst out laughing, stopping the procession again.
"Do I really have to do this?" Aeka asked has Ryoko tried to regain her composure. "I don't love him."
"I'm sorry Aeka, but you must advance the plot."
And so the procession started up again. It reached the alter where the officiating priest, Nobiyuki (how else were we to fit him in?), stood, ready to marry Aeka and Seriyo. As Aeka walked up to the alter, he began to speak.
"We are here to see Princess Aeka, daughter of King Azusa, Going right past the alter and down the ramp. But, there to block her is King Azusa. She faints left, she faints right, but he's blocking her every move. Now she's spinning by him. But he is summon his shield! She's in trouble now. But wait, she's countering the shield with her own! She's going down the ramp, having passed Azusa! She. . . might. . . go. . . all. . .the. . . way! Aeka is through the door! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!"
"Stop that!"
"Sorry, sir."
Meanwhile, outside, Aeka was running toward the Ryu-Oh. "Hey wait, wait! You forgot to get married!" Ryoko yelled, since she was being dragged behind her.
"Ryoko, will you read the script next time! I'm supposed to do this!"
"WHAT!?!"
"Just get into the spacetree."
As they got into the Ryu-Oh, Azusa came out of the church. "Where are you going?!? Stop!"
"Now it's your turn to advance the plot, father." Aeka called out of the window as she flew away.
"Blast!"
Will TV Tenchi get a mask with better ventilation? Will OAV Tenchi get into the picture? Will the confusion between OAV and TV universe characters ever bee resolved? Will Ryoko read the script? Is the author sane? These and other questions much more important to the plot will be answered in the next. . . edifying. . . installment of. . . Spacetrees!