Trilogy of Error: Dante's Day
After a Sunday night bender, the gang is totally wasted but Dante got the worst of it… A hangover, a heart attack and a court appearance for shoplifting. All on the day he has his massage clients. Can he handle it?
The last thing Dane remembered before he blacked out was Vergil daring him to break into Macys for man bra straps and he'd buy him a weeks worth of pizzas (which for Dante would be in the high hundreds so, that would be two of Vergil's paychecks.) but the catch was he couldn't be arrested for more than one charge and he had to go down there naked.
Dante was dreaming about giant pizzas, it was his best dream yet apart from the one where he owned pizza hut. But then, the most horrible thing happened Vergil tied Dante to a chair and began to eat the giant gorgeous, cheesy, and meaty pizzas right in front of him. Dante was shouting "NO MORE PIZZA!"
"It's not true, it's not true, and it's not true!" Dante had been running back and forth on the spot for about ten minutes before he said "I know if it's a dream then the pizza boxes I left in the fridge should still be there!" and without further ado he sprinted towards the door of Devil May Cry.
He was about to hit the door when Vergil opened it for him. Dante turned his head to Vergil to thank him but Vergil gave him a very rude hand gesture, Dante had a look of shock which turned into pain as he just ran headfirst into the fridge. After wincing for about five seconds Dante opened the door to confirm that he was in reality and able to enjoy his pizzas. He found a box and opened it. The box was empty "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!" Dante realized when he was running inside Vergil was holding a pizza slice but before he could do anything he had a heart attack from shock. Unbeknownst to Dante his "dream" was actually real.
Dante came to in the ambulance they were poking him in the sides to see if he had tickles. Dante recognized them it was John and Gary. They usually picked him up when he had his weekly heart attack they usually come to his birthdays and the Friday night party. "Hey Dante, this note was pinned to you when lady called." John said giving him the letter.
"Thanks dude, what's this say: 'Dante Sparda you have to be in court next Tuesday and are charged with indecent exposure and shoplifting!'"
I haven't even done anyth-…" he broke off he just remembered Sunday night and Vergil's dare.
"Anyway Dante, do you want to go to the hospital or drop you off somewhere? Asked Gary
"Could you drop me off around the temen ni gru shopping centre? I have to go somewhere."
"Sure, no problem."
Since the Demon hunter business wasn't showing much business the gang had to turn to other alternatives to bring in the red blood orbs. Vergil always worked at Macys he was given a job by he and Dante's mother there. Dante was walking towards a building looking very confident but inside he was crapping himself if any of his friends seen him going in here he'd never live it down, for Dante had the worst possible job. Yes Dante was a masseuse for a male model agency.
Dante had some run-ins in his three weeks of massaging people, many of which are highly suspect, four were naked when he gave them a massage and he had to give a fullbody massage (He spent four hours washing himself in the bath after the massages.)
Anyway when Dante went in the receptionist said "Dante, thank god I got you, the courts called your hearing has been changed to today at one o' clock!"
"Oh SHIT" yelled Dante "that's in half an hour, I'm off!" and he sprinted out of the door and towards the courts.
Sprinting like something not human (even though he's part devil.) Dante decided to phone Lady and ask her to pick him up in her bike, (the one that was destroyed by Dante, she forced him to fix it from scratch, which took a very long time.)
Having just made it into court Dante took his seat and put on the puppy dog eyes routine at the judge who replied: "Mr. Sparda that doesn't work on me. Now your charges are shoplifting and indecent exposure now, normally I'd ask you how you plead but I'm just so pissed off with the puppy dog eyes thing that people do. So I sentence you to one hundred hours community service, effective immediately you can start at the hospital."
"This bites!" said Dante "it isn't even my fault my brother made me do it!"
"Mr. Sparda you say that every week you should think of a better excuse. Now get out of my sight."
Since Dante had to go to the hospital Lady gave him a lift because she got a call from the hospital apparently Vergil is in there because he was in a fight and he blacked out. It was relatively uneventful on the drive Dante kept muttering to himself and complaining but he stopped when they stopped for pizza.
When they arrived at the hospital they asked where Vergil was, they were told that he was up two floors. When they went up there they went into his ward to discover he was stirring Dante said "Watch this." He was grinning as he put his face right next to Vergil's. Vergil opened his eyes to see Dante's and he screamed like a little girl and Dante broke into a fit of giggles.
It's true the best things in life are free, but in Dante's case the best things in life are: four man bra straps, an indecent exposure, a hundred hours of community service and half a million pounds worth of pizzas a week.