A/N: This is being written as I go. That means reviews can influence the story. I do not, and never will, demand reviews for more chapters. But if you make a suggestion or request that I like, I will try to use it! Unfortunately, that also means that with my busy life, I cannot promise when new chapters will come, just that I will finish the story. Thank you in advance for any constructive criticism you can give me.

Many thanks to MsComrade for inspiring me with her story Conquered Past and also allowing me to use some of her story (rewritten) in the future! If you haven't read her story, I recommend you do so.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece or any of the characters used in this story. If I did, Sanji and Zoro would spend less time fighting and more time making out, lol.

Return of the Past

Sanji jolted from his nightmare. He held himself still, listening to the other inhabitants of the room. He needed to make sure he was the only one who stirred. No one else could know that he just had a nightmare. It wouldn't be the first time he'd woken them up, but each time it happened it was harder to explain away their worries so he wouldn't be questioned. He could imagine the comforting words they would attempt and the looks of pity he would get if they found out. But all was quiet in the bunk room, the only sound was Zoro snoring, rather loudly, in his ear. The warm puffs of breath on his neck helped calm him, the heavy arm around his waist centered him. A couple of deep breaths and he felt his heart rate begin to slow.

Step one of nightmare-recovery done.

Slowly, he reached for the arm slung around his waist. This was the hardest part. The memories of starving on that rock always triggered the need to do certain things in him. Things he'd stopped needing to do in his daily life a long time ago and only did on nights like tonight. In order to accomplish these, he needed to get out from underneath the lump of muscle behind him. If he woke everyone up when he woke, he could convince them to go back to sleep. Even Zoro would go back to sleep with reassurances he was just getting a drink. If he woke the green headed moron while he was trying to escape, then he would insist on accompanying the cook. This would result in Sanji going back to bed, pretending to sleep. Of course the night would be spent staring into the darkness, fighting imaginary hunger pains, and not sleeping. The alternative would be explaining to his lover why he needed to do these things. This would involve telling him of his past and his weaknesses.

Unacceptable!

So with the utmost care, he placed the arm around his waist on the hip behind him. He shifted his hips to slide off the couch they shared in lieu of a cramped hammock, and the snoring behind him stopped. He froze, waiting for a signal from his lover on how to proceed. He unexpectedly received help from his companion. With a soft groan, the oblivious swordsman shifted onto his back. The change in position nudged the blond off the couch. All he had to do was roll with it. From his new position crouched on the floor, he waited for the snoring to start again. As soon as he heard the soft snores start again he made his way to the mast. He climbed the ladder then quietly lifted the hatch and closed it again behind himself. Finally, he was out. He lit a cigarette and walked to the galley.

Once inside, he walked over to the pantry and started taking inventory. He counted every morsel of food he could find. He had to know exactly how much they had. This was part of the ritual upon waking from these dreams. He always had a fear that they were going to run out of food. That he would have to watch his nakama starve. Next obstacle to overcome was the fear that he would starve, that he was starving now. He pulled out some bread he had made that day, then grabbed some cheese and meat. Sandwiches sounded good. He would make a few of those. It wasn't that much earlier than when he normally woke up.

He quickly made a couple of sandwiches and sat down to eat. As he was eating, he thought about what brought him to this point: hiding in the galley while everyone else was asleep, hoping no one woke to see him stuffing his face.

When he first joined the crew, his nightmares had stopped. He figured being away from the old geezer allowed his vivid memories to fade around the edges, and he was doing good, until they hit the Calm Belt. That was the first time he had to worry about supplies and actually ration them. Since then, the farther away from the last island they had gotten, the more frequent the nightmares came. He didn't have a problem coping with them by himself, but that had been before Zoro and he started getting serious. Now that they had been together for several months-the rest of the crew knew about them, and they had started having sex-Sanji had started to want to seek comfort. He fought it, knowing that the neanderthal would laugh at him for whining about memories of starving, or going even farther back to his childhood. The crew knew a little about his past. Enough to understand why he freaked when they wasted food, or why he would never let someone go hungry, but they certainly did not know the full extent of what happened. Luffy may have some details, but even he would never truly understand the horror.

No one can unless they've seen it first hand.

Looking down, he noticed all the bread and cheese was gone, as well as a good portion of the meat. Damn, he hadn't meant to eat that much.

Sunlight was starting to come through the port hole when Sanji was able to focus again. Time to start breakfast then. Hopefully, no one would notice he would hardly touch it. If he claimed to just not be hungry again, Chopper would be sure to want to do an exam. He'd deal with it. . .if he needed to.