By the way, lorettaINSERTNUMBERHERE, I am working on a HaruxTohru for you. So here's basically how this one is layed out:

Italics are Yuki's thoughts.

Bold is Kyo.

WARNINGS: Shounen-ai...alas...I can't help it, okay?! Also, PG-13.

DISCLAIMER: Blahblah, I don't own Fruits Basket.

SUMMARY: This takes place when Tohru leaves the Sohmas to stay with her bastard cousin and family for a day or two...but for the sake of the story, I have extended the time she was away to around two weeks or so.

She left today, you know. I heard her talking to Shigure, and then she was going to tell me...I froze up. So did she. I needed to tell her, to say something, to break our silence, I needed, maybe even, to...do something. To stop her. I needed that so badly.

I didn't do anything. I never do.

It's like like, she's sitting around with us, smiling her smile, and then...there's no one. No one who understands me, at any rate. No one I can talk to. No point in staying any longer, except the food. Yes. The food. The food she made. Her own two, soft, gentle hands...

It hurts.

She's gone. I can't believe it. It's only been a couple hours, and the only thing going through my mind is her walking, so slowly, almost depressedly, and then I can't see her anymore, and she's walked off to God knows where. Honda-san...she needs to return. I can't even understand this. It's not going through my mind. I need her back so badly.
I can't get it through my head. Tohru's...gone? She's not...here anymore? A couple hours since she left, and I'm already falling into my old habits of useless anger. I snapped at that damn rat, today. I don't usually do that for no good reason - I do it for a bad reason, but there is a reason. I had just gotten to the top of the stairs, and he was just rounding the corner...
Ow. My shoulder still hurts.
Evening. Shigure's not helping, not to mention the fact that the food...if anyone can thoroughly burn food, it is Sohma Yuki. Actually, in retrospect, I'm not even sure it was food. Maybe he just threw some plastic in the rice cooker.

Anyway. I kept on waiting for Tohru to show up for dinner, to poke her head around the door and say she got held up at work, and every time I heard a rustle, I would jerk around to face the door...and nothing. I feel...empty. Not in the Yuki's-cooking-is-so-bad-I-didn't-eat-anything empty way. In the achy, there's-something-missing-in-this-picture-oh-hey-I-wonder-what-it-is empty.

Other than that, I guess everything feels normal. I keep on thinking Tohru's gonna show up in the morning, back from a sleepover at her friend's house. It's so odd, when I remind myself she's not. I can't even go on the roof, or I remember the times we shared up there, the conversations, the sympathy. I won't cry. I can't.

Last night, I had a dream...

Dancing. Dancing with Honda-san. A tango, or maybe a ballroom. Music, soft, un-noticable. At first, I'm gazing down into her face, clear as crystal and just as pretty, as always. I feel comforted, but then, things start to blurr. I spin her around, and she's laughing, but it looks like I'm crying - my view's all blurry. I can't focus on her face, or the wall behind her. I can't her the music anymore, and I'm guessing when the beats are. It's confused.

Only one thing clear. Her hand, soft as silk, resting lightly on top of mine. I feel her fingers caress my palm, and I grasp that hand like there's no tomorrow, like it's my lifeline. Maybe it is. Anything can happen in a dream.

And anything and everything does happen, but it doesn't matter, because I'm holding Honda-san's hand, and even though I can't see her face, I know she's smiling at me, leading my through dance steps I don't know to music I can't hear, and she's smiling, smiling only at me. Her smile, radiant as sunlight, even if I can't see it. Her hand, delicate as lace.

When I woke, I was lying on the floor, surrounded by the mess, my hand entangled in one of my discarded silk shirts.

Today at school, I got another detention. Some guy said something about a police inquiry being made about Tohru...he was saying, wouldn't shut up, saying he always knew she was a...a slut. I snapped on him so bad, I think I knocked a couple of his teeth out. It felt good. So good. Fist meet face, face meet fist, body meet floor.

But, afterwards, while I was serving the damn detention, I thought about Tohru. What would she think if she could see me...even if she knew I was protecting her honor?

Well, I know what she'd say. She'd give me some crap about her own honor meaning nothing compared to my school record, or something. She'd get all teary over me, though, and then I'd get that happy feeling thing inside...and I had this vision of her, her smile, her walking away down the path, knowing she's gone...and I fell apart. I walked out on the detention. I know I'll catch it later, when it gets back to the school administration.

Oh. I saw her, too. I brushed her off. It's only going to be harder for me, later, if I can't accept the fact that she's gone from the Sohmas forever, and that it'll be better for her this way...but right now, it hurts so much.

Woke up, sadly. Went to school. Did some stuff. Came home. Did more stuff. Fell asleep. What does it matter?

I only remember one thing about today...Honda-san, in the hallway. She said hello, and I replied like I always do, like things hadn't changed...but they have changed, big time. She asked me to still be her friend, and so I will, no matter what. But I can't look at her without remembering all those meals shared, all those sweet things she did, all the help she did around the house, how it felt to be around her 24/7...something I had never appreciated until I saw her for, maybe, two minutes a day.

Room...going...blurry...zzzzzzzzzz.

Yuki was being an idiot again today, as always. He comes home from school, right, and takes a moment on the couch, head resting in his hand all depressed-emo-like, and he stayed there for a really long time, until Shigure asks me if I want pepperoni or cheese, and I want to know what kind of pizza he hates most (so I can order it), so I go over to see if he's still alive (not that I care), and so I poke him.

He doesn't move.

I poke him again.

He still doesn't move.

I start freaking out. Slightly. I'm like "HE'S LEFT ME ALONE WITH THE PERVERTED DOG?! NOOOOOOOOO! SAY SOMETHING, YUKI!!!" when Shigure comes in and goes "Kyon-kyon, what are you angsting about?", and then he notices Yuki, and he goes over and pokes him several times, like I did. Then he starts laughing.

I'm like, "You sick freak."

And he's like, "It's fun to poke sleeping people."

And I'm like "..."

And he's like "You thought he was dead?...You cared?"

And I'm like "Sausage. I want sausage pizza."

Shigure has this annoying habit of poking me until I wake up. It tickles like hell. So, this afternoon, I wake up all disorientated, and there's this achy pain right below my ribs. It's bruising really dark - Shigure must have really been poking me a long time. Can my life get any worse? AND we had sausage pizza for dinner, which I happen to hate very much.

I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon, and so I can't sleep at night. When I go to school, I'm tired on account of getting no sleep the past night, and so I fall asleep in the time before classes start, at lunch, in class, whenever. Then, again, that night I cannot sleep. Rinse, lather, repeat.

Someone talks to me. I see their mouth moving, I hear the words, but I cannot understand them. It is one big fuzz. Are they speaking another language? Am I talking to Momiji? I can't tell. I'm confused. I don't know what they're asking of me, and so I cannot respond, and I get flustered. I nod randomly, or shake my head, and when they look at my strangely, I realize I answered the question wrong. I don't care.

Sleep and waking are the only two things that make sense to me anymore. Do I eat? Do I drink? Do I think? I can't tell. My days blend together, I think, and I can't pick out anything individual. It's one big mess, my life is.

It's like I'm on constant hyper alert for Tohru, looking out for her around every corner, spinning around every time I hear a woman's voice that sounds vaugely like her's (yes, this includes Yuki's), and yet, at school, I dart out of her way or her friends' ways if I see them coming. I refuse to be involved with her, to cause her more pain.

I wish she was still with us, and at the same time...

I think, maybe, this was best. If she was never involved with me. I'm too dangerous, too fragile, too dark for her. My secrets are too heavy for her, and I cannot shatter her peaceful world. I cannot bring the end of her happiness. I have my secrets, hidden deep within me, deeper than the dark thoughts I think, deeper than even my feelings for her, and they would destroy her, rip her soul as they did my mother's. I know that, and so I hide from her, I keep my silence.

I had thought that I would be silent no more, that I would tell her all I feel, but this changes everything. Even, maybe, I am less on the lookout for her now. I jump less at the sound of footsteps, I sink lethargically into my own angry thoughts, and I punch senseless anyone who is fool enough to make a refrence to anything that vaugely sounds like it could pertain to Tohru (Shigure is collecting a mass of bruises).

I'm not getting better after all, am I? I'm just going into denial.

I welcome it. It hurts less.

I like sleeping. It helps me escape my pain, which is why I never wake up. I think I need 24 hours of sleep a day, maybe more.

My grades are dropping almost as fast as England's population, because I never stay awake in class or do my homework. I got called into talk to some fancy-pants vice principal, or whatever, and he was talking about apply myself to whatever the hell it was, but I didn't really hear him, because I fell asleep. I got a detention, for the first time in my life.

They called my parents. My parents hung up on them after the words "Yuki's grades are dropping". First they thought it was hoax of some sort, and then when they found out it wasn't, my dear old mother called me in to talk to her.

I'm not going. They can't make me. I'll just...I don't know. I won't go. I won't face them. Shigure doesn't give a rat's ass (please excuse the reference) about my grades, but he does care about the Sohmas. Why? I don't care about anything, and so it doesn't matter. He's going to try to get me to go...if I really have to, I guess I'll have to go. I don't care. They can say whatever, do whatever, but nothing can make this worse.

My limbs feel so heavy, almost as heavy as my heart...I'm giving up, I can feel it. Do I care? Do I want to care?

Yuki had some kind of appointment to go to the main house today, or whatever, and Shigure said he'd be out at the time when Yuki was supposed to go, so Hatori was going to come pick him up. I was home, though, but I wasn't watching for any cars, so...

That damn rat overslept and missed his ride.

I'd heard it was going to be around 6:00, so when it was 7:30, I realized what'd happened when I went downstairs to get a snack, and he was snoring away on the couch like nobody's business. Did I wake him up? Hell no. Could I even wake him up? I doubt it. Not my problem. Geesh.

Well, now it's 8:00, and Shigure's not home, so I guess Yuki and the main house will just have to deal with it. I don't care. Why would I care? Jesus. Ohh...hungry. I wonder if Tohru left any more leftovers?...Tohru. If you were here, this never would have happened. Any of it. Come home, my sweet Tohru. I'll tell you all my secrets, I'll throw myself in front of you, I'll do anything, but come home. I can't stand this.

10:00 and Shigure's still not home. Getting on my nerves, that stupid dog said he'd be home by 8:30. I hate this all!

10:30. Getting jumpy. Can't concentrate on my homework (haven't been able to since she left), can't do my workouts (see past reference)...I'll get some milk.

As I'm making my way back from the kitchen, I notice Yuki, sprawled out on the couch. I decide he's pathetic enough as it is, what with sleeping all the time the way he does, and seeing as he's not able to get over Tohru...to get over...to get over her. Which I am. Over her, I mean. So I'm sitting there, with them damn feelings, unsure, tentative, and I decide finally he's pathetic enough, which I've already said, and so I pick him up to carry him to his room.

We make it safely up the stairs, despite my almost crashing into the wall/railing/floor about five times (each), and I'm practically tripping over my own shoelaces, despite my being barefoot, and my breathing's coming hard from all the extra weight, and my cheeks are all flushed, and I'm tired, but we're almost to the point where I can dump Yuki in his room and pretend the whole thing never happened, so I take a break against the wall.

I'm leaning against the wall, propping Yuki up with one arm, while the other one steadies me, and we're so close, and my breathing's slowing down, but I'm not getting any cooler, and my shoulders are all tense, and Yuki's face is impossibly close to mine, and his hair's falling everywhere, and Shigure should be home by now, and whatever happened to my homework, and my thoughts are all over the place, and Yuki's still so close to me, I can't feel the floor under my icy-cold feet, and I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm so burning hot yet so freezing at the same time, and Yuki's still dozing against the wall, and we're so close and yet not touching, and, and...

My dream...

Dancing again. Not ballroom, not tango. School dance style. Blaring music. Bodies all around. Stoned DJ. Drunk supervisors. Not my kind of place. This time, I can see clearly, I can hear everything, and yet I'm lost. I can't find Honda-san, but I know she's here. I feel her touch on my shoulder, but I turn around, and no one's there. I hear her whisper in my ear, but there is no sound other than the bad music. I see a flash of blue-green, like her eyes, but I take a second look, and it's just the too-bright disco lights.

My ears throb unpleasantly with the music. My eyes are forced to close by the cheap strobe lights. My body shakes with the floor, so many people are around me. I can't breathe. I can't think. I need to get out.

There are no doors, or at least, none I can see. I search in vain for anyone I know, anyone who can guide me through this. There is no one, just some lame-brain fan club girls throwing themselves at me. I really do need to get away, or I'll transform, what with all these people around me. I see an opening through the people, out into the gardens outside, and I run through it, darkness, stars, and a lake flashing by me, in the wild way dreams do.

Images. Honda-san, smiling. Shigure, teasing her. Honda-san, looking sweetly worried. My own hands, twisting in my lap anxiously. Akito's cruel smile...NO! Darkness, all around me. My life, black as my cooking. Another image. Honda-san, Shigure, my idiot of a brother, Momiji, Haru, Akito, Rin, so many. But not all. There are some missing. Ritsu isn't there, neither is Hatori. Some others, also. Someone else is gone, too. But who? Too many people in my life...

People are disapearing around me. First Momiji. Then Rin. Then Shigure. Then Nii-san. Then Haru. Finally, only Akito is left. Akito grins, and beckons to me. I feel myself stiffen. He walks slowly towards me, horribly tantalizing. I know what's coming. The whip. The room. And worst of all, the words. Those evil words, and Honda-san can't save me.

He's coming closer, hand stretched out. To caress me or slap me, I don't know, but I don't want either. I'm frozen. Can't move. Can't think. Only fear is left...Akito's so close. I'm so scared...and...a warm hand grabs mine, pulling me away. I look over my shoulder, at Akito's angry face, but I still can't move. I can only be dragged. Akito disapears, and I am unfrozen. My savior...is...gone, also. I am alone. I look down at my hand, the one that was grabbed. It's warm, so much warmer than the rest of me.

The cold air rushes in and envelops my hand, surrounding it with a cushion of freezing wind. The cold spreads up my arm, surrounding my heart, and I feel more hopeless than ever. The cold wakes me with a start.

...and Yuki's eyes snap open.

I'm totally not going to continue this unless you guys tell me to, 'cause I'm not so sure it's a good idea...but, please, tell me whatcha think! And I'll delete it if it doesn't work...