Sunday 14th July 2004
Liv,
I miss you … so much. Every day I feel like I am fighting a battle to keep my head above water. I wish I could see you, touch you, look you up and down in the flesh, and feel you pressed up against me. Most of all though Liv, I wish I could tell you that I loved you. I miss everything about you. I listen to a piece of music. Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet, The Death of Juliet. I cry every time I listen to it because it reminds me so much of you. So deep, so beautiful and terrifying at the same time. It forces me to remember you that's why I listen to it every day when I wake up, when I am in the shower and it's the last thing I do before I go to bed Liv. I love you.
I am still working at the little shop I told you about in my last letter but my hours were cut so I got another job too working at the local pub three nights a week and Sunday afternoons. I am assured that all of my belongings and money etc. are being held by some high-ups somewhere. I am saving up the money Liv. I am saving it so that one day I can buy you a ring and spend the rest of my life with you. I am going to grow old with you Olivia Rachel Benson. I am going to love you and I am going to marry you (if you agree that is). I only tell myself this to keep going but I hope it comes true one day.
I wish I was there with you. With you and the guys at 1-6 but know that I keeping an eye on all of you my love. I watch the news, read the papers, scroll through web alerts, ask my accompanying agent at every opportunity and I feel you in my heart. I know you've been hurt and I am so sorry for not being there. Every time I saw you were hurt in the news, I knew that that was why I had this strange tugging feeling around my heart. God I miss you.
How's things back in New York? How are the guys treating you? What about Cragen? And how are you and Liz holding up, you still talk? I wish you could reply to this letter Liv but I can't send it.
Anyway, I have to go now, my shift at the pub is starting in 10 minutes. I am changed and ready to go. I miss you Liv. I miss you and I love you.
I don't expect you to wait on me Liv but please, never forget me.
Love you with all my heart,
Lexie xxxx