The Earth is dead.
The Earth has been dead for three years.
I ran away from The Earth and every single person on the planet I had ever vowed to protect three years ago all because I was betrayed by the one person I thought loved me. I ran through all the fires and crumbling buildings. I ran through all the chaos and panicked mobs.
I ran away from Zim.
Everything that should have mattered to me was falling apart and all I cared about was getting to the once broken down space ship in my beat up garage. All I wanted to do was get away. I just wanted to get away from those crimson eyes that had looked at me with such a caring gaze and now looked at me with such loathing once again.
It was all part of his plan.
'Pitiful mindless, Dib. So weak and vulnerable when feeling such an emotion as love. The perfect time to strike. The perfect time to show you once and for all why you will always be one step below me.'
In just a short amount of time explosions had rocked the whole city. It still hurt to remember it. His leaders had seen. They had known. It was his way of proving he was still worth as much as he always said he was. He wanted to show them and he did. I had passed their ship and their entire army while getting away in Tak's ship. They paid me no mind. Why should they? The ship was one of their own. Besides, they had an entire planet to get rid of. To conquer. I was merely one fourteen year old out of a million other humans.
I was a traitor.
I sold my soul to my worst enemy thinking he had changed just because of a few simple words. For lies that all seemed so completely real that if I were to think back I could actually picture him saying the words while smiling every single time. Is it so bad that I want that back? For me to want back every little moment that meant so much to me out of all the horrible things in my lifetime?
No, it's not.
Of course, that was three years ago today. I've survived in space most of the time with only my own smarts and the small knowledge I had of Irken technology. I say most of the time because now I have someone to help me. I found the one that abandoned me. The one that believed in me then left me with dying hopes. That sounds horrible I suppose, but I needed someone. He helped me when I was about to lose myself. I was broken down on another planet and he was there to help me.
Partners to friends, and friends to lovers.
I was still emotionally hurt and found comfort in him. He always said the words to me, but I could never say them back, at least not out loud. If I said them then that would just mean betrayal again which wasn't something I could handle. He said he understood, but then how come when he said such a thing I always felt so horrible in the end? He knew about what happened. He knew about everything. About Zim. He always told me I wasn't a traitor, but I couldn't believe it. It was my fault the Earth was taken by the Irkens and it will always be my fault.
All because I became weak.
For now I'll sit in the silence and just watch him sleep. Finding comfort in the one small act when I can't close my own eyes. It's hard to tell what night and day is where the ship is passing through now. It's hard to tell what night and day is anywhere anymore. I don't want to worry about my fears for right now. My past is gone and I don't even know what's going to happen to me later on. It's just another year tacked onto the last I've counted since that day. I just want to forget that Irken's name and focus on the one person beside me. The one that matters now. Because whether I never say it out loud or continue to keep the silent comfort in my head...
I do love you, Dwicky.