Sometimes, you just have a bad day. And on those days, it's best not to fight these emotions. You feel like your drowning; that you're never going to feel happy again; that you'll never be successful; that you're a burden to those whom you love. Let me be the first to say that those emotions only have validity if you let them. Unfortunately, I had a hard time following my own advice, as I often let myself feel overwhelmed by pressure.

The feeling of true anxiety is never a rational process. The simplest of daily tasks can make you want to scream and hide under a blanket of comfort all the same. During my first year in University, I isolated myself. I lost all of my friends, and to compensate for this loss, I poured more work into my studies. But, no matter how amazing that my grades were, the pressure never left. I felt guilty, fearful, and worthless with each assignment that I handed in. My self-esteem was now fully dependent on my grades.

The loneliness I experienced had much to do with the fact that I was an international student. I had left Japan to study overseas in America. Thankfully, my family was understanding enough to know that my infrequent phone calls did not reflect how much, or little, that I cared about them. I was a private person who preferred to keep to himself.

I've always been insecure. The only thing that changed now that I'm a fully-grown adult is that I realized that I don't need to surround myself around others to feel better about myself. I had chosen to heal my demons on my own time. It had taken a while, but I was finally beginning to get over my many anxieties.

Being a foreigner in a University full of strong and confident individuals had taken a large toll on my health. I had learned not to rely on others. I had thought that I could handle my problems on my own; that I could achieve my aspirations without any help. Pestering insecurities inevitably kicked in, which had prompted me to starve myself. I despised the small amount of baby fat on my cheeks and had wanted to get rid of them.

One slippery slope after another, and I had become anorexic. My roommate Phichit, who was also an international student, was the only person brave enough to speak up about it. At first, I ignored him. I didn't have time for his concern, you see. In my mind, I didn't have time to eat. My life was all about work. Work! Work! Work! And nothing else in between. It was only until I was on the verge of death that I had finally decided to listen to Phichit's advice.

After the last exam in my second year, I collapsed outside in front of the student commons center. Phichit had been with me. He had called the ambulance. I'll spare you the rest of the details, as they're still too triggering for me to recall. Basically, I had weighed 87 pounds. My heart could have stopped at any moment in time back then, and I would have never known. My eating disorder had plagued and contaminated all reason from my thoughts. I had somehow managed to convince myself that starving myself was healthy. That's just how warped and sick someone with an eating disorder could be. It wasn't just your physical body that suffered; your mind did as well.

Skip forward a year and you'll find me where I am now. A shy third year University student who's currently in the process of getting over his past eating disorder and social awkwardness. At least I had Phichit to help me get through this. It's amazing how much talking to someone can help you cope with your problems. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better friend. I may not be fully better, but Phichit was kind enough to focus on my strengths. He encouraged me to keep pushing my boundaries.

I owe all of my healing to him. Granted, I still can't eat certain foods without feeling guilty, and sometimes I avoid social outings, but I'm getting better, and that's all that I could ever ask for. I try to leave the house more often, I say hello and goodbye to my professors, I smile at strangers, and I make eye contact with people as much as my confidence will allow; these may seem like small things to you, but for me, they mark a significant departure from my past shelled self. My insecurity had caused me to externalize my low self-worth, but now I was working towards connecting with people again.

Today, I was experiencing a bit of a minor setback, but for my sake, I'm just going to contribute it towards stress; the normal and reasonable kind of stress. Final exams were looming around the corner. Every student had the right to feel stressed, including myself.

That's why I had decided to be productive and do some grocery shopping today. The cool March air outside did well to clear my head. The snow had long melted, but the weather was still cold enough to require me to wear a jacket, mittens, and a pair of gloves. Little clouds of vapour trailed out of my mouth as I huffed and puffed, waddling towards my apartment with two handfuls of grocery bags in stow; it didn't help that they contained nothing but ramen noodles and canned beans. Phichit and I were on very strict student budgets, as you can see.

Since I wasn't feeling all that social, I had decided to take the long route back to our apartment. Hey, I may be getting better, but that doesn't mean that I still don't prefer to be alone! Anyways, this route entailed me cutting across an empty field of knee high grass. Obviously, I hadn't thought this through as the sole of my boots were now soaked from the shallow, sloshy pits of melted snow that filled up the cracks in the field. Not to mention the fact that my glasses were fogging up from the exertion of this 'mini' workout. I was a first-class dork, all right!

Eventually, after much effort and willpower, I managed to waddle myself through the field, struggling to climb up the hill at the end of it. I looked down at the train tracks below, sighing in relief when I realized that my trip down would be much easier on my lungs. Behind the forest below, I could spot my apartment building. Aha! Victory never tasted so good. Actually, never mind; I fully rescind that statement. I could literally taste the smell of gas and industrial pollution in the air. No matter, I still had enough time to enjoy my small achievement before I went back to studying all hours of the day.

I hummed in content, 'admiring' the mediocre scenery. The grass was still brown and dead from the winter, but at least the trees were beginning to turn green. The thing that I enjoyed most about spring was the earthy smell that it brought about. I closed my eyes, inhaling the rich air as it blew gently into my face, pushing my fringe back.

"Ahahahaha!"

I opened my eyes when the echo of a giggle reached my ears. I furrowed my brows in confusion, looking down to spot a small child standing on top of the train tracks. He looked to be about five years old. What struck me about him most was that the top of his head was dyed a bright red, contrasting deeply with the bottom blond half. He was wearing a black jacket and jeans that were far too large for him, so much so that the sleeves could have easily been used as a weapon to slap people with.

The boy danced about on the train tracks, waving around a large stick in his right hand. By the way that he was pacing back and forth, it appeared that he was pretending to be an army general or something along the likes of that.

I cleared my throat, swallowing and repressing my shyness for the time being. "Hey!" I called out. "You shouldn't be out here alone. It's dangerous. Where's your mom?"

Just when I spoke, however, a large wind blew across the field. The boy didn't seem to have heard me. I had a long way to go before I reached the bottom of the hill.

I took a step forward. "Hey!" I called out again. "Kid! What are you doing out here?"

The boy finally looked up, his tanned cheeks spreading into a devilish grin. I was a bit taken aback by the fact that both of his canine teeth were in the shape of fangs.

"I'm having fun~!" the boy giggled, before pointing the stick in my general direction. "Come play with me!"

I rolled my eyes. "You shouldn't be playing around here! A train could come by!"

The boy pouted, his cheeks puffing up in offense. "You're a big meanie!" he whined. "Mommie said that I could play outside all day!"

"Jeesh!" I winced on the part of how terrible this boy's mother was. Seriously, who lets a kid that young roam around free all day, unsupervised? I shook my head. I couldn't just leave him out here. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I found out that something had happened to him.

"Tell you what?" I shouted. "I'm going to come down there, and we'll play somewhere else. Would you like that?"

A wide grin returned to the boy's face. Before he could answer my question, however, the thing that I feared most in this situation happened. The red lights for on oncoming train began to flash on and off. I could feel the familiar rumble under my feet that indicated that a train was nearby.

I dropped my grocery bags, struggling to find the appropriate words of warning. Panic swept into my chest as I was still too far away to reach the kid. "Hey! Get off the tracks!" I screamed. "A train's coming!"

"Lalala~! I can't hear you!" The boy ignored me, obliviously deciding that it was more important to swing his stick around. My eyes followed the surprisingly smooth and coordinated movements of the stick as I scrambled down the hill.

HONK! HONK!

The train's conductor must have spotted the boy. I swore under my breath. "GET OUT OF THE WAY!" I screamed, but to no avail.

At this point, the train was now in view.

HONK! HONK!

The boy dropped his stick, turning to face me as he spread his arms open as if to welcome an embrace. "Come play with me!" he trilled in an eerily happy tone.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I spluttered, tripping over my feet as I skidded to a stop at the bottom of the hill. "YOU'RE GOING TO GET HIT!"

No response.

I began to run towards the boy again.

HONK HONK!

I twisted my ankles on the rocks resting at the side of the tracks. I was within 15 feet of the boy. His eyes widened with tears as I scrambled to reach him in time, but I was already too late. Wide brown eyes welled with tears.

"You didn't come play with me in time," the boy sobbed, rubbing his sleeve against the corner of his right eye.

"NOOOOOOO!" I cried out when the train collided with the boy. I watched helplessly as the train steamrolled by at an excruciatingly fast past.

HONK! HONK!

I dropped to the ground, my knees pressing painfully against the granite pebbles beneath me. I raked a hand through my hair and choked up with sobs. I was too late. I should have run down to save him from the very start. He would still be alive if I hadn't been so apprehensive about scolding him.

The last of the train blew by, the sound of its distant horns being carried along by the wind that no longer comforted me. I looked up, gritting my teeth in preparation for the horrible sight of the boy's mangled body. Much to my surprise, there was no corpse left behind on the tracks.

My lips trembled as I stood up, wobbling to the side a little. With shaky steps, I climbed up onto the tracks, looking for any hints of the boy; I found nothing. There wasn't even any blood left behind. Had the train dragged his body along with him? Tears streaked down my face at the prospect of such a horrible thought.

Soon enough, other tears followed as I let out a wail in mourning. I fell onto my knees again, too confused and hurt to pay any heed to my surroundings.

Not a minute later, another honking sound pierced my ears, causing me to look up in confusion.

At this point, however, my death was already unpreventable.

The train collided with my body, but I felt no pain; I saw nothing but blackness.

All I heard was an indescribable crunching sound. It was a sound that I could never forget, no matter how hard that I tried.

…

I roused into consciousness, wincing behind lidded eyes at the bright lights around me. I opened my eyes, only to close them when I was met with pure whiteness. Slowly, I opened my eyes, blinking in disorientation. I was lying on my back. The surface beneath me was soft. I looked to my right and spotted an endless sea of clouds. It didn't take me long to realize that I was lying on top of these clouds.

I sat up, still groaning at how bright my surroundings were. I looked down and realized that my outfit was purely white: a soft cotton t-shirt and nurse-like pants. I rubbed my temple with one hand, turning to look at my right. My mouth parted open at the sight of a grand golden gate that seemed to endlessly stretch on. I looked behind me at the sea of clouds and then up at the perfectly clear blue sky that also never seemed to end. The vastness of this place almost made me feel claustrophobic; I was small and irrelevant in the wake of its grandiosity.

I held out my hand before me, inspecting it. I then pinched the skin on the hand, reassuring myself that what I was experiencing was real. "Huh," I muttered to myself. "I guess I must have died…"

For some reason, I didn't feel sad by this realization. There was a certain atmosphere of love and understanding in the air that I couldn't describe to you unless you were here, experiencing this place with me firsthand. I'm just going to take a wild obvious guess and assume that this 'place' is heaven. As to how I got here, that's definitely a mystery. I wasn't a bad person per say, but I wasn't exactly good either. I've had my fair share of selfish moments that I'm certainly not proud about. Oh well, you don't see me complaining…

Something in my gut compelled me to stand up. My feet moved of their own accord, leading me to my right. I walked along the trails of the barred golden gates, eventually making my way towards an entrance of some sorts. A wooden podium stood at the entrance of the gate, a book large enough to rival the bible 100 times over resting on top of it. The pages were moving on their own, flipping over and over again…or so I had thought.

I didn't see the person standing behind the podium until I had finally stopped to stand before it. The angel standing behind it was too beautiful to be true. He was tall and slender, with long ear-length gray hair that was parted in the middle of his forehead. His eyes were a striking blue, a shade very close to the sky looming above. He was wearing the same cotton t-shirt and pants as I was; the only difference between us was that he had a glowing halo resting a few inches above his head. Oddly enough, several white roses were woven around the halo; almost as if the angel had hand-picked the flowers himself, wrapping them around the halo. Regardless, it made for a very pretty sight. His skin practically glowed; he didn't look to be any older than his late twenties.

"Name?" the angel asked me in an unnervingly smooth and calm voice. He hadn't even bothered to look up at me.

I was still too tongue-tied to respond.

"Dear me," the angel tutted. "It appears that your death has made you forget how to speak!"

The angel flipped through several pages of his book, or rather register, before he placed an index finger on one page in particular. "Ah~!" the angel smiled. "Yuuri Katsuki, age 23. Born in Japan."

"Y-yes!" I stammered with a squeak. "That's me!"

"So he does speak! Aha!" the angel laughed before letting his face become serious again.

The angel's blue eyes fixed me with a sharpened gaze. I could feel him looking through me. Given the unfortunate situation, he was probably looking into my life and judging me.

I blushed and fidgeted a little when the angel shed me with a wide grin. "How adorable," he cooed. "Do my good looks make you feel nervous? Hmmmmmmmm?"

Well, someone's a bit cocky, I thought to myself, but didn't dare to say.

The angel leaned over the podium, his eyes widening in teasing curiosity.

I frantically waved my hands about, feeling my entire body flush in embarrassment. "N-no," I said with a stutter. "I'm just confused, that's all."

The angel receded back to his place behind the podium, placing one finger on his lips in concentration, but not before giving me another flirty wink. Words cannot describe how red I was at this point.

"Let's see if you were a good little boy, da?" the angel teased me once more.

POP!

A blindingly white balancing scale placed itself onto the podium, appearing out of thin air. The angel pursed his lips together in confusion as the scale apparently refused to move. He then referred back to his register, flipping through another few pages. I could tell just by his body language that something wasn't right. Go figure, perhaps my being here was a total mistake; this honestly wouldn't surprise me all that much.

"How odd," the angel murmured. "From the information I read here, I take it that you were quite a selfish person up until recently. You isolated yourself, and lashed out at the people who attempted to help you. You suffered, ahem, pardon me, suffer from an eating disorder, depression, and social anxiety. You even stole from your own parents to feed your poor drinking habits at one point! Wow, you're just full angst, aren't you? Tsk! Naughty boy, Yuuri! It beats me how your soul even made it past the heavenly barriers!"

My posture deflated. He didn't have to be so blunt about how horrible I was as a person.

"But," the angel interrupted my low moment of wallowing. "You did volunteer at those homeless soup kitchens on the weekends. Not to mention the fact that you tutored several financially struggling students for free out of the genuine kindness of your heart."

The angel paused, his brows furrowing in worry. "I don't understand why I can't read more about you. Something is blocking me from judging your soul in its entirety. Will you do me a favor and come a little closer?"

I swallowed deeply and walked forward.

"Bow your head, if you will," the angel ordered me.

I did as he wished, despite feeling even more embarrassed when he pressed a warm and large palm against my now clammy forehead. My entire body was shaking from nervousness.

After some time, the angel removed his hand from my forehead. "My suspicions are correct. Some foul play was involved with your death, and until this matter is resolved, you will not be permitted to enter heaven."

"WHAT?!" I choked.

So, I hadn't been meant to die so young, after all?

"Not to worry," the angel chided, an unpleasant, Cheshire cat-like grin plastering his face. "We'll have a group of inquisitors look into these 'unfortunate' set of circumstances. Sometimes things like this happen; you must have patience and faith."

A single tear trickled down my right cheek. Now where was I to go?

The angel reached over to wipe this tear with his hand. He then proceeded to grab the same cheek and pinch it lightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I really would like to help you, but my hands are bound by the book. By the way, your cheeks are so bouncy! You remind me of a little piggie!"

The angel continued to pinch my cheeks while more tears streaked down my face.

"Hey," the angel chided. "Don't look so sad. We have a place for souls like you to stay for the meantime."

"Oh?" I sniffed, softly swiping at the angel's hand when he attempted to wipe away my tears again. His actions were beginning to become patronizing, and I was having absolutely none of it.

"Yes, of course!" the angel trilled. "You'll be staying in purgatory!"

The angel's excitement was completely unwarranted.

"Purgatory?!" I screeched, cringing when my voice echoed loudly..to God knows where…oh…

The angel eagerly nodded his head. "Mhmmm! The mystery of your death has prevented the scale from judging your soul, but, considering the fact that you came here first, God must have believed you to be a somewhat good person. Until the full investigation of your death is complete, you will work as one of heaven's agents. People in purgatory have to earn their place in heaven; they do this by guiding souls in the right direction back on Earth."

"What if the 'inquistors' never find out about the true circumstances of my death?" I asked.

My stomach churned in discomfort.

The angel clapped his hands together. "Then you'll just have to serve a full sentence in purgatory. Heaven absolutely refuses to accept unjudged souls, you see. If that's the case, proving your soul's goodness by saving others is your only path to gaining entry into heaven."

I hummed in thought. My thoughts were a jumbled mess right now. The way that the angel described purgatory wasn't as bad as I had initially believed it to be. He made mention of it very casually, so surely it can't be that bad…right?

"Say, the 'foul play' involved my death is never discovered. How long would it take me to gain entry into heaven?" I asked.

The angel placed an index finger against his mouth. "Hmmmm. I'd say about one thousand years, maybe two if you're lazy about it."

My eyes bulged out of their sockets. "ONE THOUSAND YEARS?!"

The angel huffed in annoyance. I know, I know. How dare I act so shocked upon the realization that my death was not natural, and that I may have to work one thousand years as a result of something that wasn't my fault. How selfish of me! That tangent was me being sarcastic, just in case you were wondering.

"You're beginning to become boring, little piggie. Half of this conversation is just you repeating what I say."

"Can you blame a guy?" I retorted. "This is a lot to take in! And what happened to the little boy who got hit as well?"

The angel's eyes nervously darted back and forth. "That's confidential information."

I raised a skeptical brow. "Confidential, meaning that you have no idea what I'm talking about?"

"I told you already. I'm unable to look into the full details of your death." The angel rolled his eyes, stepping out from behind the podium. He practically towered over me, he was just that tall. And not to mention bright. I had to blink spots out of my eyes whenever I looked at him for too long.

The angel then held out his right arm, as if to gesture me forward. "Now come along, little piggie. Let's find you a place to stay."

I grumbled something incoherent as I trailed behind the angel. Apparently 'little piggie' was his official nickname for me. And weren't angels supposed to be nice, and oh, I don't know, not passive aggressive and mean?!

We stopped before the foot of the gate.

The angel pressed a palm against the handles of the gate, causing it to swing open. From the outside, I couldn't see anything beyond the gate. Once I stepped inside the gate, however, a striking scenery presented itself. We were walking on top of a massive stone bridge that stood several miles high. Underneath the tall arches of the bridge was a sparkling clear river that gleamed gold in the sunlight.

I followed the angel to the right side of the bridge, where he let both of his elbows rest against the stone edge. I gazed downwards, spotting what he was looking at so fondly. Endless miles of crisp, suburbia-style houses were stretched across the horizon, their tall white columns representing their elegance. Fountains and intricate cobble-stone pathways were found around every corner. You could hear the sound of children laughing, as well as cheerful music of all kinds that were perfectly blended together in a pleasant melody. The souls below were no bigger than ants; that's just how high up we were.

"Wow," I remarked, and oh so brilliantly at that.

The angel turned to look at me, his eyes crinkling pleasantly at the corners. "Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked.

I mutely nodded my head in awe.

The angel held out his hand for me to shake.

I shook hands with him quickly, avoiding looking at him directly in the eyes.

"The name's Victor, by the way," he smiled. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Yuuri. It isn't every day that I meet a soul as unfortunate as yours. I'm a firm believer in fate, and I can't help but admit that you fascinate me. Perhaps this is because your little piggie face is just so cute~!"

"Yuuri, but you already know that."

Victor's mouth formed into a perfect heart (what the-?!) as he proceeded to pinch my cheeks again.

"Ack! Stop!" I protested.

Victor sighed, reluctantly retracting his hands from my face. "Hmmph! I was just showing my appreciation for your cuteness!"

Victor then turned away to discretely mutter something to himself. "It always boggles my mind why humans are always so shy with coming to terms with their sexuality! Souls are souls! They'll be attracted to each other regardless of their outwards appearance."

"I'm not cute," I muttered to myself, blushing profusely yet again.

Not knowing what to do, I joined Victor in admiring the settlement below once more.

"This is purgatory?" I asked. "It doesn't seem…that bad?"

Victor doubled over, clutching his ribcage with one hand, and the edge of the bridge with the other.

I deadpanned when I realized that he was laughing, and hard at that.

"HAHAHA! Silly, little piggie! What you're looking at isn't purgatory! That's heaven. Purgatory…" Victor paused, wheezing as he failed miserably to catch his breath.

"…Purgatory…is…ahahahah!" Victor pointed towards the other half of the bridge. "Just go and see for yourself, ahahahaha!"

I grit my teeth, leaving a laughing Victor behind. I crossed over to the left side of the bridge, looking down below, only to falter when I realized just how screwed I was. Several ratty condo apartments littered with graffiti filled my sights. The water below was no longer golden and clear, but brown and without a doubt polluted. The other half of the bridge constituted of an industrial wasteland; one where you could feel the misery and aggravation swirl around in the air. Or wait, maybe that was just the funny coloured smog that hovered over the city? The place was the literal definition of a working city; a city that was striving for redemption and forgiveness.

Victor walked up behind me, placing a heavy hand onto my right shoulder. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get you to work!"

…

"Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to redemption little piggie's like you go!"

"I get it already. You can stop singing, Christ!"

"Tsk! Did you just say the lord's name in vain?!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

"Gasp! Naughty boy, Yuuri!"