Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this story. I do not even own Harry Potter (but I do own the copy that I pilfered this quote out of XD)
Oh Zexion, What Have You Done?
'Harry felt his spine curve as though a huge, invisible hand was bending him forwards, and the Death Eaters laughed.
"Very good," said Voldemort softly "And now – we duel."
Voldemort raised his wand and...'
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Oh god, Roxas, you're so tight!"
"Fuck's sake!" Zexion cursed to himself. He had just been getting to the good bit of his book when a series of loud banging and moaning sounded from the room next to him disturbing his concentration. This was not the relaxing evening he had planned; being disturbed by his neighbour having sex with his boyfriend. All he wanted to do was to delve back into Harry and Voldemort's first battle in thirteen years but the sexual escapades of Axel and Roxas next door made this virtually impossible.
Zexion put a book mark in the page and set his book down on his bedside table. What could he do now? There was no way he could concentrate on his book with THAT going on next door; knowing his luck the chapter would end with Voldemort ripping off Harry's clothes and taking him roughly in the centre of a circle of Death Eaters. He decided to just go to bed, but the next question was where? He couldn't sleep here; he could go to the library...but one of Marluxia's fire plants had sprouted up in there earlier and spat fireballs at everyone who went within a six foot radius of it. He could go spend the night on Demyx's floor...but he felt bad going there again, seeing as he always went to Demyx's when he overheard Axel and Roxas. He could go sleep in the basement...but the likelihood was Vexen was still up working on his experiments and he was creepy.
Another series of banging and moans from next door prompted Zexion to bang vigorously on the wall, his temper finally getting the better of him.
"Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to sleep!" he yelled. He didn't care if he was disturbing them, they had disturbed him first! And they must be used to it – Luxord must be telling them to shut up as well...it couldn't just be him that was bothered by it. A scream of laughter greeted his shout.
"Relax Zexy we'll be done in about an hour or two!" came Axel's voice from the other side of the wall. You utter bastard, Zexion thought glaring at the wall as the moaning started again, you utter utter bastard.
This had been going on for far too long; for months Zexion had been turning up for missions in the mornings sleep deprived and irritable because Axel and Roxas had kept him up the night before. Well this was the last time he was going to take this shit lying down (he didn't care if that was a bad choice of phrase or not.) He had no idea what he was going to do but Zexion was going to make the red head and his blonde pay for keeping him up every night.
The next morning Zexion was woken by a feminine sounding cough from the door. He opened his heavy eyes to see Xion standing in the doorway of his room holding two cups of what smelt like coffee. She smiled at Zexion and he tried to smile back but failed. Despite the rest of the Organisation thinking she was weird and creepy Zexion found Xion very pleasant but today he just couldn't muster up the energy to smile.
"Hey," she said. She walked towards him and sat down on the end of his bed. "how're you feeling?"
"Like death..." Zexion groaned and took the cup she was holding out to him. He took a large gulp of the steaming liquid, he could almost feel himself begin to feel more awake. "Thanks." Xion smiled at him.
"Thought you could use a pick-me-up after last night." she said. Zexion looked at her quizzically from underneath his fringe, had she heard them too? "Axel told me." she said simply in reply to his stare.
"Right." he replied dryly.
"He thought it was hilarious."
"Of course he did, the bastard!" Zexion growled. The black haired girl gave him a sympathetic smile.
"Anyway Axel and I have to go on a mission today but he told me to ask you if you would do him a favour." she stated. Zexion stared at her in astonishment, the anger he felt from last night beginning to develop in his chest again.
"Why? Why should I do him any favours? Since him and Roxas got together the pair of them have kept me up every single bloody night! I haven't slept properly since before you joined the Organisation!" he yelled, finally letting all his aggression out. Xion held her hands up in defence at the blue haired Nobody's rant.
"Ok, ok, ok, calm down." she said soothingly. "He just wanted to ask you if you would take Roxas too see Vexen because he's not feeling too well and he doesn't want to go alone because Vexen's creepy." Zexion sighed.
"Fine..." he said. Xion smiled brightly at him.
"Good, it's probably just a stomach ache but he says he feels pretty sick this morning." She looked at the clock on Zexion's bedside table. "I better go, Axel will be waiting for me. I'll see you later Zexion." The small girl stood up and left the room. Zexion took another sip from his coffee and thought for a second. Roxas was feeling sick...this could be the perfect time for Zexion to act out his revenge.
Once he was slightly more awake and dressed Zexion went and knocked on Roxas' door. The small blonde answered quickly and smiled awkwardly at him.
"Hi," he began. "I'm sorry we kept you up last night." Zexion waved him off.
"Don't worry about it." he said monotonously which made Roxas give him an embarrassed glance. Zexion didn't mean to be a dick; Roxas was always very apologetic about his nights with Axel, it was the red head who bragged about them to Zexion...the wanker. Roxas quickly shut his door and the two began the long trip down to the basement in silence.
The pair finally entered the dark, dank room in the very depths of The Castle That Never Was to find Vexen and Lexeaus sitting at the central table drinking cups of tea. The older Nobodies didn't seem to have noticed the two standing in the doorway so Zexion cleared his throat to gain their attention.
"Hello Zexion, how are things?" Lexeaus asked looking up, ignoring the small blonde beside him. Zexion smiled; even though it was creepy down in the basement and it had a weird smell because of Vexen's experiments he liked it here.
"I'm good thanks, yourself?" he asked The Silent Hero, Lexeaus shrugged in response. Zexion understood that as 'I'm fine' (after being around the man for so long he had learnt to read his body language quite well). "I just brought Roxas to see Vexen, he's feeling a bit sick." The blonde haired man stood up, always ready and willing to poke and prod at other members of The Organisation.
"Come with me Roxas and I'll see what's wrong with you." he said beckoning the pair after him.
"Ok..." Roxas replied timidly. Vexen really does scare the poor boy, Zexion thought as the pair followed him into his lab in the corner of the room.
"Now I get to try out my latest invention." Vexen stated proudly, closing the door behind the others. Roxas shot Zexion a terrified glance as the blonde scientist motioned for him to sit on the bed in the corner of the room. Once Roxas was in position on the plastic mattress Vexen wheeled a large contraption with a computer attached to it next to the young boy.
"W...what's that?" the blonde asked, his fear evident in his voice.
"It's my latest invention." Vexen stated. "It uses sound waves to allow me to see a person's insides without opening them up." Roxas shot Zexion another terrified glance and the blue haired Nobody placed his hand comfortingly on the blonde's shoulder.
"Roxas it won't hurt, trust me." he said, smiling kindly and he took hold of Roxas's hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze. Vexen turned on the strange machine and produced a stick with a bubble like orb on the end and a bottle filled with a jelly like substance.
"If you'd like to take off you're cloak for a minute and lie back on the bed I can have a proper look at you." The boy did as he was told and took his black Organisation cloak off. Now in just his trousers Roxas lay back on the bed and Vexen squirted some of the jelly on his stomach. He shivered as the cold substance touched his skin and tried to relax as Vexen moved the strange wand over his skin.
Zexion watched, intrigued, he vaguely remembered his Other seeing a devise very similar to this and he vaguely remembered what it had been used for. At this thought a plan instantly formed in his mind...was it too cruel? Axel and Roxas had kept him sleep deprived for god knows how long and he deserved to have revenge on Axel at least, as the smug bastard always seemed to relish in keeping him awake.
A sudden exclamation from Vexen, who had been staring at the computer screen intently, made both Zexion and Roxas look up.
"What's wrong?" Roxas asked sounding scared.
"I'm not entirely one hundred percent sure how this is possible but it appears that you are going to have a baby." the scientist stated, surprise and confusion evident in his voice.
"What?" Roxas cried.
"Roxas," Vexen turned to face the blonde. "you're pregnant."
No one knew how it had happened, no one could even hazard a guess as to how this was even physically possible but Roxas was, in fact, pregnant. When Axel had heard the news he was confused...not as confused as Roxas (no one could be as confused as Roxas) but once he came around to the idea he became very excited. He began to get very paternal, setting up a nursery, knitting baby clothes and even began thinking of names for the baby when it was born. The rest of the Organisation were all talking about this (as Vexen dubbed it) 'fascinating new development in evolution'...everyone that is aside from Zexion. When anyone asked his opinion on it he merely shrugged and remained silent.
Aside from the red head and his pregnant lover nothing else had change for anyone in The Castle apart from Zexion. Because Roxas was worried about hurting the baby he had put a full love embargo on Axel, meaning that they were no longer having sex meaning that Zexion could finally get some undisturbed sleep. The Cloaked Schemer was so happy when he heard the news he had begged Xemnas to give him some time off and slept for a day and a half. This embargo went on for over a month and after six weeks without sex Axel was beginning to get frustrated so he spent all his time training and complaining to compensate.
Unfortunately for her, Xion was the only one willing to listen to Axel at the beginning of the embargo (because she was too sweet for her own good, in Zexion's opinion) but after a while even her patients was beginning to wear thin. One day Zexion heard a knock on his door, he went to open it and a desperate looking Xion ran in and shut the door behind her.
"Xion...what the hell?" he asked, utterly confused.
"Axel's looking for me." she stated hurriedly. "I can't take it anymore, Zex, he's driving me nuts."
"What do you mean?" the blue haired man asked. Xion looked at him in exasperation.
"Have you not heard him? Always going on and on and on about how Roxas won't have sex with him because of the baby...I can't listen to stories of their sex life anymore!"
"Now you know how I feel." Zexion countered. "I couldn't stand hearing their sex life to begin with! That's the only reason I..." he stopped abruptly, realising he had said too much.
"The only reason you what?" Xion asked suddenly jumping on his slip.
"Nothing."
"No you said 'that's the only reason I...' and stopped talking. What did you do?"
"I...um...I didn't really do anything..." Zexion stuttered, squirming slightly under the death stare she was giving him.
"Zexion!" Xion said threateningly. Zexion had never known she could be this scary, he made a mental note never to piss her off.
"Well if you want to get technical...see the thing is I was very pissed off at Axel...anyway when I took Roxas to see Vexen about a month ago, when he was feeling sick...well when Vexen was looking at his insides I may have made it look like Roxas was pregnant." Zexion fumbled over his words as Xion continued to glare at him.
"So you're telling me that you used your powers create the illusion that Roxas was pregnant to get back at Axel for keeping you awake every night?" she said surprise, anger and a hint of amazement at his brilliant idea in her voice.
"Yes." The Cloaked Schemer replied quickly.
"Oh Zexion, what have you done?"
Xion made Zexion tell everyone what he had done to Roxas. Axel and Roxas were surprised but both slightly relieved, especially Roxas who had not been looking forward to giving birth considering he could only think of one orifice for the baby to come out of. The person who was most upset about Zexion's revelation of his prank was Vexen, who spent the next week in his lab moaning about how the greatest evolutionary discovery had been snatched from his grasp and he would never get a Nobel Prize now.
Slowly things in The Castle began to return to normal. Axel and Roxas continued to go about their sexual escapades but tended to do it when Zexion was out of his room. One night about a month after playing his trick on the lovers, Zexion returned to his room after a long mission to Twilight Town. Absolutely exhausted the blue haired Nobody collapsed on his bed and was nearly asleep when a load noise from next door violently work him up.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Oh god, Roxas, you're so hot!"
"Oh god, Axel, harder!"
"For fuck's sake, not again!"
THE END
Hope you liked it :D thought I'd write a jokey m-preg rather than a serious one (becuase I, like everyone else, think they're stupid)