A few weeks ago, Dick had gotten an idea.
And only now is he actually going to put it into action.
Barbara and Alfred have been helping him sort a few things out, change a few things (for example, no theme park trips that result in all of them getting kidnapped and having to be saved.. bummer..) and now everything's ready.
Right now, everyone's sitting together in the theater room, and Dick's pretty sure that none of them are really watching the movie except Batman. Speaking of...
"Hey, Padre," Dick's voice easily speaks over the movie, and everyone turns to look at him. "Can't we watch something more.. exciting?" he suggests, when really he knows that they can't, because the whole movie collection they own is either gross romcoms or terribly depressing break-up stories.. oh, and that weird DVD labelled 'TWILIGHT- BATMAN EDITION' that they're never going to watch anyway.
"But I like this movie," Batman replies, and is about to turn back to watching before Dick speaks up again.
"I wanna watch some awesome superhero movies- I wanna see heroes like us beating up evil villains- villains like Joker!"
"But Joker isn't even evil." the vigilante points out, and Dick barely manages to suppress a giggle. One, because he said that awfully quickly with slight defensive tone, and two because the plan is now being put into action. At this point, Barbara and Alfred are staring at the two, both smiling a little.
"Well, everyone else except you thinks otherwise," Barbara suddenly says, and sends a wink in Dick's direction. Perfect.
"How would you even think Joker's evil?!" Batman questions, a little exasperated. "The worst he's done-" apart from almost destroying Gotham, but hey, we've all been there, "-is. Uh." he pauses, trying to think. "I can't even think of anything especially evil he's done, see? Ha."
"What about the time he almost blew up a bunch of buildings-" Dick cuts himself off to reword the sentence. "No- all the times he almost blew up a bunch of buildings."
"And all the times he did." Alfred adds.
"Yeah, but all the other villains do that too." Batman tries again, and everyone can tell he's losing.
"Does that mean they're not evil either?"
"Yeah, well they-" he pauses. "...dangit."
"Exactly. Everyone except you thinks Joker is evil." Barbara says again, and Batman huffs childishly and folds his arms.
"Batman never loses an argument." he mumbles, and once again, Dick finds himself struggling not to laugh. This time, though, he accidentally lets out a little giggle, and mentally kicks himself.. lightly. "What's so funny?"
"Well, I just had an idea- maybe you should try and prove to everyone that Joker isn't evil!" at this point, the child is grinning widely with what can easily be mistaken for innocence.
"...How?"
"You could... try and get him to help you." Barbara suggests.
"Only works when his status as my Greatest Enemy is at stake."
"You could invite him over for movie night."
"How would that convince anyone other than all of you?"
"You could take him out for lunch."
"You could hug."
"You could ki-" Alfred covers Dick's mouth. "Kick- butt...!"
"No. No. And no."
"Oh oh oh! You should like.. go out on a date!"
Batman goes stiff, and it takes him a few moments to actually say something.
"U-um. No."
Did he just stutter?
OH MY GOSH.
But Dick pretends to ignore that (something that, obviously, Alfred and Barbara are struggling to do, judging by the fact that they've been staring blankly at Batman since he last spoke) and nods, before holding a hand up.
"You're right. Not serious enough," don't laugh don't laugh DON'T LAUGH. "You should pretend you're dating!"
Batman goes stiff again, before pulling his cape up over his head and screaming.
"NO."
For the next few days, they don't talk about it again.
A couple days later, Dick brings it up again.
Another no, but the stutter in his voice is almost too noticeable this time.
The next day, 'Operation: Get Another Dad' as Dick likes to call it, is mentioned again.
Batman's starting to give in.
But still a no.
Darn.
It's been six days.
Six days and still, everytime it's bought up it's a no. But Dick isn't going to give up this easily.
The Look isn't going to cut it.
He needs.. something more powerful.
And, in the next couple of days, that something more powerful is all it takes for Batman to finally go through with the plan, and, of course, he claims that it's still just so he can win this argument.
Dick is already giving his Bat-dad the address to Joker's place (don't ask him how he has it. Not important.) and sending him off on his way by noon.
"Joker."
"Oh, Batsy! You know I don't do fights on Wednesdays, right?"
"...Joker. We have to do The Dating Thing."
...
"What."