AN: A bit of a warning, the characterizations may be a little off because I haven't watched any Warehouse 13 for some time. Pete and Myka just seemed to fit the monkey/tuxedo thing.
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Just another day like any other
Prompts: monkey; magic; tuxedo; orchard; nest; decoy; mother; behead;
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The monkey came out of nowhere like magic. For some reason it was wearing a tuxedo.
"Catch it! Catch it!" The voice of Pete echoed through the rows of shelves.
"What do you think I'm trying to do?" The highly-strung voice of Myka answered.
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4 hours earlier.
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"Why do we need to come here anyway? I thought Artie said the artefact was safe."
"He did but he Also said there'd been some artefact activity around here and wants us to check it out." Myka explained for the third time that hour. "Not every job's going to be chasing bad guys and bagging artefacts Pete, sometimes they're just checking up on the old stuff."
Pete pulled a funny face and Myka slapped his arm.
"Stop messing around and help me find it."
"How can a tree be an artefact anyway? Wouldn't there be some kind of, I dunno, rule or something against living things being artefacts?"
"Pete, focus on the task, please." Myka begged, climbing out from under yet another apple tree while Pete meandered down the middle of the row.
The wind blew through the orchard in such a way it sounded like it was laughing.
"I'm just saying, why a tree? Doesn't it seem odd to you?"
Pete realised Myka had chosen to ignore him so turned away and kicked an apple on the ground. The rolling apple bounced off something on the earth. Pete bent down and picked it up, turning it over in his hand, studying it. It was a watch.
"What's this tree do anyway? No, let me guess. Isaac Newton and gravity, right? So," he spun round quickly to face an annoyed looking Myka, "anti-gravity? Like with HG."
"No." Pete's face fell. "Do you ever read the file Artie gives us?"
"Yes." Pete answered, shoulder's back, defensive. "I, just, sometimes, forget what they say... So what's this tree do?"
"You forget what they say huh?" Myka shook her head and turned back to the next tree in the row. "So perhaps you remember a lot of Renaissance artists painted Adam and Eve?"
"No way? This is that tree?"
"No." Myka turned on Pete, finger pointed. "You didn't read it, did you? I knew it!"
"So, it's not Newton and it's not Adam and Eve... Myka tell me already. What's this tree do? Alright, so I didn't actually read the whole file but I did read the top sheet." He finished hopefully. When it didn't work he added innocently. "I can't help if I don't know what to look for so you're going to have to tell me."
"This isn't over." Myka told him, finger to his face.
After a breath, she spoke. "The Trojan war."
"Come on Myka. No more jokes, they're not" Pete saw Myka's face and stopped. "No way! THE Trojan war? With the Horse?"
Myka sighed. "Yes Pete, with the horse."
"No way! Wait. What has a tree got to do with the Trojan war?" Pete said, brow furrowed. "Don't tell me, it's the tree they used to make the Trojan horse."
"Pete, don't be stupid. If it'd been used for the horse it wouldn't still be growing."
"I knew that."
"Basic Greek mythology, Pete. The Trojan war started after a fight at a wedding that involved an apple."
"Seriously?"
"Yes, seriously. There's been debate about whether it was an actual apple for years but Warehouse 3 tracked down the original tree the apple came from and put it into storage."
"The usual." Pete nodded. "So why're we Here." He said pointing at the ground.
"They used to keep it in the warehouse with the other artefacts until it got noticed that the tree had an affect on the artefacts near it."
"So,"
"So, they dug it back up and put it in a Warehouse owned orchard among a load of normal trees."
"And they chose here because...?"
"Warehouse 3 didn't. The file said the tree's been moved to a few different sites through the years because of artefact interaction."
"So That's why Artie sent us here. To see if this thing needs moving again."
"I guess. Now will you help me look for this sign." Myka asked irritably.
"Fine, fine, don't get your panties in a twist."
Pete walked under the nearest tree.
"Hey Myka. Is this it?"
"You've got to be kidding me? On the first tree?"
Pete's grin was wide.
"There's like a carving of a word on here: Ka- something Greek."
"Kalliste."
"What?"
"Kalliste. 'For the most beautiful one.' It's what the apple thrown by Eris is supposed to have said."
"Alright, so we've found the tree. What are we supposed to do now? We can't exactly bag it."
Myka walked up to Pete. "Artie said to spray it with the purple goo and, if it nothing happens, to contact him on the Farnsworth.
"Alrighty then," Pete said, stepping back and rubbing his palms together, "let's get this party started."
Myka shook her head and passed him her pack. He pulled out a can and removed the lid.
"Let's see what this goo can do." He said chucking the contents at the tree.
"Spray Pete. Not throw, spray." Myka said sharply.
"Same, same." Was the sing-song reply.
...
"Nothing happened."
Myka pulled out her Farnsworth. After five rings Artie's face appeared on the small circular screen.
"What is it?" He barked. "The tree! Didn't anything happen? Oh no this is bad, this is very bad. Get back here right away."
"And bring the tree." He added as an afterthought.
"But Artie-"
"No, just bring it here quickly."
"But Artie what about the interaction thing." Pete pushed in quickly before he hung up.
Artie paused, thinking, for a moment. "Distance is the only way the connection will break without finding the particular item the tree's reacting with which could take time and we have no idea what it does. No, it's too risky, we have to move it. Bring the tree here but take it to Leena's, that should be far enough away. We'll plant it in the garden until we can move it somewhere more isolated."
He hung up.
Myka and Pete looked at each other.
"Well you heard the man, get digging."
"Pete, we don't have the tools. And it's a big tree. ...Granted not as big as I'd expect a thousands years old tree to be but it's still too big."
The logic went over Pete's head. "We'll just have to hire a truck. And one of those tiny, little diggers." The smile on Pete's face said it all. "I've wanted to drive one them for ages. Yes!" It was accompanied by a fist-pump.
Myka rolled her eyes but couldn't hold back a smile.
"Alright. Pete, you go get your digger, but don't forget we need to get this tree gone fast." She said. "I'll go find us a truck or something." She walked away leaving Pete to do a little victory dance.
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"That's a big tree." Leena said as the truck pulled up to the B&B.
"Ain't it just." Claudia agreed.
Myka jumped out of the truck and greeted the two women.
"Somehow." She started. "Artie want's us to plant this thing in the garden here."
"Cool. What's it do?"
"The apple's can affect people's emotions, I'm not completely sure of the details, but it's the way it reacts to other artefacts that's the problem." The words fell out of Myka's mouth rapidly.
"And Artie said to bring it here?" Leena and Claudia asked opened-mouthed.
"Better than the Warehouse." Myka argued.
Both women nodded their heads, conceding.
"Myka, where's Pete?" Leena asked.
"Someone had to drive the car back." She told them. "I think he went straight to the Warehouse."
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"Has there been any signs of artefact activity since?"
"I've checked several times. I think we're in the clear. Now all we need to do is to find a new plot of unused land to plant that tree in, unless we can find out what changed in the next few days."
"Myka and I can-"
"I'm already sending you, off you go. Chop chop."
Artie left Pete and scuttled away to prepare.
"Good luck for later." Pete called after him.
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"I can't believe we went all the way back there to find nothing." Pete complained as they walked the white corridor into the main building of the warehouse.
Pete pushed open the door to the office and froze. Behind him, Myka frowned and pushed past him into the room.
"Pete, what did you do?" She asked, near hysterically.
"What did I do? You've been with me the entire time. How could it have been me?"
"Because it wasn't me and we're the only ones here. Claudia and Leena are at the B&B and Artie's at that function."
Pete raised a finger to argue and then stopped. "Well, it wasn't me either."
The room was trashed, as if someone had been searching for something.
There was a noise coming from the corner.
"Pete." Myka said taking a hold of his arm.
They stepped into the office, closing the door behind them.
"Artie?"
"Claudia?"
"Leena?"
Suddenly a monkey in black burst out of the corner and darted out the door into the archives.
"Myka!" Pete called and then ran after it.
Myka, however, didn't immediately follow. She walked up to Artie's desk with a confusion expression across her face and picked up a watch from the floor beside it. After a second she pocketed the watch and followed Pete after the monkey.
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"Pete!" Myka called through the shelves. "Pete. I think the monkey's Artie. Pete!"
She found him several aisles in sneaking toward the now stationary monkey.
"Ssh." He warned. "What do you mean you think it's Artie?" He whispered.
"Did you by any chance put that watch down on Artie's desk?"
"Yeah, but it was just a watch."
"But what if it wasn't? Artie's watch was still by the desk. What if the watch you found in the orchard was an artefact and Artie picked it up by mistake."
The monkey took that moment to climb up a shelf and start running again.
"Catch it! Catch it!" Pete yelled.
"What do you think I'm trying to do?" Myka answered racing along the same aisle as the monkey.
They followed it for another six aisles, multiple artefacts going flying, before the monkey came back down to ground level. "Enough of this." Pete said rounding the corner. He pulled his Tesla out, aimed and fired.
"Pete! You just shot Artie."
"Yeah, I know, but chasing him wasn't working."
"Fine." Myka said stiffly. "Leena's. Now."
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"How did this happen?" Leena asked as Myka and Claudia carried the sleeping monkey into the room.
Myka glanced awkwardly at Leena. "Pete left an artefact on Artie's desk."
"But how did-?"
"We think Artie picked it up thinking it was his watch. We only found out when I found Artie's on the floor by his desk."
"Getting back to the point, guys, how do we change Artie back?" Claudia asked.
"Where're the watches now?" Leena asked.
"Pete's searching Artie's den for the artefact and Artie's watch is right here." Myka said, pulling out the offending item. "Bagging the other one should fix it right?" She asked Leena.
"I-I think. It's the only thing I c-"
"No. It's a watch, right? So, maybe all we need to do is wind it up." Claudia told them suddenly.
"Ok, Leena when Pete arrives tell him to try that."
"Where are you going?" She called to the fleeing figure of Myka.
"To check on the warehouse. Artie knocked several artefacts flying."
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"Wait!" Claudia called, bursting into the room.
Everyone froze.
"It needs to be Monkey-Artie who winds it. If Pete does it he'll turn into a monkey too."
Pete glanced at Leena and then dropped the watch, pre-wind.
"How're we supposed to do that?" He asked as Leena picked it back up.
"Here, we'll put it in Artie's hands and turn it for him."
"That could work." Pete conceded, stepping back to allow Leena to continue.
Leena leaned forward, taking Monkey-Artie's hands. "Wish me luck." Together, they turned the wheel.
In a blink of an eye, an unconscious, tuxedoed Artie sat before them.
Leena grabbed a bottle of smelling salts and waved them under his nose.
Gradually, Artie came to. He seemed to understand the situation perfectly. He also seemed very annoyed.
"You two." He said, turning on Myka and Pete. "You'll be tidying up the mess this made, yourselves. And I expect it to be done by the time I get back!"
He picked up the artefact. "Darwin's watch." He mused. "Leena, I'll ask you to deal with this." He added, handing the artefact to the woman.
"Artie." Myka offered his genuine watch as they walked down the stairs.
Artie looked at his real watch. "I'm already very late. Claudia!"
"On it."
And then the two rushed off.
Leena smiled apologetically at the two agents left standing in the foyer. "Wrong day to turn Artie to a monkey, I guess." Was her only suggestion.
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Back at the Warehouse.
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A giant hive filled the shelf. But the nest was only a decoy. The hive mother was somewhere else.
"Great. Pete! Might need a little help on this one."
Pete appeared at her shoulder. "No. I've got that giant plant thing to deal with, and winter's come early in aisle 12."
"Please." Myka begged.
"Myka I would but how am I meant to find this thing in all of this and deal with my stuff?"
"I'll take the plants..." She offered sweetly.
Pete thought for a moment.
"Alright." He said a little too eagerly.
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Eventually they found the hive mother and shut it in it's box.
"One down." Pete offered.
Myka shook her head and walked to the aisle with the plants. She paused and glared at Pete.
"And don't forget to behead the dead flowers." He called after her with a grin.
"It's deadhead. Dead-head." She said sufferingly.
"Not behead?"
"No."
"Right. Don't forget to deadhead the dead flowers."
"Pete, I know what I'm doing." Myka grumbled as she wandered towards the over-friendly, oversized jungle.
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AN: If anyone really needs to know what the story with the apple and the Trojan war is, it's on Wikipedia. Alternatively, you can PM me and I'll send you a summary.
Also, I'm sure there're errors. Please point them out if you find one so I can fix it.