Kyubei: We're sitting here today with Puella Magi Homura Akemi.
Homura Akemi: Hello.
Kyubei: So, Homura, whats a day in the life of Homura Akemi like?
Homura Akemi: Do you really want to know?
Kyubei: Please, tell us.
Homura Akemi:
I don't sleep motherfucker
off that yak and durban
doin 120 gettin head while I'm swervin
Kyoko Sakura: Damn Homura, you a crazy chick
Homura Akemi:
Yo shut the fuck up and suck my dick
I bust in witches mouth like gushers motherfucker
roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Sayaka Miki
Madoka Kaname: What you want Homura
Homura Akemi: to drink and fight
Madoka Kaname: what you need Homura
Homura Akemi: to fuck all night -
Don't test me when I'm crazy on that airplane glue
put my foot down your throat
till your shit's in my shoe
leave you screaming
pay for my dry cleaning
fuck your man
Its my name that hes screamin
Kyubei: I'm sorry Homura, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?
Homura Akemi: I never said I was a role model.
Kyubei: What about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
Homura Akemi:
All the kids lookin up to me can suck my dick
Its Akemi mother fucker
drink till I'm sick
slit your throat
and poor nitrous down the hole
watch you laugh and cry
while I laugh, you die
and Madoka
you know Im talkin to you
Madoka Kaname: I love you, Homura!
Homura Akemi: I wanna fuck you too
A is for Akemi
H is for hoe
I'll kill your fuckin dog for fun so don't push me
Kyubei: Well, Homura I'm surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.
Homura Akemi: Well theres a lot you may not know about me.
Kyubei: Really? Such as?
When I was in Harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
and snorted all the yay
I gotta a def posse
and you gotta buncha dudes
I sit right down on your face and take a shit
Mami Tomoe: Homura, you are a bad ass biiiiiiiitch (Homura: hell yeah!)
and I always pay for your dry cleanin
when my shit gets in your shoe (Homura: What!)
as for the drug use
well I can vouch for that
my dick is scared of you
Kyubei: Okie-doke. One final question, if you steal a smooch from any girl in Madoka Magica, who would it-
(Akemi throws chair at Kyubei)
Homura Akemi: No more fuckin' questions.