Disclaimer: HP is JK's and WB's & FMA is... well, not mine. No copyright infringement intended

Warning: Um, slight violence.

Just wondering what anybody (read: my hopefully devoted readers -grin-) think about this little bunny thats been jumping around in the strange meadow that is my brain. Feedback would be very much appreciated. Any point in continuing with a full story?

Not that the current title is any better, but this was originally called:

Ed and Voldy

Or Some Other Wildly Inappropriate Title :P

An Unfortunate Side-Affect

Or 'Titles are Always Either Immediately Redundant or Painfully Foreshadowing (which is why they're annoying)'

Black spots swam in his vision as he awoke, but he blinked them away as he attempted to catalogue his surroundings.

Dark, damp, small. The rank smell of rotting wood. The feel of cold stone.

A cellar or a basement. An old one.

Why was he there?

"Ah, you've woken up."

A voice from somewhere in front of him. As his eyes finally adjusted to the light, he could see a feral man eyeing him with a vicious smirk.

"You are a pretty one," the man spoke again as he came closer, his tongue skimming his own unnaturally sharp canines as the feral gleam in his eyes grew more distinct "Such a shame the Dark Lord wants you."

"Where am I?"

The voice came out weaker than he intended - when had he last drunk water?

The man ignored him, grabbing his arm and yanking him to his feet, hefting him bodily out of the cellar.

He complied but noticed they hadn't bound him. Or even restrained his hands. Where they stupid? He kept his mouth shut for now.

It wasn't long before they reached some kind of throne room. A great, high-back chair sat at the fair end of the long room, a pale, near snake-like man sat upon it.

The feral man holding his left arm bowed low to the pale man and thrust him forward. He caught himself with his hands and knees as he fell, his watch clattering loudly as it slipped from his pocket, metal limbs groaning in protest.

"Well done Greyback, you may leave."

"My Lord."

With one last nasty, longing look from the feral man, he was alone with this strange 'Lord'.

"What is your name, boy?"

He sneered at the man in front of him.

"My name is Major Edward Elric," he answered, pushing himself to his feet, his voice much stronger now, "What is your name and what is your intention in kidnapping a Military Official and State Alchemist?"

The pale man laughed, cold and high, and Ed had to fight the urge to wince.

"Kidnap?" he answered, something about him reminding Ed distinctly of homunculi, "No, no, you see, you just appeared out of nowhere. In a flash of bright light. This place is so heavily warded Merlin himself could not get in. You are going to tell me how you got here."

Ed didn't answer.

The 'Lord' smiled in a way that really did send shivers down the blonde's spine. He took out a long thin stick and pointed it directly at Ed as though it were a weapon.

"Very well then. Crucio"

Pain.

Just pain.

Nothing more than all consuming pain.

He was losing his arm and leg again. He felt them regrowing and being torn off again, again. He was being stabbed, burned, shot, frozen, everything, nothing. Barely any sensation at all and yet only sensation, horrible indescribable sensation. Pain. Pain. Pain.

Then it stopped.

For a moment he thought he was dead. Then he slowly felt his knotted muscles. His shaking left hand. His always aching right shoulder. The ghost feeling of his left leg.

His heart. Still beating. Too fast, but still going.

Realising he was on the ground, he looked up to see the pleased face of his torturer.

"Ready to tell me how you got here now?"

Breathing deeply Ed stood and mustered his best sneer for the evil man in front of him.

"Coward."

"What was that, boy?"

"I said you're a coward. Can't you stand the sight of blood or something? Prefer to mess with the mind rather than get your hands dirty? For a Dark Lord you're certainly a cowardly villain."

"How dare-"

The snake-man's indignant reply was cut off by the distinctive sound of hands clapping together followed by a strange crackling energy. Eyes widening, the self-proclaimed dark lord took in 'Major Edward Elric's' form as blue lightning smoothly turned the stone floor into a rapier of some sort and the short young man relaxed into a fighting stance.

"How dare I, what? Tell you the truth?" Ed asked mockingly, smirking but careful to keep an eye on the other man's strange stick.

"Insolent little brat!"

By now the snake-man was obviously furious, eyes narrowing and barely-there nostrils flaring widely.

"Well," the younger man continued, still poised like a viper, ready to strike, "are you going to stand up and fight me?"

Though he repressed the feeling, the answering sneer still sent another shiver down Ed's spine.

"No, I won't afford you that honour," the Dark Lord hissed quietly, distain and a horrific kind of interest in his voice, "But I may have use for you, yet, Major Edward Elric."

By the time he saw the flash of the red there was no time to move and the world, once again, went black.

Oh Shit.

Ed kicks ass but damn those stunners! Potentially a full fic - if you like it?