Harry Potter Spoof I: The Phantom Pain
Not too long ago in a country pretty far from America, but not too far, just a day's plane ride from NY, although aviation is beginning to speed up…
HARRY POTTER
Harry Potter was a different boy… different boy is Harry Potter, yes.
But… that is starting out much like a spoof of "Harry Potter" the book, rather than Harry Potter the movie. When you read this spoof, please do WATCH it in your mind, vision it. Use the actors (and to be politically correct) and actresses that were in the movie. This is "Harry Potter Spoof 1: The Phantom Pain".
Harry is on his way to his Aunt and Uncle's house when this movie/spoof/book/whatever begins…
FADE IN: Owl perched on a sign that says "PRIVIT DRIVE" but pranksters spray painted ASS over drive so it now says "PRIVIT ASS".
We see the scene of the park, Suddenly, Dumbledore appears. He begins to walk forward. He stops and takes a Fred Flintstone Pez dispenser out of his pocket and flips the head. One by one, the light goes out in the street lamps and into the dispenser.
A cat meows off camera, he looks.
Dumbledore – "Well shit, I hope I'm not putting you out by being here, Professor McGonagall."
The shadow of a cat slowly crawls to a human and McGonagall walks forward.
McGonagall – "Well! What's up your ass tonight?"
Dumbledore – "Cut the shit, and let's get started."
McGonagall (walking with Dumbledore down the street) – "So, is the gossip true, Albus?"
Dumbledore – "I'm afraid so, the good… and the bad."
McGonagall – "Well! I always knew you were gay-"
Dumbledore – "Not those rumor's you old hag! The ones about Lilly and Anni, I mean James, Potter. They were killed by the Emperer… no! damn it, I mean the Lord Voldemort. Sirius Black found the baby in the pile of bricks, then he seemed to chase a rat down the street, so Haghead took the baby and should be on his way."
McGonagall – "Do you really trust Haghead with someone as important… and fragile… as a baby?"
Dumbledore – "AH! I would trust Haghead with my wife."
Suddenly, a roar begins and you see a bright round light in the sky. It is Haghead on his way on the flying motorcycle. The cool theme music begins, (played by John Williams, who else?) and he lands safely.
Haghead – "Professors."
Dumbledore – "Ah… Haghead… where is the boy?"
Haghead looks in the bundle of cloths, then his eyes widen and tear fill his eyes.
Haghead – "(SOB) OH Dumblydore! (SOB) I must have dropped him over Bristol."
But Dumbledore was reaching into the basket in the front of the motorcycle.
Dumbledore – "No, Haghead, here he is, asleep and fine."
Haghead – "OH THANK MERLIN!"
McGonagall catches up to Dumbledore – "Albus, why must you leave him with these stuck up no good muggles?"
Dumbledore – "Because they are the only family he has left. Besides, I did a coin toss between dumping him here or with the orphanage, and thankfully it landed on knuts, because we wouldn't want him growing like his father did now would we?"
He laid the basket on the ground in front of the doorway.
Haghead bellowed "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOK"
Dumbledore – "OH shut your trap! It isn't goodbye forever, afterall. Just wait ten years and he'll be hanging out in your hut. I would stop masturbating in your hut if I were you by them.
Haghead – "HEY! Tha' jus' nasty rumors. No true!"
Dumbledore leaning down to the baby, putting a letter on him.
The baby had a scar on his forehead, in the shape of a circle with a smaller circle to the side.
Flash to the logo and the loud theme music:
Harry Potter Spoof I: The Phantom Pain.
This is a test run, that is why it is short. Give me a few reviews and I'll post the next chapter!
Not too long ago in a country pretty far from America, but not too far, just a day's plane ride from NY, although aviation is beginning to speed up…
HARRY POTTER
Harry Potter was a different boy… different boy is Harry Potter, yes.
But… that is starting out much like a spoof of "Harry Potter" the book, rather than Harry Potter the movie. When you read this spoof, please do WATCH it in your mind, vision it. Use the actors (and to be politically correct) and actresses that were in the movie. This is "Harry Potter Spoof 1: The Phantom Pain".
Harry is on his way to his Aunt and Uncle's house when this movie/spoof/book/whatever begins…
FADE IN: Owl perched on a sign that says "PRIVIT DRIVE" but pranksters spray painted ASS over drive so it now says "PRIVIT ASS".
We see the scene of the park, Suddenly, Dumbledore appears. He begins to walk forward. He stops and takes a Fred Flintstone Pez dispenser out of his pocket and flips the head. One by one, the light goes out in the street lamps and into the dispenser.
A cat meows off camera, he looks.
Dumbledore – "Well shit, I hope I'm not putting you out by being here, Professor McGonagall."
The shadow of a cat slowly crawls to a human and McGonagall walks forward.
McGonagall – "Well! What's up your ass tonight?"
Dumbledore – "Cut the shit, and let's get started."
McGonagall (walking with Dumbledore down the street) – "So, is the gossip true, Albus?"
Dumbledore – "I'm afraid so, the good… and the bad."
McGonagall – "Well! I always knew you were gay-"
Dumbledore – "Not those rumor's you old hag! The ones about Lilly and Anni, I mean James, Potter. They were killed by the Emperer… no! damn it, I mean the Lord Voldemort. Sirius Black found the baby in the pile of bricks, then he seemed to chase a rat down the street, so Haghead took the baby and should be on his way."
McGonagall – "Do you really trust Haghead with someone as important… and fragile… as a baby?"
Dumbledore – "AH! I would trust Haghead with my wife."
Suddenly, a roar begins and you see a bright round light in the sky. It is Haghead on his way on the flying motorcycle. The cool theme music begins, (played by John Williams, who else?) and he lands safely.
Haghead – "Professors."
Dumbledore – "Ah… Haghead… where is the boy?"
Haghead looks in the bundle of cloths, then his eyes widen and tear fill his eyes.
Haghead – "(SOB) OH Dumblydore! (SOB) I must have dropped him over Bristol."
But Dumbledore was reaching into the basket in the front of the motorcycle.
Dumbledore – "No, Haghead, here he is, asleep and fine."
Haghead – "OH THANK MERLIN!"
McGonagall catches up to Dumbledore – "Albus, why must you leave him with these stuck up no good muggles?"
Dumbledore – "Because they are the only family he has left. Besides, I did a coin toss between dumping him here or with the orphanage, and thankfully it landed on knuts, because we wouldn't want him growing like his father did now would we?"
He laid the basket on the ground in front of the doorway.
Haghead bellowed "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOK"
Dumbledore – "OH shut your trap! It isn't goodbye forever, afterall. Just wait ten years and he'll be hanging out in your hut. I would stop masturbating in your hut if I were you by them.
Haghead – "HEY! Tha' jus' nasty rumors. No true!"
Dumbledore leaning down to the baby, putting a letter on him.
The baby had a scar on his forehead, in the shape of a circle with a smaller circle to the side.
Flash to the logo and the loud theme music:
Harry Potter Spoof I: The Phantom Pain.
This is a test run, that is why it is short. Give me a few reviews and I'll post the next chapter!