Disclaimer: I do not own The Mentalist
"When does this end?"
The tired whisper floats from Lisbon's lips, as she keeps staring at her wrist watch impatiently. Now, she is the last person who wants to get out of training, but seriously, this is the worst possible training, and she is really, really bored to say the least.
To begin with, there's no gun, there's no fighting, and hence, there's no way of expressing her anger at Jane through this training. This is a mental training, and she is still stunned that working with Jane for seven years doesn't count as one! And why are they even having this training session? Some psychologist is teaching them how to interrogate witnesses and suspects better. And so here she is, with Cho, who she can tell is just as restless inside.
"Two more hours", Cho whispers back, shifting his foot from side to side. He's listening with concentration, and she knows he's going to be asking the trainer lots of questions once this is over. Honestly, the excitement for that is the only thing that is still keeping her awake.
Fifteen minutes later, however, the word "Reverse psychology" catches her attention, and she starts listening intently.
"Reverse psychology is a technique involving the advocacy of a belief or behavior that is opposite to the one desired, with the expectation that this approach will encourage the subject of the persuasion to do what actually is desired: the opposite of what is suggested…"
Hmmm. Interesting. Suspects and criminals can wait a little while… Can she pull this off on Jane? Hey, it's worth a try if it can make him stop doing things that land her in trouble!
So, according to reverse psychology, if she wants Jane to talk, she'll have to tell him not to talk, if she wants him to jump, she will have to tell him not to jump- if she wants him to not do something, she will have to tell him to do it. Hmmm, easy enough, right?
"Hey Jane", she greets briefly as she passes by the couch where he is resting. His eyes are closed, and a smile is in his face. He looks peaceful, relaxed. Oh, so while she went through his unnecessary torture, he was just napping? It only angers her more. This reverse psychology thing better work! She keeps thinking to herself as she passes him, waiting for him to greet back.
"Oh hey Lisbon, how did the training go?" he asks, in a soft yell, not getting up from his spot on the couch.
His yelling catches the attention of their colleagues, and they all stare at the two of them, abandoning their own work.
Lisbon bites on her lip to fight back a hiss. She hates it when Jane talks this loudly. He rarely does, but when he does, it's intentional- because she will not yell at him when people are looking- and it's annoying. Why can't he just get up and-
"Yeah, it's okay, we can talk like this, don't get up", she says sweetly, adding as much sincerity as she can to her tone. She keeps walking, expecting his stubborn-mode to kick into motion, expecting him to get up and follow her any moment now. You know, according to the stupid class that she just had to take.
Of course that doesn't happen. "Sure", Jane simply says, not moving more than a few inches to shift his head into a more comfortable position, and keeps talking loudly, his tone getting even louder now. "So what did you learn?"
One, she wants to punch Jane. Oh wait, that's not a new thing! Lisbon bites on her lip to fight back another hiss. Test one clearly failed. Jane did exactly what she asked him to do.
Just… How?
Three freaking hours of class for nothing? She curses her bosses under her breath. What a waste of time! They were taking this stupid class instead of catching criminals? Really?
It's not even thirty minutes later when her phone rings. Homicide. Downtown. Victim's name is Mike Hannigan, male, in his 30s. They are all rushing down the elevator in no time, exchanging details and instructions.
When they reach the car, Jane pulls out the door of the passenger's seat, and gestures for Lisbon to get inside. When she doesn't move, he offers her a soft smile. "I'll drive".
The "absolutely not" almost escapes her lips, but she catches herself in time. This is the perfect time for test two then. "Alright." She shrugs non-chalantly, and gets inside the car without protest, ignoring the staring of their three stunned colleagues. She settles down, and waits for him to tell her that he doesn't really want to drive.
The door closes instead. He opens the door to the driver's seat and climbs in, locks it, doesn't even bother wearing a seat belt, and starts the engine.
Two minutes of blinking in shock later, she has to shove her hands inside her pocket to keep herself in control. That's how much she wants to punch the shrink who conducted that class. He said reverse psychology can work on everyone! Why isn't it working on Jane then? He's doing exactly what he wants to do, and she is just making it easier by giving in without a fight! And let's be honest, the fact is: she likes the fight. It's playful, it's harmful, and it's a good brain exercise to keep to keep up with him.
Her hands soon shoot out to grab the steering though when he crosses the speed limit and the road takes a few sharp turns. "Jane!" she can't help the shout and the glare.
But that is okay, because it discourages him some. He slows down, quite a bit, and at least places the seat belt over his shoulder. Oh good, so they are not getting killed by a car accident today. And great, her old techniques still work like they used to, well, as much as they used to, she should say. They're still over speed limit after all.
They lift the yellow police tapes over their head and reach the crime scene, Jane talking to Rigsby about something random that she willingly blurs out. This is time to focus, and try the third and final test. She cannot risk encouraging Jane to be rash more than this, more than she already did.
The victim's body lies on the floor, on his stomach, blood oozing out on the floor. It makes her cringe a little bit. She wants to get out of this place as soon as possible.
Once the basic information is gathered, they decide to begin at the victim's house. This time, she climbs into the driver's seat before he can, and for that she is thankful that her bosses always weren't such idiots and gave them actual trainings to increase their reflexes.
Jane climbs into the passenger's seat without protest though, like he doesn't even mind, which is weird, because he always has at least one word of complaining. Oh gosh! Is he also trying to pull reverse psychology on her?
She huffs to herself. Of course not! Because, it's not like it's making her want to hand over the keys to him or something. No….. "Fine! You can drive this one time!"
Okay. So reverse psychology does work, but on her, and not on him so far. This is just one of those many instances of how life is unfair to her. And now she is desperate to find one instance where it works on him. Just once, please, just one time!
She's a good officer though, so she ignores her thoughts and focuses on the investigation instead. The wife is such a mess, crying and feeding their little child, that though they were taught to pull reverse psychology on everyone, she decides not to. Poor families of victims deserve better than some stupid rule that's not applicable to Jane.
Jane keeps staring outside for the whole time, as if he is not even interested in hearing what the wife has to say. She guesses that he is hearing what she is saying, while he keeps doing…. whatever it is that he is doing. "Can I get a glass of water please?" he suddenly asks.
The newly widowed woman blinks in shock for a few seconds at the suddenness of his question- she had almost forgotten that he was there, he had been so quiet. "Of course", she nods, sniffles and wipes at her tears, as she gets up and goes to the kitchen.
Lisbon just has to turn around and give him a scowl. What the hell?
His eyes light up with a mischievous glint and his lips curve up into a grin that she has learnt the hard way can only mean he has an idea, which in turn can only mean more trouble. This is not good.
"I think the car is an important clue in this case. Do you mind if I…."
Her lips quiver as she suppresses her yell. This is crazy, they don't have a warrant and he can't get into someone's car without their knowledge and or permission, and her job is on the line, but Jane will of course do what he wants to do. And the only way to stop him will be to tell him to do it, right?
"Good ahead. Knock yourself out."
He quirks up an eyebrow at her curiously, wondering why in the world she is agreeing with him.
Her hopes begin to rise when he doesn't move. Maybe this is working this time?
And then he is out by the front door at super speed and starting the engine of the car. A weary sigh escapes her lips. So much for hoping! Yep, no psychologist has ever met Jane. And thank God for that, he can probably disprove all the rules and laws and bring psychology to a standstill! And turn them crazy. Oh trust her, she knows the feeling.
The next thing she can hear is the sound of a car which is clearly out of control, and maybe her heart speeds up a little bit as she worries a tiny bit about Jane, and maybe she thinks about how she absolutely cannot live without him and whatever, and maybe she dashes out of the door as soon as she hears him scream "LISBON!" to play the Superman, but she doesn't forget to yell at him as soon as the car crashes into a pillar, damaging itself and the pillar but leaving him unharmed. "JANE!"
"What is going on?" The wife demands, rushing outside the house too. Her eyes widen when she sees the car crashed into the pillar, and Lisbon winces.
"I am so sorry, ma'am", she apologizes, hanging her head down in shame. Lesson of the story: whatever she does to Jane, however she treats him, he will eventually land her in trouble.
"I'm okay", Jane says, crawling out of the car, a little out of breath, and panting. Lisbon shoots him a glare that she thinks disguises her relief sufficiently, her eyes trying to scream a 'nobody asked' instead of the 'thank God' going in her mind.
"Someone had toyed with your car." He explains to them, looking the wife straight in the eyes. "Someone is after your life too. You need protection."
So the wife actually thanks them instead of complaining to their seniors, and so Jane possibly saved one- or two, depending on whether she drove with her child- lives today. Well, alls well that ends well. Even if what she thought was her one way to wrap Jane around her fingers failed.
The case is far from getting closed- it only just expanded more actually- but there's one case that has been solved: Jane is the exception to all laws. She should stop trying.
"They taught you reverse psychology? Really?" he asks her on the drive way back to the Office. This time, she's the one driving, and they are both thankful for that. After his possible brush with death, he'd gladly take this.
"You know?" she asks tiredly, shaking her head. Of course he knows! He knows everything! A voice at the back on her head wonders if it means that he knows how she feels about him, but she steers it away as she steers across a sharp bend on the road. "Why didn't it work?"
He shrugs, grinning happily. It's not one of those cheeky victorious grins that annoy her, so she only half pouts instead of smacking him. "Because I was pulling off reverse reverse psychology on you."
Her nose contorts as she gives him a look of amusement. Oh come on, there's no real thing like that! ...Right?
-The end-
A/N: I have no idea how I got this idea but it just won't leave me alone. I hope you enjoyed reading this. Thank you so much for taking the time! PLEASE review, it would mean a lot to me, thanks :)