It was one year after all the tragic events took place and one year from this very day that Magnus had broken up with him. And yet, he couldn't go on without Him, he simply knew it to be true, now more then ever.

He walked up to Magnus's door, praying that the older warlock hadn't decided to move in the given time span. He was one year older now, almost 20. His shadow hunter days had continued even to this day, he was pretty sure he'd be one of the top ranking hunters had he made himself known in the past year.

He fought almost daily, exhausting his mortal body to no end and it showed. His normally bright blue eyes were dull and shadowed, a despair in them that was never there prior to the break-up. The dark bags under his eyes making him look 30 instead of his age. His hair was scruffy and tangled, standing on ends and he had at least a weeks worth of stubble on his chin. His shoulders slumped and his pale skin incredibly scared with the runic marks, more then it should have been. And he was skinny, abnormally skinny despite how fit he was, it looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks, which in all truths probably wasn't far from the truth.

The past year had been a blur to him, he could only remember Jace breaking his phone and then he had left, leaving his Parabatai behind, much like jace had done on his hunt for Valentine. He was just so miserable back then and now...he just felt dead, that was the only way to describe it.

He missed having the warlocks arms around him, being locked in his embrace with those feisty words being murmured into his ears. His words had always led to sex and he missed that as well...he swallowed, the memories bringing a dull ache to his beating heart, much to his surprise, it felt dead to him, shattered to pieces. His eyes were blurred, tears shining in their depths at the memories and yet they bought him a sense of happiness. Those memories were all he had left of Magnus.

He had spent days and weeks and maybe months, He didn't know,when he wasn't killing demons scrawling runic marks for sleep upon his skin, living in those dreams, regaining a sense of fulfilment.

He could remember spending waking moments seeking out lovers, someone to fulfil his needs and each time he'd close eyes and picture Magnus. He would see those gorgeous cat eyes grow hazy and feral as he grew closer to completion and he would moan his name. It always felt so real to him until the boys left, each one seemed even more pissed at being called ' Magnus' then the last. Once, he even had a fellow shadowhunter spit at him in disgust.

He didn't care, he just needed Magnus. This was his first day back in New York. He hadn't gone to see Jace or his parents or Isabella. He hadn't even gone to Idris to visit Max's grave over the past year. He didn't know where he was or where he'd been.

He lifted a scared hand. He hesitated,scared now. He didn't want Magnus to once again break his broken and shattered heart all over.

He needed him. He needed this.

He knocked once, twice, three times.

'Enough already!" the warlock shouted in annoyance. ' It's three in the damn morning, what on earth is wrong with you?"

The sleepy warlock, his hair in disarray, without make up and dressed in a pair of satin purple pyjamas slammed the door open, glowering at his disturber...until his eyes met familiar blue eyes. He froze, letting his gaze travel down Alec and up again. A strange emotion, almost sorrow appeared in his cat eyes. He ran a hand through his hair. " Alec..." His name was just a whisper falling from the warlocks lips. The time all but forgotten now.

If Alec looked at him closely he could see the warlock was just as bad off as he was, maybe worse. " Hey..." He greeted, his voice cracking. What was he suppose to say? I need you take me back, please, please, please? ...yea, that was him. He opened his mouth to speak but the warlock beat him to it.

" Come in Alexander. " He whispered, stepping back from the door. " I need to speak with you."

Alec felt a shiver through his body, the warlocks utterance of his name sent shivers of pleasure down his spin. He hadn't realised how much he had missed the warlock calling him that. He bit his bottom lip, hesitating momentarily before walking in and closing the door behind him. " I'm sorry I came here...I just..." He trailed off, standing awkwardly by the door.

The warlock was leaning against the frame of the door, the exact spot they had shared their first kiss, his first ever kiss, their first everything. It made his heart clench in pain, ironic how they had to talk at exactly the same place everything had started.

" Jace came to me." He stated, making Alec's head shoot up to stare at him. " A year ago..." He began, his eyes focusing on the male before him. " He yelled at me, scolded me, told me what I didn't want to see. You nephilim are always trying to get your ideals in my head. "He shook his head, blinking his cat eyes.

Alec shrank back, unsure how to reply to that. He remained quiet. He had known where Jace had gone a year ago but what else could he say or do?

" and when you disappeared, he returned. He's worried about you, you disappeared for a whole Parabatai I would've thought you'd be a bit more careful with your health. Your despair...you threw your life away Alexander so much so that Jace let me feel what he felt of what you felt." The warlock stopped speaking letting Alec take it it.

Alec swallowed, He had forgotten how that bond could behave. He wasn't even certain why he didn't feel anything from Jace, maybe he just hadn't bothered. he sighed, scrunching his hands into fist. " who's fault do you think it is?" He questioned. His eyes shot up, his gaze shinning with unshed tears, his throat thick. " I called and called and begged and pleaded and you wouldn't budge! I made a mistake, I didn't even go through with it but can't you SEE why I did it? Why I considered it?!" He was half- shouting now, all his emotions pouring out into his words...the sorrow, the lust, the love, the loneliness, the broken hearted ness...all of it.

He stopped to breath, regarding the warlock who had held up his hand, signalling he wanted to speak.

" I see you want to have the conversation you wanted to have back then." He observed, the warlocks didnt object to the idea, much, to Alec's surprise. " but let me finish first and maybe then if you still want too then we can have that conversation" He arched a brow, crossing his arms over his chest.

Alec nodded his head once in reply.

" good" the warlock uttered. " Now where was I? Ah-yes...Jace came back and knocked some sense into me. A lot of sense into me actually. " He offered him a sad smile. " I have a scar to prove it, I can show you sometime if you like." he told him, Jace could be aggressive, that he was certain of.

It caused Alec to arch a brow, what did Jace have to do with anything he wondered?

" anyway...for some reason you've gotten better at hiding yourself from tracking spells then Jace has ever been." He praised. " Amazing that you can hide from me - the high warlock of Brooklyn- I looked for you, you know?" He let his sentence hang in the air.

Alec's mouth dropped open. " What? I don't think I hear-" He was cut off by Magnus.

" almost four months after we broke up, I realised my mistake and yours. I tried to find you ever since but you just vanished. " He sounded heartbroken, his cat eyes gleaming in the dim light. " I have spent every waking moment trying to find you Alexander." He pushed off the wall, stepping close to Alexander now, his voice so low, so sad it broke Alec's already shattered heart to see.

Alec was frozen in his spot, trying to take in what he was hearing. He suddenly felt his dead heart give a feeble beat in his chest . " what?" He repeated, he couldn't believe his ears, he was afraid to believe his ears.

" you heard me" The warlock uttered. " Im sorry I acted so rash, I didn't give you a chance to speak...and I broke you so completely..." Magnus sounded hurt, he reached out, letting the back of his warm palm rest against Alec's cheek momentarily. " I was afraid, I used you as an excuse to run away.I was so miserable without you, one day you should ask Jace about that..." He looked at him sadly.

Alec's heart gave another beat, stronger. He felt more alive,more alert. He swallowed. He felt his body awaken again. ,Magnus's soft touch made a tear slip past his eyes and then another and another...And he was crying. His chest heaved and his shoulders shook. His sobs were silent as he bought a hand to his face, trying to hide the tears. He wasn't even sure why he was crying, was he relieved? Happy? Hurt? All of them at once? Or was it just the dam of tears piled up from the year needing to be free?

Magnus frowned, concern lacing his features. " I need you Alexander. I have been dead without you, I can't event think of living decades without you, I'd rather die with you by my side. Will you still have me?"

Okay, so this was not the way he expected it to go when he came here. He expected to be the one to beg. He sobbed, out loud this time, the tears doubling and he nodded once more, vigorously. " yes, yes yes" He repeated through his tears.

Magnus closed the distance, drawing Alex to his chest. He felt alive again, it had been so long since something felt so right. He wrapped his arms tight around the smaller frame, holding him desperately to his chest as if it could give him back the year he had missed. " I love you" He told him, his chin on top of Alec's head.

Alec's sobs increased even as Magnus pulled him close. He could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest, he could feel the warmth spread through his tired, exhausted limbs. He could feel his exhaustion seeping in and for the first time in a year he could feel happiness returning. Weakly, he reached up, wrapping his arms around the warlock, he grasped the fabric of his shirt, clenching it as he sobbed into his chest. The warlock said nothin else as he held him. The confession had been enough to make him cry harder. Eventually his sobs subsided but he still clung to the warlock.

Magnus felt his heart clench in sorrow to see his love so broken and because of him. He could never forgive himself for it. Unknown to Alec as he cried, tears leaked from the warlocks eyes, his face buried in Alec's. He was heartbroken as well and for the first time in the last year, he felt a relieved sort of happiness seep through him. So many things at once and he just knew he could never let the boy go .

Alec sucked ina breath to steady himself, his damp eyes closed as held Magnus. The warlock felt different, for two reasons. he realised with a start that his head felt wet and that the warlock was crying. He pulled away suddenly, to arms length as he looked at Magnus, shock on his face." Magnus...are you...crying?" He gasped. In the time they had been together he had never seen that much emotion displayed on the warlocks face.

The warlock was startled from his thoughts when Alec pulled back and had to resist the urge to pull him back to him. He didnt cover his face but allowed Alec to see how broken up he had been as well and would always doubted either of them could fully heal from the pain he had cause both Alec and himself. " Yes..." He stated simply, he wouldn't deny it.

Alec gaped, his eyes wide. He drew a Hand up to Magnus's face, wiping a single tear away from his gorgeous eyes. " I love you" His face tear stained, Alec smiled, his first real smile in one year. " I can't live without you"

Magnus reached out, pulling Alec against him, with two fingers he lifted Alec's chin. Through the tears in his eyes, he smiled and closed the distance. His lips pressed firmly to Alec's, his mouth probing as he drew Alec's body tight against his own. The kiss poured all of Magnus's emotions into it. The heat radiating from Alec made the warlocks body surge with desire, a desire to be nearer and more intimate. That could wait though because now he knew he had forever with this man, this shadowhunter he so loved.

Alec moaned, feeling whole again, he pushed deeper against his lover, tangling a needy hand in The warlocks hair as he drew his head nearer. The kiss felt different to him. Drawing back for air, Alec gasped, staring into the warlocks hazy eyes. The emotion he saw in them made him shiver. " you seem different..." He told him, he couldn't place what was different though but it was the second reason.

The warlock laughed. " I was afraid you wouldnt notice." His voice was hoarse as he spoke but he smiled. " you'll never have to live without me again Alexander." He promised. " I gave up my immortality. When I realised how much you meant to me, I knew I couldn't go on living without you. I was going to die, with or without you."

Alec starred. He was speechless and he felt tears prickle his eyes again. " you what?" He asked.

" I'm mortal Alexander."

Alec gapped. He had everything he wanted and had never believed he could ever get it. " you mean..."

Magnus nodded. " Forever and always Alexander." He confirmed.

" never without you Alexander. Life and death, ill always be with you." He promised and in the spot where they had shared every important moment they shared their reunion. Magnus leaned down to kiss the crying Alec, reaffirming his forever love to him.

Always together.

Never separated,

Life and death.

It was theirs forever.