So I've seen episode 301 AGAIN And I wanted to write this... xD Inspired by an humorist dude: François Pérusse. Love hiiim!
Chapter 1: After the party (Kyle's POV)
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Craig organized a party for his birthday outdoor. He said that like we were in summer, it was better to do a party outside, so we'll not have too much heat. We were all sat around a camp fire, singing and eating marshmallows. I think all South Park's kids were at this party. Even the goth ones. It was towards 3:00 am and somebodies were drunk. (I have to confess, I was little drunk.) Craig announced the end of the party. Stan, Cartman, Kenny and me were supposed to sleep at Butter's house. So we followed him, on the night's dark, only guided by the moonlight. When we were about 1 hour of walk, he stopped and said:
Butters: Uh... Guys... We're lost.
Stan: What?
Cartman: What does it mean?
Butters: I mean... Totally lost...
Kenny: Totally lost like?
Butters: Like... We're going to die of hunger?
Cartman: WHA-
Kyle: Who cares... We'll rule the world ahah! And the universe! And we'll open Mc Donald's on Mars Planet! And we'll have the new big mars... Ahahah!
Okay I was more than a little drunk. But, MAN, HE'S 17 AND HE STILL DOES NOT KNOW HIS HOME WAY?
Stan: …. Hu... Pretty creepy dude.
Kyle: …..
Cartman: …. Drunk jews are faggot.
We decided to keep walking for a while, see if there's a house nearby, to phone Butter's parents to bring us home. But one hour later, we were still in the middle of nowhere. WORST: we were in the middle of a creepy forest.
Stan: Uh... You know, when I said that we lost the sender?
All: Yes?
Stan: Well... We lost the sender.
All: Shit.
Butters: Y...You think there's snakes?
Stan: SNAKES?
Kyle: NO. There's NO snakes!
Butters: Gorilla? Giga Spiders?
Kyle: No.
Kenny: So... What about screaming for help?
Butters: O-Ok! I try! Hum... SOMEBODY HEEELP?
(Silence.)
Cartman: … Oh yeah, very convincing.
Butters: Er... Wait! Hum... SOMEBODY HEEELP! IT'S FREE NO MONEY WANTED!
Cartman: … With such an awesome offer like that if nobody help us it's that there nobody here.
Butters: Awww...
Kenny: LOOK! AN HOUSE OVER THERE!
We all looked in the direction Kenny pointed. There was a little house who seemed to be an old manor, like the ones in horror shows. We walked toward it.
Stan: AAAH! SNAKE!
Kyle: No dude, that's a branch.
Stan: Oh...
We walked towards the entrance door...
Stan: AAHH! SNAKE!
Kyle: No. That's the same branch again.
Stan: Oh...
… And we finally arrive in front of the replic of Adam's mansion. No one made a move. Cartman broke the silence between us.
Cartman: Ahah! You're just fucking cowards who are affraid of a stupid little HAAAAUNTED manor! Gahaha.
Kenny: I'm not scared, you fatass!
Cartman: Oh, yeah Kenneh? Well I dare you to ring the bell. If you don't do it, you'll suck my balls.
Here he is, with his "suck-my-balls" things... I won't get into this a second time. Never. Huhu. I wonder if he's gay...?
Kenny: No problem!
Kenny rang at the door. But no one answered, as we suspected. So Cartman and him opened the door as easily as Stan throw up when he was in love with Wendy. They broke up a few months ago, because she cheated on him. I'll always remember that day: Stan went to my house at 3:00am, and he talked and cried so much that I couldn't sleep anymore. Then I was a zombie all day, and I broke my mother's favorite vase by missing a stair. Holly crap, she bawled me for... Like two hours.
Butters: No way! I won't enter this! It's abandoned and old and dark!
Cartman: You're such a faaag Butters.
Butters: Guys! I'm sure I've seen a black cat behind us! And my mother always said that if a black cat walks towards you, you will have bad luck.
Cartman: Yeah, who cares.
Butters: But I've also seen a black raven with a starved look! And a black rat, and a black bat, and a black...
Cartman: Just shut the fuck up.
Butters: ….
So, we entered the manor. Inside, it smelt like my grand haunt attic. It was decorated with a victorian style: the mansion looked like an old castle from the middle-age; with cuddles hanging on the walls. It was full of dust, too. Bad for Stan's asthma... Speaking of Stan, he looked confused. He never liked creepy places or movies. After viewing an horror movie, he always acted like a paranoid, screaming "WHAT WAS THAT?" at any sound.
CRACK.
Stan: WHAT WAS THAT?
See.
Kenny: Err... I don't like that.. I think we better go b-
Cartman: BOH.
Stan: GAAAAAAAAAH!
Cartman: Gehehehe!
Kyle: CARTMAN! Stop it now!
Cartman: How cuuuute! The little jew protecting his super best friend! Or would I say LOVER?
Kyle: Shut up!
It's right that maybe, and I say maybe... I loved Stan more than just a friend... But I always thought it will ruin our relationship, so I never talked with him about that.
Kenny: Guys... Where's Butters?
It's right that it's a long time since I last heard him... I'm sure he was with us when we entered the house...
Cartman: Mmmh... Perhaps he has been eaten by the ManBearPig?
Craig: Do you guys know why nobody else at school like hanging out with you? Because you're always doing stuff like that. You're always coming up with some stupid idea to do something and then it backfires, and then you end up in some foreign country or on space or something like that. I decided to follow you guys, and now I'm in an haunted manor. That's a choc.
Cartman: What the fuck are you doing there Craig?
Craig: Well, I was looking for my home, but as I was drunk and as I'm Butters neighbor, I thought that I'll follow you and find my way. But of course you lost your own way.
Kenny: We lost Butters but found Craig. Yeey! So what about doing a party here?
Kyle: And what about sleeping here? It's almost 4:00am and we are all a little drunk and lost so the better thing to do is to stay here and take some rest.
Cartman: I hate myself at the moment but... I agree with the drunk jew. Maybe drunk jews are more human than normal jews?
Kyle: Shut up fatass!
Kenny: Okay, I'll sleep on that old cou-WAAAAAAH
As Kenny was walking towards the couch, he passed through the floor. Cartman laughed his ass off, while Stan was horrified and worried about our poor friend. Craig repeated the reason why no one liked hanging out with us. Fortunately, Kenny hasn't died. We helped him to exit the hole on the floor, but he didn't want to sleep on the couch anymore. That's the moment we heard such a beautiful piano music coming from behind a door at the end of the corridor. It was "Clair de Lune" from Beethoveen, I'm sure of it. I always admired this compositor, and I wanted to know who was playing his music with this perfection. (I think if I wasn't drunk I'd thought that we were on the middle of nowhere, in a house it's said it's haunted, that we've seen a black cat and co... But I was drunk so...)
Kyle:Let's see what's in there...
Craig: "Let's see what's in there." That's why you guys get into these situations. Because when you come across a spooky manor with a song coming from nowhere, you say "Let's see what's in there."
We ignored Craig. I opened the door while Stan was holding his breath and Cartman was saying that I was crazy. We entered a large room with dusty curtains on the windows. There was a piano, yeah, but no one sitting at it. And the music was still playing. I felt something holding my hand, and that was Stan who was now as white as the piano's keyboard, which was playing without anybody... Suddenly the song ended.
?: So you like Beethoveen?
I'm sure I heard Stan screaming when we all saw a ghost appeared in front of the piano. He was wearing a sweat with holes (Clothes moth?) and was... Hum... Transparent, like any ghost...
Ghost: Hi! I'm the ghost, I lived there before.
Cartman: Interesting.
Ghost: I missed my liiiiiife-
Cartman: I don't care.
Ghost: I missed my death too. I'm a shiiiiiiiit
Cartman: No you're a shitty ghost.
Kyle: Cartman!
Cartman: Kyle.
Stan: KENNY!
Kyle & Cartman: Stan?
Stan: No no! Kenny vanished!
Craig: And the ghost too.
Kyle: See Cartman! Because you irritated the ghost, he toke Kenny to kill him!
Cartman: Who cares? Kenny always dies.
Stan: And there's always a message on the wall saying "You're next!" with a cute smile drawn with Kenny's blood?
Craig: See, that's why people don't want hanging out with you too.
Kyle: Perhaps that's this ghost who toke Butters earlier...?
Stan: OH MY GOD BUTTER'S DEAD?
Kyle: Dunno...
Craig: It's getting better and better...
Cartman: Perhaps it's Butter's blood on the wall...
A silence formed between the four of us, until a shriek was heard.
Cartman: I'll recognize this scream even if I was underwater...
Stan: B...Butters...
Kyle: We have to rescue him!
Craig: No.
Kyle... What no?
Craig: I'm not following you anymore. I will just walk away. Watch.
Craig began to walk away, opened a door at random, and Kenny's dead body fell of the closet behind.
Craig: …. Ok, ok, I follow you again.
He closed the closet after returned Kenny's body inside.
Craig: I will try to act like you. So... Let's save Butters!
Craig ran towards the place whence the cry followed by Cartman and Stan. I was behind them, but suddenly I stumbled on something and my head hurt the floor. The last thing I remember is a sadistic laugh which made me shudder, and then, a complete darkness...
What will happen to Kyle? Why Kenny was murdered? What the fuck with this mansion? Well, you'll see on the next chapter! Please review if you enjoyed, I will really appreciate it. The ghost won't kill you. : )