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Disclaimer: I do not know own LOTF or the characters... which I'm slightly okay with.
R&R & Enjoy!
The only word that seemed to describe these appointments was 'repetitive'. At least, that was what Ralph believed these weekly sessions were. Ralph was more grateful however. He only had to be present only twice a week for an hour instead of everyday for an hour. Granted, that required an excessive amount of begging and pleading on Ralph's part towards his parents and his therapist which eventually both parties allowed.
Now, Ralph was in the familiar room with the same familiar man. He was quite old, and Ralph was actually annoyed to come to this mans' office; for the therapist had trouble hearing everything Ralph had said to him. Although, everything that he asked was in a simple routine.
How are you today, Ralph?
Good.
That's good. Had any nightmares last night?
Nope.
Excellent! Wonderful! Wait, you did say 'no', correct?
It had gone like that every time Ralph had attended these appointments that his parents (especially his mother) and his primary care doctor insisted upon. He could remember their words clearly: 'Someone who had gone through such a traumatic experience such as your-self certainly needs therapy. Or else you'd be heading off to the loony bin!' Being twelve at the time, threatening to be sent to the loony bin was enough of a motivation to go to therapy. Over the years however, it became tedious. Asking the same questions over and over again was painfully boring to the point that Ralph began lying to his therapist so that he would be able to leave his therapist's care sooner. If Ralph couldn't handle a couple bad dreams then he was certainly weak.
"So, how are you today, Ralph?" Ah, then it begins.
"I'm good, Sir. I actua-"
"That's good! Had any nightmares last night?"
"No, I didn't. But, I did have-"
"Wonderful! Treatment seems to have been doing wonders for you, m'boy!"
"SIR!" Ralph screamed, extremely impatient with the nearly deaf man in front of him. The man jumped slightly, and then repositioned himself in his seat so that he was sitting face-forward in front of Ralph. Ralph took in a deep breath to calm his nerves, and then looked his therapist straight in the eye. "I want to go back to school."
The therapist merely looked at Ralph, grinning and showing a tooth was missing on the right side. "You want to go back to school? That's wonderful! That's definite progress. I know your parents were worried about sending you back to school and wanted to keep doing the home schooling business, but I told 'em 'If he wants to go back to school you should let 'em!' That's right, I said that. I think it's time that you get out of your little bubble and go out in the real world!"
Ralph smiled, but only to reciprocate the feelings of excitement that the therapist had for him to 'experience the real world once again' and to get out of his 'bubble'. If the man had listened to anything Ralph had said in the past three years, Ralph had already been free from his bubble. Free from England into the real world of savagery and murder. That was the real world. Not this plastic, bubble wrapped, safe-zone filled with rules and limitations that society labels as the real world. No, nobody knew what the real world truly was and Ralph was extremely jealous that the people blinded of the truth didn't know.
"How old are you now?"
The therapist had interrupted Ralph from his thoughts and he jumped slightly in his seat. He secretly hoped it wasn't too noticeable. "I'm fifteen, turning sixteen in a week."
"Ah, wonderful! You'll be just in time for Year 11. Excellent. You do know that school begins in just three days, correct?"
"I do." Ralph looked at the clock discreetly, desperately hoping for the minute sign to speed up. From his impatience, it seemed to Ralph that the minute hand wasn't even moving at all. It stopped just to torment the blonde boy.
"I wish you the best of luck, m'boy. We'll still have our weekly sessions, just to make sure that you're doing all right in school. It'll be magnificent. I'm terribly glad that you're going back to school."
When the clock reached five, Ralph couldn't get out of his seat more quickly. He shook the therapist's hand briefly, grabbed his jumper, and walked quickly towards the door.
"Thank you, Sir."
Run. Breathe. Run.
It's all mechanical for Ralph as he trudges through the dense jungle. There's no other space in his smoke-filled mind for any other thoughts that he could have at the moment. What could possibly be more important than trying to survive? Rescue- a single word pops up in the back of his mind as he slows down. Maybe there is still hope for them all. No! There is no rescue. We're all going to die here, he takes his already tired muscles up a notch and increases his pace to the point where his muscles are on absolute fire, I'm going to die here. I'm going to die fourth. Who dies fourth anyways? That's such a stupid number…
Screaming and chanting snaps him out of his thoughts and makes his over-used muscles begin again. That stupid bloody chant.
Run. Breathe. Run.
It's getting harder to breathe. Something that comes so naturally to our kind, is becoming a slight torture for Ralph. Every breath he takes in fills his lungs up with smoke, when all his lungs desperately need are some oxygen. Clear, clean air. A dull pain stabs at his chest with every breath and his head is swimming within itself, threatening to send the blonde boy over. His head is basically screaming at him, Fall over and die! Why is his body turning against him? Why did everyone turn against him?
Run. Breathe. Run.
Ralph slumps over to a near-by tree. He can see the shore. All he has to do is run, and he'll breathe again. Once he breathes again, he can run faster. Once he runs faster, he'll be able to run from Jack and his hunters. Always running.
Run. Breathe. Run.
With a last push within himself, Ralph found himself running towards the shore. He collapsed into the sand, lying down on his back and breathing in deep amounts of air. Now, all Ralph has to wait for is rescue. That's what happened in real life, so that will happen in his dream. Right? No. Ralph's mind is much crueler to him than he likes to admit. A punishment for not being a good enough chief. A punishment for not being a good enough adult. A punishment for not being a good enough friend.
A punishment for not being good enough.
Why does his mind betray him?
A sudden weight is on top of him. Ralph knows who it is. He doesn't try to fight it anymore. His mind is a sick, twisted fiend who makes it so Ralph always loses. But, that is what happened to Ralph back then wasn't it? He lost.
"Caught you."
The voice still brings shivers down Ralph's spine. It's chilling and calm. That is the signal to Ralph that lets him know he is going to die. Strangely, Ralph is okay with this. He wants this actually. It's better to have everything end right now. Being hunted, running, breathing. Everything will stop, and that seems to be the best gift Jack Merridew could ever offer Ralph.
"Look at me."
Blue eyes meet brown.
Ralph knows this is the end.
He looks away from his captor's piercing brown eyes, and finds his way to the stick sharpened at both ends.
"I'll never stop hunting you, Ralph. No matter where you run, where you hide, I'll always find you."
I hope it's sharp enough.
I hope my death is quick.
The stick raises and the corners of Ralph's mouth twitch into a combination of a smile and a grimace. Everything he had ever wanted is going to end right at this moment.
Right when the stick dives-
The sound of an alarm clock made Ralph jump out of bed and land on the floor, nearly hitting his head on the bedside table. He was panting- whether that being from his nightmare or from actually jumping right out of bed, he didn't know. He wiped his forehead, knowing there would be sweat there like it had every night. Ralph looked over at the clock and saw the time being 6:30. He rubbed his eyes with his shaking hands, even though he was already awake. Now he was just waiting for the- There it is.
He ran to the bathroom, locking it behind him as he dove for the toilet. If there was anything that he hated from having the nightmares was the nausea. Ralph loved food, and having to give it up to Jack felt like such a betrayal from his body. He began heaving last night's half-digested dinner into the mouth of the bowl, giving it the remnants of his meal. Wiping his mouth after he was finished, Ralph glared at the bowl and flushed its remnants down the toilet.
Making his way to the sink and mirror, Ralph felt slightly light-headed. He held onto the sink counter for support as he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked thin and pail- weak. Ralph had thought that this bubble he was in was to make him stronger. No, he looked as weak as he did when he was rescued from the island.
"Stop looking so bloody weak."
The mirror didn't change as he hoped it would. The same weak figure stared back at him with big blue eyes. Sighing, Ralph splashed some cool water in his face to calm down his nerves. It only helped slightly by stopping the shaking in his hands. Ralph stared at himself for a moment once again, staring deeply into his own eyes. He didn't know what he was looking for or what he wanted to see, but he made an unsatisfied grunt. Ralph shook his head slightly and began the new routine of getting ready for school.
Why did Ralph even want to go back to school? It was noisy, the people were obnoxious, and the teachers were strict. Maybe he wanted some normalcy back into his life. What a stupid idea that was. Now, Ralph wanted nothing more to return home into his safety bubble. Not that he was scared of these people, mind you. He just didn't want to deal with them. Ralph didn't want to deal with a lot of things in life actually, school being only one of them.
The bell rang, and everyone ran like animals. As if time was hunting them itself. They had fear in their eyes and for the life of him, Ralph couldn't figure out why. Soon, the hallways had emptied out and he was left all alone in the middle of it. It was a strange, eerie kind of feeling as he walked through the scholastic wasteland. Was he supposed to be somewhere? Is that what the bell stood for?
"Excuse me young man, don't you have a class to be in?" An elder voice made Ralph jump slightly as he turned around to face the man. He looked vaguely familiar, and as Ralph was trying to place him the man's voice became more threatening. "Well, don't you?"
"Uh, yeah," Ralph stumbled as he hurriedly tried to take out his schedule from his backpack. He handed it to the man, his hand shaking slightly. "I have geography for my first class. But, I don't know where it is and I didn't know what time I had to be there for."
The man narrowed his eyes at Ralph as he snatched the schedule from Ralph. His eyes wandered down the page and his whole body stance changed from stern to a relaxed state. "Oh, you're Ralph!" Ralph nodded slowly, not knowing that his presence was meant to be known to others at this school to adults he didn't know. Or, maybe he did know this man. "Sorry for being a tad off with you back there. As the headmaster of this school I have to make sure everyone's in line." Oh, so that was where Ralph recognized him. He was the headmaster, duh. "Why don't I take you to your class?"
Ralph nodded and smiled slightly at the headmaster and followed him to where his geography class was supposedly held. When they arrived at the door, the headmaster pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Ralph. "Just give it to the teacher and they won't give you any hassle." Ralph nodded in appreciation and took the paper and turned towards the door. Before he could even wrap his hand around the handle, the principle had his hand on Ralph's shoulder which stiffened slightly under his touch. The man lifted his hand when he noticed this however, and looked at Ralph right in the eye. "How about you come see me after school in my office? I want to know how your day went."
"Oh," Ralph sounded slightly surprised, not really expecting this kindness from the headmaster. "Sure, yeah. I'll come after school."
The headmaster smiled at Ralph and shooed him off to class with his hand. Ralph returned the smile half-heartedly and turned back to open the door to his class room. He was slightly surprised to see everyone standing around on the outsides of the room, while the desks remained empty. Everyone was talking to one another, not even noticing he came into the room. The teacher noticed however, and walked up to him.
Without saying a word to her, Ralph lifted the note from the headmaster and handed it from her. She snatched it from him, reading it over and fixing her glasses as she did so. When she finished reading, she looked at Ralph and said, "Thank you for joining us, Ralph. We were just about to assign seats to everyone." The children whined loudly, which annoyed the teacher immensely. "Hush now! Ralph, you and Eric can sit in the back right there." She pointed to a two-person desk near the back of the class and Ralph trudged to the back, already disliking this class even though it technically didn't even begin.
He fell in his seat without a word to the boy next to him. He crossed his arms on his desk and burrowed his face into his arms to keep out the light and disgruntled noises of his fellow classmates. All the while just wishing he was back at home in his warm bed, in the dark where no one else could see him. Suddenly when he wasn't expecting it, Ralph was poked in the arm rather forcefully causing him to jerk in his seat.
"Sorry, you just didn't budge when I poked you the first couple of times," The boy said in a hushed tone of voice. It was slightly hard to hear him with the noise around them, but Ralph was able to make out what he was saying. He rubbed his eyes, wondering if he had seen this boy before. Ralph unmistakingly recognized him from somewhere.
He shrugged. "It's not a problem. I shouldn't really sleep in class anyways." This made the other boy smile slightly, and Ralph smiled back. "What did you want again… Uh, what's your name again?"
A flash of disappointment spread across the boy's face, but he quickly masked it when he spoke again. "I'm Eric. I just wanted to know if you remember me, Ralph. From the island?"
Realization had hit Ralph like a ton of bricks. Of course! Eric! How could he have forgotten? Actually, it was quite difficult to recognize him now, especially without Sam at his side. He had grown up- that was for sure. Eric was taller now, actually he was the same height as Ralph now. He was more toned and had nicer and more tamed black hair that swooped to the side in . However, he still had the same beautiful blue eyes that he and his brother had back in the island. Ralph figured that he was actually rather good looking now that he had actually looked at his face more closely. Wait, what the hell was he thinking? Thinking another bloke was attractive- Ralph crinkled his nose at the thought.
"Oh yeah. I remember." There was nothing really else to say after that and Ralph could feel the awkwardness of the conversation building up. Or, perhaps it was just merely building up in his head.
"I didn't know if I would ever see you again. Neither did Sam."
"Well I'm here," Ralph said slowly. He never really did like talking about the island. Who would after what happened? Every time Ralph opened up his mouth to continue this conversation, he was building up a wall that already stood between him and Eric- Sam too if he were here at the moment. It's not like one could forget being hunted and betrayed by your last remaining friends.
Eric took a quick intake of breath and looked Ralph straight in the eyes. For a moment, Ralph had thought he had seen the innocence in them. Thinking that was stupid in itself. Nobody from that island was innocent any longer.
"I wanted to say I am sorry. About being on Jack's side and hunting you. I wanted to tell you when we got on the ship, but we didn't see you. Sam and I felt so bad, Ralph. We were so scared. Of Jack, of Roger, of the Beast," Eric was talking in a whisper now, nose-to-nose with Ralph as he apologized, "I'm so sorry Ralph. We were just kids. We were so scared. I'm so sorry."
Ralph stared at Eric, who had unshed tears in his eyes which made them glisten in the light that was above them. Ralph wasn't angry at Eric, nor Sam- he just betrayed. The sincerity in Eric's voice was almost overwhelming as he engulfed Eric into a hug that silently accepted his apology. Eric tensed slightly against him, but soon relaxed and hugged him back. This was all Ralph wanted: to have his friends back on his side, to feel like he wasn't being hunted.
A loud snapping sound separated the two boys quickly. Ralph looked at their shared desk and saw the ruler that had created the loud noise and looked up to the face of its owner to find a very annoyed looking teacher. "No physical contact. Don't make me separate you two."
The other students around them howled with laughter, but Ralph and Eric merely just smiled at each other as they turned back to the attention of the teacher.
All of Ralph's classes had went by quickly, nothing particularly interesting since it was the first day of class and all of the classrooms had the same routine of going over the rules and what the students need. When lunch came, Ralph was overjoyed. The day was nearly over, and now he finally had a break from the constant teachers and annoying students. After lunch, Ralph only had one more class in between him and the comfort of his own bed. Well, also meeting up with the headmaster but that would only be about a couple of minutes.
"Ralph!"
Ralph turned his head to where he heard his name being called, and found none other than Eric waving him over to sit with him on a less populated area of the school with grass. He walked towards him, smiling at him as he took a seat next to him. "Is this where you always hang out, Eric?"
The boy shook his head and laughed a child's laugh- filled with amusement. "I still s'pose we're identical even after all these years, eh? No, I'm Sam. And, I usually don't sit around here; Eric does. He told me in one of our classes that he saw you and you looked exactly the same, all be it a little taller." Sam laughed again good-naturedly as he elbowed Ralph in a friendly manor, and Ralph couldn't help but laugh along with him. "I just had to see you for myself."
"You and your brother really must've missed me then, eh?" Ralph questioned in an amused tone of voice.
"Oh, yeah, definitely mate." Sam leaned back against a tree, in a relaxed manor as he eyed Ralph. "When we got home, all Eric and I could do was rave about you to mum and dad. We really missed you." Ralph noticed Sam's sincerity was in his eyes, not his tone of voice. His tone of voice was light, joking, care-free while his eyes told a different story; a story of regret and hopefulness. Him being hopeful that Ralph wouldn't hate him or would forgive him? Possibly.
"I missed you guys too," Ralph paused, wanting to add 'even before I got home' but decided against it. "I miss a lot of things actually."
Sam looked around for a moment before leaning towards Ralph's direction. "Look, I know Eric said he was sorry for both of us but I want you to hear it from me too, okay? I want to be your friend, Ralph. Honestly." He leaned back against his tree, looking straight into Ralph's eyes. "The past is the past, yeah?"
Sam didn't seem to be as articulate with his feelings about the matter as Eric was, but his apology was meaningful just the same. "Thanks, Sam. Thank Christ for the past," Ralph joked, and he and Sam laughed.
Eric joined in during the laughing fest and looked at them both with a puzzled expression as he set down food in the middle of all of them. "I always miss the good stuff," He complained with a small smile as he sat down next to Sam.
"No you don't. You brought the food didn't you?" Sam told him, laughing again as he took a basket of chips from the middle of the pile. Eric shoved him, making Sam nearly spill his chips. "Oi! Those are detrimental to my health!" Sam threw the basket back into the pile and tackled Eric to the ground, and soon enough the two began rolling around screaming and laughing at the same time. Ralph soon found himself laughing at their antics as well as he picked up the basket of chips from the middle pile and began eating.
It was good to be back with old friends.
Last class of the day (if it could be considered a class) was gym. Ralph wasn't particularly too excited for this class, but be it as it may, this would be one of the classes he would most likely enjoy. After getting changed from the locker room, Ralph made his way out to the field as he followed the other boys. It was still particularly warm for summer had just ended, and already he could feel himself beginning to sweat. When all of the boys had arrived, one particular boy stood out from the rest. A bright red haired boy who was talking to a slightly shorter boy with dark, jet black hair.
Ralph's heart literally dropped into his stomach and he felt himself become ill.
Jack and Roger.
It was them.
Ralph didn't know how he had recognized them so easily. Perhaps it was countless hours of Ralph trying to picture how Jack looked like in case he ever ran into him in the future. In order to know who to run from. Why was he here? At this school? He and Roger both should be in an asylum right now, not in a damn school!
Jack was laughing at something Roger had been saying, and as he turned around to examine everyone around him his eyes met with Ralph's. Ralph wanted to scream, run, even cry (even though he'd probably do that in the privacy of his own room) instead of being stuck here with Jack. Be it, a good amount of space away from him. As Ralph was about to turn his head away, Jack gave him a sick, sort of not right smile to him. Ralph just wished he could disappear as he turned away from Jack to face the coach who was now about to speak.
"All right, you lil' girls. We're gonna play a game of football! Shirts versus skins!" Half of the boys, including Jack and Roger, immediately took their shirts off. A whistle blew off and a ball was flying in the air. "Game on!"
Everything after that remained a blur to Ralph as everyone around him turned into savage beasts as they chased after the ball. It reminded him so much of the game that Jack and his hunters used to play around the fire. The fire that should've been for the signal fire instead of their stupid meat. The fire that was made with Piggy's glasses. Piggy's dead. Dead. Oh my God, Simon… He didn't deserve to die. We killed him. We killed them all. Murderers. Jack is a murderer. Jack is going to murder me. I am being hunted. Run, breathe, run! Ralph's thoughts were racing, leaving him unmoving in the middle of the field to be totally exposed.
Suddenly, he was crashing down into the hard unforgiving floor. The whistle went off like it was screaming, and Ralph felt like screaming as he held onto his head and felt a warm, sticky substance coming from an open cut on his forehead. He tried to move, but a body was on top of him. Ralph grunted, and his eyes went wide as Jack began getting off of him.
"Shouldn't be a sitting duck."
"Are you okay?" The coach came running towards them both, but Ralph couldn't answer. Or better yet didn't want to answer. The coach noticed the blood on his forehead and looked at Jack, "Take him to the nurse."
Jack did as he was told, which seemed to surprise Ralph even more then he already was, and helped to lift Ralph off the ground. Jack placed a hand on Ralph's shoulder, and when Ralph felt that he himself was steady he shoved Jack's hand off of his shoulder and began to walk towards the nurse. For a while, Jack was behind him until he decided to catch up and walk by Ralph's side.
"Who would've guessed that we'd both end up in the same school together, eh? Let alone the same gym class," Jack was talking, but Ralph wasn't listening. All he heard was the stupid chant in his head in Jack's voice. Kill the pig, Cut her throat, Spill her blood. Ralph felt light headed, but he didn't know if it was from the blood loss, the sudden anxiety he was feeling from being so close to Jack, or perhaps both.
"I told you I'd find you," Jack said cooly. "I doubt you believed me back then huh?"
Ralph didn't want to talk to him. Or answer his stupid questions. He wanted to be home, curl up in a ball, and scream. Ralph wouldn't show Jack that weakness, or give him the gratification of talking back to Jack. No. Ralph would remain silent and defy Jack that way. He could forgive SamnEric but he could never forgive Jack. Not like he'd ever apologize or own up to anything that he did when he was at the island.
"I'm talking to you, Ralph."
Ralph continued walking down the hall, quickening his steps to try and get to the nurse's office more quickly. He wanted to be away from Jack, but his feet wouldn't move quickly enough. Suddenly Ralph felt a hand on his shoulder as he was roughly pushed back against the wall. Jack's hand pressing him back and his leg was in between Ralph's leg, leaving Ralph in a rather awkward position under him.
"When I told you that I'd never stop hunting you, I meant it," Jack's face was close to Ralph's and he could feel Jack's breathing on his lips. He wanted to shut his eyes, but Ralph wouldn't allow himself to be like this in front of Jack. So, instead he looked straight into his eyes and tried to look past him. "Just give up now, Ralph. This is my school. You can't escape me."
Eventually, Ralph managed to push Jack away from him as he quickly walked past him. What would happen if he gave up? Gave up what exactly? The hunt? Why was Jack still hunting Ralph? Why did Jack still hate him so much even after four years have gone by? So many questions were filling through Ralph's brain, but one thing Ralph did know for sure was that he was never going to give up to Jack Merridew. Ever.
"I think I can find the nurse's office on my own, thanks."
As Ralph left the nurse's office with a newly bandaged forehead and some pain medication, Ralph made his way to the headmaster's office like he had promised. To be quite honest, Ralph didn't want to be here at all, but whenever Ralph made a promise he'd make sure to keep it. He knocked on the door, and walked in to find the headmaster seeming to expect him as he sat on his chair face-forward and hands intertwined on his desk in front of him.
"Take a seat, Ralph! Oh, my, what happened to your head?" He asked, watching Ralph as he sat down in the chair across from him.
Oh you know, my old enemy decided to give me a little 'Welcome Back' present.
"It was a football incident. All patched up now."
The headmaster smiled at Ralph, and tilted his head slightly. "I just wanted to know how your first day of school was, Ralph."
Oh, it was wonderful really. I saw two people who wanted to kill me. One who actually tried it at gym today, and threatened me in the hall. Forever being hunted is always just a thrill.
"It was good. I met up with some of old friends."
Well, that was practically the only good part of the day.
"Oh that's wonderful, Ralph!" The headmaster was beginning to remind Ralph so much of his therapist: Good intentions, boring output. "Glad you had a good first day. That's all I wanted to know. I hope you enjoy your time here, I really hope you do."
Ralph stood smiled a false smile. "Of course, sir. It's a wonderful school."
I really hope I can just survive through it.