This Can't Be Happening To Me!

An Outsiders Story

Darry's POV

I had been worried about him, since Johnny and Dally's deaths; he hadn't come out of his room or anything. He quit eating and got less and less sleep, too. Soda had watching him closely, but he was getting tired as well.

"Darry…" Soda was starting to say something, but even the words couldn't come out of his mouth he was so tired. I sighed. Ponyboy was still in his room and he hadn't come out all week. What he did in there? I don't know, and I wasn't really worried about it, till now.

Ponyboy's POV

I rocked back and forth on my bed, staring into space. I had been doing that a lot lately. It scared Sodapop and Darry, but, I didn't care anymore. Life just drained away. Life didn't seem to exist to me anymore. Ugh. Now that Johnny and Dally were dead…I just couldn't cope with it. I had had suicidal thoughts but I couldn't tell my brothers. They'd take me to a physciatrist and it'd get all confusing. And I'd get a migraine from all of it.

"Ponyboy?"

It was Darry. He pounded at the door which was locked from anyone getting in. But I didn't want to see anyone right now. Instead, I stood up, opened the window and jumped out, running as fast as I could.

Sodapop's POV

Darry was pounding at our bedroom door. I sighed, looking up from dinner and to him.

"Is he even in there?" I asked, knowing Ponyboy. Darry's eyes widened and he aimed his shoulder at the door, throwing him against it, receiving a great amount of pain, but managed to knock down the door. I bolted out of my seat and to our room, seeing him not here.

"Wh-where is he?" I asked panicking.

"I don't know, Sodapop. We gotta find him. Call Two bit and Steve. Tell them to look out for Ponyboy." I did as was told, but stopped. I only knew one place he could be and sighed. I called anyway.

"Two bit?"

"Yeah? What is it buddy?" he asked, his voice faking the cheerfulness. My grim look never left my face.

"It's Ponyboy. He's missing. Keep a look out for him, please." Two bit made a gasp like noise and went quiet.

"Two bit?"

"Oh, yeah, sure thing buddy." Then I called up Steve.

"Hey Soda what's up?" he asked nonchalantly. I gulped.

"Steve – it's Pony – he's missing. Keep a look out for him, okay?" Steve sighed, but told me he would let me know if he saw him. I sighed and sat down on the couch, hoping he would come back.

Pony's POV

I took a walk in the cemetery – the place where my head got cleared the most often. I approached one grave, though and sat down in front of it. The wind howled and I shivered, forgetting to wear my jacket.

"It's my fault, Johnny," I cried, feeling tears brim my eyelids. "It's my fault you died, that you and Dallas died."

"No it's not." Who was that? Was it who I think it was or am I going crazy?

"No, you aint going crazy, Ponyboy." The voice said again. It his him. I turned beside me and nearly screamed.

"Stop screaming Pony! People are gonna think you're crazy!" Johnny's voice hissed at me. He was sitting cross legged beside me, looking like he did the day he ran into the church; same clothes, hair greased back and shiny, and he was solid and firm. I took a deep breath.

"Bu-but you're dead! Aren't you?" I asked, trying not to freak out. He smiled.

"Yes I am, Pony, yes I am. But it doesn't mean I leave." He said softly. I sighed.

"Well, then, aren't you supposed to be with God or something?" he laughed.

"In heaven you mean? Yes. It's nice up in heaven, it is. But I can't tell you anything about it." I sighed yet again.

"Dallas up there, too?" he nodded.

"Yep, and he's enjoying it." I chuckled. I never thought Dallas would be enjoying heaven. In fact, I never thought Dallas would go to heaven at all. I shook my head and thought about how it was my fault Johnny died..Again.

"You know it's my fault you died!" Johnny frowned.

"No, it aint your fault. It never was. You should be proud of saving those kids and it was my choice to follow you into the church and I'm proud I made that choice."

"But if I had just left the kids, you and Dal would still be alive!" I nearly sobbed. Johnny sighed in frustration.

"Ponyboy Curtis I don't want to hear that talk from you! You're gonna end up somewhere, someday and if you keep thinking about my death, it's gonna affect you!" I sighed.

"You're right." I quietly said and Johnny softly smiled.

"Just because one dies, doesn't mean you have to die, too. On the inside, anyway." I nodded and he stood up.

"I gotta go Ponyboy." I stood up too.

"Wait, Johnny before you go,"

"yeah?" I smiled.

"Tell Dallas I say hello." He laughed and nodded.

"I will. And don't forget, I'm always watching you, Ponyboy. We'll see each other again, just, hopefully not too soon." he said and disappeared as if he never was there at all. For the first time in a while, I smiled.

"See ya later, buddy." I said, looking up at the clouds and heading home.