Just To Have You
Rated Adult
By TR
Mac heard a knock and reluctantly got up to open the door. She was in no mood to talk to anyone.
"Hi"
"Hi"
"Can I come in?"
"Actually, I'd kind of like to be alone."
"Forget it, I'm coming in anyway. You're not going to hide from me."
"I'm not hiding. I just don't want to talk right now."
"Well we're going to talk anyway." Harm walked into her quarters and closed the door.
"Damn it Harm, what do you want from me?"
"I want you to hear me out."
"Harm this isn't a good..."
"You asked me a question Mac, and I'm going to answer it."
"Why couldn't you answer it when I asked?"
"Because it caught me off guard. Now I've had time to think about it."
"You had to THINK about it?"
"Yes Mac, I had to THINK about it. I've held everything in for so long it... it's scary to take this step."
"What step? You're not risking anything, you won't even tell me..."
"Damn it Mac, you're not the only one who is sick of this dance! You want to know what I would give up for you? Well I'll tell you! Everything, Mac! I would give up everything just to have you!" Harm backed away from her, collapsed into a chair next to the table, rubbed his hands on his forehead, and gave a tired sigh.
"What about Renee'?" Mac stood in front of him, arms akimbo, still not ready to let her guard down.
"We broke up a few days ago."
"You mean you...why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know how to tell you, and I wasn't sure where it was going when you asked me if I would give her up."
"You broke up with her? Or did she break up with you?"
"She broke up with me, because she found out that I was coming here after you. She knew I was going to break it off with her, so she did a pre-emptive strike."
"How do you feel about that?"
"Relieved."
"Why?"
"You still need to ask that?"
"WHY?"
"Because I wanted to be free to work things out with you. I wanted you to..." Harm struggled to find the words to explain to her, then he took a deep breath, looked her in the eye and simply stated. "I wanted you."
Mac's arms dropped loosely to her sides, as if they had been released, her lips parted, as she looked at Harm in shock. He was finally opening up, after all this time. The words he had spoken during his outburst were finally sinking in. She made a move to say something, but was unsuccessful. She tried again, no luck. He watched her struggle to find her voice. And when she failed a third time she looked at him with frustrated emotion on her face. Harm knew the moment was here. He slowly rose and moved to put his arms around her and she reacted in kind.
"I'm sorry Mac I should have done this years ago."
"Yes, you should have." She said, pulling back to look him in the eye.
Harm cupped her cheek in his hand as he had done so many times before. "I should never have turned you down on that ferry. We could have avoided this "dance" all together if I had just been able to open up." Harm's eyes took on a humorous expression, "I almost said 'yes' when you asked if seeing you topless was a request." Harm stepped back and scanned her form with an appreciative eye. "I can't believe I passed up that opportunity." They both laughed. Then Harm grew quiet, and looked her directly in the eye. "I love you."
Mac's breath caught in her throat, she smiled and leaned in to kiss him soundly. "I love you too." She drew back. "What exactly did Renee' say to you?"
Harm sighed. "Well, she asked where I was going, and I told her, she figured out for herself that I was coming to see you. She said she wasn't surprised, and thanked me for waiting until after her father's funeral to go after you."
Mac's eyes grew wide. "You don't think she heard us talking at the door, do you?"
"I don't know. She never let on that she heard anything before. Then she said that she knew I didn't love her, and she thinks we should break up."
"What did you say to that?"
"I just told her I'm sorry. There wasn't much more I could say, she was right, I don't love her."
"Why did you stay with her if you didn't love her?"
"What else was I supposed to do Mac? You were going to marry Brumby, and Renee' treated me well. Until you broke up with Brumby, I had no reason not to be with her."
Harm moved to sit back down and attempted to bring her with him, but she pulled away, sat down in the chair across from him, and screwed up her courage to go deeper into this conversation. Her day had already been stressful enough.
Taking a deep breath, she leaned over and folded her hands on the table in front of her. "Harm?" He tore his eyes away from the spot he had been studying on the floor. "How long have you loved me?"
Harms eyebrows rose at her question. "I don't know Mac." He let his breath out in a sigh, and slightly shook his head. "Forever, I guess."
"Why did it take us so long to get to this place?"
Harm looked away, unwilling to let his shame show. "I've been a coward Mac, about everything that's really important. I've only gotten involved with women I knew I couldn't love, because I had no chance of losing myself in them. You were right, I am afraid of losing control."
"So what's changed?"
"I don't know exactly. Maybe seeing you almost marry another man. Maybe going down in the drink for the third time and realizing that there's only so many times a man like me can cheat death." He sighed again, and met her eyes as he got down to the truth of the matter. "Maybe I'm just sick of being without you."
"You've never really been without me."
"I know that Mac, but I've never been with you either. We were always just one step away from where we should be. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of fighting it."
"Then don't."
He met her eyes once more, and smiled a little. "I don't intend to."
Harm reached across the table and took her hand. Mac smiled as he raised her fingers to his lips and kissed them lightly. He maintained eye contact, as he turned her hand over and placed a kiss in her palm, and then on her wrist. Mac didn't realize how powerful a small gesture like that could be. She held her breath, and they stood in unison. Meeting each other half way around the table, they slowly embraced. Harm began to lay feathery light kisses on her neck and up her jaw line. When he reached her ear he whispered, "breathe." Mac let out her breath with a chuckle. Harm touched her face and let his hand drift down her neck and over her shoulder. "Do you have these quarters all to yourself?" Mac caught her breath, knowing where this was going.
"Yes, I do, but…"
"But what?" Harm stepped back a little to gauge her expression.
"I think we have a lot to talk about before we..." Her voice trailed off.
Harm hesitated a moment, and then said, "yeah, I guess we do." His shoulders slumped slightly, and Mac sighed as a wave of lethargy swept over them. This was going to be tough. And quite possibly, it wasn't going to be pretty. Harm's mind raced as he tried to think of a way to get everything out into the open without ruining this fragile and overdue beginning. He walked over to the table as an idea came to mind. Picking up a chair, he moved it as close to the center of the room as he could, and turned toward her. "There," he said.
"What's that?"
"That's the hot seat Mac." He hesitated, as he saw her questioning look. "I don't want this to turn into a screaming match. We have A LOT to work through. I just thought this would be easier, more comfortable."
"More comfortable? Harm, are you insane this is like an interrogation."
"I prefer to think of it as more of a witness stand." He said, as he sat down and patted the chair. "We're at our best in the court room Mac, both of us. It's our comfort zone, and it's a place where we can be objective." He paused. "I'll go first, since I believe I'm more to blame for our being apart for so long." He held up his hand as Mac began to protest. "Save it for closing arguments counselor." He said with a teasing grin, and maintained eye contact. "I'm your witness Mac, and I'll tell you anything you'd like to know."
"You know sometimes you can be infuriating."
"I know." He said in a low voice. Taking a preparatory deep breath, he said, "Now Colonel Mackenzie, what's your first question?"
Mac paused and collected her thoughts. She wasn't sure how comfortable she was with this whole exercise. Where should she start? So much had happened. Harm shifted in his seat as he waited for her to slowly expose him question by question. At last she turned to face him, hands clasped in front of her. "Commander Rabb, how long did it take you to be able to look at me without seeing Diane?"
Harm hesitated, she was definitely starting at the beginning. He chose his words carefully. "When the case closed on her murder, I was able to say goodbye to Diane. After that, I was surprised at how I could look at you, and not see any part of her anymore. I only saw you."
Mac lowered her eyes to the floor, and Harm marveled at how she could look so self-assured one minute and so vulnerable the next. Suddenly she raised her eyes and fixed him with a confident stare. She was prepared.
"Who were you really kissing that night?"
"I was kissing both of you."
Mac frowned. "Elaborate."
"When I began to kiss you I was saying goodbye, I wanted just one more kiss. But when our lips met it really brought it home to me that you were not Diane. You didn't feel the same as she felt, you didn't taste the same..." Harm paused, trying to be able to explain to Mac without offending her. "It was then that I realized that Diane was gone, but I still had you. And I was so grateful to you for your support Mac. You can't possibly know how much that meant to me...how much that means to me."
"So you settled for me because you couldn't have Diane?"
"No, Mac! That's not what I said at all. I could handle losing Diane, BECAUSE I still had you to support me. If it was the other way around, and I had the opportunity to trade you for Diane, there's no way I would even have to think about it. You would win, hands down."
"Even then?"
"Even then."
Mac took a deep breath as she calmly switched gears.
"Lets talk about something else for a moment shall we. What possessed you to even think of going halves on a baby with me?"
"Everything that happened that day made me realize that I also wanted to have a family some day. But I knew that I wasn't ready for all of that yet. That's why I gave it five years. I also..."
"But why me?"
"Who else Mac? I could never picture myself having a child with anyone but you."
"Even when you were dating someone else?"
"Especially when I was dating someone else. The more I was with other people, the more I realized that I only wanted you. Why do you think that I never got serious with any of them?"
"Why didn't you just tell me you wanted me, right then? I would have been receptive to that."
"I wasn't ready for it yet Mac. I knew that if we got involved, and I wasn't ready, I'd screw everything up and we wouldn't stay together."
Mac nodded. "Ok, I guess that makes sense." She paused for a long moment, turned to face him, and in a calm professional voice she said, "Commander, let's discuss the events that took place on the ferry in Sydney Harbor. Describe in your own words what transpired between you and your partner that night." Harm's apprehension was not lost on Mac. He shifted in his chair and cleared his throat.
"My partner, and best friend," he emphasized, "approached me, and let me know in no uncertain terms that she was interested in becoming romantically involved with me."
Mac's jaw clenched reflexively, "and what was your response to her advances?"
Harm sighed, " I resisted them."
"Why?"
"Because I was afraid of losing her friendship."
"How is rejecting her going to help you keep her friendship?"
"I wasn't rejecting you! I wish you could see that! All I was asking for was more time!"
"Time to do what?"
"To adjust to the idea of sharing my life with someone forever!"
Mac gasped, and looked away. Forever? "Why didn't you just tell me that? Why didn't you say that's what you wanted instead of telling me 'No'?"
"I didn't tell you 'no', I told you 'not yet'. You just weren't listening to me. All I wanted was some time!"
"How long was I supposed to wait around for you before you decided you wanted me? How long was I supposed to put my personal life on hold while you warmed up to idea of commitment?" Mac's face poured emotion, and her eyes glistened with unshed tears.
"If you loved me enough you would have waited for me!"
Mac gaped at him in shock. Then gave a bitter laugh. "You know this whole thing is a bad idea."
"Mac." Harm rose out of his chair, and took hold of her arm.
She shrugged him off. "How dare you say that to me?" She rounded on him. "If I loved YOU enough? That's not fair Harm! Do you know how long I have loved you without anything in return? Do you have any idea how long I have waited for you to get your head out of your six and tell me how you really felt? Years Harm, years! And here you are telling me that I didn't love YOU enough? That I didn't wait long enough for you!" She turned away from him and fought the urge to walk out. Fury, exasperation, and pain fought for dominance in her mind.
"Damn it Mac! This is exactly the kind of screaming match I was trying to avoid." Harm tried to turn her around to face him, but she wouldn't budge. "I don't mean to hurt you, and I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that, but that's how it felt. I know, my words came out wrong that night, and you thought I was rejecting you. But to my ears I was just asking for more time. Time that you obviously weren't willing to give since two days later you were kissing another man in the airport." She stiffened, hurt, and Harm jumped in again before she could respond. Knowing he had just made things worse. "I'm only telling you what I saw at the time Mac. I didn't realize how long you had already been waiting for me. Maybe I should have known that, but I didn't. I didn't realize that time was the only thing that you couldn't give anymore of." Harm's voice softened, and cracked with emotion. "Because if I had realized that, Mac, things would have been very different." Harm turned her to face him and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'm SO sorry." He said slowly. "I told you it was my fault."
"Don't play the martyr Harm. It's not only your fault, and you know it. You were right; I went to him too quickly. But I was only trying to…"
"Force my hand?"
"No!" She looked appalled for a moment, and then paused, conceding. "Well, not completely. I was trying to move on. Trying to stop loving you."
"Did it work?"
Mac sighed. "No. Obviously not."
Harm smiled a weary smile. "Well, we know when this "dance" started, Mac. Now it's time to end it." Mac nodded, and allowed him to put his arms around her. "I'm sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you. I'll do whatever I can to make it right."
Mac smiled at that. "I'm sorry too."
Harm released her and once again took his place in the "hot seat". "Now counselor, do you have any further questions?"
Mac wiped her face free of moisture, and tried to shake off her fatigue. "Yes, just one more question." She looked to the floor for a moment, and then slowly raised her head to meet his eyes. "Why do you love me?"
"Oh Mac," Harm breathed wearily, "How could I NOT love you." He laid his head back and looked at the ceiling, his fatigue showing in full force. His voice was low and thoughtful. "I love you because you stood by me, even when I was breaking your heart. I love you because you followed me to the ends of the earth just to watch my arrogant six. I love you because you're my best friend and you're not afraid to challenge me." His shoulders slightly shrugged and he met her eyes once more. "I love you because you love me."
Mac's lips parted as she held his gaze for a moment longer, and then she said softly, "No further questions."
Harm reached out and took her hand. Smiling he stood, and kissed her gently on the lips.
"Harm, Isn't it my turn for the "hot seat?"
He furrowed his tired brow. "I don't know Mac, after all of that I can't think of any questions to ask you."
"Come on there's got to be something you need to know."
Mac sat down, folded her arms and waited. If this was going to happen, they might as well get it over with. Thankfully he hadn't seen her stifle a yawn. As his back was turned while he prepared himself to question her.
When he turned to face her, she saw that he was prepared. Prepared, and scared. A wave of nervousness stole over her. Suddenly she didn't know what to do with her hands. Whatever it was that he wanted to ask her must be a doozy.
Harm stood in front of her with his hands clasped behind his back. "Colonel Mackenzie, what was the deciding factor in your acceptance of Mic Brumby's proposal of marriage?"
Mac gulped audibly, and fixed her eyes on a spot to the left of Harm's knee. "When I believed that I no longer had any chance at a future with you. I decided to move on with my life."
"Were you ever in love with Mic Brumby?"
"No."
"You would agree to marry a man you didn't love?"
"I would agree to marry a man who loved me."
Harm winced, but continued on. "Why did you kiss me at the engagement party?"
"It was supposed to be a goodbye kiss, but...it didn't turn out that way."
Harm nodded. And took a deep breath, "Sarah," he said softly. Mac looked up the sound of her given name. "If I hadn't gone down in that plane, would you have gone through with the wedding?"
Mac momentarily hesitated. "I don't know," she said softly, "Would you have let me?"
"I don't know." Harm slightly shook his head.
After a pregnant pause, Harm said, "Let's talk about something else for a moment. Why did you agree to go halves on a baby with me?"
"Are you kidding! I was in love with you." Mac said with a small laugh. "You were handing me my dream right then and there. I would have been a fool not to take it."
Harm smiled at her and she reacted in kind. He leaned his hip on the edge of the table, and took on a more relaxed posture.
"Everything that needs to be said is said. I'm not interested in rehashing everything we've ever gone through together. Even if I was, we don't have the time or energy to wade through it all. But I do have one more question for you."
"Okay, what is it?"
"Why do you still love me, even after all the pain I've put you through?"
"Don't say that Harm…." Mac looked away. "I don't know exactly. I don't know why my heart held on even when I knew there was no hope for us. Maybe the hundreds of good things that we've experienced together have far outweighed the few bad things. Maybe I just have a thing for sailors who have saved my six countless times, both physically and otherwise." She paused, and gave him a slight smile. "Maybe you're just the only one for me."
Harm gave her a smile born of emotions long buried. Relief, weariness, love, and at long last, peace. They all shone on his face, as he met her eyes. "No further questions."
They both audibly sighed and Mac slumped slightly back into her chair in relief. It was finished, they had rehashed it all, or at least everything of significance, and lived to tell about it. Harm stood and offered his hand to Mac. She took it, and rose, placing a tender kiss on his lips. He led her over to the bed, and she eyed him warily. They both knew full well that they would never get away with spending the night together in her quarters. Even if they could find a way to hide it, it was too risky. Harm released her and kicked off his shoes. Sitting on her bunk, he held his arms out to her. She smiled and placed herself in his lap. Immediately his arms encircled her and she rested her head against his chest. Their exhaustion overwhelmed them as they sat together in the most important "court room" they'd ever been in, and they both closed their eyes. Harm rested his head against the wall, and Mac lay listening to his heart. They rested there together, quietly savoring, thinking; counting their blessings. Silently they came to the same conclusion, peace was definitely a good thing. Thirty minutes later they still sat in the same pose. Harm groaned slightly and tightened his hold on her. "I love you baby."
"Mmm…" Mac snuggled closer to him, "I love you too."
"As much as I don't ever want to let go of you, I think I better go now."
"Yeah, you probably should." Mac agreed begrudgingly.
Harm loosened his grip and gave her room to scoot off of his lap, but not before his hand drifted across her back, grazed the side of her breast and then continued down her side. His gesture made her shiver, and she reluctantly pulled away.
"So…"
"So. Um…what now?"
"Well Mac, I think we need to talk to the admiral, and let him know that our status has definitely changed." They both smiled at that. "But I don't think we're going to have much time to devote to this while we're still here." Harm paused, hoping she wouldn't take this as a cop out. She didn't.
"No we won't have much time. And maybe it's better that way. I don't have the patience or the energy to sneak around with you and hope that no one notices. Things will be easier once we go ashore. We should just go on like nothing has happened."
"No Mac, I can't do that." Harm said firmly.
She looked up sharply. "I wasn't backing down, I just…"
Harm's expression softened. "I know you weren't backing down, but I don't think it's going to work to just ignore our feelings either. We're going to have to work together at JAG, Mac. Deal with being together, and being partners at the same time. Why can't we treat this like any other assignment? We'll carry out our mission, and then go home. That is…" he paused. "If you can keep your hands off of me until then." Harm smirked as Mac realized that she was rubbing her hands slowly up and down his chest as he spoke. Blushing, she stopped abruptly, and attempted to move away from him. He caught her in a loose embrace and clasped his hands behind her back. "You think you'll be able to handle that?" He said with laughter in his voice.
"I guess I can." She pouted. "If I have to."
Harm laughed. "You'll probably fair better than I will." He raised her chin and his mouth sank down onto hers with passionate fervor. She linked her hands around his neck and pulled him closer as she returned his kiss eagerly. Mac released his lips and stood encircled in his arms, slightly panting. Harm rested his forehead on hers for a moment as he caught his breath. "We'll just have to be discreet." He said. She nodded. Easier said than done. Harm headed for the door flashed her his most winning smile and said, "I'll see you at breakfast."
"Uh…Harm?"
"What?"
"You're still in your socks."
"Oh." He said sheepishly, and they both laughed. He quickly donned his shoes, and Mac followed him to the door. He opened it and scanned the hallway, there was no one around. He touched the tip of his finger to her cheek, and whispered, "I love you. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Harm, I love you too." Mac whispered back, and closed the door behind him.
Morning came much too quickly for Mac, and she yawned through her nose as she made her way to the mess hall. She could deal with being at sea, and everything that it entailed. Her quarters were cramped, but she had them to herself. And they were functional for their purpose. She could deal with the dreariness of the walls, and the smell of jet fuel and working men. It all came with being a Marine. Yes, she could deal with all of it. Everything. Everything, but the absence of a coffee maker. Mac yawned again, this time full force, and fought the urge to rub her eyes. She smiled as she remembered the events of the previous night. True, her "court session" with Harm had left her emotionally drained, and physically exhausted. But somehow that didn't matter. She thought as she neared her destination, that she would gladly bear the exhaustion, in return for this feeling of completeness. For the first time in her life, she felt whole. She stepped over the knee knocker into the mess hall and scanned the tables.
"Looking for someone?" Harms familiar voice sounded over her shoulder. She turned and flashed him a wide smile.
"Not anymore." She said, taking her smile down a notch as she remembered that they were not alone.
"How'd you sleep?" He asked as they took their places in line.
Mac studied his face, "From the looks of it, probably about as well as you did."
His eyes smiled, and his voice dropped suggestively. "It was worth it though."
Mac nodded slightly, and was acutely aware of her shoulder against his arm as they collected their meals.
"Why do we eat this stuff?" She asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust.
"It comes with the job, Marine. Besides, it's only oatmeal, it's not that bad."
"Whatever you say." Mac replied, thoroughly unconvinced.
They found a place to sit and Harm looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to them. When he was satisfied, he spoke. "So, Mac…what's your schedule today?" She looked up as she read his underlying tone.
"I'm pretty booked with the case. I'm sure you are too. Why?"
"Well we have a phone call to make, I just wanted to see when you would be free to do that."
"Probably not until tonight. Our days are full Harm, I told you we wouldn't have any time to devote to um…" Mac looked around and lowered her voice. "…personal issues. Why can't we just tell him when we get back?"
"Because I'm afraid of someone catching on to the fact that we are…" Harm hesitated. What exactly were they? "…involved, and then having it get back to the Admiral. I'd rather he hear it from us first."
"I thought you said last night that we just had to be discreet. Which is exactly what we're not being right now. Look at us with our heads together whispering like a couple of teenagers in the high school cafeteria. Let's just focus on the case and pick up everything when we get home."
Harm sat up straight and returned his voice to normal volume. She was right about them looking conspicuous. "Why are you fighting this Colonel? I don't see the problem." Mac looked around, alarmed at the volume of his voice. Then inwardly smiled in relief as she realized that he was deliberately using language that would lead any "spectators" to believe that they were discussing the case.
"I just don't believe that's the most prudent course of action at this time. There is more pressing matters to attend to right now, and only so many hours in a day. I don't want to spend my time gathering facts that are going to end up being irrelevant to the case. The sooner this is over, the sooner we all can move on." Mac sat back in her chair and took a drink of her orange juice. "Besides, " she said casually, "I'm sure your witness is already too well informed. I don't see what's to be gained by involving him further in the case when all we need to solve it is right here in front of us."
"I disagree, there are some questions only he can answer. Questions that can make or break the case…" Harm stopped abruptly at Mac's look. He dropped his voice to a whisper. "I didn't mean it that way. I just think this is important." Mac nodded professionally, while her eyes flashed relief.
"I see. Well, if you think it's that important go ahead and interview him. I'm prosecuting Harm, I can't stop you from interviewing anyone you might think would contribute to your case. I suppose he might have something useful to say. But I don't believe informing him of every detail of the case is a wise thing to do."
"We're in agreement on that. I just thought you might want a chance to conduct your own interview before he was no longer available for questioning." Harm looked her dead in the eye.
She reciprocated. "No that's fine, I trust you, you go ahead. You have to disclose any pertinent information anyway. I'm sure you'll be thorough."
He hesitated. "Ok Colonel, I guess if that's what you want to do."
"I think that would be best, Commander." Harm pinned her with a stare that said, 'we're going to talk about this later.' She nodded, unperturbed. "Well, I better be going." Mac stood, and Harm stood with her. "I'll meet up with you to disclose my findings later, and we can compare notes. Have a good day Commander." She held his gaze for just a second longer than necessary.
"You too." Harm said softly to her. Her eyes flashed a smile, and she walked out of the mess hall. Harm sat down again, lost in thought, and made swirls in his oatmeal with his spork.
Harm stood alone with the phone receiver up to his ear. He hoped he would be given enough privacy to finish the phone call without anyone overhearing him. Mac was right, this sneaking around thing is tiring.
"Chegwidden."
"Hello sir."
"Commander how's it going out there?"
"It's going sir, there have been a few developments in the case. I'm suspecting that we'll be able to wrap this one up pretty quick. How's it going on your end? You sound stressed."
"It's pure hell, but never mind. Why did you call Commander?"
"I'm calling about something of a personal nature. Mac and I had a very long talk last night and we have worked everything out between us. I just wanted you to be the first to know that we…" Harm paused, trying to find the right words. "Well sir, now, we come as a set."
AJ laughed. "I've never heard it put quite like that, but I get your drift. I trust that you two will be able to work professionally together without this new status interfering."
"Yes sir we will. The feelings we have are nothing new to us, we're just admitting to them now."
"Well, it's about damned time."
"Yes sir, it is."
"If that will be all Rabb, I'll let you get back to more pressing issues."
"No words of wisdom to impart before you go?"
"Not yet, only, I really hope this works out because the tension was bad enough when you wouldn't admit to your feelings for her. I can't imagine how bad it would be if you two parted ways."
"Understood sir. And, that's not going to happen."
"It sure as hell better not happen!"
Harm chuckled. "I get your drift, Admiral."
"Good, and Harm?"
"Yes sir?"
"I'm happy for both of you."
"Thank you. Goodbye sir."
"Goodbye." Harm hung up the phone and smiled. When he turned around he saw one of his bunkmates standing behind him. "How long have you been there Ensign?"
"Long enough sir, but your secret is safe with me."
"Thank you."
"No problem sir. I don't blame you a bit. Colonel Mackenzie is…" The embarrassed Ensign, stopped abruptly and cleared his throat. "…easy on the eyes."
"That she is." Harm said with a smile, and a twinge of possessiveness.
"Don't tell her I said that sir."
"Don't worry Ensign." Harm chuckled. This green young man wouldn't know the first thing about how to handle a woman like Mac. She was a force of nature. Harm walked into the corridor and headed toward the mess hall. It was dinner time, and Mac would be there waiting for him.
Harm stepped into the mess hall and immediately spotted her. He waved slightly and gave her small wink, before he got in line to get his food. Mac gave him a discreet smile and stood as he approached the table. He sat down and she followed suit. "So, did you make that phone call?" She said casually.
"Yes, I did." Harm said slowly.
"Well?"
"Well, he said he was pleased with our progress, and he made sure we could handle all the tasks ahead of us, professionally and otherwise." Harm looked her straight in the eye.
"I think we can." Mac said with a smile. "He didn't say anything more profound? I thought his opinion could "make or break" our case."
"Mac, you know I didn't mean it that way." Harm said in low voice.
"I know." She said with a reassuring smile. "You were just so set on talking to him I wondered if he said anything of significance."
"Actually he did say one thing. He said he hopes our efforts pan out, because the difficulties were hard enough to overcome previous to this situation. He doesn't want to see what the outcome would be if it all fell through." Mac chuckled slightly at his attempt to keep the conversation professional and inconspicuous, but Harm recognized an inkling of nervousness in her voice. "What did you say to that?"
Harm held her eyes. "I told him, that's not going to happen."
"Oh." Mac said softly, her eyes were gleaming, and Harm fought the urge to reach out and take her hand. "Good answer." They sat silently for a while, eating their food, and inadvertently exchanging meaningful glances. After a few minutes Harm spoke.
"Mac, why were you so opposed to talking to the Admiral?"
Mac looked around nervously at the openness of his question. No one was paying attention to them. She sighed, who were they kidding anyway? "I didn't want one more thing on my plate." She said simply. "I can deal with the recent developments between us, but I just don't want to have to worry about anyone else's point of view. I want to be able to be us for a while without any outside input." She paused. "Why were you so set on talking to him?"
"I wanted to know if this recent development would affect our career paths. And, I wanted him to hear it from us first."
"Why would it affect our career paths? Our status at JAG will stay the same. We don't write up each other's evaluations, and neither of us are the commanding officer. Nothing we do can be construed as fraternization."
"I know that, I was just making sure. You know, covering all the bases."
Mac nodded, then rose. "It's 1903, I need to go get a shower before I go over my notes on the case." Harm rose with her.
"I'll meet you in your quarters in an hour."
Mac smiled. "Ok, we'll discuss it then." Her features hardened, but her voice remained even. She spoke up for the benefit of eavesdroppers that may be sitting near them. "I'm warning you I'm NOT offering any deals."
Harm shot her a cocky grin "Maybe not yet."
Mac rolled her eyes, and then glared at him. "Don't hold your breath Commander." She held her glare a moment longer, and then Harm chuckled and Mac's expression softened again. It was refreshing to know the old banter had stayed the same. Even if everything else about them was different. "One hour." She whispered, as she walked by him, and he nodded, smiling to himself.
An hour and nine minutes later Harm stood at the door of her quarters and suddenly felt like he should be holding a bouquet of flowers instead of the files he had in his hands. He was freshly showered, cologned, and desperately trying not to look like he was going on a date. He knocked rapidly on her door. And he heard her call, "Come in."
"Hi." He said as he ducked in through the door.
"Hi." She said with a smile. "Sit down. I was just starting to review my notes."
Harm leaned over and kissed her softly, caressing the softness of her cheek with his thumb. They pulled away and held each other's gaze for several moments until Harm looked away and sighed. "Okay, let's get to it."
Mac nodded. Her cheeks flushed. 'Like concentrating on the case is going to be easy, when he smells so good.' Mac thought. 'I'm a Marine, I can withstand the lure of Harmon Rabb. Harmon Rabb who smells so good. Harmon Rabb, who is so incredibly sexy! Enough!' She mentally scolded herself. When she broke out of her reverie she saw that Harm was watching her with an amused look on his face. Mac blushed, and looked away.
"Something bothering you Mac?" Harm said in a low endearing voice.
"No, not really, you just..." She paused.
"Yes?"
"You smell good." Mac said, slightly embarrassed at being caught staring. And then pleased by the idea that now she had the right to stare. He had given her that right. Harm raised an eyebrow at her and gave her a wide smile. Kissing her softly again on her cheek, he said, "So do you. I love you in wet hair."
"Oh really, I'll have to remember that." Mac smiled irresistibly, and Harm gulped and pulled away. They both took a deep breath to regain their bearings, and tried to switch into professional mode. Harm thought that the transition would be much easier when they got used to the idea of being together. "Okay, now, let's discuss the case."
"Right, the case."
An hour later they had discussed every detail of the case and still hadn't come close to an agreeable solution. Harm rubbed his fingers over his brow, and slumped back against the wall where he was sitting on her bunk. "I think I'm done for the night. We keep going around in circles. I don't think we're going to reach an agreement tonight anyway."
"I don't think so either. There's no easy answer to this one."
"No there isn't. " Harm sighed, and began gathering up all of the papers and put them in his file folders. Mac joined in. They were almost finished when they reached for the same paper, and their fingers brushed. Freezing momentarily, they slowly made eye contact, as the electricity arced between them. Placing the paper to the side, Harm took hold of Mac's hand and drew her to him. Her knees bent as she moved from her standing position to the bunk. Her free hand made contact with his chest as he brought her in for a searing kiss. Mac freed her hand from his grasp and placed it behind his head sealing her mouth over his until he opened slightly letting her tongue delve in. Harm groaned at the taste and feel of her, and brought her body in closer to him. She shifted slightly and straddled his lap. He dropped his hands to her rear end, pulled her hard against him, and winced as he heard her knees make contact with the wall behind them. "Are you okay?" He whispered, as he released her lips.
"I'm fine, but we have to be quiet." Mac came in for another kiss, and Harm shied away from her. "Oh no, please don't push me away. I've waited too long for this." She pled breathlessly.
"I'm not pushing you away Mac. I just don't know if this is a good idea." At her look he continued. "I want you, I do. Lord knows I do. But…" He hesitated, a pained look on his face. "We both know I can't stay with you. I don't know if I can make love to you, and then get dressed and go sleep in a room with nine other guys."
Mac sighed, trying to downshift. "Okay, if that's what you want to do."
Harm heard the disappointment in her voice, tinged with pain. 'Damn it she thinks I'm rejecting her.' Harm drew her into a tight embrace and began rubbing his hands along her back. "What do you want to do Mac?"
"I want to make love to you." She said simply. Her voice was small, vulnerable.
"Even when you know I can't stay with you?"
"Yes." She replied softly. Harm released her and lifted her up slightly so she could move off of his lap. She moved to the side, glanced at him and then looked away. At her dejected look, Harm reached out and lifted her face to look at him.
He moved in and kissed her softly. "Move off of the bunk."
Mac donned a questioning expression, but did as he requested. When he began moving all of his files, she realized what he was doing. She took the files from him and went to put them on the table. When she turned around to face him, the realization of what they were about to do hit her with full force, and she began to tremble with nervousness, and desire. She knew, for them, this was the point of no return. They hesitated for a moment, and then rushed into each other's arms. Embracing passionately they began to kiss deeply and tenderly. Harm walked her over to the bed, and pulled back. Making eye contact, he trailed his hands up her back over her shoulders, hesitated over her collarbones and then watched her expression as he slowly dropped his hands over her breasts. Mac gasped at the long awaited intimate touch, and instinctively moved in closer to him. He groaned and squeezed her lightly drifting his hands down again to her flat stomach and under the lower edge of her tank top. In one swift motion he lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it on the floor. He stepped back to admire the view and sucked in his breath. She wore no bra. There she was standing before him, as she had offered to be years before on the ferry in Sydney Harbor. For a moment he gaped in awe at her beauty, then looked in her eyes once again as he quickly lifted his own shirt over his head, and moved in close to her. Without preamble he picked her up at the waist, and tenderly laid her down on the bunk. Harm was acutely aware of the firmness of her naked breasts pressed against his chest.
Hoisting himself up on his elbows he gently moved a stray hair from her face. His eyes bore into hers, and he smiled slightly. "I love you." He said adoringly. "You're so beautiful." He whispered as he caressed her cheek. Mac smiled up at him, her eyes alight with love. It was time to make him hers. Forever. She slid a hand from his rear end, up his muscular back, and grasped onto the back of his head, pulling him in for a mind numbing kiss. Harm groaned as her tongue gained entrance, rhythmically stroking the inside of his mouth. He wove his hands through her hair as he pulled back and began laying soft kisses on her cheek, and then behind her ear. "I love your skin" He told her as he trailed his tongue down the slope of her neck and over her collarbone. Mac shivered in response as he began to lay open-mouthed kisses from her collarbone down her chest. Ever so slowly he circled her breasts with gentle kisses. Making her nipples rise and pucker in response. Mac's breath hitched in her throat as he began to blow lightly on her nipples. She clapped her hand over her mouth and stifled a gasp as his mouth slowly sank over her breast. He sucked heartily on her flesh, and rhythmically rubbed his tongue back and forth over her nipple. "You like that baby?" He asked against her skin, as he heard her give a low groan.
"Yes," Mac replied in a broken whisper.
Harm raised his head up and smiled a tender smile at her. Mac smiled back and he stifled a laugh as she pulled his head down toward her other breast. Harm lightly teased her nipple with soft kisses, raising up periodically to watch it react to his attention. Mac exhaled, and Harm could feel her impatience. Sliding slightly back up her body, he whispered to her. "I'm sorry I forgot we have a time constraint."
Mac nodded and raised her head up slightly, molding her mouth to his in a slow, passionate, gentle kiss that left him breathless. Careful not to break their connection she rose up to a slight sitting position and began to unfasten his pants. Harm wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her into a full sitting position. Rising up on his knees, he allowed her to finish her task, and then he hooked his thumbs onto edges of his pants and his boxers, and pulled them down to his knees. He froze as he saw her eyes widen at the view of his arousal merely inches from her face. She reached up to stroke him, clasping her hand all the way around his shaft. Harm groaned and closed his eyes at her touch. Mac looked up and smiled in satisfaction at the look on his face. Every time she moved her hand his jaw would tighten and she could tell he was holding back a moan.
Harm reached down and stilled her hand. "Mac, wait. Please let me take these off." He ground out in a hoarse whisper. She nodded, as he stood up and completely disrobed. While he was standing he leaned over and shucked off Mac's pants, along with her panties. He barely had time to drop her pants onto the floor when she took hold of his arm and pulled him down on top of her. "Harm, please, we don't have much time." Mac whispered in his ear, as she began to kiss his neck. Harm nodded and turned onto his side so that they were facing each other. They barely fit together on the bunk, but this position allowed them full view of each other, and better access. Harm curved his hand around the back of her head threading his fingers in her still slightly damp hair, and took her mouth. He kissed her full and deep as his other hand caressed her impossibly soft breasts eliciting a stifled groan. Mac's hands roamed over his muscular torso and then down to his groin. Memorizing him with her fingers. She felt his intake of breath as she clasped her hand once more around him. Harm broke their kiss and arched his head back closing his eyes. She smiled and began to touch him more thoroughly. "Don't do that too much Mac, or it'll be all over."
"Oh no, not yet" She tried to tell him something more, but the feeling of his hand sliding down onto the cleft between her legs, silenced her. Mac gasped as he began to lightly stroke her engorged and sensitive lips. Harm reached into her center and collected some of her moisture onto his finger. Sliding a few inches higher he spread the moisture on her nub, and rubbed it lightly, but rapidly. Pinching and squeezing at it gently; sporadically, causing Mac to bite her lip, as she held back her moan. She arched her back, and Harm could tell that she was ready. He was more than ready as she had continued to steadily stroke him in response to his touches. Harm put his arm around her and slid her onto her back. Covering her with his form. He kissed her lovingly.
"You ready?" He whispered. His eyes shone with love and desire.
"Yes." She whispered back, mirroring his expression.
"This is it baby, just you and me." Harm said slowly. Looking her directly in the eye, showing his heart in clear, raw emotion. He positioned himself at her opening and slowly slid inside her. They gasped together feeling their first complete connection as lovers. They were a perfect fit. For several seconds they lay unmoving. Frozen in time, by an incredible sense of wonder. After all these years, this was what it meant to finally be part of each other. Mac smiled up at Harm, and he reacted in kind as he began to move his hips, slowly thrusting in and out of her. She pressed her breasts up against his chest, reveling in the feel of his skin rubbing against her nipples. Panting with longing she moved her hips against him, speeding up the pace of their lovemaking. Harm groaned into her hair as she snaked her hands down to his well-toned six and pulled him deeper inside her. She kneaded his muscular flesh as she pulled him into her in firm deliberate strokes. "I love you," she said into his ear in a broken whisper. "Oh Harm I love you so much! I've waited so long."
"I know, I'm so sorry Mac." He raised his head up and looked her in the eye, "I love you." He kissed her softly and looked at her again. "I'll always love you." Mac's eyes welled up with unshed tears, and Harm held her eyes, as he moved in and out of her with passionate fervor. Mac felt herself close to the edge and she matched him thrust for thrust. Harm's face twisted in an expression of pure pleasure. And he captured her mouth one more time, muffling their cries as they tumbled over the edge together. Harm collapsed on top of her, completely wrung. He had no idea how he was going to be able to keep his composure long enough to get up, get dressed, and go sleep in his own bunk. For the moment he lay with his head buried in her neck, utterly drowning in her intoxicating scent. Mac pushed slightly on his shoulder and he immediately raised up. "I'm sorry, am I too heavy for you?"
"No, I was just making sure you hadn't passed out on me." Mac said in amusement.
"Of course not! I was just drinking you in. You know Mac, you smell incredible!"
"Thanks." Mac replied shyly, and then sighed. "As much as I want to hold you all night, I think you better get up and go. We've taken up too much time already."
Sitting up, Harm agreed. "I know it. I'm sorry Mac." Harm paused and stared at the floor. "I feel like I'm walking out on you."
At that Mac sat up as well. Taking her hand and lifting his face, she said, "Hey, you're not walking out on me. I asked you to make love to me. I knew you couldn't stay." Looking away, she continued in a quiet voice, "Don't you ever walk out on me. Don't even say that." There was hint of remembered pain in her voice. Harm turned to her, and she met his eyes. "I'll never walk out on you. Ever. This is the closest I'll ever come to it, and it's only because it's absolutely necessary." He stated ardently.
Mac smiled at him. "Thank you Harm." She leaned over and drew him in a tight embrace. "Thank you so much." She drew back, "now get out of here before we get court-martialed."
"Yes Ma'am." He teased, and rapidly donned his clothes. Mac leaned back on the bed, and watched him dress. When he was finished he leaned down and kissed her fervently. "I love you, goodnight."
"Goodnight Harm, I love you too."
Harm and Mac both woke up alone and reaching for each other. Simultaneously they sighed, got up from their bunks, and hung their heads. How many rules of protocol had they broken last night? How could they have put all discretion aside for a few intimate moments together? How much trouble would they get into if someone found out what happened in her quarters? Is it wrong not to give a damn? Is it wrong to feel the urge to do it all over again, no matter what the punishment would be? 'No', they both concluded. This is love.
Harm ran his hand through his hair as he made his way to the mess hall for breakfast, and he thought of something Mac had once said, 'Love is the antidote for common sense.' He chuckled, 'Damn right.' "Something funny Harm?" Mac said, and Harm turned to look at her. When she came into full view he caught his breath at the glowing smile she was giving him.
He smiled back, and then cleared his throat a bit. Mac's smile immediately dimmed as she realized where they were. "No, I was just thinking how some people who are normally level headed can lose their judgment when there's emotional attachment involved." Mac's face fell, her lips parted, and her heart began to thrum. Harm caught her expression, but didn't know what to do about it in the middle of the crowded mess hall. If he spoke convincingly to her everyone would catch on to the situation. If he were physically demonstrative it would be the same. He fidgeted for a second, and then tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Let's get in line." He said in a low voice. Mac nodded, but averted her eyes. They didn't speak again until they went to sit down. Harm tried to find the most isolated table, and settled on one in the corner of the mess hall. As soon as he sat down he began, "Mac…"
"Having second thoughts Harm?" Mac replied in a quiet voice, staring at a spot on her tray.
"Mac please look at me." She raised her eyes. "No, I'm not having second thoughts, that's the problem. I'm supposed to care if I break every rule of protocol in the book, but I don't care. Isn't it odd how that happens?" Harm didn't give her a chance to respond. "If I had it to do over again, I would do it in a heartbeat. There's only one thing I would change." Harm's expression was entreating, he held her eyes and then winked.
Mac audibly sighed in relief, and looked down, shaking her head slightly. "Don't ever do that to me again." She paused as she processed the last words he had spoken. "What would you change?"
Harm's voice dropped to a whisper, and he leaned in conspiratorially, "Well, as responsive as you were, I definitely would have given it another five minutes. Just to see the look on your face when you…"
Mac laughed and held up a hand, cutting him off "Ok I get the picture." Harm gave her a 1000 watt smile. "So Commander, I take it you don't have any complaints about what transpired?"
Harm's face turned serious. "Just one," he replied.
"What?" Mac asked, concerned.
"I woke up alone." Harm said seriously.
"I know." Mac said, giving him a small consoling smile.
They ate in silence until they noticed a young man coming toward them.
"Sir, Ma'am, may I have a moment?" Harm looked up and noticed it was the same young Ensign who had overheard his conversation with the Admiral. Harm smiled at the Ensigns demeanor, there was a quality about that boy. He would make a fine officer one day. "Of course Ensign." Harm said. "Colonel Mackenzie, this is Ensign, " Harm paused. "I'm sorry I didn't catch your name when we met before."
"Ensign Luke Playfair." The Ensign replied coming to attention and saluting both of them.
"At ease." They said concurrently. Ensign Playfair relaxed and sat down in a chair at the edge of the table.
"Nice to meet you Ensign Playfair, what can we do for you?" Mac said.
"Permission to speak freely?" He looked between them.
"Granted." They both replied, and then smiled at each other.
Ensign Playfair took a deep breath, clasped his hands on the table in front of him and lowered his voice. "I came to warn you. You two have to be careful. I'm not the only one who has caught on to your," He paused, "affiliation." Mac blinked in alarm, and Harm shifted in his seat. Turning to Harm he said, "Sir, there isn't anyone of our bunkmates that didn't notice you coming back well after 2300 last night. And you." Ensign Playfair stopped, and glanced at Mac, red with embarrassment.
"I what, Ensign?"
Ensign Playfair gulped and turned to Mac, "No disrespect Ma'am." Mac nodded. Then he turned to Harm. "Sir, you," he paused. "You smelled like Colonel Mackenzie." Harm froze, his bite of food suspended on his spork between his bowl and his mouth. Mac, choked on her orange juice, and quickly picked up a napkin to wipe her mouth.
"I beg your pardon?" Mac said. "How could you tell he smelled like me?"
Ensign Playfair's face was now beet red. His focus was trained deep into the tabletop. "Well Ma'am, you are a very attractive woman, all the men notice you, and you have a distinctive scent. It's, it's rather pleasant, I'm sure the Commander has noticed it as well." Playfair clamped his mouth shut before he swallowed anymore of his foot. Harm chuckled nervously, and then winked again at Mac. She blushed.
"How many of our crewmates know about this?" Harm asked.
"About ten observed your tardiness first hand, and who knows who they have spoken to since then." Harm nodded. "Sir, they have already started a betting pool. That's actually a good thing for you because the betting pools are frowned upon. None of the guys participating in it are going to be letting their CO's in on it."
Mac frowned and looked at Harm. "What do you think we should do?"
Ensign Playfair cut in, "respectfully Ma'am, tone it down a bit. We all notice the way you look at the Commander, and, the way he looks at you." He paused blushing again. "Not that we can blame him."
Mac nodded. "Thank you Ensign, I'm glad you let us know about this."
"Keep us apprised will you?"
"Yes sir, I will. And sir, I just want you to know that I didn't tell a soul about what I observed yesterday." Harm nodded and smiled a thank you. Ensign Playfair stood at attention, saluted once more, and walked away. Mac eyed Harm, and folded her arms.
Harm conceded raising a hand. "I know, I know, you were right, we should have just ignored everything until we got home."
"I distinctly recall being the one asking for more last night. I wasn't just you." Mac sighed. "Now what do we do?"
"Ride it out I guess Mac, and hope Ensign Playfair was right about the guys keeping it under wraps."
Mac smiled thoughtfully at that. "I wonder what their betting pool is about." Harm made no reply. "He was right though, Harm. We need to tone it down, until we get home.
Harm sighed, acquiescent, "I think so too." He gave her a sly grin and said, "What happens when we get home?"
She stood and leaned in to whisper in his ear, "I'll give you that extra five minutes." And with that, she walked away. Leaving Harm sitting alone with his mouth open, and his senses filled with her incredible scent.
The next few days passed without incident. Harm found out from Playfair that the betting pool had gone from 'When will they get caught doing the deed' to 'When will they cave, and go at it again.' He shook his head. Those wagers were par for guys who didn't know them very well. Once he and Mac came to a decision about something, that was it, there was no going back on it. "Damn it." Harm said aloud. He couldn't wait to get back home.
"Something the matter Commander?" Mac said, raising an eyebrow. Harm gave her a deliberate look. She knew exactly what he was thinking.
"No Colonel," he said. Only Mac could recognize the leer in his voice. "Just wishful thinking."
She gave him a courteous smile, but there was a gleam in her eye. "Understood, Commander. I have a few thoughts of my own along those lines," Mac responded casually. For just one moment Harm could see the emotions in her eyes. Hunger, frustration, patience, love.
He nodded, and treated her with 'expression number 35' on the Rabb scale. The look that said, 'I wish I didn't want you this much'. Mac had seen that look directed toward her countless times over the years. Only this time she had the luxury of interpreting it differently. That look was trained on her now, not because Harm didn't want to want her, but because he wanted to love her. It was circumstances that kept them apart, nothing more. Mac faintly smiled to herself at that thought. Then she sighed. "When are you heading out?"
"1030, are you going to be there to see me off?" Mac looked up abruptly, "Of course, haven't I always been there?"
"Yes you have." Harm smiled. "Then we have, what another week?"
"Yeah. I arrive at Dulles at 0900 Friday."
"I'll be there." Harm said through bites of food. "You know Mac, we're really going to be disappointing a lot of people with that betting pool."
Mac laughed. "I know. Too bad there's consequences involved. We could really work it up to some serious cash." Harm chuckled, he loved it when she was in a teasing mood. It suited her. He pinned her with a mischievous grin, and Mac shifted nervously in her seat. "Harm, what are you planning?" She said in warning voice. He just grinned wider. "Harm, tell me what you're planning." She said slowly and emphatically, trying not to attract attention.
Harm looked around innocently, lowering his voice. "You know Mac, most of the people participating in the pool are right here in this room. Don't you see them pretending not to notice us?"
"Yeah, so. What are you going to do?"
Harm leaned over and whispered to her, knowing they were being watched. "Well you brought it up. I thought I'd just take it one step further. We don't have time to rack up the cash. But we can give them a little jolt. Since I'm leaving today I'm sure that most of them have given up on winning anything anyway."
"Just tell me what you're going to do." Mac whispered back.
"Just play along Mac."
"Harm, I'm warning you."
"Just play along ok."
"Ok, but this better not be a court martial-able offense."
Harm frowned. "You know I wouldn't do that. I just want to have a little fun."
"I don't always trust your idea of fun."
"You liked it well enough a couple days ago." Harm leered at her.
Mac smiled, "Yes, I did."
"Ok Mac, let's do something to attract attention."
"Like what?"
Harm thought for a moment, and then speared a piece of scrambled eggs with his fork. "Here Sarah, taste this." He said, a fraction louder than his normal speaking voice. At the sound of her given name the whole Mess hall became quiet. He leaned over the table, offered the eggs to her, and added in a wink just for good measure. Mac gave him a wide smile, winked back, and slowly opened her mouth to take the food in. She moved her lips all the way to the curve of the fork, and then slid them slowly back again. She chewed provocatively and swallowed. "Good?" He asked.
"Oh yeah." Mac replied in a seductive voice. He held her eyes, and speared another piece but then fumbled and dropped his fork. She furrowed her brow slightly in question, but he maintained his gaze so she continued to play along. Slowly Harm rose from his seat, walked around the table and got down on one knee. Her eyes grew wide, as he took her hand and paused. Harm swore he could have heard a pin drop. Every eye was trained on them. Mac glanced around, at the gaping eyes of her crewmates and wanted to laugh out loud. Somewhere in the corner of the room, someone dropped his orange juice; no one cared. Everything stilled once more, as Harm began to speak. "Mac I…", he held her gaze for a moment longer, and then suddenly looked down on the floor and said, "Oh, there's my fork." Rising from his knees, he went to sit back down in his chair. Every eyebrow in the place was raised to capacity. Mission accomplished. Mac eyed him in shock, she had never seen him pull a stunt like that before. Her eyes shone in amusement, these poor people, they had no idea who they were dealing with. She looked around, some of them were still gaping, and shaking their heads. The Colonel and Commander hadn't done anything that would even count as fraternization and yet they all felt like Voyeurs. Without a word Mac picked up her fork and finished the rest of her breakfast like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
Harm could barely contain his laughter. If he sat there one more minute he was going to lose it. Looking at his watch he said as casually as he could, "I better get going. I still have a few things to get together before I leave."
Mac watched him work to keep a straight face, and it almost ruined her resolve. "Ok, I'm about done here anyway." She said, with a small catch in her voice. Harm and Mac rose to dispose of their trays. As they stepped over the knee knocker, they immediately heard the murmuring begin.
They paused, listening. "I told you there was something going on between those two."
"I thought he was going to propose right there"
"That's what we all thought"
"Did you see the way they were looking at each other? I thought they were going to go at it right there on the table."
They couldn't contain it any longer, raced into the room nearest to them, and collapsed in laughter. Tears flowed down Mac's cheeks and Harm held his stomach. "Did you see their faces?" Harm choked out as he tried to get his bearings. "What do you think the betting pool's about this time?"
"Who knows, those poor guys are so confused right now, they don't know which end is up. I can't believe you did that! Why didn't you tell me what you were going to do?"
"I needed the shocked look on your face to pull it off." Harm paused, "I didn't go too far did I?"
Mac shook her head, "No," she said jovially, "but next time I see you in that pose Harmon Rabb it better be the real thing." They both took a cleansing breath, as they tried to regain composure. Harm stepped forward, and wiped a tear from her face, as he had done so many times before.
"Oh believe me Sarah, it will be." Mac's eyes smoldered with love for him, and Harm gathered her into a passionate embrace. "I love you baby."
"I love you too," she whispered against his chest. Mac heaved a heavy sigh, "One more week." Harm pulled back so he could see her face.
"One more week," he echoed, "and then you are all mine." Mac smiled, and Harm released her. "I need to get going."
"Yeah, I have a few things I need to do too, but if I don't see you before then, I'll be on the deck to see you off."
"You always are." Harm grinned.
"I always will be." Mac grinned back, and Harm walked out the door.
6 days later Harm sat on his bed with the phone in his hand. He was just about to call when he looked at the clock and realized that it would be the middle of the night where she was. 'She is probably sleeping,' he thought. On her side with her hand tucked under her cheek. Maybe she was smiling, maybe she was dreaming about him. Maybe she was dreaming about the way he touched her. Maybe she missed him as much as he did her. Harm smiled at that thought, and then sighed and slumped back onto his pillow. "One more day." He groused aloud.
"I beg to differ, Commander." Came a familiar voice from the doorway. Harm looked up promptly, startled, and then a smile lit his face. Mac smiled back, and walked two steps toward him before he swiftly covered the distance between them and enfolded her in his arms. Mac chuckled, "nice to see you too."
Harm smiled and pulled her to him. His hand slid around to support her neck while he kissed her senseless. "You're back early."
"Yeah, I was able to catch a transport at the end of my shift." They stood together for a moment, smiling, and then Harm switched into "protective mode."
"Have you eaten?"
"I am hungry, but I'm more tired. I haven't slept very well this week." She added with a meaningful glance as she lay down on his bed, possessively bending his pillow to fit her neck.
"Wow you must be tired if you're turning down food." Mac only nodded and looked up at him drowsily. "And here I was hoping for you to come in and beg me for a repeat of that night in your quarters." Harm said in a faux offended tone.
Mac laughed out loud. "That may come yet. Just be patient."
Mac scooted back a little as Harm sat down on the bed beside her. He caressed her shoulder, sliding his hand down her arm before he leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss. "You get some rest. I'm going to go to the store and get something suitable for carnivores." Mac rolled her eyes, but then reached up and kissed him again before he rose from the bed. Her hand tingled as it scrubbed slightly on his stubble then dropped from his cheek. He grinned at her and then headed for the bedroom door. Mid-stride he stopped and turned, "Mac," She turned over and opened her eyes, "I love you."
Mac cheeks flushed and she flashed him a warm smile. "I love you too, Harm." Harm smiled back, turned out the light, and left for the store.
When Harm returned he made an extra effort to be quiet. He had something special planned for Mac, and he wanted to be able to unpack all of the grocery bags before she woke up. The problem was, to put some of the items away, he was going to have to go into his bedroom. This was going to be tricky. There was a kick ass Marine in there who would be alert at any sound while she slept. Harm cupped his chin and scrubbed his stubble as he thought. Coming to a conclusion, he began to empty all of the grocery bags but one that he put aside for later. Smiling to himself, he set about preparing dinner. Twenty minutes later Harm looked up as Mac emerged from his bedroom looking bleary eyed and beautiful. "What's that smell?"
Harm smiled. "Pot Roast."
Mac's eyes lit up. "My favorite."
"I know." Harm said smugly, and held his arms out to her. She raised her finger, "just a second, I'm thirsty." Harm nodded and turned back to the book he was reading while she slept.
"Harm?" He turned to face her. "What's in the bag?" She held up the bag he had previously set aside and Harm jumped up from his seat, and raced into the kitchen.
"Oh it's nothing, just some personal items." He hastily replied, taking the bag from her. She slightly resisted, but let it go. Raising an eyebrow at him. He just gave a small shrug and headed for his bedroom. Harm quickly went into the bathroom, and hid the bag in the bottom of the linen closet. He grinned to himself, and hoped that Mac would like what he had planned.
An hour later they were finishing up their pot roast and vegetables. "Wow, you ate one whole slice of meat. I'm so proud." Mac ribbed him. Harm rolled his eyes.
"Oh thank you very much, you know just how much that means to me." They both laughed, and Mac rose and grabbed their plates to put them in the sink. Harm stood up as well, and came up behind her. Sliding his arms around her waist he kissed her ear, and then whispered to her. "You wait here, I need to go prepare something for you."
"What?"
"It's a surprise." He replied as he kissed her neck, and lightly slipped his hand over her breast, before he released her. Mac turned around and eyed him.
"Harm, I hate surprises, you know that."
"I'm sure you'll like this one Mac." He replied giving her a cocky grin. She just watched him suspiciously, as he walked into his bedroom. Mac fought the urge to peak in and see what he was up to, and her curiosity heightened exponentially as she heard the water running in the bathtub. Then a smile broke out over her face. He was running her a bath. What had Harriet told her once? 'What every woman wants most in life is to never have to wash her own back.' Damned right. Mac chuckled and turned back to the dishes. Might as well do something useful while she waited for her 'surprise.'
Harm stepped out of his room a few minutes later, and threw a grin her way. Walking up behind her, he kissed her shoulder and put a hand on her six. "You didn't have to do this you know." Harm said, referring to the dishes.
"I know, but I had to keep myself distracted to keep from sneaking in and finding out what you were doing in there." Harm laughed.
"Well you're about to find out." He said, as he turned her around and kissed her soundly. "Come on." Harm led her by the hand into the bedroom. Mac halted in the doorway. Her lips parted as she took in her surroundings. The room was bathed in firelight. Candles were glowing, in the warm moist air. She could smell the faint scent of lavender, and she was acutely aware of Harm's hand entwined with hers.
Mac looked up at him, and he beamed back at her. "Wow." Was all she could think of to say. Harm led her further into the room and she noticed that bath tub also had candles lining it. She could faintly see the steam rising in the glow. Harm faced her and kissed her tenderly, sliding his hands down her sides until he reached the edge of her shirt and then pulled it slowly up until it bunched slightly below her breasts. His hands continued up her arms, lifting them. Mac held them in the air as he slid his hands back down her arms, over breasts and then pulled her shirt over her head. Her bra was discarded next, along with her pants. Harm drew Mac in a gentle embrace, groaning slightly at the feel of her nude body pressed against him. Slowly he slid his hands down her sides and into the waistband of her panties, pushing them down far enough for them to drop. Mac kicked them aside, and wordlessly waited. Harm stepped back, and couldn't help but admire the view. She was stunning. His breath caught in his throat as he gazed at her nude body glowing in the firelight. Mac blushed under his scrutiny, and fought the urge to clasp her hands over her breasts. "What?" She finally said, breaking Harm out of his trance. He treated her with a tender smile.
"You're so beautiful in this light." He whispered. Mac beamed.
"Thank you." She said shyly, and then raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you could be this romantic Harm."
"Neither did I." He chuckled.
"Well are you going to just stand there staring at me?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. No I'm not." Harm took her hand and led her over to the tub. Mac stepped in and let out a sigh. It was the perfect temperature. Hot as hell. "Mmm, this is heaven."
"Not too hot?"
"Oh no, it's just right." Harm grinned in satisfaction.
"Good." He said, as he knelt down beside the tub. Mac laid her head back on the bath pillow, and closed her eyes as Harm began to repeatedly dip his palm in the water and pour it over her head. Stroking her hair out of her face. Occasionally he stopped and traced her features with his fingers. Mac kissed his thumb as it glanced over her lips, and smiled. He smiled back, and continued to wet her hair until it was soaked enough to wash. Then Harm poured some shampoo into his palm and began to slowly lather up her hair. Mac closed her eyes and relaxed as Harm massaged her scalp.
"You know Harm, I could really get used to this. Is this what I'm going to get treated to every time I come home to you?" Harm paused, and Mac cocked one eye open. She chuckled at the expression on his face. He looked elated, apprehensive, and bewildered at the same time. Mac reached out and placed a dripping hand on his forearm. "Sorry, that was a very loaded question," she said with laughter in her voice.
Harm smiled. "No, it's fine. That just brought up a lot of different scenarios." He replied, wiggling an eyebrow.
Mac sat up, and eyed him. "All good I hope."
"Yes, all good." He paused, and then sighed, "some of them complicated, but all good." He smiled slightly and cupped her cheek, "now Marine lay back down before those suds run into your eyes."
Mac complied, but spoke up as he supported her neck, and rinsed her hair. "I wouldn't worry about it Harm, complicated is our specialty."
"That's for sure." He replied as he finished his task. Harm pulled her to a sitting position and smoothed the small streams of water from her forehead. Gently lifting her chin so she could see his eyes, he said, "and I'm not worried."
Mac gave him a skeptical look. "You're not worried at all?"
Harm sighed again, and studied the flicker of a flame in the background. "Yes, I'm worried about one thing."
"What?"
"I'm worried about screwing all of this up with you." Harm gestured around the room, "this, all of this, with you and me. It's everything I've ever wanted Mac. I'm afraid of losing it. Afraid of screwing up and losing you."
Mac gave an exasperated sigh. "And here we are, back at the beginning again." Harm looked up
sharply, but Mac raised a hand indicating that she wasn't finished. "You've been afraid of the same thing from day one." She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, "Harm, do you love me?"
"Yes, I do. You know I do."
"Then don't worry about it. You've won half the battle just by admitting that. If you're afraid of screwing up, then don't screw up. You have control over everything that you do." Mac paused, seeing
the expression on his face turn to relief. She knew how that kind of language would affect him. She added a hint of amusement to her voice. "Harm, are you planning on cheating on me?"
Harm's head flew up. "NO! Of course not!" He said, affronted.
Mac held her expression. "Are you planning on beating me, or our children?"
"NO!" Harm replied, scowling.
Mac smiled. "Good, then I'll stay." She said simply, and then dipped her head under the water. When she came up, she saw that Harm was smiling at her. She returned his smile and brought a soaking hand behind his head, drawing him in to kiss her. Harm groaned at the feel of her lips, soft and wet. Mac pulled back and held his eyes. "Promise me you won't worry us to death."
Harm returned her gaze. "I promise," he whispered. Leaning in closer to her, he kissed her face, gently stroking and slightly sucking the water from her skin. Sliding his hand up her neck and resting it on her cheek, he trailed his lips from her jaw line to her chin. Mac rose up onto her knees sloshing some water over the side of the tub, and slightly shifted her lips to meet his. Harm leaned toward her and wrapped his arms around her as he kissed her with gusto. Mac felt the embers ignite, and she knew this time it wasn't going to be slow and tender like it had before. It would be loving, but it would be passionate.
Mac trailed her hands down his back. His shirt was wet and plastered to his skin. She reached the hem and peeled if off his back. Breaking their connection only briefly, she flung the shirt away from them. It landed with a thwack, on the tile floor. Pulling him closer to her Mac put her arms around his neck and sealed her mouth over his once more, her lips sucking and pushing against his.
Harm took that opportunity to rid himself of the rest of this clothes. Wrapping his arms around her, he climbed into the tub and pressed her firmly against the wall.
Mac moaned as he released her mouth and began to kiss and lap the water off her neck and chest.
"Oh yeah, right there." Mac murmured breathlessly into his wet hair, as he trailed his tongue down around her breast, and closed his mouth over her nipple sucking greedily. Harm groaned at the feel of her
skin in his mouth, and the realization of what she was letting him do to her. He moved his hands down her sides sliding them along her skin until he reached that delicate line where her rear end met her thighs. His hands slid around that line and abruptly picked her up, bracing her against the wall, as he raised his head up from her breast and looked into her heavy lidded eyes.
Slowly he stroked and teased her slick entrance with his tip until they were both panting with expectation. Mac grabbed at his back bringing him closer to her in her impatience as she slammed
her mouth against his. The moment their lips met, Harm thrust himself up inside her. Their tongues dance in rapid rhythm, as he held her close and drove in and out of her wetness. Mac released his swollen
lips, panting with desire; she laid her head on his shoulder, and surrendered to the feeling of their lovemaking.
Harm began to kiss her neck as his thrusts became harder and more intense. Taking her lobe into his mouth, he sucked lightly, and then whispered breathlessly, "How close are you baby?"
"Go ahead, I'm right there with you. Just give me a good shot."
Harm chuckled, and said, "You got it." With that he moved in and out of her with renewed intensity. Hard and fast, pushing hard against her sensitive cleft, knowing it would send her over the edge.
"Oh baby, Oh yeah just like that." Mac moaned. And Harm felt her muscles sporadically tighten and clench around him, as he shot his juices onto her sensitive cervix.
Harm stilled, still holding her against the wall, panting with exertion. "Wow." He breathed, pulling back to see her face.
"I know." She said, smiling, and then laughed. "Nice shot!"
Harm laughed with her, "Thanks, I try." His eyes filled with love as he released her from the wall, and wrapped her in a strong embrace. "I love you baby."
"I love you too." Mac sighed in complete contentment.
Harm awoke to a light tapping on the door of his apartment. Cocking one eye open he looked next to him toward the clock on his night stand. The back of Mac's head obstructed his view. Before he could
raise his head to look over her. He heard her say, "It's 1013."
"How do you do that?"
"Magic," she said, as she turned onto her left side and snuggled close to his chest. Her eyes remained closed. Harm folded his arms around her, and willed whomever it was at the door to just go away. The
tapping stopped briefly, but then began again.
Harm growled under his breath. "Just go away," he mumbled into Mac's hair.
Mac shifted slightly. "It's Harriet." She murmured against his chest.
"Harriet? Why would she be here on a Friday morning? It is Friday isn't it?"
"Yes, it's Friday. She's here because I told her I would call her when I got in, and I never did."
"Oh. But why is she here?"
Mac sighed, and snuggled in closer to him. "I don't know Harm. Maybe she couldn't find me."
"Why would she look at my place?" Mac raised her head up and for the first time that morning opened her eyes, her expression could only be read one way, 'duh'. Harm just looked at her for a second and then
nodded. Mac turned over, reached for the phone and blindly dialed a number. She rubbed her eyes trying to clear the cobwebs. Harm faintly heard the ringing of a cell phone outside his door. And Harriet's voice saying hello.
"Hey Harriet, it's Mac."
"Oh Ma'am, where are you? I am at Commander Rabb's apartment looking for you."
Mac audibly sighed, "I know it Harriet, you woke us up."
"US?"
"Yes, Harriet. Us." Harm smiled as he heard Harriet shrieking from outside the door. "I'm sending Harm right now to let you in." Mac caught Harm's eyes and slightly jerked her head in the direction of
the door. Harm nodded, stood up and pulled on his boxers and then his jeans. His eyes widened as he looked around the room. Mac's clothes were in a mound on the floor where he had undressed her. There were spent candles all over the room. His clothes and the bed clothes were scattered about. Harm hastily gathered the clothes from the floor and went to his dresser to get a t-shirt. Looking around the room, one
last time, he went to the door. He could hear Mac still on the phone with Harriet.
"…yeah, I know it. Yeah, he's coming to the door right now." With that Mac hung up and snuggled down deeper into the covers. It was warm in there and it was only Harriet. At least Harm had picked up
their unmentionables before he opened the door. She heard the door open, and Harm ask Harriet to come in.
"Mac?" Harriet called to her, after not seeing her in the living room.
"I'm in here Harriet, come on in." Harriet warily approached the bedroom. Harm's eyes widened as he heard Mac's invitation, but he remained silent as he stood in the kitchen making coffee. Harriet walked into Harm's room, and froze open-mouthed. Mac lay in Harm's bed obviously nude, with the comforter haphazardly pulled up to rest in her under arms. The room slightly smelled of used up candle wax,
bath soap, and sex. It was almost too much for Harriet to take in.
"Harriet, hello, over here." Mac said, waving her hand in the air in amusement. Harriet snapped out of her shock, and threw Mac a glowing grin.
"Wow." Harriet said, with excitement in her voice.
"Tell me about it." Mac said, knowingly, as she patted the space next to her on the bed. "Come here and sit down." Harriet, went over and sat down next to Mac. Too excited by her recent discovery to put out
any of the standard, 'how was your trip' type questions. Harriet dove right in to the meat of the matter.
"So Mac, tell me how all of this happened. And I want to know everything." Mac eyed her, amused.
"What are you talking about nothing happened." Mac replied, as innocently as she could. Harriet shook her head, and laughed. Mac laughed with her and scooted up to a sitting position, preparing
herself to tell her story. Harriet squirmed in anticipation. Mac recounted the basics of the tale. Telling Harriet vaguely about the "hot seat", and how they had agreed to be discreet about their
relationship while aboard the carrier. But the very next night, the temptation had been too great and they had become lovers. Mac left out the more personal aspects of the story, but threw in enough
details to make Harriet occasionally ooh and awe. Harm stood at the door of the bedroom, with a slightly embarrassed look on his face. Harriet just grinned at him as he walked over to the bed and handed
Mac a cup of coffee.
"Would you like a cup Harriet?" Harm asked as casually as he could.
"No thank you sir." She replied. Harm shifted in slight nervousness. He wasn't used to anyone being in his private space. Especially Harriet.
"Well then if you will excuse us for a moment Harriet, I would like to change my clothes and go for a run." Harriett swiftly vacated the bed and headed for the door.
"Of course sir, I'm sorry." She said quickly.
Harm smiled. "That's ok Harriet, I'll be out in a minute."
Harriett nodded and walked out of the bedroom. Harm closed the door behind her and looked
over at Mac. Who looked back at him with a questioning look on her face.
"You ok?" She asked, slightly creasing her brow in concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Harm replied. "I'm just not used to Harriett seeing my bedroom." He shucked off his pants, and his boxers. And went to the dresser to get a pair of briefs that would fit better with
his running clothes. He glanced at Mac, and chuckled. She was definitely enjoying the view. Mac looked at him with an appreciative eye, and was touched at how easily he stood naked in front of her. She smiled and slipped out of bed, sidling up next to him, she kissed him on the cheek and gave him full view of her body. She giggled at his intake of breath, before she put on his robe, grabbed her coffee, and went out into the living room.
Mac walked in, in time to see Harriett grab her purse and prepare to leave.
"You're not leaving yet are you?"
"Well, you two seemed, um, occupied, I thought I should probably go."
"No, don't be silly. Harm is going running, and I haven't seen you for weeks." Harriett smiled and sat back down. Mac sat down next to her and pulled her feet up underneath her, leaning her back against the arm of the couch. "So Harriett, what's the betting pool up to now?"
"Oh wow, it's been so many years it's got to be a good 3000 dollars by now." Mac sputtered a bit as she drank her coffee, and looked at Harriett in shock.
"Wow, that's a lot of money." Harriet nodded.
"Well you two had so many close calls, that the pool just kept growing." Harriett noticed a shadow cross Mac's features and she reached over and put her hand on Mac's forearm. "Sorry about that, I
didn't mean to bring up…"
"No it's ok," Mac cut her off. "It's behind us." Harriett smiled. Mac gave her a purposeful grin. "If we announced our relationship right now, who would win the pool?" Harriett, frowned and looked up,
searching her mental files for the answer.
"I believe that Lt. Singer would win."
"Singer? You're kidding."
"No I'm not."
"Harriett, what day would we have to announce our involvement for you
to win?"
"You're not thinking of fixing the results are you Mac? By all rights Singer should win." Mac laughed at her straight-laced friend, and shook her head. Not noticing Harm coming out the bedroom. She leaned
in conspiratorially toward Harriett and lowered her voice. "Well, just between you and me, nothing's "official" between Harm and me yet. Who knows where this little fling will go, and how long it will take
for us to truly 'get together'." Harriett sat back in shock and began to protest and then laughed and leaned in further as she caught Mac's meaning. Neither of them noticed Harm slipping out the door.
"You're terrible!" Harriett hesitated, and then said, "I'm not in the pool, but for Bud to win, you would have to wait until next Thursday."
Mac sat back and smiled. "Done." She said with laughter in her voice. And looked around for
Harm so she could fill him in on their plan, she called out for him to come from the bedroom, but there was no response. She furrowed her brow a little, "I guess he left for his run and we didn't notice."
Harriett nodded, they both shook off the oddness of it, and proceeded to talk well into the morning.
It was 1230 when Harm returned from his run. Mac had already showered and was sitting on the couch, with a steaming cup of fresh coffee on the table next to her, and a book in her hands. She looked up at him
and smiled as he walked into the apartment. He smiled back, but she could tell it was forced. Setting a bag on the counter he said, "I got you a burger and fries for lunch. I'm going to go take a shower."
Before she could respond, he was in his bedroom. Mac furrowed her brow. Something wasn't right. She heard the shower start up as she sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen and took out her burger. Trying to think of what might have happened that would account for Harm's mood. When she finished her lunch she disposed of the bag, and went into the bedroom. She found Harm standing on the bath mat in the bathroom toweling off, he paused briefly when he saw her, then continued his task.
"Thanks for the burger." She paused and Harm nodded. "I'm glad you're home I wanted to fill you in on the plan that Harriet and I came up with for announcing our relationship at the office. That is, if the Admiral will allow it." Mac said, good-humoredly. She faintly squinted her eyes as she noticed his demeanor. He seemed distracted, or was it detached? "Harm, what's wrong?" He looked up at her, his neutral expression looked painted on.
"What makes you think anything is wrong?" He asked.
"Because I know your face." She replied simply.
Harm sighed. And tried to lighten the mood. Pointing at her he said, "you're too observant by half." She sat on the edge of the bed, arms akimbo, head cocked to the side, and waited for him to answer her question. Harm hung up his towel and went over to the bed to put on the boxers that he'd laid out before his shower.
"It's nothing of consequence Mac," he stated. "Now, what were you saying about a plan?" Mac stared at him, unconvinced. But decided to let it slide.
"Well, we're definitely going to have to get the 'ok' from the Admiral before we try this, but if he allows it," Mac paused and shook her head slightly, "it's going to be one hell of a scene." Mac leaned in
and began whispering in his ear, Harm's eyes flew open to capacity, and his grin was part amusement, part trepidation.
In an attempt to cover his unease, Harm leaned over close to her ear and said in a loud whisper, "Why are we whispering?"
Mac sat back, and laughed. Smacking him on the chest. "Because it's a secret." She said aloud, "and that's how secrets are done."
Harm chuckled. "You and Harriett came up with this plan?" Mac nodded. "When?"
"It must have been right after you left. I called to you to let you in on it when I thought you were still in the bedroom, but you were already gone." A shadow of a frown briefly crossed Harm's face, but his comment was light.
"What's the purpose of this charade?"
"We're fixing the results of the betting pool."
Harm's eyebrows shot up. "That's right, the pool, what's it up to now?"
"Harriett said it was up to 3,000 by now."
Harm whistled. "And who's slated to win it?"
"Well if the we announced it right now, Singer would win."
"You're kidding." Harm said, laughing.
"That's what I said." Mac replied.
"So why are we fixing it?"
"It just doesn't seem right. The money should go to someone who has been there all along. Someone who has seen all of the fights, and the debates, and the 'close calls'." Mac stopped abruptly
before she brought up anything potentially painful. Harm absentmindedly began to stroke the skin of her forearm with his palm.
Harm nodded, "Ok, but I'm not sure I'm too comfortable doing that in the middle of the bullpen."
"That's why I wanted to talk to you before anything was set in stone. Although I do see the merits of Harriett's plan."
"Mac, we could be court-martialed for that!"
"I know, " she said leaning into kiss him lightly. "But it would be so worth it." She said in a sultry voice. Harm pulled her closer and kissed her thoroughly. Mac placed her hands on his chest to steady herself, and kneaded her fingers slightly over his muscles, before pulling back and giving him a smile.
"We can come up with something else if you'd like. There are only two things that can't be changed."
"Ok, what's that?"
"We're going to have to act convincingly," Mac paused. "And it has to be done on Thursday."
Harm scowled in question. "Why Thursday?"
"That's the day that Bud is slated to win the pool."
"Ahh!" Harm said in understanding. "So we're going to have to act
like we're still "just friends' until Thursday?"
"Yeah," Mac laugh quietly, "Harriett was worried about the authenticity of the win. So I told her that nothing was 'official' between us yet, and we'll just make it official on Thursday."
"Did she believe you?"
Mac gave a short laugh. "Of course not Harm! She knew I was being sarcastic."
The full realization of what she said, hit Harm quickly, and he eagerly, and literally gulped it down. So that's what he had heard. He kicked himself for worrying over it, instead of just asking her about it.
Mac noticed the change in him and pulled back a little from the embrace that he had suddenly engulfed her in. "Harm what is wrong?" She insisted. "You've been bothered by something since you got home."
"It's nothing, I'm just worrying too much again. I promised I wouldn't do that."
"What are you worried about this time?" Mac asked, apprehensive.
Harm sighed, and didn't meet her eyes. "I heard what you said to Harriett before I went running."
Mac's brow creased slightly, "what did I say?"
"Something about you not knowing how long our fling would last" His voice trailed off. "I don't remember your exact words."
Mac gaped for a split second, before she pulled completely away from him, and sat back. "Harm! You had to know I didn't mean that. Couldn't you tell I was being sarcastic?"
"You were whispering, I couldn't tell your tone of voice very well."
Mac pursed her lips together and shook her head. "You had to know I didn't mean that." She repeated in an entreating voice.
Harm nodded, "yeah, I knew there was some sort of explanation for it, but it still stung."
"I'm sorry." Mac said reaching for his hand. "Why didn't you just ask me about it when I said it?"
"I didn't want to embarrass you in front of Harriett. And I wasn't supposed to hear it in the first place."
Mac shook her head once again as she caught his childlike expression, and marveled at how breakable Harm could actually be when it came to personal relationships. Or maybe it was just this personal relationship. So this is what it looked like inside the walls of Harmon Rabb. Here she saw a man who had trained himself to expect the worst. And had grudgingly accepted the 'fact' that everything he loved would be taken away from him. So, he isn't superman after all. Beyond this realization, anger set in at how little he actually knew her. How could he so readily believe that she could ever just brush him aside?
If that were possible, she would be married to Mic right now. The thought made her involuntarily shudder.
Harm reached out and touched her arm. "Mac?"
Mac pinned him with a look of disappointment, and frustration. She spoke slowly, reminding herself that anger would serve no purpose. "Harm, I realize that you are determined to believe that if you love
someone, you're are inevitably going to lose them. And I'm sure you believe that for good reason. But you know what, that isn't true for everyone. If you were ever going to lose me, it would have happened
long before now. I wasn't lying on the Admiral's porch, and I'm not lying now." She paused, and met his eyes. "I promise, no matter what happens, you're never going to lose me."
Harm nodded, "I know that Mac…"
"The hell you do!" She cut him off, letting some of her anger show through. "I can't even joke with Harriett without you getting upset about it." Her voice dropped to almost a whisper. "Do you really think I could just blow you off like that? Do you really think I love you that little?"
Harm sat up straighter. "Mac! Now you're blowing it way out of proportion! If you noticed, I
didn't say anything about it until you insisted. I knew there was an explanation for it, and when I found out what it was, yes, I was relieved. But I never once thought that you really meant it that way. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I never thought that I was losing you." Mac laid back on the bed with her arms above her head, suddenly tired.
Harm lay down next to her, touched his finger to her chin and turned her to face him. "Hey," He said warmly. "You know this is really ridiculous. You're paranoid about me being paranoid. I admit, I heard something that was out of context, and I got a little upset about it. And I know I should have asked you about it instead of worrying. But I didn't think it was THAT big a deal." Harm lightly ran his hand through her hair. "It looks like I'm not the only worry wart around here. You've been worried about the same thing
from day one." Mac shot him a look as he repeated her words from the previous night, but then slowly smiled as she saw the look of affection on his face. "You're worried that you'll have to fight against my defenses to get to my heart. Mac, are you planning on walking out on me?"
"No!" She replied.
"Are you planning on using, or abusing my love?"
Mac's frown deepened, "NO!" She replied emphatically.
"Good, then I'll stay." He made the simple vow to her, as she had to him the night before. They shared a smile as Harm leaned down and kissed her tenderly, slowly. "Promise me you won't worry us to death."
"I promise." She answered, as she slid her lips over his, and slowly, softly kissed him. "I love you."
"I love you too baby."
Pulling away a little Mac sat up and turned to him, "Now, let's talk about next Thursday."
Harm stood and stared at Mac in consternation, arms folded across his chest. She answered his stare with an amused expression. "What's the matter Harm, you not up to the challenge?" He shook his head.
"It's not that. I'm perfectly capable of pulling off this little farce, I just don't think it's necessary." He paused, irritated. "Why can't we just go with my plan?'
"Because it's boring." She replied, letting out a sigh and lightly smacking his shoulder, as she walked around him into the kitchen.
"You think me kissing you is boring?" Harm's voice rose half an octave.
Mac gave him a sidelong look and chuckled. "Well not usually," Mac said flippantly, popping the top off her Rootbeer, and wiping the froth from her knuckles as it bubbled over the side. "But why settle for a fire cracker when you can have dynamite?" She raised an eyebrow, daring him.
"Hey!" Harm caught her arm and abruptly turned her body against him as she strode by, causing her rootbeer to slosh out onto the carpet. Snaking his free hand around the back of her head he seized her lips,
pressing into her mouth until her jaw opened and allowed his tongue to dip inside. Harm groaned as he tasted her. He would never look at root beer the same again. Mac responded with enthusiasm, throwing her
free arm around his neck. Harm hissed and thrust his shoulders up toward his ears as he felt the icy cold root beer slosh out onto his bare skin.
Mac laughed and pulled back. "Sorry about that," she said, mid-giggle. As she set her soda on the
counter and went to get a wash cloth. Harm followed her the few steps back into the kitchen. Swiping his hand on the back of his neck and rubbing his thumb along the pads of his fingers. He took the wash
cloth from her and pulled his shirt off. Dipping his head he wiped off the back of his neck. Mac came up beside him, took the cloth, and began to wash off his shoulders. Harm's skin tingled slightly at her
touch, and he turned his head grinning at her.
Harm grinned and said, "Ka-boom." Mac burst out laughing. Harm laughed with her, and took the cloth from her hands. Wrapping an arm around her waist he pulled her close to him and kissed her softly. "You see that wasn't boring."
"No it wasn't," Mac agreed. "Ok we can go with your plan, but only if I get to spill coffee down your neck." Harm laughed and pulled her into a hug. Mac rested her head against his bare skin and breathed him in.
"Please," he said into her hair. "I don't want to make a big production of this. We've come so far, somehow, it just doesn't seem respectful to…" Harm hesitated, searching for the words. Mac raised her face to look at him. Her eyes were searching, thoughtful. He looked back down at her and her mouth curved slightly in reassurance.
"Sure." She said quietly. "We can tone it down a bit. The people at work have been waiting so long for this whatever we do is going to make a big impression."
Harm nodded and laughed a little. "No kidding." They stood together smiling, lost in their own
thoughts. Mac rubbed her palm along his chest absentmindedly, and she looked up as Harm caught her hand and stilled it over his heart. "Now what exactly are we going to do?"
"Don't ask me, you didn't like any of my ideas."
"They were just too Knotts Landing for my taste Mac."
Mac laughed. "I didn't know you watched shows like that Harm."
"I didn't until an old girlfriend of mine saw a guy on the show who she said looked exactly like me, and after that she insisted that we watch it every chance we got." Mac furrowed her brow trying to remember.
"I don't remember anyone who looked like you on that show"
"Neither do I. Apparently he was only on the show once. I guess that episode was enough to get her hooked though. Damn, I hated that show."
"I take it the relationship didn't last long." Mac replied, amused.
"No it didn't." Harm answered with a wry grin. "Now, are we canning the whole 'going at it on the conference table' idea?"
"Hey, I never suggested that!"
"You might as well have, we would get into the same amount of trouble."
Mac rolled her eyes. "No we wouldn't and besides. How is this any different from that
little 'almost purposing' stunt you pulled on the carrier?"
"It just is Mac, these are our friends, and family, people we care about."
Mac held up her hands. "Okay, if that's how you feel about it then fine. Do whatever you
want, I don't mind, as long as it's on Thursday so that Bud will win the pool."
THURSDAY MORNING
"So, what did you decide to do?" Harriet asked Mac in a conspiratorial whisper as they stood in the break room.
Mac sighed. "Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Yeah nothing. Harm didn't like any of the ideas I came up with."
"Not even the one in the conference room?"
Mac laughed, "especially that one. He said it felt more respectful not to make a big production out of it. And now that I think about it, I agree. We've come so far Harriet."
Harriet nodded. "So are you just going to tell everyone?"
"I don't know, I left it up to him. His original idea was to just kiss me in the middle of the bull pen."
"That's it?"
"Yeah, I told him it was a boring idea."
Harriet's eyes widened. "What did he say to that?"
Mac laughed, and blushed a bit. "He gave me a demonstration."
"I bet he did." Harriet replied chuckling.
"So, was it boring?" Harriet's eyes twinkled. Mac shook her head dramatically and made a show of fanning herself. The women burst out laughing, just as Harm walked into the break room.
He smiled, "Good morning Harriet, Mac, what's so funny?"
"Good morning sir. It's nothing important." Harriet replied quickly. He shot them both a skeptical look, and then took Mac's hand.
"Good morning Mac," He said tenderly, his voice low. Their eyes met and locked.
"Go ahead sir," Harriet urged, smiling, "I won't tell." Harm shot her a grin, took a look around the break room and leaned in to kiss Mac gently on the lips. Harriet's smile widened. She had never seen them kiss before. To see them actually come together before her eyes, was truly a thing of beauty. Harriet audibly sighed, and Harm and Mac looked at her and chuckled.
"I'm sorry," She said, laying a hand on her chest. "You two are so beautiful together." Harm nodded amiably in response, and Mac smiled.
"Thank you Harriet." She said, and turned to Harm. "So, what are we going to do to insure that Bud wins the pool today?"
"Well, I just thought we'd act natural. We never really have been on a date. Sometime during the day preferably while everyone is in the bullpen, I'll approach you and invite you on a date."
"That's it?"
"Well, that all depends on if you accept or not." He flirted with her. She laughed and sipped her coffee.
"Of course I'll accept." Harm took her hand.
"Well, then there will be more." Mac's eyes clouded over with possibilities. "How much more?" She asked, allowing a seductive edge to creep into her voice.
"What fun would it be if I told you everything? Just trust me Mac." He said, winking at her.
"Last time I trusted you, you got down on one knee." At this Harriet slightly gasped, and they both shot her a grin that said, 'sorry, I forgot you were there.' Turning to Harriet Mac said, "I'll tell you about it later." Harriet nodded, but then made a hasty exit, murmuring something about it getting hot in here and needing some air.
30 minutes later.
Harm looked out into the Bullpen and smiled. It was lively, and teeming with people. Every player was there, plus a few more. Mac was talking to Harriet at her desk. Now was the time to make his play. He rose, walked out of his office, and headed toward Mac. She saw him approach her in her peripheral vision, and held her breath, trying to steady the beating of her heart. He stood and patiently waited for her to finish with Harriet. When she turned to him, he spoke.
"Sarah, I was wondering if you have plans for tomorrow night." He said, endearingly, and in full voice. Mac swallowed, She always loved the way he said her name. The entire bullpen stilled at the sound of Harm's inquiry. Mac stepped closer to him, fighting the urge to lay her hands on his chest.
"I don't have any plans as yet, Harm. Why?" Mac replied, looking convincingly surprised. All eyes widened as Harm reached out and took her hand.
"Because I would like to take you to Galileo for dinner." He said, punctuating the end of his sentence with a soft kiss to her fingers. Mac's smile was radiant.
"I would love that Harm." She replied softly. Harm smiled and held her eyes.
"Great then I'll pick you up at 1930."
"I can't wait." She replied in genuine excitement. Harm reached out and caressed her cheek, with one hand as his arm slid around her waist and drew her in close to him.
"Neither can I baby." He replied sincerely as he lowered his head and kissed her true and full on the mouth. Mac responded ardently, holding the back of his head with her hand, and pressing him closer to her. Everyone in the bullpen collectively gasped, and Mac faintly registered Bud's triumphant "YES!" After a moment Harm broke away from her, smiled, turned around, and strode back to his office whistling. Leaving Mac standing in the midst of a very shocked group of people.
The shock-induced silence was shattered by the commanding growl of the Admiral. "As you were people! Rabb! Mackenzie! My office NOW!" Harm emerged from his office, and Mac, who was on her way back to her office, reversed course and slowed up for Harm. Together they walked in step to the door of the Admiral's office. They walked in and immediately snapped to attention.
"Reporting as ordered sir!" They said in unison. AJ glowered, and stood before them. Arms akimbo. "Would you mind telling me what the hell just happened out there?"
"An invitation for a date sir, I was asking Colonel Mackenzie if she would like to have dinner with me tomorrow night sir.." Harm replied crisply staring straight ahead.
"Asking? From what I just witnessed you were doing a hell of a lot more than ask!"
"Yes sir." Harm replied, surprised that the Admiral had actually let him get to his office before he took him to task.. AJ focused his glare on Mac.
"And what do you have to say Colonel?"
"Sir, I was as pleased by the Commander's actions as I was receptive to them. I apologize for the breach in protocol, sir. But there was method to it."
AJ sighed. And took his anger down a notch. "Sit down you two." He barked Harm and Mac took their seats and waited. "Now, start talking. What do you mean there was method to it, Colonel?"
"We were fixing the results of the betting pool sir."
"The betting pool?" His voice rose, "You committed a serious breach of protocol for the sake of a betting pool?" AJ rose and leaned on his knuckles over the desk. "Unacceptable!" Leaning toward Harm he continued. "I thought we agreed during our phone conversation that your new status would not affect your work here at Jag."
"Respectfully sir, I don't believe it has." Harm replied confidently. "Our work hasn't suffered in the least. Our relationship is already boosting morale," He paused and looked at Mac, smiling a little. "And I believed we're working better and more efficiently because we're happier."
AJ's glare deepened. "That's all very sweet Commander! But it still doesn't give you two the right to throw caution to the wind just because it makes you happy. And what do you mean it's boosting morale?"
"Well, just ask Lieutenant Roberts, sir. He just won 3000.00." Harm said amused.
AJ paused, surprise briefly registered on his face, before he shot Harm a look and he took his seat. "Colonel!" Mac sat up straighter. "Were you aware that Commander Rabb was planning on 'asking' you for a date in the middle of the bullpen?"
"Yes sir."
"This was done purposely to skew the results of the betting pool?" Mac nodded.
"And who initiated the kiss?"
"The Commander did, sir." Mac paused. "But he beat me to it by a second and a half." She'd be damned if she was going to allow Harm to fall harder than she did. If they had to go down for this, they were going to go down together.
"You two do realize that I have no choice but to take disciplinary action." They both nodded. "Very well, Commander Rabb, Colonel Mackenzie, you are both to be issued a formal reprimand that is to stay in your file for a period of six months." Harm and Mac both nodded solemnly. "Both of you are damned lucky that we are as busy as we are around here, or you would be suspended for a week without pay!"
"Yes sir, thank you." Mac replied.
"That's very generous sir." Harm said. They sat and watched as AJ's anger melted away. The tongue-lashing was over. He scrawled his signature on the paper work for their reprimands and called Tiner into his office.
"Tiner, process this as soon as you can please."
He glanced at the documents, and then at Mac and Harm. "Yes sir." He replied as he turned and walked out of the office. The Admiral looked at Harm and Mac.
"You don't have anything else planned that I should know about do you?"
"No sir." They replied. AJ sat back in his chair.
"So Bud won the betting pool?"
"Yes, sir." Mac replied.
"What day were you slated to win it sir?" Harm asked with laughter back in his voice. AJ glared for a moment and then conceded.
"Last Monday." He replied, disappointed. "Now get out of my office, and I don't want to see anymore PDA's you got that!"
"Yes sir." They replied, coming to attention, they turned and exited the office.
Mac slid down further into the bath and sighed, as the heat of the water gave her goose flesh. Harm looked up from the file he was reading as he sat with his back against the wall on the floor opposite the tub. "Feel better?"
"Oh yeah." Mac replied. "That trial's running me ragged. This is the first time I've been able to relax all day long." Harm frowned a little, and Mac smiled. "Not that what we've been doing hasn't been enjoyable, but it was definitely not relaxing." Harm grinned at her and went back to his reading. Mac eyed him, he looked incredible, sitting on the floor, long legs stretched out in front of him, ankles crossed, hair tousled, wearing nothing but socks and pair of white cotton boxers with a small American flag on the thigh. In her mind she summed him up in one word, YUM! She turned her face toward the ceiling and closed her eyes. Harm closed the file and looked over at Mac. He held his breath for a moment. She was so beautiful. Her skin shone with moisture, her long eyelashes laden with wetness, her bone structure perfect. Harm unconsciously licked his lips, and jumped at sound of the telephone ringing. "Honey will you get that?" Mac asked unfazed. "Sure." Harm scramble up off the floor, smiling at the familiarity and ease in which she used endearments with him. 'It's like we've been married for years.' "Rabb." He said into the phone receiver.
"I'm sorry sir." Bud apologized. "I meant to call Colonel Mackenzie's place."
Harm grinned, "you did."
"Oh." Bud said, sheepishly. "Well, I wanted to thank Mac and you for helping me win the betting pool today."
Harm laughed, "It was the least we could do Bud."
"That was quite a scene, I hope you didn't get into to much trouble." "Nah, I think the Admiral was just disappointed that we didn't do it on the day that he was slated to win."
Bud laughed, "anyway Harriet and I were wondering what you and Mac are doing this weekend. Besides going to Galileo tomorrow night." He added. "I don't know Bud, hang on." Harm peaked his head into the bathroom door. "Mac, do we have anything going on this weekend?" Mac opened her eyes.
"Who wants to know?"
"It's Bud."
"Oh, okay, well past tomorrow night, no." Mac replied and laid her head back down and closed her eyes. Then she looked up again as a thought came to her. "You're still taking me to Galileo aren't you? That wasn't just for show right?"
"Of course I'm still taking you." Harm replied, then put the phone back up to his ear. "We don't have anything going on Bud, why you need us to baby sit?"
"No, I want to know if you and Mac would like to come with Harriet and me to stay in a hotel on the beach Saturday and Sunday. We'll make a trip of it, to celebrate your new relationship, and the chunk of money I won because of it." Harm laughed heartily at that. "Sounds good to me Bud, but I gotta consult my old lady first." Harm joked.
Bud laughed, "I know how that is."
Harm turned to Mac, who was glaring at him "Old lady?" Harm raised his eyebrows, his eyes danced. "I am not old!" She declared, reaching over to pull the plug, and stepping out onto the bath mat. "And who said that I'm yours?" She shot at him.
"You did." Harm said simply holding her eyes. Mac's glare turned into a grin. Harm's eyes darkened with desire as he gazed at her nude body, steaming and dripping with water. He was reminded of something Renee said one time, something about his fantasy being Mac clothed in nothing but rain drops. 'Damned right.' He broke from his reverie as he remembered that he still had the phone in his hand. "Bud and Harriet would like us to spend Saturday and Sunday with them at the coast."
"Oh, sounds good. Where are we going?" Harm shrugged, and raised the phone.
"Bud, we're in. Where are we going?"
"Harriet wants to stay at the Atlantic House bed and breakfast in Ocean City."
"Sounds great."
"Check-in's at 1100, so we thought we'd leave here around 0600, go out to breakfast and then check in."
"Sounds like a plan Bud. We'll meet you at your place at 0600."
"Ok great, We'll see you later then."
"Ok, bye Bud." Harm hung up the phone and sat down on the bed. "Where are we going?" Mac asked from the bathroom as she brushed her hair.
"Ocean City, we're staying in the Atlantic House."
"Oh sounds good." She replied. Harm came up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her waist, making eye contact in the mirror.
"You sound tired baby." He said as he kissed her cheek.
"Yeah, I am. And if we're leaving Saturday morning at 0600, I better get some sleep in now, or I won't have another chance until next weekend."
Harm nodded and stepped back. "I should get going so you can get some rest." He said, searching the room for his clothes.
Mac looked over at him, a slightly troubled look on her face. "You're not staying?" She asked, surprised.
Harm hesitated, " do you want me to stay?"
Mac paused, "well, not if you don't want to." She said, turning back to the mirror. Harm caught the vulnerability in her voice and wondered where it came from. Frowning he came up beside her and turned her around, gently.
"You ok?" He asked, searching her eyes.
"I'm fine." She replied, gently pulling away and shucking off her robe. "I was just a little surprised that's all." Mac walked over to the bed and climbed in underneath the covers. "It's ok if you don't want to stay. You haven't had a night without me since I got back." She said as she adjusted her pillow.
"Mac, is that what you think this is about? Me wanting time away from you?" Harm asked as he sat down on the bed next to her.
Mac shrugged, "I don't know, I'm just saying it's ok if that's how you feel. You don't have to be with me all the time." Her tone wasn't nearly as confident as her words and Harm wondered again why she suddenly had a surge of vulnerability.
He regarded her with loving eyes, and threaded his fingers through her damp hair. "Mac," he said softly. "There were only two reasons why I wanted to go back to my place. I don't have any clothes here since we've been staying there all week, and I thought you might be able to sleep better without me here."
Mac smiled up at him, "I'm beginning to forget what it's like to sleep without you." Harm smiled back at her and leaned down to kiss her softly, knowing she wanted him to stay with her. He wouldn't make her say it.
" Mac, don't think for one minute that I want time away from you. I know what it feels like to be without you, and if I'm lucky, I'll never have to feel that way again." Rising from the bed, he said, "I'm going to go home and get some clothes. I'll be back in about an hour."
Mac nodded. "Thank you."
Harm shot her a grin, and said, "I'll be back." Then turned and left.
Harm walked in to his apartment and immediately went to get some clothes and toiletries from his bedroom, stopping only once to hit the message button on his machine. There was a message from his mom calling to see if he was coming along ok after his punch out, and the other message was from his physician. Harm froze as he heard his doctor's voice on his machine. "Commander Rabb, this is Doctor Kinski. I'm calling in regard to the blood work that you had done last week. I'd appreciate it if you would return my call as soon as you possibly can, thank you." His throat felt suddenly dry, and he tried to swallow. Harm picked up the phone, and checked the caller id to find Dr. Kinski's number since he had neglected to include it in his message. Finding the number, Harm dialed the phone, sat back against his headboard, and prayed that everything would be ok.
"Doctor Kinski."
"Yes, Doctor Kinski this is Commander Rabb returning your call."
"Oh yes, hello Harm how are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling just fine, what's the matter with my blood tests?" Harm asked getting right to the heart of the matter.
"Well, we're not sure exactly. We found traces of an odd chemical in your blood. It's common in people who are exposed to Benzene or other substances that are used in high octane gasoline or jet fuel. You're a pilot so I would think that small traces would be normal in your blood stream. However, your levels are much higher than I am comfortable with, and I would like to run further tests."
"What are the side effects of this chemical?" Harm asked, not worried yet.
"Well, there are a myriad of things that can happen. I am going to be honest with you Harm. With levels as high as yours some of the side effects can be quite severe. Heart problems, liver failure, kidney failure, sterility, it can effect every system in your body." Harm swallowed hard, and then sat up a little straighter.
"Ok, then, what do we do about it?"
"We run more tests, urine, blood, spinal fluid, semen, every fluid you've got. We've got to find out what systems if any are effected, and what treatments need to be implemented."
"When do we do the tests?"
"Tonight. Collect the semen sample there at home, and then come into the infirmary, that's where I'll be working tonight. I'll meet you there to run the other tests." Harm's concern increased, as he heard the urgency in the doctor's voice.
"Ok, how much time do I have?"
"I'll be there in about 2 hours, I have a few other things to attend to, and that will give you time to get things in order."
Harm grimaced. "Ok, I'll be there." Harm hung up the phone and then immediately dialed up Mac's number.
"Mackenzie." He heard her say in a sleepy voice.
"Hi Mac it's me."
"Harm what's wrong?" She asked, now fully awake.
"I got a call from Doctor Kinski about some blood work that I had done last week before you got back. Apparently they found a chemical in my system, and they want to take more tests."
"Ok, when do you need to have the tests done?"
"In about two hours."
"Tonight?"
"Tonight."
"Ok, I'll be right over so I can go with you."
"I was hoping you would say that." Harm said, smiling. "Because there's something I'd like your help with."
Mac heard the flirty tone of his voice, and smiled into the phone. "What's that?"
"Well, Mac, I need to bring in a semen sample."
He heard her hesitate. "You're kidding." She paused, "Harmon Rabb is this a ruse!" She asked with laughter in her voice.
"No unfortunately it isn't."
Mac's laughter died. "Oh. Oh well, ok, I'll um, be right over."
"Thanks Mac." He said sincerely.
"I'll be there in a minute."
"I love you." Harm blurted out, suddenly feeling the urge to connect with her.
"I know you do Harm, I love you too." Mac replied softly. "I'm on my way." With that she hung up the phone.
Harm clicked his phone off. And sat waiting.
Twenty minutes later, he heard the dead bolt unlock, and Mac step in, shutting the door behind her. He heard her soft footsteps all the way until she appeared in the doorway of his bedroom. She looked beautiful as always dressed in a pair of loose fitting low rise levis and a black v neck long sleeved shirt. He sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed, but could get no further as he found himself enfolded in her arms. He threw his arms around her cuddling his head into her breasts. For that moment everything was ok.
"It's going to be alright." Mac soothed, stroking the back of Harms head. "You're fine. You've been through worse." Harm looked up at her and smiled.
"Thanks for being here with me."
"Always." She said softly, before dipping her head and kissing him. Harm clung to her, as he returned her kiss.
"Now," Harm said, "how would you like to um, help me collect the sample?"
"Well, how much time do we have?" Mac asked shooting him a coquettish grin.
Harm grinned back, "We have about an hour and a half to be there."
"I see. And it takes about 15 minutes to get to the base infirmary from here." Mac looked up, thinking, and then shot him another broad smile. "I have just the thing."
Exactly one hour and 27 minutes later, Mac's corvette pulled up in front of the infirmary. Harm sighed and picked up the brown paper bag, on the floorboard in front of him. Mac reached out and gave his hand an encouraging squeeze. They got out of the car and hand in hand headed for the entrance.
"Harm hello. Come right this way, and we'll get started." Maintaining his hold on Mac's hand, Harm followed Doctor Kinski into the examination room. Doctor Kinski nodded at Mac, vaguely recognizing her from Harm's time in the hospital. He disguised his surprise as he remembered that Harm's significant other was someone other than Mac just a few weeks ago, and that Mac had been with someone else as well. He inwardly shrugged and got down to business. "Did you bring in the sample?" Harm nodded, and handed the bag over to the doctor. Who promptly handed it off to a lab technician. "Ok, good, now I need you to give a urine sample, and then we'll do the blood test, and spinal tap. You should be out of here in no time." Again Harm nodded and silently walked out of the room. Mac frowned, he was being too quiet.
"What exactly are you testing for?" Mac asked, after a few awkward minutes.
"Are you a relative of Commander Rabb?" Mac sat up straighter, not sure how to answer that. Before she could respond, Harm came back in.
"She's going to be." He told the Doctor unwaveringly. Mac's eyes grew brighter, and she looked up at Harm. He winked at her, and then turned to Doctor Kinski. "Whatever you have to say you can say in front of Mac. And I authorize you to give her any information about me that she asks for."
Mac's eyes widened in surprise. That was a hell of a declaration of trust. Doctor Kinski nodded, "very well." He said turning to Mac. "We're testing for any traces of the chemical components of Benzene in Commander Rabb's system. We will be able to tell by the fluid results if his organs have been effected. Once we find that out, we'll do more specific tests, ultra sounds, MRI's, Cat Scans," He paused, "to see how extensive the damage is, and what treatments need to be prescribed." Mac nodded, looking worried. The doctor put his hand on her shoulder, and said, "if Harm says he's feeling fine, he probably is fine. All of this is just precautionary. It's not time to worry yet." Mac smiled, nodded again, and reached out for Harm's hand. The Doctor sighed and rose from his rolling stool. "Well, Harm, let's get to those tests."
Two hours later, Harm and Mac walked out of the infirmary with the assurance that Doctor Kinski would contact Harm with the results just as soon as he had them. When they got into the car, Mac turned to Harm.
"Are you alright?" She asked.
"I'm glad all of that is over, but other than that I'm fine." He said plainly. Mac looked at him with skepticism, but didn't push it. She started the car, and headed home. "You know I'm here if you want to talk." Mac told him as she pulled into a parking place in front of his apartment.
"Yeah, I know. I'm ok. But thanks." Harm replied. When Mac didn't get out Harm ducked back into the car and said, "Aren't you coming up?"
Mac eyed him, "do you want me to?" She asked hesitantly.
"Of course I do," Harm frowned, "I told you I was fine."
"Ok, I just didn't know if you wanted to be alone. You've been so quiet."
"Let's go." Harm said simply. "I'm tired. And I know you're tired. Let's not think about this anymore. I'm probably just fine." Mac smiled, and hoped against hope that he was right.
Friday morning
Harm and Mac walked into the bullpen together and were met by many knowing smiles.
"Good morning, Sir, Ma'am." Harriet greeted them.
"Good morning Harriet. Ready for this weekend?" Harm asked.
"Yes, sir. I can't wait to get away and relax for a while."
"No kidding." Mac agreed.
"Well I have a deposition in a half hour, I'll see you later." Harm said, leaning in close to Mac.
"Alright," She replied smiling at him. "I won't be free for lunch today, so I'll probably have to see you tonight."
"Definitely." Harm grinned at her, nodded to Harriet, and walked to his office.
"Tell me again, why you two waited so long to do this." Harriet asked.
"I don't know Harriet, it seems so far removed from what we have now, I don't even remember what it was like without him."
"That's the way it should be Ma'am." Mac nodded in agreement, and took her leave.
Harm stared in the mirror and adjusted his tie. It was one that Mac had commented on a lifetime ago. Stepping back, finally satisfied, he took inventory, patting his pockets, tic tacs, wallet, car keys, cell phone all there. 'I'll have to stop and pick up some flowers on the way there.' He thought as he walked from his room and headed out the door.
"It's open." He heard Mac call out as he rang the doorbell. Harm stepped into the apartment and stopped short, openly gazing at the vision before him. Mac, oblivious to his gaze, raced around the living room in a red silk dress that flowed with her every movement, and hugged all the right curves. Harm adjusted his collar, 'it is definitely getting warmer in here' he thought to himself. He caught Mac's eye, and the look of pure desire in his eyes, took her breath away. "Hi." She said, smiling.
"Hi." Harm replied in a low voice. "You are incredibly beautiful." He told her, trying to keep his composure. Mac was taken aback by the naked honesty in his voice, and smiled a shy smile.
"Thank you." She replied, holding his eyes for a moment before she began searching around the living room again. It was then that he noticed that she only had one shoe on. Harm looked around the room and spotted the missing shoe sticking out from under the couch. He walked over and picked it up. "Looking for this?" He asked, holding up the shoe.
"Where did you find it?" Mac asked taking it from him and slipping it on her foot.
"It was sticking out from under the couch. How did it get there?"
"Oh, when I was getting ready I tossed my shoes on the couch and one bounced off the throw pillow and disappeared." Mac explained.
Harm nodded, "Ready to go?" He asked, and then paused.
"What?"
"Damn it, I forgot the flowers." He muttered, more to himself, than to her. Mac laughed, and shook her head.
"What?"
"You, you're so suave." She said ribbing him. Harm just shook his head and rolled his eyes. Mac glanced at him and they both laughed.
"Ready to go?"
"I'm ready." She replied, as she grabbed her purse, and took his arm.
The night was going well, the atmosphere was well worth the money, the food was great, and the company, even better. Harm reached over and took Mac's hand kissing her fingers gently. He was about to say something when his cell phone rang. At first Harm didn't register the sound and then quickly searched his pockets to find his phone.
"Rabb."
"Harm it's Doctor Kinski, I hope I haven't caught you at a bad time."
"No Doctor that's fine, but I'm in a public place, hang on a sec, let me go to a place where we can talk." Harm moved the phone from his mouth and said, "Will you excuse me for a minute. It's the doctor." Mac nodded and fought the urge to go with him and listen in.
"Ok I'm back. What can I do for you? I didn't expect my test results to be back so soon."
"Neither did I Harm." Doctor Kinski replied. "Now, I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Harm hesitated, "the good news."
"Ok, the tests on all of your vital organs are all normal. Apparently your body isn't affected by higher doses of Benzene. Now that may be because you have had prolonged exposure and your system has adapted to it, or it may be that you just have a natural antidote to it."
"That's great news Doctor thank you." Harm replied, relief seeped from his pours.
"And now for the bad news," Doctor Kinski said. Harm waited and held his breath. "Like I said all of your vital organ systems don't seem to have been affected. However, when I tested your semen I did find that you don't have any live cells." Harm furrowed his brow, trying to absorb what the Doctor was telling him.
"What exactly does that mean?" Harm finally asked.
"Harm, It means you're sterile."
Harm's face went blank. "Sterile?"
"Yes, sterile, I'm sorry Commander, but you won't be able to father any children."
Harm was shocked. "Are you sure?"
"As much as I can be. I'll definitely order further tests, but I'm afraid the odds are against you. Most of the cells weren't even fully formed. Unfortunately this is a common side effect of prolonged exposure to Benzene, and other jet fuel components. You were exposed to these up close and personal in the water around the wreckage."
After a moment Harm straightened his back. "I understand. Thank you Doctor."
"Let me know when you can come in for further tests. We can work around your schedule."
"Thanks, I'll be in touch."
"Goodbye Harm."
"Goodbye." Harm replied. Folding his phone back up and putting it in his pocket. He took a few deep breaths and made his way back to their table. When he sat down, Mac looked at him expectantly. "He said that all the tests on my vital systems came out normal." He paused, and Mac breathed a sigh of relief.
"That's great Harm. You don't know how relieved I am." Harm smiled and reached out for her hand. She reached out as well lacing her fingers between his. She frowned slightly as she studied him, something was still wearing on his mind. Without a word he rose from his seat and said, softly, "dance with me." Mac smiled, rose with him, and let him lead her to the tiny dance floor.
Harm cuddled her body close to him as they swayed to the wordless music. His touch was gentle, but his manner was withdrawn. Mac could feel the tautness in his muscles and wondered why he experienced none of the relief that she felt. She raised her eyes, searching his face for some sort of clue, and found nothing but nameless stress. Raising to her tip toes, Mac whispered in his ear, "Let's get out of here." Harm met her eyes, and simply, nodded. They rode back to Mac's apartment in a tension-filled calm. Harm tried to break himself free of the burden on his shoulders, but he couldn't seem to shake it. He shook his head slightly, and gave an ironic laugh. Here he was sitting in a car with the most beautiful woman he had ever known, inside and out, and all he could think about was how much he wanted to run away from her. Having Mac near him, made the 'bad news' impossible to ignore. "Something you'd like to share with the rest of the class Harm?" Mac said, amiably. Harm swallowed a sharp retort. It wasn't Mac's fault that he could never give her children. That thought alone shot a pain through his chest. He sighed, and put on a brave face.
Attempting to smile, Harm said, "I was just thinking that I am sitting in a car with the most beautiful woman I know, and all I can do is think about what could have gone wrong. What might have been." He told her, pleased with himself for telling her the truth, while concealing what really weighed on his mind. It wasn't time to hash it all out with her. Not yet. Not until he worked it all out in his own mind.
Mac reached over and took his hand. "I know what you mean. But, Harm, the test results came back normal. What is there to still be stressed about?"
Harm shrugged and tried to keep it light. "I guess I've just had too many close calls lately." He turned to her, and almost lost it as he saw the look of sheer love on her face. What expression would she have when he told her that he had to break his promise to her? Reaching out, he caressed her cheek with his index finger. "Sorry, I don't mean to ruin the evening. I've had a wonderful time with you tonight Mac." He said softly.
Mac smiled, "me too."
They rode the rest of the way in silence. When they reached Mac's apartment door, she asked, "Are you coming in?"
Harm hesitated, "sure I'll come in, but I can't stay." He stated. At her questioning look, he added, "I don't have my duffel here and we have to meet Bud and Harriet in the morning."
"Oh, Okay." Mac said, knowing better than to push the issue. Whatever was bothering Harm would surface in it's own time. She was willing to wait until he was ready to talk. Walking into her bedroom, Mac shucked off her dress and shoes and put on more comfortable clothes. While she and Harm prattled on about nothing at all. When she turned to leave her bedroom, she caught Harm's expression. He was staring at the floor. Shifting from foot to foot. Looking like he wanted to be anywhere but in her company. She swallowed down the grapefruit in her throat. "Harm?" She said in a small questioning voice. He looked up at her, meeting her eyes for only a moment before they focused on the wall behind her. She sighed, hurt, and concerned.
"Uh, Mac, I think I should get going now." Harm told her, nervously scratching the back of his head. He turned and headed for the door.
"Harm." Mac called after him, and he paused, turning to her. Gingerly she came up close to him. "Have I done something to upset you?"
Harm saw the troubled look on her face and it tore at his heart. Closing the few remaining inches between them, he took her in his arms. Holding her in a firm and, hopefully, reassuring embrace. "No," he whispered. "No, you've been perfect."
Mac drew back, misty eyed. "What's going on? Ever since you talked to Doctor Kinski you have been anxious and distant. What aren't you telling me?"
Harm sighed, "Mac." Harm paused, not sure what he really wanted to do. "I, I have something I need to think through." He saw her begin to protest and he held up a hand, Knowing what she was going to say. "All that I've told you is the truth. My vital tests came out just fine. This is another matter entirely."
"Is it about us?" Mac asked, apprehensive.
"No, not in the way you're implying." He paused, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, I don't want to play twenty questions here." Harm said simply. "I need time to think, it has nothing to do with anything you've said or done. Okay?" Mac nodded. He cupped her cheek in his palm. "I love you." He declared and Mac heard the catch in his voice.
Clasping her fingers around his hand, she replied with intensity. "I love you too Harm." He smiled, 'I just hope that's enough.' And with that, he left for his place. Mac sat down on her bed, and looked at the floor. 'He didn't kiss me goodbye.'
Harm sat on his bed in his boxers with a large wooden bowl at his feet, thinking, holding a deck of cards, and absentmindedly flicking the cards into the bowl. One by one.
He was sterile. Sterile. What a clinical word for it. 'Let's tell it like it really is. I'm shooting blanks' He thought bitterly. 'And most importantly, I'll have to break my promise to Mac.' He felt kicked in the gut all over again as he realized that he would never see Mac's eyes staring back at him in the face of their child. It was a dream he had had so long. They would have a little girl, he had decided, with Mac's creamy dark skin and beautiful black eyes, and his 'flyboy' grin. That little girl, would never exist. Then there was the more present issue, the largest issue of all. How will Mac take the news? Will she walk away from him, despite the love they share, in favor of having children of her own? 'Isn't that what any normal person would do? We're not married, there's no permanent commitment here, what's to stop her from walking away in favor of a dream she has had since childhood? 'Hell, Rabb, you left her to pursue your dream. Why wouldn't she do the same to you?' Harm shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of this train of thought. It was too painful to consider. 'Come on Rabb, you know Mac. She said no matter what happens you'll never lose her. Do you have that little faith?' He asked himself. 'Yes but I know she didn't count on this. This is huge. Having children is so important. If you want them, that is.' He argued.
'Alright counselor,' he said to himself, switching gears, 'lets look at this from all angles. What would you do if the tides were turned? Would you leave Mac, if she found out that she couldn't have children?' His answer came without hesitation. "NO!" He said aloud into the chilled air of the room. 'Then why do you think that she would so easily leave you?' Harm couldn't answer that one. He knew Mac loved him. She had loved him for years, she told him so in no uncertain terms. He rose from his bed, and threw on a pair of Levis and a Navy T-shirt. His fear was gone, for the moment anyway, and in contrast to his earlier feelings of apprehension, he was now overwhelmed with urge to be near Mac. To feel her reassuring arms around him. For the moment, he wanted to forget all about the subject of children, and submerse himself in Mac. Besides, they were supposed to be going away for a weekend with Bud and Harriet, he had no business ruining everyone else's weekend with his attitude. And so, with the fickleness that comes of having a bomb dropped on you, Harm made a decision. For the moment, he would ignore the 'bad news.' And not let it ruin his good time. Picking up his duffel, he walked out the door, and headed back over to Mac's.
Mac woke with a start and reached for her side arm, as she heard someone opening the front door of her apartment. No one had a key but Harm, and he sure as hell wouldn't be here right now. Mac rose from the bed, and crept to the door of her bedroom. "Show yourself!" She commanded in a loud voice.
Harm's head flew up at her command, and he immediately spoke up. "Mac, it's me." He said, full voice. Mac lowered her weapon.
"Harm? What are you doing here?" She asked, turning on the light.
Harm saw the remains of her earlier vulnerability come to life in her eyes. "I wanted you." He said, simply.
"I'm here." She said softly, holding her arms out to him. Eagerly he walked into them, and sighed into her neck. She was all that he needed. Wordlessly, they went back into her room, and went to bed.
Mac woke first. Her internal clock telling her that it was 0506. They didn't have much time to get ready before they headed to Bud and Harriet's. She stole a glance at Harm. He was lying spooned against her. His left arm held her and molded her firmly to his body. Even in sleep he had a look of anxiety mixed with determination on his face. She frowned and shook her head slightly in frustration. She could almost physically see the weight on his shoulders. He still wouldn't talk to her about it, even after he had come last night. He just clung to her while he slept. Drawing something from her. Strength? Reassurance? Comfort? Mac shrugged, who knows. Maybe all of the above. Whatever it was he needed from her, she would gladly give. Her expression softened as the urge to take it all away from him, whatever it was, overwhelmed her. She turned on her left side and snuggled against his chest for a moment before she raised up and kissed his mouth. Harm groaned and looked down at her. He smiled a weary smile. "Time to get up." She declared, as she rose out of the bed, and headed to the shower. Harm sat up in bed and stretched his muscles. He grimaced as the muscles around the site of the spinal tap flexed. Who knew a little poke could cause that much pain? Swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He went in to the bathroom where Mac was showering and started to brush his teeth. "We have about twenty minutes before we have to leave." Mac said from the shower. "Why don't you hop in here with me and save time."
Harm laughed, "are you sure that saving time is what you have in mind?" He teased.
Mac smiled, it was so good to hear him laugh. She actually didn't have ulterior motives this time, but hell he brought it up. Might as well roll with it. Anything to snap him out of that funk. "Why don't you come in here and find out." She answered suggestively. After a few minutes Harm stepped into the shower with her. A genuine grin on his face. She grinned back in relief, and wrapped her arms around him.
They were 15 minutes late getting to Bud and Harriet's.
"When are we going to stop for some food, I'm starved!" Mac complained from the driver's seat, as she drove behind Bud and Harriet.
"I don't know, I'll ask Bud." Harm said, as he pulled out Bud's high-powered walkie-talkie.
"Rabb to Roberts."
"Go ahead."
"I've got a hungry Marine on my hands here, Bud. When are we planning on stopping to get some food?"
"Didn't you two eat before you got to my house, Harm? You were 15 minutes late." Bud pointed out.
"Not because we were eating Bud." Harm replied blatantly, with laughter in his voice.
Bud's embarrassment was evident as he responded with an, "oh." Harriet laughed heartily in the background. Harm and Mac laughed with her, and Mac looked over at Harm. He looked relaxed, and she breathed an inward sigh of relief. 'He must have worked out whatever was bothering him.' She thought. 'Or he's succeeding at ignoring it.' Either way, she was glad that he wasn't agonizing over it.
"Well Harm, we'll stop at the first place we see on the road then." Bud said, regaining some composure.
"Ok, Bud sounds good."
"Roberts out." Bud said in an official tone. And Mac gave Harm a wry look.
"I'm surprised he didn't actually bring his com badge." She said. Harm shot her a grin and laughed. Bud was such a trekkie.
After a less than flavorful, but nonetheless filling meal in a knock about little restaurant, they headed back onto the road. Check in was in an hour and a half.
After taking a long swim in the ocean, eating a decent lunch, and playing about 1800 hands of gin rummy, the four friends decided it was time to hit the shops. Bud insisted on finding a miniature navy uniform for baby AJ.
Harm and Mac silently strolled behind Bud and Harriet on the boardwalk, hand in hand, as their friends talked excitedly to each other about the things they wanted to buy. Mac looked up at Harm, if she looked hard enough she could still see the remnants of whatever was haunting him, but she didn't want to look that deep. Mac was content to have him by her side, for now anyway. He returned her gaze and gave her hand a slight squeeze. "Is everything ok?" He asked softly.
"I could ask you the same thing." She replied lightly, and then immediately regretted it, as a tormented look returned to Harm's face. "I'm sorry." She said gently.
"It's ok." Harm said, "I'll be fine."
"Will WE be fine, Harm?" Mac inquired, quietly.
Harm stopped walking and looked down at her. Touching her face with the tip of his finger, he said, "I hope so, Mac." Mac raised her eyebrows, pain flashed briefly across her face at the realization of Harm's uncertainty.
Harm sighed, putting his arm around her, he began to walk again. "Can we not talk about this right now?" He asked, "I just want to relax and not have to worry about anything while we're here."
"Okay." Mac replied softly. Fighting the ball of dread that she felt growing in the pit of her stomach. She sighed, the day had started off so well. Harm tightened his arm around her and briefly hugged her closer to him, as they caught up to Bud and Harriet
. "I want to go in here," Harriet said to no one in particular, pointing to novelty shop. The group walked into the shop and began to browse. "Oh Bud look at these dishes, they're gorgeous." Harriet exclaimed, gesturing to her husband to come and see.
"Yeah, those are really nice Harriet." Bud replied sincerely. Harriet looked at the price and her face fell.
"Well honey, you know we could get a setting for four and then order more from the company as we can afford them."
Harriet's eyes lit up. "Good idea." She said, and walked over to talk to the clerk.
Mac watched Harriet and Bud's brief interplay and smiled. They had always been so cute together. When she turned around to comment to Harm, he wasn't anywhere to be found. "Bud, do you know where Harm went?"
"No, Mac, I don't. He was just here wasn't he?"
"I thought he was." Mac said looking around, confused. A few minutes later, Harm came back into the novelty shop, holding a small gift wrapped box. "Where did you run off to?" Mac asked, perturbed.
Harm smiled and held up the box, "I did a little shopping of my own."
Mac's glare faded and she smiled widely. "What is it?" She asked.
"Oh it's just something I picked up for my mom." He said nonchalantly, and watched in amusement as her face fell.
When she noticed the twinkle in his eye, she smacked him on the arm. "It's not for your mom." She said glaring at him, her mouth twitched as she held back a giggle.
"Of course it's not for my mom, Mac." He chuckled, handing it to her.
"I get to open it now?" She asked, surprised.
"Well, when we get back outside." He replied, taking her hand. Harm turned to his friend, "Bud, we're going outside." He informed him. Bud nodded and Harm led Mac out the door. They walked over and sat on a bench a few feet from the shop. Mac looked down at the package in her hands, and then back up at Harm. He smiled. "Open it." Mac tore into the package and opened the lid to a small beautifully inlaid wooden box. The inside was purple velvet lined, and in the center of the box lay a small glass hand made Egyptian perfume bottle. It was clear with a carnival glass hue to it, and had 18 carrot gold etched in the shape of a rose on the front of it. The bottle was full of a slightly pink liquid. Next to the bottle was a penny and a carefully folded piece of paper. Mac picked up the paper and opened it. In Harm's handwriting it read, 'this note entitles you to one night of unbridled passion.' In smaller print it read, 'Night of Passion includes one hot bath, one full body massage, and unlimited kisses to the areas of your choice.' Mac looked up at Harm, her smile wide, and her eyes shown with love and desire. Unbridled passion indeed. She leaned over and locked her mouth onto his with burning hunger. Harm returned her kiss, careful not to knock the package off of her lap. "So does this mean you like it?"
"I love it." She said emphatically. "What's in the bottle?"
"Rose scented bath oil." Harm answered.
"Thank You." Mac said. "But I only get ONE night?" She asked, pouting.
Harm looked up, "Well, one night at a time anyway."
Mac laughed, "What's the penny for?"
Harm leaned over and kissed her softly. "For luck." He answered, holding her eyes.
She was leaning over to kiss him once more when they heard a loud throaty cough. They looked up and smiled, embarrassed. "Does this mean that we'll have to do the rest of our shopping on our own?" Bud asked, amused.
"You know Bud, that's a great idea, thanks." He said, teasing. "I think we'll take you up on that."
Bud paused for a moment, and then burst out laughing. "No really," Harriet said, "you two go your own way." She looked at her watch. "We'll meet you for dinner at 1900. Sound good?" She asked. They both nodded a thank you, and headed back to the Atlantic House.
Mac sat on the bed utterly satiated. Sighing, she looked toward the bathroom where Harm was in the shower. The day had certainly been a roller coaster. Harm had tried with all of his might to suppress whatever was that was tearing at his insides. And most of the day he had succeeded. 'It certainly hadn't affected his passionate side.' She mused, 'Or had it?' He had never made love to her with that much intensity before, and that was really saying something. It was almost as if he was searching her heart, drawing from her all she had to give. 'He was almost possessive, no not possessive, that isn't the right word. More like desperate. Desperate for me to know that he loves me. And even more desperate to know that I still love him.' Even while he was making love to her, he had stopped. His eyes pleading, and said, 'tell me you're still mine.' At that moment Mac had thought he was going to cry. She had reached up and touched his face, and promised him that she would always be his. 'But why? Why would he think that I would stop loving him? Why would he think I wasn't his?' Mac still sat mulling over these questions and fighting the urge to pick up the phone, call Doctor Kinski, and find out what the hell he had told Harm. Harm stepped out of the shower, and walked into the bedroom.
"You ok Mac?" He asked concerned.
"Fine." She answered. "Why?"
"Well, you had an odd look on your face that's all."
She gave him a small smile. "I was just thinking."
Harm nodded. "Well, the shower's all yours." At that, Mac got up from the bed and went to get ready for dinner.
Dinner was had in a small bistro about a mile from the Bed and Breakfast. The food was excellent. They stayed long after desert, talking and laughing, sharing stories, and rehashing instances. A few minutes before closing they went back to the Atlantic House. Harriet invited them to her and Bud's room to see the things they had gotten on their shopping excursion.
"I'm sure we didn't have as much fun as you two were having," Harriet teased, "but we picked out some really cute things for AJ."
They sat in some chairs in Bud and Harriet's room and drank club soda's from the mini-bar. "Oh look at this!" Mac exclaimed, holding up the small 'official' Navy uniform that Bud had found for AJ. "It's so adorable."
"I know, I can't believe we found it." Bud said, bursting with pride.
Smiling at Harm, Mac leaned over and said in his ear, "We've got to get us one of these, and a Marine one too." Harm didn't respond. "Only three more years." Mac whispered, conspiratorially. Her smile faded instantly as she pulled back to see his face. Harm's jaw flexed, and he looked away. Whatever was haunting him, was back now in full force. His face turned white, and he looked like he was going to throw up. "Harm?" She said, alarmed.
"I'm sorry," Harm said, shaking his head, "I don't feel very well. Bud, Harriet, if you'll excuse me." He said in a shaky voice.
"Of course Harm," Harriet replied. "Will you be ok?"
"He'll be fine Harriet. I'm going with him." Mac told her. Harm shot her a look, and she bounced it right back to him. They were going to get to the bottom of this. When they got to their room, Harm went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. More to stall his conversation with Mac, than to refresh himself. Mac sat on the bed, arms akimbo. "Are you going to be ok?" She asked in a tight voice. Harm looked up at her and her anger vanished, he was struggling so hard. When he went to sit down in a chair, she came and knelt down in front of him. "Harm, please tell me what's going on." She pleaded. "And I want the whole truth."
Looking away, Harm said, "Doctor Kinski had some bad news for me, along with the good news." Mac nodded, encouragingly. "Mac, I" Harm paused, and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "I'm sterile."
Mac's eyes grew wide, and she sat back onto the floor. "Sterile?"
"Yes, Mac." Harm said, as he stood up and walked over to the window. "I'm Sterile. I'm shooting blanks. I'm unable to father a child."
Mac sat frozen. She knew something was bothering Harm, but she never considered something like this. Harm turned around and looked at her. She was shocked, her lips parted.
She had no idea what to say. She rose from the floor, and turned to him. "Is he absolutely sure, Harm?" Harm nodded, and turned back toward the window. He didn't want to know what she was thinking. Mac walked over and sat on the bed, bewildered. 'What do we do now?' After a long silence, Harm turned and headed for the door. "Don't you dare walk out of this room." She quietly commanded. "You promised you would never walk out on me."
"Mac" He began.
"No Harm we're going to talk this through. Now sit down," she commanded again. He obeyed. Mac sighed, "Ok, you're sterile." She said, trying to absorb it.
"I'm sorry." Harm told her in a low voice. "You deserve better than this."
Mac's head shot up. "What do you mean? It's not your fault. Sure it throws a damper into our long-term plans, but we'll just have to deal with it.'
"We?"
At that Mac was on her feet. "Yes Harm, We!" She said emphasized. "You can't possibly think I would leave you over this?" Harm eyed her. "What kind of person do you think I am?" She exclaimed.
"Oh come on Mac," he yelled back. "You've wanted a baby since you were a kid."
"So." Mac answered.
"So, you deserve to have your dream." Harm answered vehemently, his voice breaking. "I made a promise to you Mac, and now I can't follow through. Do you have any idea how that eats me up inside?"
"It's not your fault you can't follow through with that promise Harm. I certainly don't fault you for it."
"That's very generous of you." He replied sardonically.
"Don't start with that Harm. Don't you dare push me away, even if you do think it's for my own good."
"I'm not pushing you away Mac, it's just" He paused trying to keep his emotions in check. "You deserve a home and a family, and kids and grandkids, and everything you've ever wanted." He stopped and wiped his eyes. "I can't give that to you now."
The look on his face broke her heart. She knew she should be angry that he could possibly think that she would leave him. But he was suffering enough. Once again he was finding out that he's not superman. "You know, you're right." She said simply. "I could go out and find me a good man, who can give me a bunch of kids, and have a house in the country with a white picket fence, and everything I've ever dreamed of having since I was child." She paused and knelt in front of him again, taking his hand. "And I could spend the rest of my whole life in that dream world, miserable without you." She caught his eyes, and tears rolled down her face. "Don't you know that you're the better than any dream that I could ever have?" Harm reached out and wiped a tear from her face. "Don't you realize that I am incomplete without you?" She asked him. "How can you possibly think that I could ever leave you, Harm? How can that even enter your mind?"
"I don't know." Harm answered. "I love you Mac, I want to give you everything, and now, I can't."
"Harm? Would you leave me if I found out that I was sterile?"
Harm frowned, "NO!"
"But you've always wanted to have children too."
"But I want you more." He said without thinking.
"Exactly." She replied, her emotions now in check. Harm gathered her up in his arms, and hugged her tightly.
"I'm so sorry baby," He cried, "I'm so sorry. I know you wanted children. I'm so sorry." He repeated over and over. Weeping into her neck. Letting it all out.
"Harm stop it. Harm please stop it, "she whispered to him through her own tears. She pulled back from him, and her heart ached at the sight of him.
"You wanted children." Harm said weakly, lips quivering.
"Yes." Mac replied. "But, it's what I would give up to have you." Harm stilled at her words. And Mac leaned in, kissing him with absolutely everything she had. Feverishly she poured out her heart, until there was no doubt in Harm's mind that she loved him with all of her might. She pulled back and stroked his tear stained cheeks. Looking him in the eye, she whispered, "Just to have you."
The End
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