Author's Note:
A long while back, during "The Prankster's Apprentice," some of my readers mentioned how much they loved how I wrote Lee, and that I should write him more. So I came up with the idea of writing a Lee and Hermione story.
THEN, a little later, I had the idea of Lee, after the War, going back to doing radio as the community's beloved radio host and voice of wizarding southern England.
So then this happened.
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"I spy…something orange and small with—"
"Pygmy Puffs."
"Dammit!"
"Forty-three to thirty-seven. I think no matter what, I'm going to win, mate. Pay up."
Lee Jordan dug in his pocket for a Chocolate Frog and chucked it at his best friend's head. Lee plunked his head on the main counter of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and let out a groan. He heard George yawn loudly next to him. It was a slow day at work.
The buzzing of a fly faded in and out, and the steady hum of pranks vibrating in their boxes and Pygmy Puffs quietly squeaking created a white noise that was almost enough to put them to sleep. They had had very few customers, as no one seemed to want to venture outside their homes into the unseasonably sweltering August day. Still, George and Lee had stuck it out and kept the store open, albeit with cooling charms on them. They had been sitting around for far too long and were desperate for anything to distract them.
Lee looked out of the window just as an attractive blonde woman walked past their store, her white sundress dancing gracefully around her knees as she moved. Lee jutted his chin, wordlessly signaling to George, who followed his gaze and whistled quietly.
"Now that's a pretty bird," said George with a lazy grin. "I wouldn't mind talking to her today."
"Like she'd go for a ginger," teased Lee.
"You don't know what she likes. She'd probably like me over you."
"Not likely, carrot top!"
"Oh, like you're so hot. You probably couldn't even get her to talk to you," laughed George.
"How dare you doubt my charm and good looks!" cried a faux-outraged Lee, clutching his chest dramatically.
"Naff off, Jordan. I'd get her before you would, easily."
"I could out-woo you any day, Weasley!"
"You think you're more suave than me? Seriously?"
"Definitely. I could get anyone to fall for me."
"Oh yeah? Anyone?"
"Anyone."
"You want to make this real?"
"Yeah, let's make this real. I wager I can convince the next girl who walks into the shop to go on a date with me."
George looked at him in undisguised glee. "The next girl? Any random girl?"
"Well, she has to be around our age, and she has to be fit. I'm not going out with someone's mum or something," Lee said with a shrug. George nodded in agreement.
"Then I'll wager you won't succeed," said George. "And what do I get when you fail?"
"The loser, and by loser I mean you, will be the tester for all of the products we create for two whole months."
"Oh, excellent. Alright then. We have a wager." George stuck out his hand and Lee took it. George, still grasping his hand, added, "But it can't just be a night out. You have to get her to date you, officially. Really be mad for you."
Lee frowned down at their clasped hands, considering. That made it tougher than he had originally planned. On the other hand, he had an impressive track record of dating people that had been known to be difficult to woo. This sounded like a challenge that was right up his alley. He smiled and gave George's hand a firm shake. "It's on."
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It had been two hours.
2 men, and 3 teenage boys had come in.
Not one single female had walked in their door.
Several had passed by the shop. Five had stopped to look in the shop windows at the colorful displays that were whirring, spinning, flying, and moving about. One had taken the first two steps up to the door, but was called away from the store by what looked like her mother and another female relative, judging by the similar facial features. Lee was positive that he had never been this tense in his life. Not even at O.W.L.s time. Not even those were as nerve-wracking as this.
He groaned and dropped into the armchair he had created for himself two hours into the uneventful day. George looked over the top of his Quidditch Today at Lee and chuckled. "Regretting making that bet already, are we?"
"No," said Lee resolutely. "I'm fine. I just wish a woman would walk in the bloody shop!"
The front door's bell jingled. Lee's head whipped around as he hurriedly sat up. It was another teenage boy.
"OH FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!" shouted Lee.
George burst into laughter at the boy's wide, startled eyes. "Sorry, mate. It's not you, I swear. He's just having a…rough day."
"Stop smirking," Lee muttered from where he was sitting, his arms flung over his face.
"You can't even see me."
"I've been best friends with you for thirteen years. I can hear you smirking."
George just laughed.
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Another hour had passed and still no woman had shown her face in the shop. Lee was about ready to start pulling his dreads out. This was ridiculous. He just needed someone, anyone (decently attractive and not a horrible person – he didn't ask for much!) to walk in the shop. No one had come in in the past forty-five minutes, and in their collective boredom, he had resorted to creating snowballs with his wand, and hurling them at George, who was standing on top of one of the other counters with his beater's bat, hitting them and making it rain down snow that disappeared as soon as it touched the ground.
Just as Lee pitched, George glanced out the window and said, "I think we've got a live one."
"What? Seriously?" shouted Lee, the snowball out of his hand before he could stop it.
They heard the jingling of the bell just as George's bat connected with the snowball. Snow sprayed everywhere. "Well," the newcomer said, an amused smirk twisting her lips, "it's always good to know you boys are productive." She brushed a few flakes of snow off her shoulders and grinned at them. George and Lee's eyes met for a moment, and Lee felt his stomach flip over.
It was Hermione Granger.
Lee immediately straightened and George hopped down from the desk to greet her.
"So, Granger…what's a nice girl like you doing in a shop like this?" Lee said with a grin.
A surprised laugh bubbled up and out of Hermione. "Really? You're going to use that old line?"
"Well, it is a valid question," he said innocently.
She rolled her eyes but smiled at him. "I'm just here to see what new products you two have dreamt up. I've got to be prepared for start of term."
"We don't exactly make your life easy, do we?" teased George.
"Absolutely not. Although I always get a wonderful reaction when I tell my students that I'm friends with you two."
"Excitement?" asked George.
"Fear," Hermione deadpanned. Lee snorted. "So don't mind me, I'm just going to be walking around, looking at everything. I'm sure you have—" Her eyes flicked to George's bat and onto Lee's wand. "—Important matters to get back to." She smirked and started up the stairs, apparently deciding to browse the shop top to bottom.
They waited until she was an appropriate distance away before they started. George burst into laughter and Lee groaned, smacking his head into the nearest wooden beam.
"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no no," he muttered.
"This. This is perfect," whispered George, still laughing. "Oh my god, this is going to be the easiest bet to win ever. I don't think I've ever been happier. This is beautiful."
"She'll never take me seriously!" hissed Lee.
"Lady Fate has it out for you, man. This is what you get for going around and dating so many girls. Angelina, Katie, Alicia, Heidi Macavoy," George listed on his fingers. "You dated your way through Hogwarts' Quidditch teams and several girls from the National Leagues. Not to mention the Healers, the writers—"
"Okay! Okay! Merlin. I get it, alright?" hissed Lee. "You make it sound like I've dated half the bleedin' country!"
"That's cos you have!" laughed George.
"Where do you get off? You're just as bad as me."
"Yeah, but I don't have to make Miss Rules up there fall in love with me," George said with a cackle. Lee shoved him. "Well, you got what you asked for – about our age and attractive."
"But not Hermione!"
"It could have been worse. It could have been Eloise Midgen or Pansy Parkinson. At least Hermione's a friend and she's fit."
"I know she's fit, but that doesn't help me!"
George's eyes widened in interest. "You think Hermione's fit?"
"Oh piss off." Lee wordlessly sent a hex at George, who deflected with a shield spell as easily as if he had lazily swatted at a fly.
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It was a half an hour later when Hermione came down the stairs and started looking around the bottom floor, and Lee set to watching her surreptitiously. He hadn't been lying when he said he found Hermione attractive. Time had cared for Hermione Granger, who had gone from a bushy-haired, buck-toothed little girl to a fetching woman with long, wavy hair, pretty features, and a perfect smile that sheathed her dagger of a tongue. Brilliant and cunning, she was a loyal friend and a terrifying enemy. Lee respected her, but knew that she was not someone to be messed with, which made his task all the more daunting.
What made it all the more worse is that he knew she was unequivocally not single. She had been dating the same bloke for four months, some nancy boy named Alfie Dunn who worked in the Department for Magical Law Enforcement and reminded Lee of a basset hound.
"Oi!" he hissed. "She's got a boyfriend, mate. I can't go out with her."
"There's no backing out now - you said the next girl, and it was Hermione."
"But she's taken! Are you proposing I get her to cheat?"
"I've met the boyfriend. You have nothing to worry about. They'll be over by the month's end."
"What? How do you suppose that?"
"Hold on." George turned towards the upstairs level. "Hey, Hermione!" he shouted.
"Yeah?" she called back.
"You're coming to dinner Sunday, yeah?"
"Is that still going now that summer's about over?"
"Absolutely. You gonna come? You can bring Alfie too, if you want." George turned and winked at Lee.
"Alright. I'll be there. Same time?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
George turned back to Lee and grinned. "Come to dinner. You'll see what I mean. And it'll be a good chance for you to talk more with Hermione, lay more groundwork for conversations in the future. Maybe try and inch whatshisface out while you're at it."
Lee glanced over to make sure she was not in earshot. "You are an awful human being. I may have questionable morals, but I'm not gonna be complicit in breaking her up with her pathetic, whinging boyfriend!"
"Bloody 'ell, it's not like I'm asking you to go put a hit out on the prat. Although Mum might not be opposed to it." He paused. "Actually, the more I think about it, the more I am amazed that Mum hasn't poisoned his food yet."
"Wow, she hates him that much? I thought Molly didn't hate anybody."
"Well, nobody is good enough for her precious Hermione."
"Well gee, that makes me feel all warm inside," Lee snarked.
George grinned. "If I didn't consider it cheating - which it is! - I would drop the idea of you two to Mum. She'd have a bloody cow; she'd probably just drag you lot to the Ministry to get it official then and there."
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Lee was spinning his wheels, absolutely lost on what tack to choose, so he went with striking up a normal conversation. He watched as Hermione toured the shelves, occasionally taking down packages or bottles for products with which she was unfamiliar. "Why all this attention to detail, Hermione? Looking to buy? You don't strike me as the prankster type."
Hermione turned to him. He noticed her eyes sweep over his body quickly before she met his gaze. "Well, behave yourself and I won't have to strike you at all," she replied with a saucy grin.
Well, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all...
"Now I'm very interested in your methods of teaching, Professor Granger." He shot her a wink, which he was pleased to see made her cheeks pink ever so slightly before she turned back to the shelf.
"I think I'm in love," sighed George, who had been watching their interaction.
"Back off," Lee hissed. "Seriously, man." He shoved George, who just laughed and shoved him back.
Twenty minutes later found Hermione seemingly satisfied with her tour of the store and at the register. Lee held up two self-inking quills wordlessly.
Hermione shrugged. "They have color-changing ink. I'll do anything to make grading essays a bit more interesting."
"Lies – you know you love it. We all know you secretly had a schoolgirl crush on Binns," teased Lee.
Hermione pulled a face before taking the two boxes from him and depositing them in her bag. "Thanks for this, Lee. I'll see you this Sunday?" He nodded, to which she smiled. "Well, thank George for the invite and tell him I'll see him then as well." She nodded a farewell at him before heading out the door.
George, who had been "doing inventory" (more like being an awful person and leaving Lee alone with a very not-single Hermione), came out from the back of the store.
"Hermione says 'thanks for the invite.'"
George grinned. "Sunday can't come soon enough."
Lee begged to disagree.