"The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything"
-Book of Love, Peter Gabriel
-o0o-
You remember way back when- before you two had broken up- when Gamzee used to try to get you to dance.
It was stupid. And corny. And not to mention ridiculously dumb. Stuff like that only happened in really cheesy romcoms.
And who in their right mind would think it was a good idea to dance when your entire existence- not including the other trolls and humans- could end at any moment?
Well, Gamzee apparently thought it was a great idea, death and end to existences aside.
In the beginning that's all he ever tried to do with you. Slow dance, fast, medium- it didn't matter. As long as you were both moving and breathing and, well, alive… that's all you think he cared about.
At least, that's what you think he cared about. You don't know now; you never asked him when you had the chance.
It didn't really help that you pretty much suck at dancing. You were never really taught that much about it when you were younger. But, hey, when you're a mutant and determined not to die by culling, dancing is really the last thing on your mind.
You don't even know how Gamzee learned to dance. Not that he was fantastic either, but still. He was better at it than you ever were. In the end you guess that he must have learned about it back on Alternia somehow. He hadn't had anything better to do there, really, since he had been alone for most of the time.
When he had first tried to get you to dance, you called him crazy, nuts. And a bunch of other choice words that you're not going to repeat here unless you want to make a fool of yourself. But he had laughed at your insults and refused to let you go. Eventually, you gave in; he was your moirail after all.
He started with little things first. Shuffling feet, awkward arm positions and your stiff posture must have made it difficult but that didn't stop him. He was patient with you, smiling and looking at you with content eyes that always made you feel guilty for some reason.
He hummed too, to your annoyance.
There wasn't much music on the meteor, or at least none that could be used for dancing. So Gamzee liked to hum random songs, claiming that it would help you keep tempo or whatever the hell he said it was.
Gamzee's humming was weird. His voice was low and nearly always out of pitch, gravely in a way that vibrated his whole chest and passed into your body through your arms. Eventually you grew accustomed to that too, though. It became something of a comfort, even, because it meant that he was really there; a physical, leaving and breathing troll in your arms and not disappearing off to someplace you couldn't reach.
Sometimes- when he was gone and had left to go where ever he went- you thought you could hear his voice in your head. You still think you can hear it off in the distance, even now.
And hearing it hurts. A lot.
Because even though you thought it was childish at the time, it's one of the things you miss the most about him.
He sang some really ridiculous stuff too, you remember. Tunes like nursery rhymes you were both too old for, occasionally rap which you hated even more than the nursery rhymes, and once or twice a pale song that had been really popular back on Alternia. He surprised you when he did that. You forgot sometimes that Gamzee could be a mushy moirail when he wanted to be.
You got better at dancing. Slowly, but Gamzee got you to do it enough so you actually improved. Gamzee's music taste got…more bearable, if anything. He learned what you liked and what you didn't after a while.
Dancing became something calming, something soothing, rather than frustrating and stupid like it had been in the beginning. You liked swaying together the best; the rocking motion doubled with Gamzee's arms wrapped around you never failed to make you feel safe. You liked listening to his voice through his shirt as you counted his heartbeats to reassure yourself that he was still there and not a ghost.
You still don't like dancing. But now it's because doing it doesn't feel right- not without that off pitch hum to help tell you when to do what. Not without that deep laughter and sincere grin that appeared whenever you did something right.
You miss dancing with Gamzee. You miss him, being there for him and helping him, even more. And you probably will for a long time. But for now all you have is an empty feeling in the pit of your stomach, and the memory of Gamzee's voice explaining what he was trying to tell you the first time he brought you to your feet:
"Instructions for dancing."
-o0o-
First Homestuck fanfic, and of course its about Gamzee and Karkat... I miss them so much :( Why can't they just be happy together?
I do not own Homestuck. This work was unedited, so sorry if there's any mistakes. Thanks for reading!