Iron Butterfly

By: Vancess

A/N: I'm sorry in advance for grammatical and spelling errors. Oops and before I forget I made this story for a dear friend of mine, Valerie, who really loves Kazuki a lot. I hope you like it.

KAZUKI

Under the sun, low and burnt orange against the lucid sapphire sky, filtered in through the gaps between the emerald leaves of the oak tree, I have nothing to do but to think of her. The girl with flaming red hair; the girl with the smouldering eyes; the girl that seems to be like a source of pure air, a clear stream reflecting a deep pink sunset; the girl that I love secretly. I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling. I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of what's in it. I'm not afraid of love, I'm afraid of not being loved back. That is why I just can love her secretly for I am a coward who can't even do a thing to prove his love for Kahoko.

I knew she's something special from the day she came into my life. There is a fascinating aura encircling her, an aura of glowering peace that seems to come from the bond between Kahoko and her violin. She was the one who taught me to love music no matter what the odds are. She strikes the strings of the violin more than enough to soothe my yearning heart.

Yet I know I'll never be her inspiration. I'll never be the one in her mind and heart whenever she pours out all her emotions on the violin. It will be the one with cyan locks and jade eyes with a deep stoic stare. It will be the one named Len Tsukimori, the boy born almost in perfection. It is he who rules Kahoko's heart.

Violin romance... I see they're meant to be. What am I and my silly trumpet compared to the violin prodigy?

"Hihara-kun," a very familiar voice distracted my usual afternoon self conversation.

I saw her clutching her violin case coming from the direction of the practice rooms here in Seiso Academy. When she approached the oak tree, she sat by my side.

"Oh. Hi Kaho-chan," I uttered back with utmost concentration away from her sidetracking aura. I can seem to see every part of her lustrously like shattered diamonds.

"Is there something wrong with my face?" Kahoko asked as she consciously touched her face with her seemingly fragile hands.

Trying to compose myself I cleared my throat for a second, "Uhm... No, nothing's wrong with your face. Actually you look cute today Kaho-chan. Oh no, my mistake you look cute every day."

"Ah...I—thank you," she stuttered as her cheeks turned into a pool of deep pink.

"Done practicing?" I asked as soon as I was back into my normal cheery aura.

"Yes. I learned a new piece today. I practiced it with Len," she answered jovially.

A deafening silence broke. A usual pang of jealousy drove into my chest the minute she said Len's name. Violin romance...violin romance...violin romance...

"Uhm...so what are you doing in here?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Oh. I just like it here. Even though this place is awfully quiet, it's full of life. I like to watch the butterflies encircling those lovely lavenders and freesias. Butterflies have been a long fascination of mine," I answered engagingly.

Then my faced changed its expression as she giggled.

"What are you giggling about?" I asked curiously.

"It's just that I find you fascinating. I thought boys will not be enticed to butterflies because it's so girly but don't get me wrong. I'm not a chauvinist. I'm just wondering on what aspect you like about butterflies," she commented openly.

"Don't worry. I perfectly understand you. I really think it's weird for a boy to find girly stuffs amusing. I find butterflies fascinating not because they're beautiful, colorful, and all of the girly aspects you can think about but because they're so free. They don't have to hide things from the world. They're not afraid to spread their wings. When they're flying, it's like they are conveying their feelings. They flutter from one flower to another. They're not afraid to take a sip if the nectar of the flower would be sweet or not. They're not afraid to take risks. There will be a chance that they will not like the nectar but still they try everything to find sweet ones. Butterflies are courageous and I admire them for it," I replied. I can't believe it but my articulation was actually fine. I'm not the type to speak candidly about my enthrallments but with her it's like I could tell her everything, well except for one crucial thing.

"Whoa. What a very manly opinion. I really think that's a very good aspect you're looking at. I have never noticed that before," she stated.

"Well there are more to butterflies rather than just colorfulness and enthralling splendor," I stated in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

"Would you be staying a little bit longer here Kaho-chan? I really need to go, my mom send me off for an errand."

"Well, I really like this place. I want to practice for a bit. I don't mind savoring the solitude alone," she answered softly.

"Don't stay long okay? It's near twilight. Be careful Kaho-chan," I bid goodbye as I stood up.

"Well of course Hihara-kun. Take care too. Bye."

"Bye."

Too bad, I really want to see her practice. I heard the melodious sound of her violin as I started to walk to the supermarket to buy the things my mother asked me too. Then suddenly I remembered, I forgot the notebook I was doodling on moments earlier. I nervously fidgeted my shirt as I made my way back to Seiso Academy.

KAHOKO

This place is magical. I'm glad Kazuki shared it with me. This is the perfect placed to soothe my nerves and to practice the violin.

I scrambled to get my violin and I played a few soft notes when I noticed a butterfly encrusted notebook.

"This might be Kazuki's notebook. He really is so enthralled to butterflies," I mused to myself softly.

I flipped open Kazuki's notebook. I scanned the pages. They were full of poems, he made them himself. Kazuki is really talented. The poems are impressive. Then I abruptly stopped when a page caught my attention.

Enough to Let You Go

Will my part in our show be vaguely heedless?

Forever shall I be the ill-fated class;

A sort for an abominable tragedy,

A lose pinnacle in this veracity.

Will I always be the one you run to,

The confidante of your secrets so blue?

Will I always be the requisite pages,

That you anticipate I would repress?

Forever must I drive you home late at night,

After watching this films that resemble life?

Enigmatic weakness abruptly came to light,

As I watched you silently lying by his side.

I want you to know that I love you so,

I love you more than enough to let you go.

I will always be the opinion you seek,

Forever I will be the friend that you would need.

"I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling. I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of what's in it. I'm not afraid of love, I'm afraid of not being loved back. I love you Kahoko. I love you enough to let you go. I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road. I know I have to go. I know, I can see it in your eyes you love Len. That's why I'm letting go. I don't want to be a bother so I'm already gone."

Tears started to flow down my cheeks. All this time, I have no idea Kazuki felt that way towards me. I really do love him but in a brotherly manner. He's right about my feeling towards Len. I guess he sees it through my eyes. I have no idea I was hurting him all the time. I really am sorry Hihara-kun. I had no idea.
I wiped away my tears and stood up. The sun is beginning to shy away from the lucid sky. I packed my things away and I saw a pretty butterfly. Its wings were stuck in some branches. It kept flapping its wings like it was made of iron. I freed its wings and I watched as the butterfly hopped to another branch-free flower. I wish I can free Hihara-kun from this complication just like that butterfly. I wish I can blow the wind softly through his iron wings and set him free. I wish…

KAHOKO

I woke up groggily. I didn't sleep well enough last night. I've been weighing things between me, Len and Kazuki. I lazily dragged myself to prepare for school.

Seiso Academy was eerily silent when I arrived. There were no people chatting around the gate and hallways. I guess they're in the gym. I wasn't informed there's an occasion today. As I went to my way to the gym I met Nami.

"Hey, Nami! Where are all the people?" I asked in a jocund tone.

Nami sniffed a little and then I noticed tears dripping from her eyes.

"Nami what's wrong? Tell me."

"Kahoko, Ka…Kazuki's gone." She managed to utter a few phrases.

"What gone? Nami, tell me" I shook her slightly to get a proper answer from her when I saw white freesias in bundles being carried to the gym. Freesias, they were Kazuki's favorite. That's why he always stays in the garden at the back of the academy for they are full of them. Awareness was beginning to seep through me, like acid trickling through my veins. Crystal tears started to flow into my cheeks.

"I'm sorry Kahoko. Kazuki's dead. He was struck by a truck last night. He was heading back to school I guess."

He was going back to get his notebook.

"That's not true. Tell me it isn't true Nami." I begged pathetically.

"I'm sorry but it's true. He's being given tribute now at the gym."

I hugged Nami and she hugged me back. I can't believe it. Kazuki is dead, the ever jolly and bright Kazuki. I can't believe it but it's true. I don't want to believe it.

I didn't attend the tribute at the gym. Right at the moment, I just want to be alone. I went to Kazuki's favorite spot at the back of the school. The tears I thought were dried up earlier are now again oozing into my face.

I set the notebook down and I wrenched my violin out of its case. I played Claire de Lune, it was one of his favorites.

I'm sorry Kazuki. I didn't get the chance to say everything when you were here. I'm sorry for giving you such burden. I knew you see the burning passion of love for Len in my eyes and I knew I was hurting you. I'm sorry I didn't get to say I'm sorry while you were here. I wish I can turn back time to free you from those complications. I wish I could turn back time to softly blow the air through your iron wings and set you free. Oh how I wish….

I finished the song and I broke down crying. I saw again the same butterfly that I freed yesterday. It was flying gracefully now, avoiding the complicated and twisted turns of branches. It sucked the sweet nectars from the flowers. I can tell it was free and happy.

Wherever you are Kazuki, I'm sorry and I wish you now wriggled out of your iron wings. Be free. Be happy.