"I refuse to believe this." Malfoy's voice was low and cold. "This cannot be happening. We are going to die – to die," he snarled, "In a third-rate magical booby trap set by a crazy old man to protect something nobody wants anyway. This cannot be how we die."

Harry was too busy feeling at the stone walls, looking for a spot where the texture was off. "Relax, Malfoy. It's only been a couple of hours. We'll think of something."

"Without wands?"

"Some people live their whole lives without wands," Harry reminded patiently. "Just help me. All box traps have seams. And all box traps weaken eventually if they're not powered by something – which this one isn't; we checked for power sources. At the worst we'll just wait for the whole charm to expire. It's got to run out of power soon. We'll be out of here by tonight. Promise."

Malfoy sat in a corner, hugging his knees. "My testamentary charms are nearly four years out of date," he mused. "One of my old girlfriends is going to get that pendant I wear, the dragon with the ruby eyes. Stupid slag. What was I thinking? Well, that's what I get for dying wandless like a rat in a trap next to Harry bloody P-"

"I told you we are not going to die!" Harry snarled. Two days without food was a lot, even for Aurors trained to battle on through hardships of all kinds. Two days was a lot. Especially two days with Draco Malfoy.

"Yes, we are." Malfoy banged his head softly against the wall. "I cannot believe this. I partner the one person in the world who should never get killed in the field, ever, and what happens? We get killed. Why in Merlin's name didn't you bring an emergency kit?"

"Because this is routine and we weren't supposed to have an emergency!" He was exhausted, too exhausted to try and control his temper. "Anyway, why didn't you bring one? I'll tell you why. Because you know as well as I do that when we do have emergencies, the kit never helps!"

Malfoy's lip curled. "Food and a spare wand and a cell phone would have been pretty bloody helpful now, wouldn't it. We are caught in what is apparently the world's first self-sustaining box trap and there is not a thing we can do about it. We are fucked, Potter. We are dead."

"How is that helpful? Complaining is not helpful. Get off your arse and help me go over the walls again. That would be helpful."

Harry held out his hand to pull Malfoy up, but Malfoy ignored it. "I'm not just complaining - I'm also thinking. Which may be a foreign concept to you, but I promise you, it is helpful. More than any of the stupid things you're planning to do."

"Look… all right, what if it's not a box trap?" Harry suggested after a moment. "Because you're right, they can't be self-sustaining. Maybe you made a mistake with the detection spell. We could be in an oubliette, a custom one charmed to look like a box trap, and then-"

"I didn't make a mistake with the detection spell, you ignoramus. What do you think I am?"

Harry swallowed down some of his more colorful answers. "A terrible person to be trapped in a small room with."

"Potter! Hey – wake up, Potter!"

"Stoppit. Stop shaking me. Leave me alone."

"What's the matter with you? You don't look good."

"I just need a moment."

"No. You can't go to sleep – something's wrong, look at you, you're too weak. You're never going to wake up."

"Ridiculous. C'mon, I'll be fine, let me sleep. Shh."

"Potter! Get up! Don't you dare leave me in here with a dead body! Potter!"

"Shhhhhh."

"Hey. Hey. Harry." Malfoy's voice was no longer panicky. Now it was quiet and intense, and since it didn't grate so hard on Harry's ears he was able to respond to it.

"What?"

"Get up. Get up, I have to ask you something."

Harry let himself be manhandled into a sitting position. "How long have we been down here?"

"A couple of days."

"And nobody's come for us? And we don't have any ideas. Maybe we really are going to die."

"I know. Which is why I want to ask you something." Malfoy moved away from him and faced a wall. "A favor. A strange favor."

Harry wasn't sure exactly what kind of favor he could do trapped in a small room with no wand, but anyway he nodded at Malfoy's back. They might actually die here. Let him ask. "Go on."

"Well I've sometimes thought… I mean, I don't know, but I've wondered a few times if… I…"

"Spit it out, Malfoy."

Malfoy took a deep breath and then said all in a rush: "It's occurred to me once or twice that I might be a homosexual but I've never done anything about it and I think it would be a shame to die without trying so can I kiss you."

Harry gaped. "Oh," he said at last. "That… is a strange favor." Malfoy was still facing away. Shaking now. Harry wasn't sure if it was starvation or nervousness making him tremble like that but either way it was sad to watch. Would it really be that hard to just suck it up and give him what he wanted? After all this time working together they were practically friends (as well as bitter enemies, still), and they were probably going to die here anyway. "Well... Er... All right, I guess…"

"I knew it!" Malfoy crowed, and whirled to face him. Still shaking with laughter. "I knew it, I knew it I knew it! I'm going to tell everyone - do you know how many bets I'm going to win? Harry Potter flies for the other team. Harry Potter loves the broomstick! Harry Potter's wand is-"

"Malfoy!" Harry dove at him and bowled him over, exhausted, but gave everything he had and climbed on top. "Do you really want to die being an arsehole? An immature, stupid-"

"Shove off, Potter." Malfoy grinned up at him. "We're not going to die. I figured this trap out. I told you thinking was a good idea."

"Oh." His hands were still wrapped around the throat; he wondered if he had any excuse to squeeze.

"And I don't actually have any bets out." Just when he was about to relax, though, Malfoy snorted. "Everybody else does though. The office pool is enormous. The thing is I'm not allowed to enter, because they all think I'd cheat by fucking you, which is a hideous thought but also sort of flattering to me if you th-"

"Shut up!" He banged Malfoy against the ground to make him. When he went to bang some more Malfoy struggled; Harry struggled to hold him down. "You're an arse and you're lying."

"Am not. People try to bribe me all the time, to get proof one way or the other. But I think there's no proof to be got, I think you're actually still a virgin. Do y-"

He fought harder, clamping down on the throat now, which at least won some silence.

When he was too worn out to go on, Malfoy smirked. "Done?"

"Not even close," he panted.

"Now you're lying. I think you need to shove off instead of acting like you've got the strength to hit me, because I know damn well that you don't. No matter how angry I make you."

Malfoy was right - if he let go of that pale scrawny neck, he was going to fall over. "What's happening," he managed to say. His head was spinning. "Why am I so weak - I'm in-... better shape than you..."

He hit the ground hard and suddenly; Malfoy had bucked him off. He couldn't even make himself sit up. "You're falling apart because the trap is drawing power from you," Malfoy said. "Makes sense, no? I'd wondered why you were taking it so much harder than me."

That was good, at least - it was a relief to know that he hadn't lost this last round in the perpetual competition between them. Even if he wasn't going to make it out alive. "So now what? Trap'll give out, once I'm dead. Right?"

"Once you're-? Come on!" Malfoy yanked his hair and shook. "What do you think I am? Don't answer that. Or, do, but say brilliant. I know exactly what to do; while you were busy snoozing I found a seam. It's still a little bit too strong for me to break through, but soon it won't be - you're fading fast."

Maybe, but still. "I'm still... strong enough... to kick your arse."

Malfoy snorted. "Oh, please. Brawling you to exhaustion was all part of my master plan - don't you dare think I couldn't have knocked you out straight away if I wanted to."

He surged up for another try, but didn't have it in him to get far.

Malfoy nodded, satisfied. "I'll wait another few minutes and then try the seam again. Not too long though, or you won't make it."

"Mm." Harry closed his eyes and thought about the trap that had almost got them. "Good thing we work in pairs. One person'd be fucked."

"Yeah."

"But I think I'd... still rather be down here alone." He worked hard to get the important bit out, clear and crisp: "I'm never partnering with you again, Malfoy."

"You said that last time."

The End.

I kind of think they'd be an adorable set of work partners who can't get along.