Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all things Squenix and Disney belong to their respective owners, not each other, and certainly not me.
Warnings: Yaoi and het, nonsensical-ness, my first attempt at a humor fic, and traces of plot scattered here and there. The pairings are Demiku (Demyx/Riku), Akuroku (Axel/Roxas), Sokai (Sora/Kairi), and Namidus (Naminé/Tidus). Yeah, two crack!pairings and two canon or borderline-canon pairings. 'Cause balance is Gawd, man.
Other: Written as a challenge for myself; I wanted to write something other than angst for once. Also, this is very experimental for me, so please review and tell me what you think, okie?
A Short Narration About Nothing in General and Roxas in Particular
He's like a god, one who doesn't even know his own power...
A powerful godling, with hair like spun gold and—
Demyx, shut up. "Hair like spun gold"? Can you say something that ISN'T a cliché!
Ohhh–! I'd like to see you do better!
Fine. He's an annoyingly forgetful little bugger with sun-yellow hair and eyes like chips from the walls of the Chasm in Radiant Garden.
. . . Okay, his eyes do look like that.
Heh, knew it.
Hmph. Moving on, he's—
Skip the description.
What? Why!
Because I'm getting bored. Just skip ahead to the interesting part.
Oh, alright. One day, our little godling— who we didn't know was a godling at this time— decided that he'd ditch us to go make sweet lo—
If you finish that sentence with anything about Sora or Riku, I will personally rip out your lungs and wrap them around your throat.
. . . Well, that's original, at least.
Just go on. And leave out any future self-insertions that you're thinking about.
What! Why you–! Eep, okay, you can put that down now. I'll be good, I promise!
Good.
So, er, alright...Roxie di—
What did you call him?
Roxas, Roxas! I'm sorry!
Demyx, one more time...
Uh, right, right! So anyway, Roxas left our Organization, got his a— I mean, was captured by th...Riku...
Go on.
He was sent to a virtual version of a town. After spending a few days in that paradise– lucky bastard– he—
What was that?
After spending a few days in that paradise, he...?
That's what I thought.
You can th—nevermind. So, he eventually figured it all out, courtesy of dear, sweet little Naminé and the not-so-sweet fire-breather over here...
. . . (No comment)
Hey, you didn't bite my head off!
Don't get used to it.
I won't, I won't. Heh...so, he found out, became "one" with Sora, kicked the Organization's collective asses—
And where were you during all of that?
Getting my ass kicked with them!
Uh, how about no? You were gone every time they needed you!
Well, I was busy, okay. Musicians are in rather high demand, you know.
Off stalking Riku, more like.
I– you– how– I wasn't!
Yeah, sure, whatever. Just go on.
Ahem. Roxas beat the Organization, then went on his merry way. And then came . . . The Day.
Can you be more dramatic?
. . . Was that a challenge? Because if it was...
No! Just...keep going.
Alrighty then! There was The Day. Well, it took longer than a day, but have you tried counting time when there's no day or night to judge by! It's hard! So, we just call it The Day.
Can you move a little faster?
What, got a hot date?
You mean you don't?
Er, well, I...fine! I'll go faster.
Plzkthxdie.
What the fuck was that! Is that even ENGLISH?
No, it's Japanese, moron.
Oh. . . . No it's not! Japanese has more vowels than that!
. . . Hey, look, it has two brain cells! Maybe if we get lucky, they'll breed more, and then he'll have something that could pass for, but is not quite, a brain!
You know what? I'm just going to ignore that.
Good for you.
Pfft. Well, there was this day. And on this day...Roxas freaked out. I'm dead serious. Something happened...um...Axel, what happened exactly?
Psh, like I know. One of the others got attacked, I think.
OH, that's right! Something went for Kairi. Rather stupid if you ask me. I mean, she's got Sora, Riku, Roxas, that blond kid, the weird-haired boy, and the jump-rope-wielding girl to protect her.
...You're talking about Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie?
Uh, yeah. How do you remember them all!
Simple: Tidus is close to dufus. Wakka's name is as strange as he looks. And finally, Selphie's the only other girl. It's elementary, my dear Demyx.
...I'll be over here, in this corner, trying to coax my memory to work as well as yours.
Heh, that's gonna take a while. You sure you want me to do this by myself?
On second thought, you're right. I'll stay.
That's wonderful, Demy-baby.
. . . No comment.
Heh, I knew it!
Shut up! We've got a job, remember? So, something really stupid attacked Kairi, right in front of Sora. Now, he couldn't really do much of anything— none of them could— but there was Roxas, all cooped up in wherever he was, with all his power that he'd been building up, and BAM! it came out all at once. It was...amazing.
Even we were affected. Those of us that knew Roxas pretty well— that's me, Naminé, and Demyx over there— were pulled out of the nothingness.
Naminé got pulled out of Kairi.
. . . (No comment)
But anyway, we were basically summoned to this one spot. Not exactly the most pleasant experience, and Roxas stuck us right between her and it. Well, not Naminé; she was stuck next to that Tidus kid— you know what I think? I think that something's going on there.
You're a little late: they've been together for a few weeks now.
What! You're serious?
Yep.
Wow. I guess I...hm.
You guess you should spend less time scouting out make-out spots for Riku-dearest and more time listening to town gossip?
Uh, yeah...I mean, NO! Riku and I aren't—
Just keep telling yourself that, MENTALLY, and move on!
Fine, fine, geez...oh, I'm sorry, are you already late for your widdle date?
Last warning, Demyx.
. . . Er, got it. Continuing. Stuff came flying at us, we got rid of it, more stuff came, Sora and Riku finally got over to us, and suddenly, out of nowhere, Roxas popped up and destroyed everything.
It was almost high noon, and he's the Nobody of Light. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that he could kick anything's ass at that point.
Mm-hm, right. Which he did. But the important part was him summoning us— see, that's supposed to be impossible. No ordinary Nobody has that kind of power— and thus the 'godling' status.
Roxas is...one of a kind.
He's our god. Our God of Light.
He's MINE.
. . . Yeah, he's his. So, if you value your skin, don't touch him.
Exactly. Good job, Demyx.
Heh, what can I say? I got it memorized.