"Sometimes you can't help but watch yourself die slowly."
The sound of thunder cracks up ahead yet a lone figure can still been seen sitting underneath a tree. The rain began to fall relentlessly over her figure. Her knees are curled up into her chest with her head buried in her arms which are wrapped protectively around them; she looks nothing short of vulnerable. I watch silently as she lifts her face out of its hiding place so that her beautiful dark eyes can be seen. As the rain runs down her cheeks it is obvious that they are mixed with tears. Her loneliness seems to overwhelm her senses and the hopeless spiral which is surrounding her begins to take over. I need to reach out to her; I need to tell her she is not alone. I look in longing as I will my body to move, my efforts are in vain. I try calling out to her but find my words becoming lost, helplessly, in the wind.
"Please", I whisper into the wind, "please let me help her".
I can barely see her face, let alone recognise the girl, yet I know I have to do something. After much persistency I find myself edging closer to the tree under which she sits. The rain pours down my skin soaking my clothes and soul. Soon I can taste the familiar flavour of tears on my tongue. My hands begin to shake as I try and wipe at my tear streaked face, it is no use they continue to fall. As I sit beside her I can not help but see she is lost inside. I lift my hand to slowly caress her cheek in comfort.
"You're not alone", I whisper in her ear.
She lifts her head to smile at me briefly before returning her gaze to her arms.
"How would you know?" Her voice is not cold yet it is not warm either. "People go about their daily routines without noticing the most important aspects of life. They are constantly declaring their love for people but never truly helping them when they are in need. They claim they care yet miss the vital signs of someone who is dying for comfort inside. How can you honestly tell me I am not alone when the people who know me the best can't even see my pain?"
I move my hand away from her face and slide it down beside me. The wind begins to blow through my hair making it wild and unruly. How can I answer such a deep question when I barely know her? I turn my head to gaze at her. Her features aren't sharp but are instead soft and subtle. Her eyes are deep and full of emotion, a brilliant black almost. Her eyes seem to spark with withheld emotions while dark bags underlie them. I stare until my own eyes begin to hurt and something inside of me clicks.
"You look familiar", I say softly ignoring her questions.
Her smile grows wider when she turns to look at me again.
"Maybe when people look deep underneath all the masks they can see what is truly laying in front of them. They no longer need to hide in the shadows pretending their lives don't exist."
All at once the memories begin to flood back into me. My connection with the girl suddenly becomes blatantly obvious. At first I don't quite believe it but after another look it is hard to miss, she is me.
"But how?" I manage to stutter out in amazement.
"For someone who was trying to convince me that I was not alone it is clear that you did not feel the same way. You were too busy trying to convince and save other people that you could not save yourself. There was no one left to save you."
The rain begins to die down and the wind softens. I watch as the sun rises out from behind black stormy clouds, casting its light over the field.
"So am I dead?" I ask fearing the answer.
"Not quite, simply dying."
I hate the way that she is able to smile while saying such foreboding words. I grimace back at her.
"How can I stop this?" My voice is now uneven and desperate.
Again a calming smile spreads across her face as she leans in to whisper her answer in my ear.
"You can't, sometimes you simply can't help but watch yourself die and hope that someone out there saves you from yourself."
We sit in silence for some time watching the sunlight dance across the shadows of the field. I reach my hand down and grasp hers.
"In a time of hopelessness I guess all you can do is hope", I say before letting go of her hand and striding away into the sun filled field.