Even days later, it's all fresh. the news of his death. All is too sudden, too younge, too innocent. I'm the only one who will stand out in the rain as his coffin is lowered into the earth. Everyone else has too much selfishness to step out from the tent to say their last goodbyes. Or is it that i am too selfish to let him go? The rain disguises my face as the tears fall into the ditch along with all other forms of water. Everyone else leaves, but I stay by his side till the very end, until even his coffin becomes invisible to my eye. Even then I can remember the first day I laid eyes on him. His bruised body and ice blue eyes that made my heart melt. How every time he cried, I died a little inside. Remembering him sneaking back home in the dead hours of the night just to find me awake and ready to scold him. I always thought I'd be the onw to fix him. But, I was all too wrong. And ultimately it lead to his death, his strange addictions. All I have left of him is the memories, good and bad, and regrets of how I wasn't there for him.
_

This month I had no idea how to pay for rent. Working two jobs, plus volunteering at the local library wouldn't suffice and i had no way to make any extra cash. I drove down the road hoping some solution would come to me. But no matter how many mind-numbing yellow stripes flew past me, I couldn't think of one way to make up rent money. I stopped my car in an appartment complex, laying my head on the steering wheel, sighing and hoping something good would happen. Minutes passed and I finally grabbed the pizza case from my back seat and stepped out of my car, walking up some two flight of stairs to find the right address. After double checking the numbers, I knocked. A breeze sent a chill up my spine, pulling the case closer, hoping some pizza warth would rubb off on me. Seconds passed and impatience started rising in me, i raised my fist again to knock just when the door opened.
In the most irritated voice I could conjure I greeted the slimey old man that ovbously hadn't own anything but a wife beater and some boxers in many years. "Good evening sir, that'll be $14.87."
He handed me a twenty, "Keep the change, kid."
"Thanks." I exchanged him the pizza. Getting a $5.13 tip was the high point of my night so far.
I started down the hall to the stairs when I hear a shattering crash. Like some vase was just smashed into a wall. Following this heart-pounding sound was a thud. I figured domestic violence was common in neighborhoods full of crack dealers and gangs. Every time this happened when I was on pizza boy duty, I always figured I'd get a show, even if it were all audio. Since that was my last delivery of the night, I decided I'd sit at the top of the stairs and see if i could hear any action. Instead, the door of the room opened and out stumbled a boy. He was tall, about 5'8". Skinny, as if he hadn't eaten in weeks, his skin bruised and pale. His skin so fair, he seemed fragile. His hair was long and shaggy and the most beautiful natural black I'd seen. He wore loose grey shorts with a black tank top. Every now and then, these domestic violence cases make me feel bad for gaining entertainment from the victem, this was one of those. He looked over at me, as if in slow motion, his ice blue eyes cutting deep into my soul. the red gash above his right eye brow took away from his beauty. So unstable, he fell into the wall as if it were his best friend there to hold him up. I quickly stood and went to him, wrapping one arm around his waist, the other wrapping his arm over my shoulders. He eyes flickered up towards me, "Who are you..?" his voice was weak.
"I don't think that really matters right now. What happened to you?"
He shook his head, "Nothing, I'm fine."
"Your lack of balance and bleeding head tell me otherwise."
He looked down and crack a smile, my heart stopped and no other thoughts went through my head. "I'm used to this... I'll be fine." His voice was barely a whisper. I said nothing, my mind could barely comprehend what he said. "Hello?"
I shook my head, "Sorry.. what?"
He was staring at me, his eyes sad, "Can you let me go?"
My heart sunk, he needed help and at the moment I was the only to give that to him. "I'm letting you go." I stopped as soon as I heard what I had just said. He obviously heard it the way it sounded and stopped dead silent, looking at me as if I were some serial rapist. "No, I meant..!"
"What do you want from me?"
I sighed, "Nothing." I looked toward the door, "whoever is in there.. did they hurt you?"
"Doesn't matter." he looked down, so it obviously mattered.
"It does. You know it's illegal to hurt someone intentionally?"
"I know that..."
"Then why are you allowing it?"
"You don't understand."
"Then explain."
"I can't." his voice has barely a whisper by now.
"Why not?" I whispered back.
He stayed silent for a while as if trying to figure out if he could trust me or not, "Because I need some money, and if this is the worst of it, I'll gladly take it."
I didn't want to believe what he just told me. "What?"
He shrugged away from me, "Nothing, I need to get back." He reached for the doorknob.
I blocked his way, "No, you're not going back in there. You don't need to sell yourself. I'll pay double what he is if you just come with me and let me fix that, " I motioned to the gash.
He looked at me in disbelief, "Why?"
"You shouldn't have to steep down that low to survive."
He looked down, "No, why are you helping me."
"Didn't I just say-?"
"Not just anyone would stop and help me. Why is Alex the pizza boy helping me?"
I frowned, "How do you know my name?"
He flicked my nametag, "That's the least of your worries... Now answer me."
Smiling, I looked away, "Damsel in distress?"
"Damsel?" he seemed offended.
"Along those lines."
"Well this 'damsel' is fine. I've had worse."
I rolled my eyes, "Then let me be the best."
"Sounds like your asking me out."
"Would you say yes?" I chuckled.
He looked at me, "No."
"Chill, I just want-"
"What? A cheap whore for the night. You're 'good samaritan' act doesn't work on me."
"I don't want you for sex."
"Like i haven't heard that one before." He stepped away form me, into the light, his arms and boney legs covered in bruises.
"Then don't believe me. I'm not letting you go back in there. I have morals too high for that."
"I also have bills too high for you to stop me."
"I said I'd pay you."
"So you do want-"
"No!" I ran my fingers through my hair, "Listen. If you don't want me to help you, whatever. I'm done fighting with you when all I'm trying to do is save you."
"I don't need saving."
"You obviously do! Have you seen yourself?"
He went silent and slowly looked down at his arms. He began to shake.
"Oh, no, I'm sorry..."
He began to weep, hiding his face in his hands.
"Oh, fuck." I went to him, and hugged him gently, being too afraid to break him, "I didn't mean it.."
"I'm such a mess. My life is ruined."
"You're still young, you can turn yourself around before it's too late."
He shook his head, "It's already too late."
I fell silent. We stood together fro several minutes, me holding him and him crying into my chest.
"Does your offer still stand...?" I looked down at him, surprised to actually hear him talk again.
"Of course it does."