Booths POV
"I got the signal Booth, I don't want to have any regrets"
I took a moment to understand what she meant. Regrets? Regrets about what? Oh, she's talking about me, us. After 7 years she has finally realised that she is capable of love, even if she can't say it, she knows what it feels like. She's waiting for a reply, I don't want to break her, and I always said that I won't hurt her but now I might be the person who hurts her the most. I can see the sadness developing in her eyes, I don't know what she's expecting me to say, she knows who I am, the man that I am, I have to stay loyal.
"Um, I'm with someone Bones and Hannah, she's not a consolation prize. I love her" She's crying, I made my Bones cry. The image itself breaks my heart, how such a beautiful, loving person could hold so much pain, but knowing I was the one who made her cry is something that I will always regret. I need to say something, to let her know that I don't want her to cry, that I don't want to cause her pain, but what do I say without telling her how much it breaks me and how much I wish that I could kiss away her tears and take away her pain.
"The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but those are the facts" It's true, I never wanted to hurt her, I never want to hurt her and in the past I would've offered a guy hug, but now, I need to show her that she can move on and that's not going to happen if I comfort her.
"I understand, I missed my chance. My whole world turned upside down. I can adjust"
"I did" I know I've made a mistake, what am I doing to myself, to Hannah, and most importantly, to Bones. I couldn't move on, I haven't moved on and I don't want to move on. I want Bones, my Bones. She's my heart, the one I imagine a future with, the one I want to spend my time with, the one I want to keep safe from the World, the one who fills my dreams. She's the one, but I can't tell her and I don't know why I can't but before I can take my words back she has already said something.
"Yes, you did"
I look over to her, she's wiping away her tears, the tears that are there because of me, the tears that are so heartbreaking, or heart crushing for Bones. She's still beautiful, her bright blue eyes that I get lost in have turned to grey, her porcelain cheeks are covered in smudged make-up, her lips that I have imagined kissing so many times are quivering, but she's still beautiful.
"Do you want me to, uh- to call someone to be with you or" I don't want her to be alone, she'll build up those walls that I spent years knocking down. She'll think she's not special, she'll think she's worthless and that no one needs her but she is special and I need her.
"No, I'm fine alone…..Thanks"
She sighs and rests her head against the back of the seat, slightly tilting her face towards the window. I resist the strong impulse to reach over and gently run the tip of my finger along her cheek, wiping her tears away. Instead, I face forward and we fall into an uncomfortable silence all the way back to her apartment.
-Brennans Apartment-
Brennans POV
After saying a quick goodbye to Booth, I forced myself to climb the stairs instead of going back to him and begging him of the answers that were floating around my mind. Why doesn't he love me anymore? How do you just stop loving someone? Did he ever love me? He never actually said those words to me. Why am I assuming something that probably wasn't true? I'm incapable of being loved. His words had cut me into a million pieces, metaphorically and it hurts, it hurts everywhere.
I struggled to find my keys that were stuffed in the bottom of my bag. After frantically searching for them, I found them and fumbled to get the key in the lock. The door opened and I rushed inside, slamming the door behind me and unconsciously sliding down the other side of it until I found myself sitting on the floor, back to the door and my knees brought up close to my chest. I was shaking miserably, biting my bottom lip to hold myself from letting my tears stream down my face.
"Do you want me to, uh- to call someone to be with you or"
'I want you to be with me' Brennan thought '-I want you to hold me and tell me it will be fine, tell me you want me, that you love me and you never stopped loving me. I want to feel your strong arms around me, holding me close to your body. I want to hear your comforting words that so easily calm me every time you say them. I want the feeling of butterflies in my stomach as you press your warm lips to my temple. I want you, all of you, but I can't have you because I missed my chance.
A few minutes later, but what felt like hours, I found the strength to stand up and take myself to my bedroom, dropping my bag on the kitchen bench as I walked past. I stopped at the threshold of my bedroom and looked around my apartment, my home that I live in by myself. I am meant to be alone, so I will. As my eyes scanned the living room, I saw two small figurines on my bookshelf, along with two photos. I walked over to the shelf and retrieved Jasper and Smurfette, holding them close to my chest while I focused on the two photos. One of Angela, Hodgins, Cam, Sweets, Daisy, Booth and myself at the Founding Fathers after closing a case last year and the other of myself and Booth. We were at an FBI Banquet that Booth forced me to go to. I was wearing a navy halter neck gown, with a low V-neck and small sparkles that fell down the left side of the dress while Booth was wearing one of his expensive Italian suits. We were dancing, his right arm around my waist as his left hand was securely entwined with my right, our cheeks pressed together as we looked at the camera, both smiling brightly.
I put the photos back down and walked back to my bedroom, both figurines still held to my chest. Entering my bedroom, I gently placed Jasper and Smurfette on my bedside table and then walked slowly into my bathroom. Running myself a bath, I took in the aroma of my bath gel and then went over to my closet to retrieve pyjamas. As I opened the closet door, a navy, oversized FBI t-shirt fell out and I quickly realised it as Booth's. I brang it up to my nose and inhaled his scent, then deciding to wear it for the evening, I added it to the shorts that were already situated on my bed and headed off for a bath.
I got settled in bed, dressed in Booth's shirt, I allowed the scent to calm me and eventually drifted off to sleep. Only an hour later did I wake up, my eyes wet and my body covered in sweat as I recalled the events that had occurred only a few hours earlier. Realising that sleep wouldn't come easily, I gripped onto the front of the shirt I was wearing and brought it up to my face, also reaching over for the two small figurines that have easily calmed me in the past, I sat them on my pillow and simply looked at them, while I waited for sleep to come again.
Booths POV
I could hear Bones' heartbeat beating louder and stronger than ever before. I could see the emotion in her eyes, the hurt showing more than ever before. I could feel her eyes on me as she sneaked a quick glance at me and then turned away. I could hear, see and feel her broken heart reflecting on mine, our hearts are connected, she's my soul mate, the one I'm meant to be with and the one I can't be without.
She quickly got out of the car and ran towards the doors of her apartment building, not looking back once but pausing at the door before she entered. I wanted to follow her, but she was already gone, I needed to think, think about my life, how it was before Hannah, how it is now and how I want it to be, definitely not how it is now.
I need to talk to Hannah.