Always
This is my first Twilight fic, so be gentle with me.
Disclaimers: All characters and Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. The song belongs to Bon Jovi. The rest is mine.
I don't have a beta so all mistakes are my own.
Edit 10/12/2011 - have corrected a couple of mistakes. Thank you for the reviews so far!
JPOV
My hands grip the steering wheel so hard, that I'm afraid I will rip it off. Phasing back to human form has brought all the pain and sorrow to the forefront of my mind again.
I shouldn't be doing this.
What kind of idiot goes to watch the woman he loves get married to someone else?
Trying to avoid any more internal monologues, I idly reach the switch to the radio and flip it on. I tune to a random station and catch the end of an advert. As I am about to retune it, a song starts.
This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up...
You have got to be kidding me. I haven't heard this song in ages and 80s rock ballads are not going to improve my mood, and yet I can't turn it off. The lyrics speak to me.
It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up...
My chest hurts so much that I can't breathe. An angry tear makes its way down my cheek and I brush it away quickly.
Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me...
God dammit! I want to hate her. I want to hate him. I want to hurt them both but I know that I won't and that I can't. It's no use; I'm going to have to pull over. I pull sharply over onto the verge, rip open the door and collapse on the ground. The big, bad, brave wolf is gone. All that is left of me is broken little Jacob – lost without his Bella. As irony would have it, it starts to rain. I can hear the radio still playing in the background as I turn my head to the heavens and howl.
And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
It's not fair. If Edward Cullen had never come to Forks, I wouldn't be a freakish beast and she would be mine. Instead our world is filled with monsters and I'm alone.
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind...
I don't know how long I have spent curled up on the ground, but my clothes are filthy, my eyes are wild and my knuckles are bleeding. A glance at my watch tells me that if I don't leave now, then I am going to be late. I can't turn back now. I've come this far and I need to see this through to its end.
When I arrive at the Cullen's, I hide at the back. I'm sure that the psychic one sees me but I'm not sure if she actually noticed me. Some music starts and Bella appears with Charlie. She looks beautiful. My breath catches and I try to stop a sob escaping.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to witness and celebrate the marriage of Edward and Isabella..."
I tune out the words and a vision of a future that will never be flashes through my mind.
Bella in my arms.
Bella looking at me the way she looks at him.
Bella in my bed.
I let the tears win.
Goodbye Bella.
And I'll love you – Always...
BPOV
Today should be the happiest day of my life but I'm not happy at all. My mood is dark and I can't summon up any enthusiasm for the wedding or even Edward.
I'm not even sure if it's him I love. Since I kissed Jacob my mind has been in turmoil. I keep having thoughts that don't feel like they belong to me.
Jake and I studying.
Jake and I hugging.
Jake's mouth on mine as he takes me.
The last thought makes me flush dark red. I don't understand why I would be thinking about sex with Jacob on my wedding day. This is wrong but I know that I have a choice to make. A choice I should have made sooner than this. If I choose Edward I get immortality, but I lose my family and friends. I lose my future for a love that is only ever written about in the annals of history. If I choose Jake I have a mortal life, but it is filled with family, friends, children and sunlight.
I just don't know what to do.
I hear a creak outside my door and I cross the room to open it. Alice stands before me with Charlie. His face is filled with conflict.
"Are you ready Bells?"
"Yeah dad, let's do this."
I take his arm and look to Alice to direct us to the wedding. As I meet her gaze she flinches and pulls me from Charlie back into the room.
"Just a minute Charlie, I need to touch up her make-up."
He grunts and turns to study a painting next to him.
Alice sits me down and takes my hand. She smooths the skin on the back and kisses it gently.
"Bella – your future has changed. I can't see what happens next any more, all that is coming to my mind is a song. I don't recognise it though but you might know it."
She hums the first few bars and I start to sing along with her.
My heart skips.
"Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines..."
I know this song of course. I haven't heard it in ages but it makes me think. Images flash before me in a blur- .
"Alice, I can't leave Edward. He needs me."
She kisses my cheek and leads me back to Charlie. I take his arm and we head towards the wedding and my future.
JPOV
My heart smashes into a thousand pieces as she takes his hand and turns to face him. The minster starts to speak but I am not really listening. Then he asks
"Does anyone here present know of any reason why these two should not be joined? Speak now or forever hold your peace..."
I sit on my hands and bite the inside of my mouth. More tears leave my eyes. I rub them away furiously. I will not ruin her special day. I owe her that much. I force myself to look at her. I want to remember her like this, so warm and alive not a red eyed monster. I want to take this final image of my Bella to my grave with me.
Then a voice cuts into my thoughts.
"I can't do this. I just can't. Edward please forgive me. I don't love you, I don't think I ever have. I just can't do this."
Then she kicks off her ridiculous shoes, hitches up the train of her dress and runs.
A shocked murmur ripples through the assembled guests. The psychic one goes to Cullen. He hugs her and inclines his head as she whispers to him. The conversation is short but looks intense. He meets my gaze mouths three words at me - Go to her.
And I do.
It's raining again. Absently I reach for my radio and tune to a station. A familiar song fills the car "And I will love you, baby..." My passenger starts to sing along and with a chuckle I flip the screen wipers on. The last few months have gone so quickly and yet it also feels like they've lasted forever. I've never been so happy, at least not that I can remember. A hand reaches for mine and I finally look over to the other person in my car.
"I love you Jake."
I smile at the words.
"I love you too Bells."
She lifts my hand to her mouth and kisses it.
"Always?"
"Always."
Fin.