This is set in some hazy, ill-defined alternate universe in which Zuko is stuck in Ba Sing Se, Jet has far less crazy and the Freedom Fighters are still fighting (for freedom, I suppose). Basically just a self-indulgent Li-reveals-his-past-as-Zuko fic with Jetko.
"So," Jet says. He's lying on what passes for his bed in the tiny apartment the Freedom Fighters call home, tired and a little drunk on cheap wine. Li is lying alongside him, studying the ceiling and apparently in deep thought, and Jet takes a moment to trace the line of Li's scar (a firebending scar) with his eyes, the edge of a golden iris. Li's had a bit to drink too, more than Jet, which is the only reason Jet's even thinking about this, but Jet still turns his gaze deliberately to the ceiling when he says:
"So. Theoretically, if you were a firebender..."
Jet hates the Fire Nation, hates firebenders, but he was the one who sought out Li for the Freedom Fighters even after Mushi had heated his tea. Li's magnetic in a completely unconscious way, nothing like Jet's own practiced, studied charisma, and Jet doesn't exactly have enough hands that he can turn down spares who can fight as well as Li. A new start, he had promised them, and maybe some people deserve a second chance. Even the bad ones.
He can feel Li's gaze on him like something tangible and heavy. He counts the cracks in the ceiling, because he knows if he looks over Li's thoughts will be written clear across his face.
Li murmurs, "Theoretically."
"Mm," Jet agrees. "Yeah."
Here's the thing: they're friends. Jet likes Li, places him in the circle just under Smellerbee and Longshot for friendship and trust and just over for having his back in a fight. They've brokered an understanding through sparring and back-to-back fights, through arguments over plans and expected casualties. Li knows he means convince me you're worth it, because Li knows Jet.
And Li sighs, in the way that means don't make me regret this, and Jet says, "Hey. No pressure."
Jet can imagine the way Li's mouth quirks up at that, can nearly feel it to his side, and the urge to look at him is nearly overwhelming. But then Li says, his voice pitched just above a whisper, "If I were Fire Nation," and Jet closes his eyes.
Li shifts, turning his back to Jet. It's a terrible defensive position; he's exposed his kidneys and Jet has a knife up his sleeve, because he always does, and Li's seen him use it. It's not meant to be defensive - it's meant to be a gesture of trust. Quiet, Li says, "You would hate me for who I am."
Jet absently skims over the thought. Li's not old enough to be anyone special in a war, which means awful relations, Fire Nation army generals or something. Jet feels the anger - pushes it down, because this is Li, who's fought by his side for months and doesn't even want murderous thugs to die. He hums encouragement, lets himself sound amused. Talk yourself up, stupid.
Li huffs a breath, and he sounds so afraid Jet hates himself a little. "If I were Fire Nation," he says, "I would be on their wanted posters."
Jet feels his mouth curve into a smile, almost against his will. "You'd be a bit of a bastard, huh." He's not familiar with Fire Nation policies, but Li's stringent morality seems a little too nice. It's a little too nice even in the Earth Kingdom, even for the Water Tribes. Jet's pretty sure he'd be right at home with the pacifistic Air Nomads, though he's never going to say it out loud. Instead he shifts on his side, facing Li's back, his eyes on Li's hair curling near his collar.
"Just - unwanted," Li says, and Jet knows that self-depreciating smirk even without seeing it. "I was - would have been banished when I was thirteen. If."
A little absently, Jet says, "Not bloodthirsty enough," and Li snorts a quiet laugh.
"Something like that."
Jet says, "Hey," and, "that's not a bad thing, you know." He knows he's hard to control - when he gets that too familiar rage, growing up past controllable amounts, overwhelming anything past rationality other than kill, kill, kill. Now when he starts to get like that Li's always there to push him back, as a sparring partner and a punching bag both, and they - balance. Li knows he can't save everyone, and Jet's learning when to stop.
And Li's Fire, but they didn't want him. That's definitely a recommendation.
"Look," Jet says, "hey. I've done some things I'm not proud of, you know. Before we met."
Li's quiet.
"You know how I get," Jet says, and Li says:
"Of course," and Jet studies the line of Li's back, his spine still stiff like he thinks Jet will stab him. Jet can't say he hasn't thought about it before, much earlier in their acquaintance-friendship-thing, but it's been a while since Li's been so tense. Since they've met, Jet's started thinking about the people he's killed; their families, their lives. Maybe he'll make another orphan just like him, angry in the opposite direction, toward the Earth Kingdom instead. The first time they went out to raid a warehouse, Li glared at him so fiercely when he whispered his plan, Li tensed and stepped back and said no and Jet's never been rejected like Li does it. He doesn't really know where'd he be without him.
But Jet's never stepped down from a fight, never ignored Li's go-away signals so much as overridden them, pushing and pushing until one of them breaks. So he says, "And if you were a firebender?"
Li's always so warm. Jet can feel him from here, even though they're still nearly a foot away from each other, and when Li leaves a couch or a bed it's a little warmer for a while, too long. It's obvious, in the way he wakes far earlier than any of them, probably with the sun - with the way his energy is high in the middle of the day, and the way he gets through night shifts on sheer willpower alone. Jet isn't an idiot, but he did some selective ignoring for the first few weeks. After that - after that, it stopped mattering.
Li shifts, restless, and then turns all the way over, facing Jet in the dark. "What do you want me to say?" he asks. "Why do you keep - " and he stops.
Why do you keep pushing?
They've had this conversation before. Jet grins at the thought, at the similarities, because surely Li can see it. "I can't help it," he says easily, and Li's eyes roll and he finishes:
"You just like tormenting me."
It's done its job; Li's mouth is quirked into something that's almost a smile, and he says, "You want to know, then."
Jet raises his eyebrows. "I did ask."
Li's eyelashes fall as shadows across his cheeks, the gold in his lowered eyes a scar in the dark. "I'm not a good firebender," he says. "Terrible. I first bent so late I had already started learning swordsmanship."
No properly raised firebender uses swords like Li. Even Jet knows it. His eyes fall to the scar pressed against a pillow, the mottled browns in tempting reach, and he says, "A training accident?"
Li's eyes snap up to his again. There's something curious, thoughtful in his eyes, and he studies Jet like it's a test. Jet stares back, already used to pushing away the part of him that screams firebender eyes with the part that knows Li. With the part that trusts Li with his life, because he knows Li will care for it.
After two weeks of knowing him, Li saved Jet's life nearly at the cost of his own. That sort of goodness, - that sort of companionship and trust, it can't be faked.
Li says, "No. An Agni Kai - an honor duel." His mouth twists into something nowhere near a smile and he's so far away. Jet shifts closer out of instinct.
Li says, "It was my father." His hand goes to his face, hovering over his skin. His eyes are closed. "I - disrespected him, in an important meeting, by speaking out against - someone. I thought I would be fighting the man I spoke out against, but my father - " and Li sighs, heavy and tired. "I refused to fight, and he banished me."
Jet's heart is in his throat. He can't stop himself from reaching out, his fingers hovering at the edge of it, near Li's nose. His fingers brush Li's own when they push forward, because Jet wants - needs -
Li releases a warm, quiet breath that Jet feels on his palm. He closes his eyes and Jet traces the line of the scar, because it means something different now, and yet something so much the same. Like me, he had thought, the first time he had seen it, betrayed by the Fire Nation, but the betrayal is more personal that he could ever have imagined and it feels strange, reconciling the old Jet with the new, realising he wasn't so wrong after all.
Li is a firebender betrayed and discarded, and it's an opportunity he would have missed if he hadn't been so unsure.
"You can't go back," Jet says, quiet, and Li sighs and breathes, steady and near.
"Not anymore."
I think I must have written this years ago, on the edge of a dream. Please review?