Authors Notes: Hunny/Haruhi is my favorite alt-host pairing of the series, and I finally came up with an idea for a fic featuring it. Very much AU, but has manga-verse characters. Will contain Hunny/Haruhi, Tamaki/Ayame, Kasanoda/Renge, Nekozawa/Reiko, and Hikaru/Kaoru. So yes, this will contain a smattering of shounen-ai, although it's a bit different than normal. For those of you who don't know, Reiko and Ayame both appear in the manga. The title comes from a song by the Dresden Dolls.

Disclaimer: I no own. I no make money. Pity me.

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Chapter 1: Companion

"Billionaire Kyouya Otoori, head of the successful company Companions Inc., announced this morning they will be adding a new Companion to their male line-up. Called Tamaki, this new Companion will be released next week. In just a few hours time, pre-orders have broken the one-hundred thousand mark. Sales are expected to exceed one million by the end of the first week in production. In other news-"

Bzzt! Haruhi clicked off the tv, sighing and running a hand through her short hair, causing it to stick up slightly. Her roomate, Reiko Kanazuki, looked over at the frazzled law student. "Something the matter?"

The younger girl shook her head, tossing the remote down on the coffee table in front of her. Nekozawa, Reiko's Companion, placed the remote back on top of the tv, then continued on with his ritual. Haruhi didn't want to know what he was doing, and hadn't asked.

"You know how I feel about Companions." Reiko frowned, and the brunette held up her hands. "I know, I know, but you care about your Nekozawa. I don't know how many cases of abuse, neglect, and mistreatment I've seen in the six months since I've started my internship at the firm. And this," she gestured towards the blank tv screen, Nekozawa nimbly ducking out of the way out of her wildly flailing hand, "is just perpetuating that. It's like- it's like Kyouya doesn't even care."

Kyouya, Reiko, and Haruhi had all attended high school and college together. What was surprising was that, unlike the first two, Haruhi was a 'commoner', while both schools had been prestigious, usually only catering to the rich. However, Haruhi had worked hard, and had been granted scholarships to both places. Now, almost out of law school, the 27 year old was finally making her way up in the world. She'd gotten an internship at a huge lawfirm, one of the most well-known (and hardest to get into) firms in the country. All by herself, even, although if any of her friends had offered to help she would have refused them.

Still, she hadn't made it as big as Kyouya, who'd started the company Companions Inc. about two years after he graduated, along with another of their classmates as an investor. Even though he'd still been in college, he'd somehow made time enough for his company, and propelled it into one of the biggest on the market. With his secret on how to make the living dolls firmly in his hands, he had no competitors. Even Haruhi, the top of their graduating class, hadn't been able to figure out how he'd done it. Then again, she'd majored in law, not electronics.

Reiko stood up from where she was kneeling on the other side of the coffee table, walking around to sit on the couch next to the shorter girl. "It's an uphill battle, but I know if you keep fighting, someday all Companions will have rights. They'll finally be protected." She shot a rare smile at Nekozawa, who returned it with his own sinister grin. Although it looked scary, Haruhi knew it held no malice. No; malice, hatred, anger, all of that was strictly on the 'forbidden' list of emotions for Companions. Every Companion was exactly that - a perfect companion. Which meant that, whenever an owner, or someone else, felt the urge to abuse their Companion, there was nothing stopping them from doing so. And there were far too many of those types of people out there. It was disgusting, in Haruhi's opinion.

She put her head in her hands, sighing. Nekozawa patted her on the knee and she smiled weakly at him, then looked back up at Reiko. "I'm... going to get some casework done."

Standing, she barely saw Reiko's nod before moving into her own room and closing the door behind her.

-----

The next day was not much better. It started with overcast skies, gray clouds hanging ominously overhead as Haruhi left for work. When she returned home, she found the apartment empty, a note from Reiko stating they had left for her parents estate for the weekend. Haruhi didn't blame her. It was cold and miserable outside, and with Haruhi in this kind of mood, the atmosphere in their place was not pleasant. She still wasn't sure why Reiko had moved in with her instead of getting a mansion or something nearby, but the minds of the wealthy had always been beyond her understanding.

Sticking an instant dinner in the microwave, she kicked off her shoes and prepared herself for a night of relaxation. Before she could chose what movie she wanted to watch (Sixteen Candles or Ju-On, although Reiko claimed they were both horror movies), the phone rang. Holding back a frustrated growl, she picked it up, tempering her voice to a more calm level. "Hello?"

"HARUHI-KUN! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT!"

The brunette winced, holding the phone away from her ear as far as possible. It was Renge Houshakuji, another classmate from high school. They hadn't attended the same college, but they'd remained friends over the years, thanks to Renge constantly calling the petite girl.

After waiting a few seconds to make sure Renge wasn't going to suddenly bust her eardrums, Haruhi carefully brought the phone back up to her ear. "What am I not going to believe?" She quickly yanked the phone away again as incoherent (and loud) squealing came down the line. It stopped, and Haruhi sighed into the receiver. "If you're just going to yell all night, I'm hanging up."

In a more moderate tone (at least, moderate for her), Renge quickly said "No, no! I'm good! I just- this news is so exciting!"

Hearing the beep of the microwave, Haruhi padded over to it, carefully pulling out and stirring her dinner. "And what news is that?"

"Well, you know that new Companion model that was just announced yesterday?" Haruhi made a noise signaling that yes, she knew, and she wasn't very interested. Renge didn't get the hint. "I bought two of them!"

The law student nearly dropped her fork. "You what?"

"I bought two of them!"

"Renge, I thought you said your dad wouldn't allow you to buy another one after you tried to get rid of your Kasanoda."

Renge giggled. Haruhi did not like the sound of it. Renge giggling usually meant bad things. "They're not for me, silly! One is for Ayame-chan" another of their classmates, an intelligent girl who everyone had thought was going to marry Kyouya at one point before she dumped him at their engagement party, "and one for you!"

This time, Haruhi did drop her fork.

-----

Sitting down now, her dinner firmly placed upon the table (she didn't want to drop that as well), Haruhi pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let me go over this one more time. You bought two of the new Companion model dolls."

"Uh huh."

"For me and Ayame."

"Uh huh."

"You pulled in some favors with Kyouya, and they're supposed to arrive tommorrow."

"Uh huh." She thought she heard giggling on the other end of the line.

"And you did it because you think I need a man to make me be more girly."

"Uh huh." There was definitely giggling this time.

Haruhi groaned. "I'm not even going to point out all the things wrong with that statement." She let her (newly cleaned) fork drop onto the napkin next to her plate, switching the receiver to her other hand. "Look, can't you... send it back or something? Call and tell Kyouya that I don't want it?"

Renge tsked. Haruhi wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her. "No refunds, no returns. Nope, you're stuck with him." Haruhi groaned again. "Hey, look at it this way! This will give you more insight into how a Companion works, and how the relationship between a Companion and an owner is. Maybe that will help you with... you know, that rights thing you're always on about."

Haruhi knew when she was beat. "Fine, I give up." She wasn't a gracious loser, though. "Don't expect me to enjoy it, though. And you're off my Christmas card list." She hung up before Renge could respond, feeling a little bit better about the world.

-----

That feeling disappeared entirely the next day when she was awoken by a loud banging at the front door. Haruhi forced her eyes open, staring at the alarm clock on her bedside table. 7:23 a.m. Who could it be? Surely not Reiko coming back early, she had her own key anyway. Another bang, and Haruhi rolled out of bed, stumbling a little as she tried to put her robe on and walk at the same time.

When she opened the door, she wished she would have just stayed in bed.

It was a delivery man, who was looking a little stunned at her appearance. He quickly gathered himself and waved a clipboard at her. "Are you Haruhi Fujioka?" She grunted in the affirmative. He shoved the clipboard at her. She took it and stared blankly up at him.

"What am I signing for?"

He rolled his eyes, jerking a thumb over his shoulder at a large box. It had the Companions Inc. logo stamped on it. Haruhi was suddenly filled with icy dread. She almost shoved the board back at the guy and demanded he take the stupid thing away, but something inside her made her pause. Renge's right. This experience... I could use this for the greater good.

When the delivery man cleared his throat, Haruhi signed the papers quickly, shoving them back at him. He took it and took off, happy to be away from there. Haruhi stared up at the box, then sighed, grabbing the edges and dragging it into the apartment.

"Time to see what all the fuss is about."

-----

Twenty minutes, and a lot of cardboard cuts on her fingers, later, she finally had the stupid box open. Inside was a metal case that was about her height, big enough to fit a person inside. She laid it down gently, not wanting the Companion to fall out whenever she opened it, and unlatched the lock, pushing the lid up.

Inside was a boy who looked to be fourteen at the most. He had short blond hair and an angelic face. She couldn't tell what color his eyes were, as they were currently closed.

Pulling out the certificate of authenticity, she blinked at what was written on it.

Thank you for purchasing one of our handcrafted Companion dolls! This companion is here to love and take care of you, through all of life's trials!

There are three modes to your Companion: friend, lover, and caretaker. You must chose one before you activate your doll for the very first time. Be careful what you chose, though! Once it's done, there's no resetting it yourself. If you wish to reset your Companion's state, you must send him back to the company. We cannot guarantee your Companion will remember anything of his time with you if this happens, though, so again, be careful!

You can chose your mode with the remote included with your doll, located in the compartment in the top of the case.

Haruhi looked at the case, realizing there was an opening on the inside of the lid. She stuck her hand in it and dug around, finally coming across something hard. Pulling it out, it was, indeed, a remote. It looked similar to Nekozawa's, but this one was white with pink flowers decorating it, instead of a glossy black. How old is this model supposed to be? Five?

She continued reading. Below are the statistics for your new Companion, as well as the contact information for our company, in case you have any problems or concerns. Please, enjoy your Companion, and have a nice day!

Name: Mitsukuni Haninozuka

"Wait a minute... Wasn't the new model named Tamaki? And when did they start giving them last names?" Haruhi blinked down at the paper. Something was off.

Age: 18 She breathed a sigh of relief. At least she wasn't going to be looked at as a pedophile or something. Wait, pedophile? I'm only going to put him in friend mode. Ugh, stupid Renge, making things complicated...

Hair: Blond
Eyes: Brown
Zodiac Sign: Pisces
Height: 148cm (4'10")
Blood Type: AB
Strong Subjects: Mathematics
Favorite Food: Cake, strawberries, chocolate, sweet things
Disliked Food: Carrot

It went on to give the contact information for the company, but Haruhi stopped reading, gaze drifting down to the boy. Besides his short stature and youthful appearance, he really was perfect. Even those things were cute, although Haruhi wasn't too much into the loli-shota type. (In fact, she would deny that she had a type at all.)

Turning her attention to the remote, she saw that there was only one button on it. "'Activate'? Where's the rest?" Turning it over produced nothing, and she sighed. "Far too troublesome..." She started checking in the case, careful not to disturb the doll too much, and when she found nothing she re-read the paper. It yielded no clues either, and she gripped the remote in cold hands. There was only one thing she could do.

Haruhi closed her eyes and pushed the button. And then it started to rain.