"Uuuugh..."

Today has to be the worst day I ever, I swear to god. I woke up with a fever just yesterday; a fever, and swollen lymph nodes. Mom took me to doctor... Strep throat. So I'm here. Stapled to my mattress, totally exhausted. Sore throat, raging fever, packaged together with a terrible stomach ache. The whole enchilada. Whatever the hell's playing on the TV right now is totally lost on me, and I'm too tired to bother fiddling with my cell. It's all the same since I'll pass out again any second now, but I'm decidedly miserable for this moment of consciousness.

I decide to give him a hard time.

"Shouldn't you be at school, Light?"

He hands me a graduated cup of some foul-tasting fluid. I make a face, and he offers me some Mountain Dew with a grin. I snatch the bottle, smiling huge despite my state.

"Heh, I knew you were my brother," I say after a long swig. "Seriously, though. I know I get to skip since I'm dying in here, but what's your excuse?"

"Mom let me, since I promised that I'd give you your medicine for her. She had a lot of shopping to do." He glances at my television. "Haven't you seen this episode a thousand times already?"

"Don't change the topic," I frown, but I let go of what I had to say anyway when I spot Ryuga Hideki on the screen. "So what if I have? This is pretty much the best one, so it makes sense they'd run it a bunch of times."

"Like that even comes into the decision-making process."

"Why wouldn't it? They want the most views, so they play the episodes that get the most views."

"I don't even get what's going on. Why can't they just play it from the beginning? Each episode in order."

"Are you that interested in this drama?"

He waves his hands slightly. "Not at all, I'm just saying."

I grin. "You know, Ryuga-san sure looks a lot like you."

"Are you kidding? We don't resemble each other at all."

I open my mouth to tease him some more, but he stands to leave. "Go back to bed."

"I never left my bed!"

He shuts the door without acknowledging me.

I got a little better by the next day, but I was still dog-tired. Mom made Light go to school, too. I don't understand why he stayed home at all; he's usually such a nerd. I liked the Mountain Dew, though. I tried asking Mom for some, but she insisted that I drink water and nearly had a fit when she heard that Light gave me soda instead.

Day three was downright manageable. My condition trimmed itself down into a fever and a (bad) headache. If I was more ambitious, I might have even tried going to school. But my bed felt nice, and with Light bringing home my schoolwork for me and explaining whatever I didn't understand, there was barely reason to leave. I was content to be heavily drugged and left to roll around the house.

Of course, my friends were blowing up my cell phone with texts. And Facebook probably had a million notifications for me, I'd neglected it so long. But it was so nice to get away from it all that I honestly didn't feel like jumping back in just yet. There was something so peaceful about being disconnected, like how it was when I was really young and the only friends I had were Light and Light's friends. It's too much to be a teenager.

I brush a tangle from my hair, still wet from my bath. He won't be home until just before dinnertime, like every other day.

I sigh. Do I actually miss my brother, or is it the drugs talking? What to do, what to do.

I fluff my hair with the towel one last time for good measure, then I sneak up to his room. Though it's not quite sneaking, since our rooms are right by each other.

I push his door open and close it behind me, dashing over to his bed. It's way more comfortable than mine, and he always has it made. I lay on my side and look around the room. He has some papers stacked on his desk, and a few shoes up against the wall. No posters (still!), although his bookcase is bulging suspiciously. The entire room smells like lemons, thanks to that weird shampoo he insists on using all of the time.

It's only eleven, so I never worry about being discovered. I hop off the bed and start to nose around his desk a bit. The stack of papers ends up being nothing of interest; just bits of information about ancient African tribes that he printed from the Internet. Probably for some report of his, I don't care. I huff, wishing my brother wasn't so boring all the time.

Eleven-thirty-two. What am I even doing out of bed? There's no point in hanging around his desk. I flip a red pen between my fingers as I consider writing him a silly note. Just as I dismiss it, the pen smacks against the surface and is flung underneath the desk. Light doesn't really need to know that I was in here. He's touchy about that stuff, so I should make sure nothing tips him off...

Starting with that pen. I slide out of the chair and under the desk with ease, scouring the carpet for his ballpoint. I sprung up when I found it... effectively smashing my head against the drawer.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." I whisper, holding my skull as I lay on the plastic mat for his roller chair. Stupid Light with his stupid pens and his stupid desk with that stupid drawer with the stupid hole in it.

Hole?

I break out into a grin. Light, you sly dog. A false bottom?

You are my brother.

I sit up to take a look at the drawer in question. It always annoyed me how he let the lock dangle, like it didn't make a difference to him. But if he has a false bottom, then whatever is on top of it is clearly less important.

I pulled it open and looked at the drawer bottom. It didn't look particularly loose; I couldn't even fit my fingers in between the boards. I threw out his diary onto the carpet and ducked back under the desk.

He probably opens it from the bottom, right? I know this hole wasn't here before; I would've noticed. I bet he just pushes it up with something.

Would the center of the pen be long enough?

I'd been playing with the thing all while I thought, and it seemed more reasonable than searching his room for another long thin stick. So I pulled it apart and poked it through the hole.

Eureka! It fits. I bet it's supposed to go there. You aren't that clever, Light. I've played through too many of those escape-the-room games for your underdeveloped puzzles to faze me! I chuckle evilly, fully enjoying my mischief.

I sit up in his desk chair and push open the false bottom from the bottom, just like he must do. I have to admit... Seeing all the circuits lining the drawer was a shock. What the fuck did he do, build a bomb inside his desk? I am immediately uncomfortable with my discovery. Prying is not serving me as well as I'd hoped. But I want to know what's in that notebook in the center of it all, so I cautiously slide my other hand inside to pull it out.

Death Note. I've taken enough English by junior high to recognize those words. I've taken enough English to get some major goosebumps. So, what, Light is secretly an emo? With black notebooks full of poetry and some kind of self-destruct option implanted in his drawer? I don't even know. I'm incredibly excited to see something out of the ordinary out of him, but I'm a little terrified by what his wilder side might be like.

Nevertheless, I open it.

Nakamura Sakura, Sakamoto Ibuki, Fujimoto Junichiro, Yamashita Asuka, Shimizu Kaito...

Yeah, I give. Who the hell are these people, exactly...?

I flip around a tiny bit, jumping back when I see Lind L. Tailor written in huge, slanted letters... A stark contrast to the systematic writing lining the other pages. I get a chill. I recognize that name.

The inside cover of this notebook says "The human whose name is written in this note shall die."

I'm going to throw up, and it's not due to the strep throat.

I close the book, and I'm shaking so bad as I place it back underneath the board. Everything has to be just as it was, Light can't know about this, oh my god, Light is...

I dash to the restroom, letting out my wave of nausea on the porcelain bowl. I flush and wipe my face, hearing Mom come.

"Sayu, what're you doing out of bed?" She demands, armed with a wooden spoon.

I look at her with the kind of horror that softens her expression immediately, but I don't have the words to explain what my brain is tackling. I need to get back to my room, and I need to fix his room so that he won't know what I know, and I need to vomit. Oh god, vomiting again.

I wash my face again. Luckily, Mom attributes the face I made to the sickness that immediately followed, so there was little actual interrogation.

I rush to my room, waiting for her footsteps down the staircase. I have a small panic attack thinking of her walking into Light's room and seeing his diary laying on the floor. But she goes back downstairs, so I make a beeline for his room. In my bare feet, I crunch against some lead that found its way into his carpet. But none of that is important as I rush to fix his pen, to dangle the lock at just the right angle. To stack the papers in that precise order they were, and correct his pillows to the very wrinkle. With horror, I understand the stress that drives his absolute perfectionism.

I hear a cackle from out of nowhere that makes me scream like a girl from a horror movie. Mom's footsteps dash up the stairs within seconds, but all I can see is the unearthly clown-man whose red eyes seem to stare straight at me. His head... is halfway through the ceiling? I watch with horror as he passes through our roof like it never occurred to him that it was a barrier. He's so tall that I'm dwarfed, and Mom has already swung open the door with a panic that might be appropriate if the building was on fire while simultaneously being swarmed by bloodthirsty terrorists during a solar eclipse that took place on the apocalypse.

She's shaking my shoulders but I don't see her.

"Who are you?"

He laughs. "Ryuk. Or maybe you meant to ask 'what are you'?"

"Yes, yes, that too."

"Sayu, what are you going on about? Who are you talking to? Sayu, answer me!"

"Huh? Oh, Mom."

"Sayu?"

I glance up at Ryuk, while trying to seem focused on Mom. It just isn't easy, when there is some inexplicable apparently-invisible really tall skeleton-clown-man that passes through walls who just so happens to be standing in your brother the serial killer's bedroom.

"Sayu!"

"Yeah, yeah, what is it?" I say, slightly annoyed.

"Why on earth did you scream like that? Are you hurt?"

My eyes trained on Ryuk's heart-shaped earring, I struggle for a reply.

"Uh, I saw a spider... I thought it was poisonous."

Her eyes went wide. She hates spiders, so it was perfect. She stood closer to me, trying to trace my line of vision.

"Where is it?"

"I'm not sure, I lost sight of it."

She bears a horrified expression as she mothers her way right the fuck out of there, pulling my wrist like it's less an appendage and more a leash that doesn't come off.

I went back to school the very next day, despite all of the new afflictions I'd managed to contract in my absence.

Problems:

1. Collapsing social standing

2. SERIAL KILLER BROTHER

3. Vivid hallucinations

Yes, it was really a joke of me to think that I could ignore my friends for the majority of the week and not suffer for it. Is it bad that even as I approached the school building, I was yet to even open my cell phone? I am slipping behind as a proudly stereotypical teenaged girl, and the results could prove calamitous if I don't do some major damage control fast.

"So Ayami told me that Haruka was gossiping with Naoko in the locker room Tuesday about how Makoto got to second base with Nanami, and Karin is upset because she's had a crush on him since sixth grade, and Makoto knew that Nanami was her best friend, but Haruka has this theory that he just wants to make Karin jealous, except everyone knows how rich Nanami is so Naoko is convinced he's really just a scumbag. But like, Erika and I were so sure that Makoto was batting for the other team, so she's gonna get the dirt from Jun this weekend when they go to SpaceLand..."

Jesus, does this chick have an off button? I play with my hair idly, giving her some nods here and there, adding something whenever she wants more. Gossip builds up pretty quickly around here, and when I'm not up-to-date it's easy to lose track. But I already know that Yosuke was planning to confess to Makoto on Friday, so Makoto was only rushing into a commitment with someone else so that he wouldn't have to deal with the risks of dating a boy he actually had feelings for. It was more or less my duty to let Rena in on this, but I couldn't honestly get a word in.

"Hey, how come you haven't been online? I was dying to talk with you about this, Sayu!"

I rub the back of my head like I might be embarrassed, which worked well with my rosy cheeks from the remnants of that fever. "Oh god, I've been so out of it like all week, I just couldn't, you know?" And in case she didn't know, I added, "That big Chemistry exam is freaking me out!"

"Oh, I know right? I can't believe Obara-sensei waited this long to let us know about it! I swear, she must really want us all to fail it," Rena buzzed, going on in her way. I stealthily hid a yawn as we walked.

It dragged on for a bit, and I found myself hating the weather for being so pleasant. But Rena flipped open her cell and let out a tiny yelp. "Ah! Got to get to class now, or I'll be late! Sorry Sayu, we'll chat later okay? Bye-bye!" Her words rushed towards the end as she scampered off.

"Bye-bye!" I called after her, giggling in that carefree schoolgirl way purely for the irony. I live off that shit, man. But it didn't change that I had to get to class, too. So when no one was watching, I sprinted for the doors.

Yeah, I still need to master the art of running in a skirt. I mean, not everyone can look as fabulous in a sailor suit as Rena. She really has the silly, scatterbrain personality down to a science. I could stand to study her a little harder.

Of course, as I'm pondering these very serious topics, the bell decides to ring. Oh dear me, I'm late for first period! Oh no, oh no, my parents will be so ashamed~.

Nah, but Jesus would that reaction be hilarious! I don't bother shifting my pace, since the bell has already deemed me tardy and Ikegawa-sensei has not been known for bending the rules at any time. It doesn't matter in any case, since I'm already the slacker of the family. Things like this can just take their place on the big board of 'Why Sayu is inferior to Light' with everything else, right next to 'She hasn't killed thousands of people'.

"Hey kid!"

Oh goddamn it.

This guy, this motherfucker right here. I grimace for only myself, then I turn to face Ryuk with a smile.

"What do you need?"

"Oh, calm down," he chides with a sigh, "I just wanna hang out. No need to be so tense!"

"Yeah, well. As much as I love spending quality time with hallucinations, I have a class to get to, so..."

"Could'ja can it? I already told you, I'm a shinigami."

"Right. Well, Shinigami-san, nice seeing you." I walked away.

But it didn't do anything against him following me. Halfway down the hall, I acknowledged him in a hushed voice.

"Could you let me be already?"

"If by let you be, you mean go away, then no."

"Shouldn't you be stalking Light, or something?" As much as it bothered me to think about, if everything Ryuk had told me was true, then he'd been with Light for months already.

"Ah, come on. I get bored. And you're just as good, so what's it matter to you?"

"I'm sure whatever Light is up to will be way more fun than my history class, Ryuk."

"You think? He's got Calculus."

"...Never mind, just do what you want."

He laughed. "That's exactly what I had planned in the first place!"

I clenched my teeth and walked into class, praying to every god out there that Ryuk's invisibility stood the test of 25 sets of eyes, and that not a single middle schooler in the room was psychic.

"Yagami-san... Please, do explain why you are twenty minutes late to class."

Oh goddamn it.

So after some old-fashioned public humiliation and a good bout of ineffective communication, all played out with the added soundtrack of a shinigami's interminable laughter, I was granted detention. I could just see Ayami relaying the entire situation to Rena later today, and it honestly boiled my blood. Don't I have enough troubles? Like, for instance, the elephant in the room.

No, no, not the shinigami in the room. Although he's a nuisance, he's a side-effect. A side-effect of Light being Kira.

I can't even think it without getting thrown all out of whack. My own brother. A serial killer! The serial killer. The one with L after him, that's my big brother. Does that mean I'm on the evil team by default? It's not as if what Kira's done has ever been right... What Light has done. But how could my perfect brother ever get something this huge so wrong? What would Mom and Dad think, if they knew his identity?

I'm not crazy, right? This can't be an elaborate prank. Ryuk is too real. This shinigami, sitting beside me in the detention room... He's real. Independent. Alive. (Horrifying.)

All of this is a lot to digest. It would help if I could talk to Light, but... Actually, wouldn't that make it worse? I need someone to tell me I'm not insane. But it probably shouldn't be the guy who could kill me off with a few pencil scratches.

I feel so sick. The most capable person I know and the most threatening person I know are the same guy. I'm royally screwed. There aren't any ways out at all!

Ryuk was laughing as I left the school building.

"Oh, come on. How could this be entertaining at all?" I finally asked the air beside me.

Ryuk chose to laugh harder as a figure dressed in black took the opportunity to seize me.

Even upon waking, I saw nothing. My instinct was to reach for the blindfold I felt covering my face, which aided in the discovery that my hands were tied to the chair I sat in.

...Getting real tired of these surprises, life. Where are my monotonous school days?

"Uh, hello? Anybody?"

"Good afternoon, Sayu-chan," a heavily filtered voice answered. Maybe it should bother me to be called Sayu-chan by some voice I'm unfamiliar with, but jeez is that irrelevant, brain.

"Yeah, hi."

"I have some questions for you."

"Fire away, L."

"Why would you-"

"No one else has a reason for that many filters. Can we get this over with? I like the sun."

There was a long silence. I groaned. I really should have played stupid, but I'm so sick of feeling trapped. I'm not an idiot.

"Sayu."

"Dad?"

"Sayu, I want you to know that you're safe."

"Alright, I believe you."

"Ryuuzaki just has some questions he wants you to answer... I know it's scary, but no one is going to hurt you. So just tell the truth and everything will be fine, okay sweetie?"

"..."

"Sayu?"

"I'm ready."

The microphone made a good number of scraping noises and there was a lot of fussing before it wound its way back to Ryuuzaki.

"Sayu-chan... Who is Kira?"

I dropped my head. I think it might have just been too heavy to hold up at the time.

"My brother."

Another silence. I don't really want to think about how Dad feels. How Dad feels has to be at least twenty times more gut-wrenching than how I feel. I don't want to think about him on the other end of this stereo. Him, hearing the truth for the first time. Him, fighting all the surging emotions I had struggled to face. Him, sitting beside the detective who would catch his son.

Kira.

Light.

Ryuk was laughing beside me. He has the most morbid sense of humor.

"When you looked in that drawer, what did you find, Sayu-chan?"

My head snapped up. Oh, hell. L knew about that? Who the hell was he supposed to be, Santa Claus?

"Light's drawer?"

"Yes."

"The murder weapon."

"Please be more specific."

"It was a black notebook, with 'Death Note' written on the cover. Inside of it, there were so many names written... And on the inner part of the cover, it said that whoever had their name written in the book was going to die."

I waited, and L didn't press me. I doubted myself.

"I don't think it sounds very plausible, but that's what I found..." I hesitated. "And... I think," (really going out on a limb here, hot shot) "I think it matches up. Since the notebook says it can kill, and Lind L. Tailor was killed, and in the notebook," I had to pause again. It was such a struggle not to feel unintelligent or plain crazy, when I had no idea whether this made any sense to anyone at all. "In the notebook Light wrote that name very quickly, he wrote it in a slanted script that is aggressively expressive and angular, and it's not how he wrote any of the others. It's an unplanned, heat of the moment one, and that's exactly how he was identified before, so... It matched. It matched the situation."

"That's exactly how L identified him?" the scrambled voice asked for confirmation.

"Yeah, L couldn't have figured out so much so quickly without that mistake. The writing on that page is the same mistake."

More silence. A tiny bit of microphone scuffling. Mostly silence.

"Sayu-chan."

I tilted my head up. It might have been more effective if I could use my eyes, but it demonstrated my attentiveness in any case.

"Ah-huh?"

"One last question."

"Yeah, okay."

"Is the shinigami with you?"

I frowned.

"Ryuk?"

The microphone did some scuffling, but I wasn't talking to L.

"I can't see you. Will you say something?"

"Ryuk?"

"You're ruining my fun, girl."

"I must say, your daughter has quite the talent for handwriting analysis, Yagami-san," L remarked, watching the screen with wide eyes.

"I honestly didn't know she had it in her," he muttered, thinking more on Light than anyone else.

L pressed down on the button to let him speak.

"Sayu-chan."

She tilted her head and mumbled to signify that she was listening. L took it.

"One last question."

"Yeah, okay."

"Is the shinigami with you?" L was dying to know. It hadn't shown up around Light at all, even after the team retrieved the notebook.

Sayu frowned, and L tensed.

"Ryuk?" She called out to the air.

"Is she talking to it...?" L wondered aloud.

"I can't see you. Will you say something?"

"Ryuk?"

Her voice echoed in the interrogation room. A voice, L found, would haunt him for some time after that.

Because at that moment, Yagami Sayu hunched forward in pain. Only hints of her expression visible with the blindfold masking her, but it was one the task force had become all too familiar with. She was denied even the ability to clutch at her chest as she struggled to breathe, feeling her heart destroy itself without her consent. Denied a final glimpse of life, with her brown eyes blinded by nothing but a cloth. Those horrifying seconds where not a single man breathed and not a single man could remove his eyes from their permanent fixation on her tiny body as it jerked about in that final fit of convulsion that would be known as Yagami Sayu's last moment.

Ryuk chuckled.