Warnings: Discussion of child molestation/sexual assault.
It didn't take very long for Sam to realize that he had said something really, really bad. Once his brain stopped letting panicked words fly out of his mouth before he had time to check them, the way Ryder had acted when he walked off started to sink in along with everyone else reactions and the slight death glares he and Artie were getting. He was already trying to figure out exactly how to fix things as he headed to Blaine's house to work on homework and he knew what was coming as soon as Blaine shut his bedroom door and spun around, clearly angry.
"Seriously, Sam? What was that?" his best friend asked, "How could you say that to him? That's not like you!"
Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I know I didn't handle it too great but, I mean it was a girl so – "
Blaine cut him off before he could even finish, "That doesn't matter, Sam! Stevie's ten, right? Just a year younger then Ryder was. What would you think if some senior girl did that to him?"
Sam felt like someone had punched him in the stomach at the thought and blew out a breath as he collapsed onto Blaine's bed. "Crap. That's really … Crap. I'd wanna kill her." He said.
Blaine nodded, seemingly relieved that Sam had gotten the message so quickly, "Exactly. There's no difference. Girls can do stuff that's just as creepy and messed up and evil as guys can – and they can do it to a guy too."
"I just thought … it's different if it's a girl. I mean … and then Ryder looked so upset so, I thought maybe if he thought about it differently he wouldn't be so upset and … crap. I really messed up." Sam said, shaking his head and hating himself in the moment as it hit him that all he had done was hurt Ryder worse, the last thing he had ever wanted to do.
Blaine nodded again before putting a hand on Sam's shoulder, "Yeah, you did." He agreed, "And you need to apologize. All that matters is that someone touched him when he didn't want them too. And he was just a kid, Sam. Just eleven. It'd still be bad if he had wanted her too – she was our age!"
Sam looked down for a moment before taking a deep breath, "I'll fix this." He said, "Tomorrow. I'll find him and we'll talk about it. I'll apologize, I promise." He told Blaine, making eye contact in an attempt to insure that his friend knew he meant it and that he knew he really had made a huge mistake.
He smiled a little at the slightly proud look Blaine sent him before lapsing into silence, trying to figure out exactly how to explain what he had been thinking and make sure Ryder knew he never should have said it. There was nothing he hated more than seeing the people he cared about hurt and he suddenly realized that it was ten times worse when it was his fault.
"Ryder!" Sam called as he jogged down the school hallway, "Can we talk, man? Please?" he asked.
Ryder sent a slightly uncomfortable look at the other boy and kept walking, "We'll be late for Glee." He said quickly.
"Blaine's gonna explain." Sam said, walking a little faster to keep up with the younger boy, "Look, I just wanna apologize okay?" he added softly.
Ryder paused before turning to look at him, giving him a wary nod, "Alright." He agreed after a moment of silence.
"Come with me to the auditorium?" Sam asked, changing direction as soon as the other boy nodded.
Neither boy spoke as they walked across the school and Sam said a silent prayer that he wouldn't mess things up again. He knew that sometimes he rambled a little and sometimes he said things that were kind of stupid, but this was important. He wanted Ryder to understand how sorry he really was. Once they made it to their auditorium, Sam headed for the stage, sitting down on the edge of it as he waited for Ryder to follow him.
"So … what did you wanna say?" the younger boy said, looking at the ground as he spoke from his spot a safe distance away from where Sam sat.
The blond took a deep breath before he spoke, "That I really, really messed up." He said, watching as Ryder's head snapped up to look at him, looking like he wasn't sure if he could trust the statement. "Really, man. What I said was just really, really stupid and it's not true, alright? I've got a brother that's ten and if some girl did that to him, I'd wanna strangle her."
Ryder bit his lip before giving a small nod, "Why'd you say it then?" he asked softly.
Sam felt an extra sharp pang of guilt at the look on his friend's face, "I just … I really, really hate to see people upset." He started, "And I just wanna fix it or find something to make it not seem so bad. I don't know how much you know about when I was your age, but a lot happened. When … when we lost our house, I'd try to tell my little brother and sister that it wasn't so bad, it was just like a vacation and we'd have another house soon. Then when we moved to Kentucky … I'd tell them it was an adventure. Stuff like that." He said, pausing to try and gauge if Ryder was understanding him at all.
"Sometimes I'd do it for myself too." The older boy added, "When I got the job as a stripper I told myself it was okay, cause it was for Stevie and Stacy. And when people would call out some … really bad stuff, I'd think that it was okay, cause I was being paid to do that and it was my job and it was just words. And when they'd touch me sometimes … even though they weren't supposed to, I'd say it was okay, cause I was a stripper and it was just women and I like women so … it wasn't really anything bad." He paused, looking up to see Ryder looking at him with wide eyes and nodded slightly.
Sam took a deep breath before finally finishing the rest of his explanation, "So when you said that and you were so upset my brain just went to the same thing. And I thought that maybe if you thought about it the same way it wouldn't upset you so much but … that was really stupid." He said, disgusted with himself, "You were just a kid and there's some stuff you just can't make better like that. It wasn't okay and I'm really, really sorry that it happened and that I ever said that stuff. I hope she rots in jail, really."
There was a long silence while Sam started at the auditorium floor, desperately hoping that Ryder would accept his apology and that he hadn't just ruined what had been a pretty good friendship, even if the other boy was two years younger than him.
"It wasn't okay." Ryder confirmed and Sam looked up, "But I get why you said that stuff now, and I forgive you, okay man?" he said with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
Sam nodded, giving his own tentative smile back, "Thanks, Ryder." He said.
The younger boy nodded before speaking again, "It wasn't okay that people did that stuff to you either, you know." He said, causing Sam's breath to catch in his throat, "I mean, you might not have been a kid, but if they weren't supposed to touch you, they weren't supposed to touch you."
Sam carefully let out the breath he had been holding before taking in another, slightly shaky one. "Yeah-yeah, you're probably right." He said, nodding.
There was silence for a moment as both boys stared at each other for a moment, trying to say things that they really couldn't find the words for. Finally, Sam pushed himself to his feet and offered a hand to Ryder before pulling the other boy up.
"Hug it out?" the blond said carefully.
"Hug it out." Ryder agreed with a more genuine smile and Sam quickly wrapped his arms around the younger boy.
"So … are we cool?" Sam asked as they pulled away.
"Yeah, man, we're cool." The other boy confirmed, clapping his friend on the shoulder before they both headed out for the Glee meeting they had probably missed half of already.
Author's Note: *ducks flying objects* I know, I know. I haven't updated my WIPs in forever and I'm writing a one-shot? I just had to get this out though. I needed head-canon missing scenes to insert into that episode before I could function properly again. Sammy and Ryder are my two babies on Glee and ... yeah. I had to fix that. I do promise you that I will have both Perfect Mess and Unexpected updated within two weeks and I plan to get myself back on a regular posting schedule. If I don't, you have permission to go to Harry-Potter-Magic and tell her to hit me and make me update. She's my little sister and trust me - she will.