A/N: Takes place pre-series. Sam is 17, Dean 21, they've just exorcised a Black Widow (=ghost woman who has sex with virgin males and then eats them) together with John. Sam has always had bad luck with girls...

The Past

'Hey, I'm sorry, that was a bad joke,' said Dean,

opening the door to the bedroom where Sam was sitting, all alone. Light beamed inside from the corridor, falling just over Sam's spread legs. Dean heard a tiny laugh.

'No, it's okay. Maybe you're right, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.'

Sam leaned forward so that Dean could see his face, it had a sardonic tint to it. Dean walked further inside, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the spare bed, facing Sam.

'Maybe it's saying something, that the first girl who paid attention to me was a Black Widow,' said Sam,

holding his head in his hands. Dean's eyes adjusted to the dark, and now he could clearly see that Sam's bed hadn't been slept on - Sammy hadn't been sleeping all night. Dean shook his head.

'No, forget about that. You can't help it if that ghost woman likes only virgins.'

'It was my first time Dean, how am I supposed to forget that?'

He didn't know what to say. He could tell Sam that he was going to be fine, but what did he really know? Dean reached out to pat his brother's shoulder, but Sammy swatted his hand away.

'You go on and on about your first time! It's been five years and still you won't shut up about it.'

'Well, Sammy,'

'Well what?'

'I'm sorry.'

Sam dropped down on his bed with a poof, letting the matress indent and bounce back. They listened to their father work in the other room, which meant sharpening knives and noises of other weapons being unloaded and dismantled. John took his job seriously, he never let Sam or Dean even come near his arsenal.

'I want to try something,' said Sam, sitting up.

'Yeah,'

Dean didn't get what his brother was hinting at, but nodded anyway. Sam edged closer.

'Can I kiss you?'

'What?!'

Unconsciously, Dean moved further onto his bed, further away from Sam. Goosebumps ran over his bare arms, this felt wrong, and yet his heart was beating faster, almost leaping out his chest. Dean gulped. Why did Sam have to be such a pretty boy?

'Oh you think it's better if I practice on dad, or one of the guys at school - sure, that'll blow over in no time. Or perhaps I should wait for some ghost boy to show up - good idea.'

Dean shook his head.

'Sammy, I was only teasing you. It's okay if you do it with guys, really, I don't mind.'

'Then let me practice on you. I want to know what it feels like, kissing, with a guy.'

Dean looked his brother up and down, trying to understand if Sam was messing with his head or not. Finally he coughed, and said dryly

'It's no different from kissing a girl.'

'How would you know? Ever tried it?'

Dean gasped, then immediately shouted, his credibility as big brother on the line here,

'No! But dude, come on, what could be so different? It's the same basic shtick: you press your lips together, then put your tongue in their mouth. Rotate it a couple of times, done.'

'Only one way to find out.'

Sam got off his bed, and took a small step in Dean's direction. His hands hung at his sides, he moved slowly and deliberately. When Sam got like this, there was no stopping him, not without a fight. And dad would definitely notice if they fought, and regardless of who started it, it would be his fault, again! Dean sighed, giving in had never been his forte.

'Fine, you can kiss me,' he said, clenching his teeth and trying to find something besides Sam to look at.

He settled for the clock that hung over Sam's bed, he watched the seconds tick away with pure dread. Sam knelt down before him, and tentatively, slowly, closed his eyes and leaned forward. Sam's breath warmed Dean's lips, hot and brief, making Dean tingle all over. The goosebumps were back, man this was worse than kissing a girl. He closed his eyes and waited. Sam's lips connected with his, then it was over, before it had even fully started. Dean opened his eyes. He saw Sam sitting on the opposite bed, looking all guilty and flustered.

'That's it?'

'Huh, what do you mean?'

'No wonder the girls don't like you.'

'Hey! You want rough, I'll give you rough.'

Sam charged up, and before Dean could stop him, Sam was already in his lap, straddling him and grabbing hold of his jaw. Lips brushed lips, soft then immediately hard, pumping up the pressure. They were crashing, smashing, bruising Dean's lips. He tried to push Sam off, but the other had both arms around him, and he wouldn't let go. They breathed through their noses, quick, erratic breaths, smooching sounds as their lips sucked then separated, re-attaching again. Sam pushed himself further, deeper into Dean, his hips grinding dangerously against Dean's belly. A tongue slipped inside his mouth. Dean pushed it out, but it came back with renewed force. Dean trailed his own tongue over Sam's teeth, and Sam shifted closer yet, wrapping his jean-clad legs around Dean's back. They were too close. This had to stop. Now.

Dean retracted his tongue, and put a hand on Sam's heaving chest, he pushed. Sam didn't give up easily, but soon enough their kiss broke, and Dean was panting for air, staring down at his rumpled blankets, Sam still on his lap but not so unbearably close. He found his brother searching his eyes, wordlessly asking 'why'. Dean pointed at Sam's lap.

'I said you could kiss me, not whatever it is you're doing.'

'Oh!'

Sam was hard.

'Yes, I think that proves it - you're gay. You can get off me now.'

But Sammy didn't get up, instead he sat there frowning for a couple of minutes. Then he looked Dean straight in the eye.

'No.'

And kissed him, caressing Dean's back with his slender arms.

'S-Sammy! What are you- Let go I tell you!'

A hand grabbed Dean's crotch, it certainly wasn't his.

'Sammy,'

'What, don't like it when I do this to you?'

Sam grit his teeth.

'It's no different than with a girl, right?'

'Okay, I take that back, but this is different. You're my fucking brother!'

Dean swallowed when feeling the first signs. It always began with prickling, a new part of him coming to life, breathing. Then came the heat, he was hot all over, he was sweating. His eyes clouded over, and he got angry because his feelings started to show, he grasped at the last strands of self control, and lost them. Sam was never supposed so see him like this, and yet...

'You're hard too. Does that mean you're gay?'

Sam retracted his hand and let go, shuddering a bit as he stood, shakily walking to his own bed. There he lay down on his side, facing the wall, the clock ticked its last seconds till three. Dean heaved a sigh of relief. At least he was warmer now, and Sam had stopped the silly game he'd been playing.

'Sammy,'

Silence. Dean scowled - this was why relationships always gave him such a headache, he was more of a one-night kind of guy.

'Oh come on, don't make a big deal outta this.'

'What, you want me to jerk you off now?'

That didn't sound like a bad idea, actually...

'No, of course not!'

'Then what do you want?'

Sam turned over on his back, watching Dean. The gray bags under his eyes reminded Dean that he should be letting Sam sleep. But he had to say something, it felt awfully wrong, to just leave it at this. Dean frowned, then just blurted the first thing that came to mind.

'You're a good kisser, a natural, just like me. I think it runs in the family. You're just too nice with girls, afraid to show them your real side. Just find the right girl, that's all - one you can trust completely, and you'll be fine.'

They shared a long stare, watching each others faces for signs, signs of something else. The implicit statement that Sam trusted Dean more than anyone else hung in the air, but neither brother was willing to say it. A simple 'I trust you' would've been enough. Instead Sam rolled over on his mattress with a 'Good night', because that wasn't how society worked. And even they, even now, after all that had happened, were still part of society. Two brothers together? That would never work out. Dean kept staring at Sam in the dark, until finally he fell asleep crying.