Detective Jim Gordon sat at his desk and did the most boring part of his job at the GCPD, paperwork. As he put a folder into his desk drawer, he prayed that something-anything would happen to get him off his ass.
Meanwhile Edward and Oswald were having a more than aggressive chat, the two were in the middle of yet another fight and once again it was the fault of Edward for annoying Oswald with constant riddles that he kept getting wrong. That of course ruffled some feathers and now the two were exchanging insults.
"You know Mr. Nygma, there is such thing as manners. But I doubt an idiot like you would understand that." Oswald bit with rage in his green eyes.
"If I'm the idiot then riddle me this, what's black and white and red all over?" The other male inquired with a cruel smirk.
Oswald rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth with annoyance.
"If you tell me one more riddle i swear-" he mumbled darkly.
Detective Harvey Bullock walked past the office and notice the murderous looks they were giving each other. he went straight to the phone hanging on the wall and called Jim's desk.
Jim's phone rang and he almost spilled his coffee at the sudden ring. He put his drink down and quickly picked up the phone.
'Thank god!' He thought as he answered with, "Detective Gordon."
"Get down here before your dumbass birdman gets in shit." Harvey said with a deadpan tone.
"What's going on?" Jim asked curiously.
"Wow, are you sure I'm the idiot? It's you, ~Penguin~. You cut in half" The look in Edward's eyes showed how pissed off he officially was. After a few moments of Oswald being utterly silent he counted it as a victory and took his glasses off for a moment, setting them on his desk so he could polish them. Once Edward was sure they weren't in danger of falling he went into his desk drawer and felt around for his cleaning cloth.
Oswald's blood was on fire. He was even more insulted by the fact that Edward had taking off his glasses. Showing how he wasn't threatened by him. He decided he'd teach him not to make that mistake ever again.
He picked up the small lamp that was on his desk and threw it at the distracted man with such force that it broke when it hit him.
"He's fighting with Eddie again. In his office." Harvey said before he saw what Oswald did out of the corner of his eye and nearly dropped the phone out of his hand.
"Holy shit! Jim! Oswald's snapped!" He yelled into the phone.
Jim muttered a curse under his breath and slammed the phone on the receiver before practically running down to Nygma's office.
Luckily for Edward the damage done to him was minimal however Oswald had already left making him growl slightly as he put his hand on his desk to search for his glasses only to quickly find that they weren't there.
"No!" Edward hissed as he tried to run out of his office. Jim was there just in time to see Nigma run face first into the door frame.
Jim ran to his side. But he also notice that Harvey and Oswald had disappeared.
"Ed! You okay?" He asked as he put a hand on his shoulder to move him away from the wall.
"That moronic asshole tool my glasses!" Edward groaned as he rubbed his-now red- forehead softly.
"I can't stand him! Why does he keep coming here?" Edward grumbled out of few complaints before quickly regaining his composure.
"Jim for some reason he likes you, can you make him give them back?"
Jim sighed angrily and rubbed the back of this neck.
"If he hasn't already smashed them. If he did I'll pay for new ones." Jim said truly as he looked around for any sign of the two, but at the same time not leaving Edwards side incase he hit something.
"Well….? Aren't you going to call him?" Edward asked as he tried to make heads or tails of the blurred mess of his surroundings.
"I miss them so much" He sighed
Suddenly Harvey stomped back into the room. The walked right up to Jim and gave him the most pissed off look.
"Look who finally got his ass down here." He spat. Then he noticed Edward and softened up a bit.
"Hey Eddie. I'm really sorry." He said. Thats when Jim noticed that his hand was in his pocket and he stared up at the ceiling in disbelief and frustration.
"What's wrong? Is that Harvey?" Edward asked staring just past him.
"Yeah its me." He said as he put his other hand on his shoulder.
Edward gave a slight jump, then an awkward smile.
"Sorry, hey what can only see colours while surrounded by shapes and forms?"
Harvey hated Edwards riddles as much as the next guy be he felt guilty for what he was about to tell him so he played along.
"I don't know Ed. What?" He asked without any bite to his tone. Jim gave him a look.
"Me without my glasses" Nygma answered with a slight laugh.
"You still never said why you came by the way"
Harvey pulled his hand out of his jacket pocket slowly and Jim saw a smashed pair of glasses in his fist. He swallowed and waited for Ed's reaction.
"Put your hand out." Harvey told him as he took his hand off his shoulder.
Edward put out his hand and opened his fingers.
"Well?"
Harvey placed them back in their owners hands.
"I tried to get them back for you but, we ended up breaking them. I'm so sorry buddy." He apologized.
Edward felt the lenses and groaned, "No… this is awful!"
"I'll buy you new ones." Jim stated. But then Harvey gave him a look.
"Did you win the lottery and not tell me?" Harvey said sarcastically. Jim glared at him in confusion.
"The prescription is expensive, you won't be able to…" Edward sighed, to crestfallen to even attempt his normal constant chatting and riddles.
Jim facepalmed and rubbed his forehead. Harvey had his hands on his hips and looked just as done.
"I'll just have to adjust I suppose…" Edward tried to walk out of the office again only to bang into the frame once more.
Both Jim and Harvey jumped over and pulled Edward away.
"No. We're going to get you new glasses." Jim gritted.
"How? Even if we all pitch in we'll still not have enough." Harvey explained. Jim stared at the ground for a moment in thought.
Edward just sighed and rubbed his head once more, "If you ask me Oswald should since it's his fault"
Harvey barked a laugh.
"Yeah right! He'd sooner legally change his name to Penguin Wobblepot then buy you new glasses." Harvey joked. But Jim nodded and said, "He's right." Harvey blinked at him.
Nygma did as well.
"How are we going to get him to though?"
Jim sighed as he pulled out his cell phone.
"Thats the part I'm going to hate." And with that he speed dialed a number and waited for a answer. Finally it stopped ringing.
"Hello Oswald...You know why I'm calling...Why?...Fine." He took the phone off his ear and put it on speaker. Oswald's smug voice flowed through the cell.
"Hello Nygma. Enjoying the scenery?" He mocked.
"I heard blurry was great this time of year."
Edward had a million wonderful and hurtful comebacks shoot through his head but settled for a simple, "Quiet"
They heard a sharp laugh.
"Oswald. Enough. You broke Ed's glasses now you have to pay for them." Jim ordered. Oswald tisked.
"No. I didn't break them. I was going to give them back later, but your danish-for-brains partner decided he would try and rip it out of my hands before I left and they broke. So I believe Bullock owes you a new pair." He childed. Harvey snarled.
"Oswald Cobblepot. You know damn well that none of us can afford it." Jim growled.
"I knew no such thing." Jim could picture the shit eating grin on the gangsters face right now.
"I need my glasses Cobblepot, I can't do my work without them!"
"And I have a sideways ankle. You don't see my disability prevent me from doing my work." He said with a casual tone.
"I can't make out anything! All of it is a massive coloured mess!"
Harvey had had enough.
"Oswald. I swear to god if you don't pay for his glasses-" He was just about to yell into the phone when Oswald shushed him.
"I'll pay for the glasses. But you all have to be punished for the disrespect I've received today." Oswald explained. Jim wanted to throw his phone.
"What did me and Harvey do?!" Jim asked. More wondering why he was being punished.
"Harvey broke the glasses. And you took Nygma's side instead of mine. This all happened because he threatened me Jim." Oswald faked a pouty tone at the last sentence. Jim looked up at Edward.
"You what?" He asked.
"He kept offending me so I told him a riddle, I didn't mean it as a threat and he fully knows it" Edward said with an angry tone to his voice.
"You said you'd cut me in half!" Jim rolled his eyes.
"Oswald, have you seen Edward. He is the least threatening guy I know!"
"He's not completely innocent Jim."
"What do you mean? What did I do besides managing to scare you with questions?"
"Thats for me to know and for you to wonder. Now, I'll have the glasses tonight. Come by my club at 6:00." Jim looked at his watch. It was 3:02.
"Oswald thats three hours." Jim complained.
"That's the fastest I can be Jim." Oswald said truthfully. Harvey sighed.
"Whatever. See you then." He then hanged up the phone for Jim.
"I don't like this… I am supposed to be the one with the answers! What are we supposed to do while we wait!? Also how am I the blind one when even like this I can see answers better than him!" Edward sat there hissing out every insult and riddle he held back during the call.
As he ranted, Harvey and Jim lead him upstairs and into Jim's office so that when it was time to go they had an easier path. Jim sat back at his desk and Harvey sat in the chair in front of him with Nygma sitting on the couch across from Jim's workplace.
After a good two hours he stopped for a breath, "Ok, I'm done."
Jim had his unloaded gun pointed at his head and harvey was lightly banging his head against the table.
"Thank. God." Harvey mumbled, more to himself then to Edward. Jim looked to his watch. 5:08.
"One more hour." He said, almost with happiness.
"I wonder what that fuckers gonna do to us." Harvey said tiredly. Jim looked to Edward.
"I have no idea and it's driving me up the wall!" Edward groaned and flopped back.
"What do you think Jim?" Harvey asked. Jim scratched the back of his head.
"I have an idea. But if what I'm thinking is what he does then I'm going to have to take my vacation days and get the fuck out of town." Harvey lifted his head at that.
"What?" Jim shook his head.
"Nothing, lets just hope it's not."
"What do you think it will be?" Edward asked turning in the vague direction of his voice.
"like I said, lets just hope it doesn't happen." Jim ended.
At 6 they were in Harvey's car and on there way to Oswald's club. Edward was in the back seat.
The entire time Edward made an attempt to make out anything around him only to fail and need Harvey to help him out of the car once they arrived.
The bodyguards took one look at Jim and let them in without question. They saw Oswald doing some paperwork at the bar table. He looked up and gave them an evil smile.
"Gentlemen, and Nygma." He greeted.
Edward glared at the wall next to Oswald, "Just tell us what you want already"
Oswald smirked.
"Who wants to go first?" He asked with a playful tone to his voice. Jim felt like he was going to drop dead, Harvey wanted to get this over with and then drink to forget today happened, and Edward was sick of looking like a fool in front of his colleges.
"Let's go Cobblepot." Harvey said as he took a step forward. Oswald gestured towards a stool.
"Have a seat, your punishment is to enjoy the show." Right then Jim's fears were confirmed and Harvey knew that he was probably gonna drink himself to death after this. He reluctantly sat down. Oswald then turned to Nygma.
Edward stood there blindly not entirely sure what was happening.
"Edward," He began. "Do you know a Harvey Dent?"
"Yes…. why?"
Oswald shifted his weight. "What is he to you?" he questioned.
Edward blushed, "Why do you want to know?" he shot back
"What. Is he. To you." He pressed.
"Riddle me this, what gets broken when you tell it"
Oswald rolled his eyes. Jim cleared his throat and Oswald looked to him.
"A secret." He answered.
"You finally got one right"
Oswald gave a smile to Jim and then turned his attention back to Edward.
"A secret eh? Well I guess you don't want your glasses…" He moved to turn away.
"I want them!" Edward let out a long sigh, "He's very important to me"
"How important? In what way?" Oswald was loving that he was finally bringing Edward Nygma to his knees.
Edward clenched his hands into fists, "I-I…..have a crush on him, alright?"
Oswald practically beamed. Harvey's eyes almost popped out of his skull. And Jim felt sick.
"Do you dream of him? Do you lay in bed and think of the things you want him to do to you?" Oswald asked darkly.
Edward looked away his face turning bright red giving Oswald all the confirmation he needed.
"I knew it." He then snapped his fingers and one of his men walked towards him, handing a recorder and walked back out.
"Oswald-" Jim started but Oswald cut him off.
"That whole confession was just recorded." He told Edward.
Edward's blush increased and he was rendered speechless.
He got close to Edward and grabbed him by his shirt collar.
"So, if you ever, call me Penguin again. This tape not only will be sounding through your workplace. But Mister Harvey Dent will hear it everywhere. On the radio on his way to work, in his office on repeat, in his home. Do I make myself clear Nygma?"
"Yes… you do" Edward said gritting his teeth.
Oswald then let him go.
"Good." He then walked over and grabbed the case that the glasses are kept in.
"There is one more part of your punishment. It ties into Jim's." He explained as he walked back over.
"But you need to see." He held out the case. Jim swallowed and Harvey just sitting quietly, ready to run out as soon as he got the chance.
Edward felt around and carefully took out the glasses and put them on sighing in relief as he could see again.
The first thing he saw was Oswalds smug smile. Then he looked over and saw Harvey looking like he wanted to kill himself and Jim who looked relieved for him but worried for what was about to come next.
Edward was concerned but made his way next to Harvey.
Oswald gestured for Jim to stand beside him. Jim slowly made his way over and stood beside the mobster.
"Do you want to know how I found out?" Oswald said to Edward.
"What?" Edward asked his curiosity kicking in instantly.
"How I found out you had a massive crush on Dent?" Oswald repeated patiently.
"Obviously, I'm a curious man" Edward responded and awaited his response.
"As I waited for your glasses to come in, I watched some security footage of you two. And I recognized your body language and your tone. Do you want to know how I recognized those things?" He explained and Harvey asked the bartender for a scotch, god knows he needed it.
"...How?" He managed to keep his tone even
"It's because I've been in your shoes before." He looked to Jim. "With a certain GCPD detective…" He confessed with a flirty tone. Jim looked away.
"Alright…" Edward sounded confused as to where this was going.
Oswald ran a hand up the blondes arm and Jim froze.
"The difference. Between you and me." He leaned in close to Jim. Harvey turned his back to them and downed his glass with a cruse.
"Is that I got my man. While you, are lonely and desperate." He kissed at Jim's neck and Jim couldn't help but lean in for a split second before stopping himself.
Edward quickly turned away trying not to gag.
Oswald smirked at his reaction and nipped at Jims ear lobe. JIm bit is lip hard and reminded himself that his two friends where standing in front of him.
"Oh god! Please don't have sex in front of us." Harvey pleaded when he dared to look back.
Edward gaged at the word, "Oh sweet god don't!"
Oswald straight up laughed at them.
"Now, now. Jim isn't in that big of trouble with me." Oswald looked Jim up and down and smirked.
"And judging by his response, it seems it wouldn't be much of a punishment to him." He remarked as he bit his lip. Harvey choked on his drink.
"No fucking way Jim?!" Harvey shouted.
Edward kept muttering under his breath and shaking his head.
Jim covered his eyes in shame. Oswald moved away from Jim.
"There. I'm done now. You two may leave." He gestured at his men and they moved away from the exits.
"Have a nice evening," He turned back to Jim. "I know I will." Harvey all but ran out.
Edward was more than happy to follow, leaving the two to whatever perverted schemes Oswald had planned.
Edward was the only one to go to work the next day. Harveys disgusting hangover and Jim's unable to make eye contact (Or his inability to walk)keeping them at home. Edward sat in his desk chair and mindlessly writes on some paper.
"What has two legs, can barely walk, has little intelligence and is going to end up dead?"
He then broke his pencil in half.
"The Penguin."