Defective Products

Summary: Meet Dalek Stan, only good for making food. Meet Angel Dave, who never quite got the defensive mechanism down. And meet Cyberman Janet, who really, REALLY wanted to get laid. They're sharing a flat. Fun begins.

It had to be confessed. Even among all the fantastic aliens in all the universes throughout all of time and space, there were always going to be mistakes. Maybe someone was asleep on the production line. Maybe a hunter picked the wrong target. Maybe a talking pepper pot got annoyed and dropped the baby on it's head one too many times.

Those were basically the reasons for Dalek Stan, Angel Dave and Cyberman Janet for existing. Under normal circumstances in their respective species, they would have been destroyed as failures. Except for the fact that their species had no one to blame but themselves.

To start with, there was Dalek Stan. In actuality, he was one of the new Daleks- a destructive machine that could raze a universe to the floor; selectively annihilating any species that wasn't Dalek. Dalek Stan had weapons not even the Doctor could have stopped. No life form could have stood up against the horror that was this single, lone Dalek. Well, that was the plan. In reality, a small kitten could have stood up against Dalek. Because, to put it kindly, Dalek Stan was...well...Special. He was STUPID. So STUPID, it required caps lock to express exactly how thick Dalek Stan was. His IQ was negative. He couldn't have worked out a simple addition let alone the code to a universe. Heck, it was a wonder Dalek Stan could remember his name.

Then there came Angel Dave. Angel Dave had run into a fatal flaw, being a Weeping Angel, in the sense that she had never quite managed to get the whole 'freeze when people look at you' thing down. It could have been an advantage...yet instead Dave ended up standing still and getting rained on and crapped on and pissed on by drunks. And she was way to shy to do anything about it. Heck, even the other angels tended to think of her as quite pathetic. Well, incredibly pathetic. Oh, and then there was the fact that Angel Dave had an incredibly masculine name despite the fact that she was, quite obviously, female. A clumsy, pathetic girl, that only had her 'turn to stone' feature kick in when biology decided it hated her.

And finally came Cyberman Janet. Cyberman Janet was probably the most easy to blend in out of the trio (which was saying something) and had a pathological need to try and sex up everything in sight. Be it human, Dalek, Weeping Angel, Cyberman, dog, cat, cow, sheep, Jack Harness of Torchwood...anything really. According to the Cyberman that transformed Janet, it was because he'd sort of grabbed her and her boyfriend while they were 'doing the deed.' Bad timing really. As such, Janet tended to be less 'convert everything to Cyberman' and more 'break biology and mindset of everything and everyone I can find.' Good times.

These three were the most epic failures of their species. Fun would be had when fate forced them into a very...odd situation.

There was a television in the flat. Dalek Stan stared at it curiously, jabbing it with his plunger. Neither of his room-mates were with him; Janet was out shopping and Dave was probably failing miserably to get a meal. This would have been quite distressing for Stan, who had the approximate maturity of a five year old, apart from the fact that he was enthralled by the box with loud sounds and glowing images. He wanted one of the horrors he lived with to explain the box. Like they'd done at least eight times before. In the last day or so. Dalek Stan was determined to get a reaction out of the box; a proper one, like when he used his laser on Dave once and she started shrieking. But the last time he laser-ed the box, Janet had gotten angry. Never a good thing, "DALEK STAN?! DALEK STAN, YOU HAD BETTER BE DECENT!" Ah. There was Janet. It was a good thing he hadn't attacked the box. The Cyberman walked into the room, watching Stan jab at the TV for a few minutes. She felt like face palming, but the last time she'd done that, she'd dented her own face. Embarrassing to the greatest degree, "Stan. Stop that." Stan turned his head. Janet felt that he would have cocked it if he had a neck, "WHY?!"

"You will incur the wrath of the magic box," She answered primly, ignoring the fact that Stan had decided the jump backwards and latch onto her with his plunger, "MA-GIC BOX? MA-GIC BOX?!"

"Yes Stan. Magic box. Now come on, we'll get tea- or whatever you eat."

Angel Dave was having a bad day. A very bad day. It was raining and her quantum lock didn't want to turn her into stone so that she could ignore it and hunt for something to eat. She was starving. The other angels in the graveyard were doing alright. They'd caught a few humans each. And now they were mumbling about her.

"Useless."

"Rubbish."

"Trash."

Angel Dave was actually starting the wonder who they'd fed on- those voices sounded like a TV show she'd watched until Stan decided that the magic box was a threat. Hopefully he hadn't destroyed it again. A person wandered in front of her, staring at the various graves. He turned around and Dave finally got her meal. 'Only another two to go,' she thought.

It was going to be a long day.

It had taken a while to calm Stan down enough to make him eat...or at least pretend to eat. The little squidgy thing inside the moving pepper pot was downing something that could only be described as 'smooshy.' Much like a baby. Except messier. And STUPIDER. Dave had wandered in about an hour earlier-though she hadn't gotten much past the kitchen doorway. Her quantum lock had finally kicked in, halfway through a sentence. Cyberman Janet was seriously starting to wonder how the trio were functioning in society. Oh well. At least it was time for some fun for her, "Dave. I'm going out. Look after Stan and make sure he finishes his...whatever he's eating." She could only hope Dave agreed. Janet walked out. Stan made a noise and threw the smooshy stuff at Dave.

Dave silently screamed inside.

A/N: I have no idea where this came form. Kiki and I were talking and we starting going on about the Weeping Angels and Wild Mass Guessing. And so, this was born. Partially from the conversation and partially from the fact that I get really REALLY bored in English. Not my fault we've done those damn anthology stories to death. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.

Also? I love the New Doctor. He's such a nerdy nut. (Shh...I know I shouldn't be putting up new stories. But this one wouldn't go away.)