Kane's Pickle
By: Greegrue Steepaploe
Kane stared at the monitor before him, trademark sadistic grin on his face. He couldn't actually understand any of this technological horseshit. He was more of a philosopher. But hey, that's what Sath was for.
"Sath, ready my harvester. I have something I need to do."
Sath rolled his eyes but did what he was told.
~
Kane leaned back in his seat, one hand on the wheel. His harvester was a beaut. 20" platinum rims, lowered with ground effects, a huge spoiler on the back, reflective tint on all the windows, and of course, a thumping system. Right now it was cranking C&C Thang.
All the kids gathered around the pimpin' harvester as it rolled on up to the village. When they saw the man that came out, however, they all bailed. With a grim look of determination, he walked up to the nearest technician-look-alike and said:
"Hey man. I gotta take a whiz. You got an outhouse or something?"
The technician-wannabe looked around nervously and stammered 'U-uh, yeah, it's 'round back."
Kane stared at him for a moment, then walked to his harvester and ran the poor bastard over. He then backed out, and roared away.
Cruising down the dirt road with the wind on his bald head was nice. What he caught out the corner of his eye, however, was not. 3 ass tanks were busy torching a defenseless Blossom Tree. He immediately pulled over to determine the cause of this atrocity.
"What the hell are you guys doing?!"
The ass tanks slowly turned around, not of their own volition, you see, they would have whipped right around, but these things go slow. There was a moment of silence before one piped up:
"Well, uh, we're burning this Blossom Tree."
"No shit! Why, you bags of toxic waste?!"
This time the silence was longer. The same one spoke again:
"Uh, Sath gave us the orders."
"That's the worst lie I've ever God damn heard!" he then thought for a moment. "Shit, I bet he did!"
With that he hopped into his ride, slammed her into first, and left rubber on the dirt. The ass tanks sat there for a while, before one spoke to the others.
"This is a Blossom Tree?"
"I guess so."
"Well, shit. Let's go head to a town to let off some steam, if you know what I mean."
~
Kane jumped out of his baby and ran into HQ, pulling out his firearm. There he was, that bastard. Talking to commander. Huh? America? He's gonna get the Blossom Trees there, too! Kane stepped up, pointed his gun at Sath, making sure only his forearm was showing to the Commander, and fired. Sath slumped. Kane grinned.
Pushing the scumsucker out of the seat, he sat and looked at the Commander. He said some pointless shit, wondering all the while if this guy would harm Blossom Trees. Oh well, he though.in the words of Einstein, who was something of a philosopher himself, time will tell. Sooner or later, time will tell.
Kane stared at the monitor before him, trademark sadistic grin on his face. He couldn't actually understand any of this technological horseshit. He was more of a philosopher. But hey, that's what Sath was for.
"Sath, ready my harvester. I have something I need to do."
Sath rolled his eyes but did what he was told.
~
Kane leaned back in his seat, one hand on the wheel. His harvester was a beaut. 20" platinum rims, lowered with ground effects, a huge spoiler on the back, reflective tint on all the windows, and of course, a thumping system. Right now it was cranking C&C Thang.
All the kids gathered around the pimpin' harvester as it rolled on up to the village. When they saw the man that came out, however, they all bailed. With a grim look of determination, he walked up to the nearest technician-look-alike and said:
"Hey man. I gotta take a whiz. You got an outhouse or something?"
The technician-wannabe looked around nervously and stammered 'U-uh, yeah, it's 'round back."
Kane stared at him for a moment, then walked to his harvester and ran the poor bastard over. He then backed out, and roared away.
Cruising down the dirt road with the wind on his bald head was nice. What he caught out the corner of his eye, however, was not. 3 ass tanks were busy torching a defenseless Blossom Tree. He immediately pulled over to determine the cause of this atrocity.
"What the hell are you guys doing?!"
The ass tanks slowly turned around, not of their own volition, you see, they would have whipped right around, but these things go slow. There was a moment of silence before one piped up:
"Well, uh, we're burning this Blossom Tree."
"No shit! Why, you bags of toxic waste?!"
This time the silence was longer. The same one spoke again:
"Uh, Sath gave us the orders."
"That's the worst lie I've ever God damn heard!" he then thought for a moment. "Shit, I bet he did!"
With that he hopped into his ride, slammed her into first, and left rubber on the dirt. The ass tanks sat there for a while, before one spoke to the others.
"This is a Blossom Tree?"
"I guess so."
"Well, shit. Let's go head to a town to let off some steam, if you know what I mean."
~
Kane jumped out of his baby and ran into HQ, pulling out his firearm. There he was, that bastard. Talking to commander. Huh? America? He's gonna get the Blossom Trees there, too! Kane stepped up, pointed his gun at Sath, making sure only his forearm was showing to the Commander, and fired. Sath slumped. Kane grinned.
Pushing the scumsucker out of the seat, he sat and looked at the Commander. He said some pointless shit, wondering all the while if this guy would harm Blossom Trees. Oh well, he though.in the words of Einstein, who was something of a philosopher himself, time will tell. Sooner or later, time will tell.