You belong with me

I do not own anything

Another lonely Saturday night.

Homework.

Dinner.

Movie.

Popcorn.

Video game.

Sleep.

that was not something a normal college students would do on a normal Saturday night. They would have gotten drunk and woke up next to a stranger the next morning.

But not me. I wasn't something the others would call 'normal'.

I was far from normal.

Well, what made me not a 'normal college student' ?

For starter, 'normal college student' had to work to have money for school, waiter or part time employer… I did work, but my works didn't require me to leave my home. A composer. Yes, I was a famous composer, whose name was Julian German.

The second reason would be the mask that I was forced to wear. Yes, normal students wouldn't have to wear a mask, but I had to. Why? Because the left haft of my l face was belonged to anything but human. The skin was angry red and covered by scars. It wasn't my fault that my birth took everything that Madeline, my biology mother, wanted. It wasn't my fault that I was there when she was angry and drunk after having a fight with her lover. It wasn't my fault that she tried to ripe off my left face. The Social Services took me from her and tried to find me a better home.

They blamed my face on Madeline, well, the scars I got from her, but my skin was what I was born with.

They promised to find me a better home, but I knew it better. No one wanted a broken child to be their adopted son anyway.

Until Antoinette came , she was my adopted mother, she and her husband, Nadir Khan just lost their child not long ago and thought an adopted son would be a nice change.

I didn't know why they chose me, not my roommate, Raoul Denist, who was quite handsome and young.

" you are the one who need love more than anything, so we chose you." That was what they said.

And thank to them, my life was better from that moment on.

Antoinette and Nadir Khan were nice to me and let me study what I want, music. And Meg was the best sister any boy would want.

Back to the present, you knew why I couldn't live like a normal college student, you knew why I was in France, to study music, but what you don't know was that I could graduate anytime I wanted, that was what I got from being a composer. But I didn't want to leave, yet.

why?

Because of her.

Christine Daae.

She was the woman of my dream. She was everything that I wasn't. the reason why I was still in this country, not American with my family. She was a student in my school, she studied piano and she was really smart. And she lived right next door. And I didn't know that until I moved in the house. At first I thought she was like any other pretty girls, with empty head and always thinking about how they looked on the outside, but she proved me wrong. Christine was almost a straight A student, she worked hard and study as hard as any college student would.

The first time I saw her was when I first came to France, Nadir said there is nowhere I could study music better than France. I saw her singing in a church. She looked like an angel, so beautiful.

I was excited when I met her again when I went to college. It was the opening night of Hannibal, and she got the lead soprano. I wanted to see her after the show.

But soon after that I regretted my decision. Because I saw her, lips locked with none other than Raoul, my old roommate, look like he got adopted, too.

I was heart broken, I didn't get a chance with her. But she was happy with him. So I did what I could, I wished them happiness.

And I found out she live right next to my house. I was so happy, at least I got to see her everyday and be her friend.

That was it, until one day, she came crying to me that Raoul cheated on her with another girl, she said a lot of upsetting things and she sweared that she wouldn't take him back.

But that only last for two weeks before she took him back. I asked her what it was that she thought that he wouldn't do the same again, I didn't mean to be rude, but I didn't want her to be sad again like when she came crying to me.

Christine snapped at me, telling me that I should mind my own business and leave her alone. I was sad and hurt, but I couldn't stay away.

I love her. Not just like or adore, love. She'll always be the only woman that I ever love. Yet she gave her love to another man.

Raoul De Chagny, handsome, soccer ball captain, rich… Everything that would make girls screamed his name, and he got the best girl, Christine, but he cheated on her everytime he could. And she kept taking him back when he came at her door with expensive flowers and on his knees begging for her forgiveness. And they would make out in her house and do who know what.

Whenever that happened, I would take some beer and sat watching ' Phantom of the Opera house' over and over all night, pretending nothing happened.

I might look fine outside, but inside my heart was bleeding.

I wanted to go somewhere far away from her yet I couldn't live another day without seeing her angelic smile.

Tonight wouldn't be any diffirent. They would fight, Christine would break up with Raoul for one week or two, then he would come to her house with flowers and she would take him back. I always told myself not to get my hope up whenever she broke up with him, but I also always got myself hurt everytime I saw they made up.

Why can't she look at me like when she looks at him?

Why can't she see that he would only hurt her?

Why can't she see that I love her too much it hurt me everytime she cries?

Why can't she see that no matter what he would always cheat on her?

Why can't she see me? I stand right behind her, I try everything I could for her turn back and see me. yet I would be lucky if she looked at me for two second.

I asked myself too many time, even when I already known the answer.

Love. She loved him, that was why she forgave him everytime he cheated.

Why does she loves him?

Well, you couldn't ask why the sun rises everyday and then sets every night. It was the same with love. You couldn't ask someone why they love you. But I could see why, there was nothing about Raoul that girls could ask for more.

'hey' I looked up from my diary to see Christine wrote something for me. so I quickly wrote back, this was how we communicate.

'hey what's wrong? I hear screaming.'

' problem with that stupid fop again.' I chuckled at her words. a fop, good name, Christine.

' problem in love paradise?'

'yeah, he tried to ask Mari my friend out, even throught he knew that Mari was with Ethan. He didn't know I was friend with Mari and she told me what he told her.'

' oh.'

' I am not going to take him back this time if you ask, I am tired of him, why can't he stop cheating? Is that all men could think about? Making out and sex?'

' not everyone like that.'

' well, you are one of those guy who don't. Erik, you are a really nice guy, I am sure whoever catches your eyes will be a very lucky girl.'

I blushed and started to write something on my paper. But when I looked up she was gone. Her window was closed.

No matter. I still had chance, she wasn't with him anymore.

oOo

I was so stupid.

Why did I get my hope up?

When I learned from long time ago she would never be with someone like me.

But I kept doing this to myself over and over again.

I wanted to give her some space to think about everything.

And in the two weeks later, the opening night of the new production of our school opera club, Count Dracula, I was planning to tell her how I feel about her and ask for a chance when I saw them, Christine was back with that fop and they were making out.

I left without another words.

The bouquet of red roses that I have to save money for a whole week to get her, in the garbage bin, it was useless now anyway.

It was when I was alone in my home that I fell down and cried.

My heart was broken again.

How many time it had to be break to learn the truth that Christine would never be with someone like me? when she had someone like Raoul De Chagny, even when he was a cheating fop.

I cried and cried and watched ' Phantom of The Opera house' again, like I always did when my heart got broken.

oOo

I had decided, staying here was not a good idea, I packed everything, ready to go, I couldn't be here and see Christine's dance with that fop anymore. I loved her so much, and if she didn't need it, I would find another person who would want it.

I would leave quietly, no one would know where I was gone, except my family of couse. I needed time to think by myself, I would not keep myself locked in this hopeless dream anymore. I would find someone and learn to love her, and then one day I would look back and see how silly I was pining after the girl that could never see me in the light.

I was ready to leave.

That was when everything went wrong again.

I should have leave that night. I shouldn't agree … I should ….

That night, Christine asked me to take her to the soccer ball game that her 'once again' boyfriend was playing in. Because she wanted to drive with him back and she needed someone to driver her car back home. I noded my head before I could think of what the hell did I just agree.

I went to the soccer match thinking this would be one last gift for me to say good bye to my old silly boy crush and come to my mature world.

Christine screamed happily whenever that fop made a goal, how I wished she would do the same to me, but at the same time I knew she would never do that.

How tragic. How ironic. Someone who would never expect to find someone to love like me pining after a girl that was in love with the boy who didn't think twice before cheating on someone like her.

Our school won and Christine wanted to go down there and 'celebrate' with her boyfriend, I didn't want any of that so I left the flield and started to walking to the packing plot.

But when I was about to leave, I saw her, running out, crying.

I got off the car and ran to where she was sitting.

" Christine? What is it? I .." I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down. " I thought you wanted to celebrate with your .." my anger was rising. " …. Boyfriend…" she had come out here crying, that only mean one thing ….

" I … I wanted …. I saw …. He kissed …. Sandy …. Oh Erik how could he…. He promised…."

" Christine, get in, I am taking you home." I said, I didn't get my hope up, not anymore, I would still leave tomorrow, but right now, she needed a friend.

" Erik, buy me some alcohol…"

" Christine…"

" please, I need to forget right now…" Christine started to cry again.

" okay, okay…" I never liked alcohol. They made human lose their control and bad things always happened when someone drink alcohol.

oOo

I woke up the next day with a very bad headache.

Where was I?

I looked around. This room looked nice and warm, unlike my dark and cold room. And everything looked feminine.

I looked next to me and saw Christine, who was sleeping soundlessly.

She was so beautiful, her neck, her cheeks , her bare …. Wait a minute…. Bare?

I looked down at myself, I was naked.

What the hell?

What happened last night?

What did I do?

And what could I do to make everything right again?

I took advantage of a drunk woman.

Of my best friend.

Of my secret first love.

Oh no.

There was nothing that I could do to make everything right again. Nothing except leaving here. I was too ashame of myself to face her, good thing I woke up earlier than her or it would be awkward with both of us.

I didn't want this to happen.

I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

I just wanted to be her friend.

And if she would be kind enough to give me whatever affection she could, I would grab it and be graceful forever.

But now, all she could have for me would be….

Hateful…

Regret…

Tears…

Oh how I wished I could turn back time and re-done everything.

I wanted to leave as a man who was once her best friend.

Who was one secretly in love with her.

Now.

She would hate me forever.

I needed to get out of here before she woke up.

I couldn't face her hateful expression or her tearful eyes…

I needed to leave….

Good bye, Christine, you wouldn't have to deal with this evil monster anymore…

(TBC)

Note: random….oh, Julian German was the name Erik used to work as a composer, also, I chose 'Julian;' because I remember there is a college name ' Julian' that is famous about ' music' and ' show businesses'.