Nuzlocke Rules (For Those Who Don't Know)

A Nuzlocke is basically playing the pokemon game but with a set of rules in play at all times and must always be obeyed. Of course there are variants to the rules, But 2 are always the same.

1) If a Pokemon Faints it is DEAD...and must be thrown away.

2) All Pokemon must be Named.

3) You can only catch the first pokemon you encounter on each route, Unless the pokemon you meet is one you already have, then you may catch another pokemon.

"I hate my mother.." I grumbled to myself. The sound of an old engine echoed into the small metal room I was currently in, well in was less a room and more a trailer. I sat cramped in between cardboard boxes I let out a sigh and secretly cursed my cheapskate mother. Ride in the truck she said. Keep the stuff safe she said. That was a whole bunch of horse shit, she just didn't want to pay for my bus ride to fuck knows where.

The truck hit a bump in the road and I found myself airborne. I fell with a nice crunch, it was mostly my bones, not the china so don't worry. "FUCK!" I screamed.

That wasn't the last of the bumps however for I was sent flying into all four metal walls.

SLAM

"Fuck..."

CRASH

"I'm..."

CRUNCH

"Going .."

BAM

"To.."

SPLASH

"Slap...

ONOMATOPEIA

"A..."

ALL CAPITAL LETTERS THAT EMPHASIZE PAIN

"Bitch…"

"Hey quite down back there! I'm trying to have a nice conversation with my GIRLfriend." The driver yelled, his voice some how carrying to the back.

"Ugh…Pretty rainbow ponies..." I replied. Dazed.

The truck drove on for roughly thirty more seconds before it came to an abrupt and prompt stop. The trailers back hatch opened and day light sparkled, yeah I said it, it sparkled into my general area. A buff Manish figure shadowed into my vision.

"Jesus?" I asked in my daze.

"No son." A coarse ruff and gruff voice that was earned from spit and grit and grit and spit.

"Fuuuuuuck!" I groaned.

'Give your mother a hug." The voice commanded. The figure stepped forward, A hulking beast of a woman appeared. She had bigger pecks than the situation, harder abs than a person with abs and her actual frame...hmmm how to describe it... A manatee that hits the gym weekly.. Yeah. That's about right... Her stringy brown hair fell past her waist, her stony gray eyes looked at me with affection, and her Manish lips, covered in bright red lip stick, puckered to plant a wet one my cheek. With a futile attempt to push her away, I was overcome and she succeeded.

"GOD DAMNIT!" I screamed, scrubbing my cheek ruthlessly.

"No swear words honey! It's rude!" She barked.

I looked around, we where in a suburban area, neat little houses sat next to each other, clean cut grass EVERYWHERE, each was completed with a nice perky white sign with the families names in front. It all made me sick.

I jumped out of the truck and the movers set to work. Taking a look at the new house I could tell it was nothing special, a lot like the others, except our family name was on the sign. Stupid.

"By the way ma...Where the hell are we?"

"Kanto Honey dearest, Pallet Town to be exact." she answered.

"How in the fuck did we do that? We used to live in Hoenn! A Truck can't drive on water!"

"Well it did now get over it." she said sternly.

"Huh?..."

With a MANLY turn she stared at me with intense intensity. A red aura cloaked her and she seemed to grow in size and the amounts of hair on her lip.

"Go set your clock NOW!" the man lady ogre screamed.

I scampered of into the house, up the stairs and into my supposed room…or well what I assumed was my room, and set the single alarm clock sitting in the middle of the room.`

Walking down the stairs I saw that all the furniture had been unloaded and well…set up in a matter of minutes. The house looked like we had been living there for just about a month. Then I noticed all my stuff packed into the kitchen trash can...

"MOM! WTF!" I yelled.

The beef pile of a woman thundered into the room, due to her manly foot steps.

"All boys must leave home some day.." She said like a roaming zombie.

"OK what the fuck! We just switched from a Hoenn game opening to a Kanto game opening. What is this foolishness?"

"All boys must leave home someday.." She repeated, handing me an empty backpack, with no supplies what so ever.

Then she pulled out her wallet and handed me a nice and pristine 3000 pokebill.

With a single MANLY shove from my mother I was thrust several feet, straight out the door. It was amazing how much MANLY strength my mother held.

The door then shut and locked itself. Huh, it was as if some cosmic, author like, being was telling me to leave. Strange.

Dusting of my bum…haha bum.. I stood up and walked down the suburb road.

I was soon bored of that…so I started hopping. Then I got bored of that so I started skipping, I got bored of that and tried to run...Which, for some unexplainable reason, I couldn't. Scanning my feet and legs for a possible problem I was snuck up on.

"Sniffffffffffffff" A voice went as a strange inward breeze brushed my skin.

I turned with a start, scared to find a perfectly normal looking teen, wearing a purple shirt and gray pants. He had brown eyes.

The fucker just sniffed me.

"What the Fuck!" I screamed as I flung my fist towards the dudes face, he ducked and yelled a confident.

"Smell Ya Later!'

With that he ran off.

I of course followed him.

Until he jumped into a large patch of TALL grass. I Skidded to a top and eyed the dark grass with minor fear. With better judgment I took a step back.

"I'll let the fairy die, Fuck this!"

That's when an Iron Hard grip grasped my shoulder and threw me to the ground. I looked up to find an old guy wearing a lab coat and socks, nothing else.

Of course I screamed like an unMANly prepubescent girl.

Then came the dragging. The old man walked forward, dragging me behind him like dead weight. I was flailing and screaming.

"RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!" I screamed.

No One Answered.

"Stranger DANGER! I NEED AN ADULT!"

No One Came. No one even attempted to stop the naked old man. But then again...who would?

I had already sympathized with the idea of becoming someone else's bitch by the time we reached the abandoned building.

I utterly broke down and began to cry. Again very unMANly.

That's when the old man began to talk.

"I am a pokemon professor!" He said harshly.

Ok so not a rapist, But weren't pokemon used in the illegal cock fighting rings, they were beefed up super animals or something like that, I've actually never seen one.

Maybe it was slang for a drug dealer.

"My name is Professor Oak! But that's Professor Professor Oak to you!"
Ok he is less a drug dealer and more a whack job.

"SNIFFFFFFFF"

Fuck.

" I told ya I'd Smell Ya Later!" The fruit cake said with a giggle.

Scary.

"Yeah you sure did.." I said nervously as I pushed him aside.

"Ah I see you have met my grandson...what was his name again?" Oak asked.

"Dumbass?" I offered helpfully.

"Yay MY name is Dumbass!" Dumbass Cheered.

Oh god help me.

"Now each of you grab one of my balls!" Oak said.

Ok...he's a rapist again.

Well that's what I thought until he pointed at three Red and White balls/orbs...They weren't that MANly.

"You each may take one of my balls, each contains a pokemon, that if trained enough, could destroy an entire city!"

Dumass Oooh'd and Awww'd.

I face palmed. This idiot didn't need a monster like that.

"You may choose first!" Oak declared, pointing at me.

"Surrreee..."

I grabbed the one closest and after Dumbass grabbed the one farthest away like a try hard. I laugh at him for walking several feet.

"Let them out!" Oak commanded.

Dumbass ate his and I lobbed mine onto the ground. A green dinosaur with a green bulb thingy looked up at me with curious eyes.

"Hey." I said to it.

"Hey." It said back. And well I freaked the fuck out. From what I heard pokemon weren't able to talk.. but then again.

"That's a bulbasaur!" Oak said matter o' factly.

I looked at it again.

"Stop Staring, its not like I'm naked or anything hewman."It said, awfully British sounding. I didn't want to point out that the bulbasaur was in fact naked.

"Now NICKNAME IT!" Oak screamed.

The monster looked at me expectantly.

"D..DO..do you have a name?" I asked.

"No, that's your, the trainer, job.

"Huh..."

" I think I'll name you Bulbasir."

And Thus Began The Nuzlocke.

Bulbasir Lvl 5