Description: Telling someone to eat a dick is usually not how most friendships start. But Randy loves that he's met a girl who has more of an attitude than him. (Or the one where Maria Kanellis calls Randy Orton an asshole and they form a beautiful friendship weighed down by Randy's never-ending and never admitted jealousy over Maria's choice in men)
Note: This is probably the quickest I've ever started any fic that I've ever written out, usually I have tons of build up but I kind of just wanted to jump into their friendship. Okay, so like most things I write this will follow an actual timeline with real life events and dates woven into this story to accompany the made up events. Oh, and I don't like Matt Hardy (if it's not obvious in this fic). Okay! Hope you enjoy!
His first day working for WWE, Randy Orton already thought he was hot shit and the harder WWE pushed the young superstar, the more he thought so too. When Vince first suggested the idea to him that he play a narcissistic heel, Randy gladly accepted the idea and even laughed when Vince revealed why he thought this persona was befitting of Randy.
"They say that the best gimmicks are those that take the person's real personality and amplify it to twelve" Vince joked with the young man.
Of course, Randy laughed but he knew he was already at a twelve. An attractive young star making more money than he could ever spend, he knew how desirable he was and let it all go to his head. As Maria would later tell him, at least he was a self aware asshole instead of just an asshole.
He would spend his nights with women he picked up at clubs, ring rats, and even the occasional WWE Diva. But no matter who it was, he always made them leave before morning whether they had a way to get to where they needed to be or not. Once they were out of his hotel room, they were no longer his problem.
By the beginning of 2003, his arrogance had seeped into his backstage interactions, alienating several fellow wrestlers as he climbed his way up the ladder. He knew where to step and who not to step on, though. He would never dare step on the likes of Paul Levesque or Mark Calaway, but he would not hesitate to piss off Matt Hardy or even Batista, the former of which would complain about Randy to anyone who would listen and when people would ask Randy if the stories Matt told about him were true, he would always confirm it. Because they were true. Randy was an asshole who enjoyed taunting people and getting a rise out of them, he thought it was hysterical.
He kept this up all the way through 2003 and through most of 2004 too: pissing off anyone he didn't care about or didn't like. The summer of the first televised Diva Search in 2004 seemed so stupid and insignificant to Randy when he first heard about it. The idea that a bunch of women would be parading themselves around to win a meager contract only to probably get laid off when that contract was up, was truly comical to him.
So, he laughed as he watched their promos for themselves and picked out which ones he wanted to fuck. He decided on Amy, Carmella, Joy, and Maria. He had a thing for brunettes. Throughout the summer he had systematically fucked three out of the four women he wanted to with only Maria left. When she was eliminated, he realized that he could be her pick me up and offer her a night to forget about it but when he was unable to find her after the show that night his plan seemed foiled and he was a little angry. Of that group he wanted to get his hands on Maria the most. So, when he heard that she was being offered a contract and was heading to OVW for awhile he was delighted. This meant he could fuck her once she got called up to the main roster, fantastic.
For the next few months, Randy kept up with being Randy. He drank, fucked a few ring rats and even the new WWE Diva, Christy Hemme, and walked around the locker room like he had single-handedly made the WWE great.
One Monday night in November, Randy was walking to the locker room of the arena, suitcase in tow, when he spotted a familiar face: Maria. He sauntered up to the young woman who was chatting away to Lisa.
"Lisa, could you excuse us for second?" Randy looked to the black haired diva who gave him an annoyed look before walking away without protest. People backstage had learned that arguing with Randy was almost never worth it.
"W-What..." Maria's eyes narrowed and darted between Randy and the now walking away Lisa "We were talking and you just interrupted."
"Pardon me, I'm Randy Orton" he held out his hand for her to shake but she just looked at it then back up at him.
"I know who you are." Maria said crossly.
"Good, then this will be easy" Randy smirked.
"What will be easy?"
"Oh, nothing. Just hoping that since you already know me, I could maybe get to know you." he winked at her and licked his lips as he eyed her up and down.
Most women loved feeling wanted by Randy. He knew he was a good looking guy and always thought that women must get a self esteem boost just having him take an interest in them.
Unfortunately for Randy, Maria Kanellis was not most women.
"Eat a dick." she said flatly before walking away.
Randy did not know what shocked him more: that she told him to eat a dick, turning him down in the process, or that she said it so calmly and did not storm away but casually walked away as though this whole conversation had just bored her and she was finally allowed to leave it.
He genuinely debated chasing after her and swearing at her but for some reason he decided against it and went stalking off to the locker room instead.
In the locker room he did not take his usual spot in the center of things but rather off to the side. He changed quietly and didn't speak to anyone, which really threw off the guys who were used to Randy's verbal harassment on what seemed like a daily basis.
Eat a dick.
He couldn't stop thinking about it and replaying that moment in his head. Sure, Randy had been turned down before, albeit rarely, but never in such a 'you matter so little that I have no extra emotions to waste on you' kind of way.
Paul noticed Randy's odd behavior and sat down beside the young man "Everything okay, kid?"
"If a woman told you to eat a dick, what would you say?" Randy asked the older man.
"Awww, did someone get turned down?" Paul teased.
"It's not that I got turned down" Randy thought for a moment about how to word this "It's that she did not give a fuck who I was and couldn't even work up the energy to show anger that I was checking her out...just like I was nothing to this chick. What the fuck."
Paul was cracking up laughing by this point, despite Randy not feeling like laughing at all. This kind of rejection was something he wasn't used to, especially not from a woman new to the company. Women new to the company were usually looking to work their way up and in Randy's eyes, he was offering them an in, a connection of sorts to this new company they were unfamiliar with. And it hadn't failed until Maria! He had slept with at least five different WWE Divas and intended to sleep with more. But now, he somehow felt belittled by this women who didn't give a shit and didn't even stick around to let him take the time to pick her apart for turning him down.
"She didn't even give me the chance to call her a bitch" Randy mused "She just fucking...left! Just walked the fuck away like I was wasting her precious time!"
"Man, not every woman is gonna want to be with you."
"I get that, but like" Randy shook his head "This chick not only didn't want to fuck me, she just didn't give a fuck about me. And she knew who I was! She just didn't care in the least. Like I was some fucking nobody who could do nothing for her!"
"What would you have done for her anyways?"
"Nothing! But that's not the point!"
"So what is the point? A woman didn't marvel at you? Big deal. Steph didn't think I was hot shit when I first asked her out. I could've been a random crew member for all she cared, I was nothing special. But, look at us now man." Paul chuckled "Sometimes women that don't think you're hot shit are the best ones."
"I don't wanna marry this girl, I just wanted to fuck her!" Randy insisted.
Paul sighed, clearly the kid was never going to get his point and with that he shrugged his shoulders and got up, leaving Randy to once again sit in silence and go over what happened again and again.
It wasn't until the night was over and Randy was getting changed back into his clothes that he had summed up his anger to just be that she took a hit to his ego. He knew he had a big ego but it usually wasn't challenged either, so the whole thing came as a shock to him and he vowed that he would just ignore her from now on to avoid future hits.
But when he saw her leaving the divas locker room as he made his way out of the building, he certainly let his ego stand in the way and he caught up to her, walking alongside her at her pace.
"Hey, weren't you one of the contestants to lose the diva search?" Randy thought he had taken the ego hit well, apparently not.
"Hey, didn't I tell you to eat a dick earlier?" Maria said it calmly, completely ignoring his comment.
"Yeah, and you'll be surprised to hear that I didn't take a loser's advice but I'm here to give you advice from me, a winner-"
"You? A winner? Of what, the divas search? I'm sure you looked cute in a bikini. Funny how you blended in with everyone. Maybe your dick was just so small it couldn't be detected through the bikini bottoms."
"Why are you such a bitch?"
"Because I know who you are, I've been warned. And when you came up to me, thinking you could wow me and fuck me with your complete lack of respect and douchebaggery, I had all the stories confirmed."
"So you aren't going to sleep with me because you heard some stories?"
When Maria stopped at the exit door, Randy stopped with her and it was the first time that she actually had made full eye contact with the man.
"No, I'm not going to sleep with you because you're an asshole." Maria paused "And I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart, it is not because you're unattractive physically but the moment you open your mouth you might as well be Jim fucking Cornette because your personality is so ugly."
Once again, she didn't leave him room to speak and give an angry rebuttal, not that he would have known what to say. She just left through the doors and he stood there, unsure of how to proceed from there. Her words were so cutting but the ever aware Randy knew that they were true.
He knew he was an asshole who was crude and just wanted to fuck women without having to actually get to know them. This was something he was fully aware of. But for some reason, hearing it from someone else, hearing it from a pretty girl he barely knew at that, cut deeper than he thought it would. Hearing that his personality was ugly and that he was an asshole from a little brunette girl with huge eyes who spoke more calmly in an argument that he did to his grandparents was infuriating. It wasn't the same as Matt Hardy yelling that he was an asshole to everyone who would listen, for some reason, it just wasn't.
Randy didn't go out that night. He went back to his hotel room, turned on the TV, and thought about why the fuck he was so hung up on what this Maria girl said to him. Sure, she heard stories about how he was an asshole and she probably heard the story about how he once shit in one of the girl's bags, but most girls heard these stories about Randy and still chose to fuck him anyways. They chose to fuck him despite hearing tales about him straight up telling women that he had just used them and stories about one night stands where he had kicked the girl out at 3am and she had to walk back to her hotel in the cold.
The more he thought about the stories Maria probably heard the more he wondered why no woman had told him to eat a dick sooner. Even the ones he really fucked with just avoided speaking to him, so what was with this chick? Maybe he should've known that she would be like this after flipping Carmella off after being eliminated.
It pained Randy to admit that he actually felt like maybe this Maria girl could dish out an attitude as well as he could, but take it with more grace. He chuckled to himself when he began to come around to the idea that maybe he was more amused by her than anything at this point. Sure, she said some harsh things to him and attacked his whole being, but he assumed that this would happen someday and the only reason it threw him off was that he wasn't expecting this reality check to come from this little new girl.
Never the less, Randy resolved that he would still try to talk to Maria, if not to fuck her then to get to know the girl who had enough attitude to shit talk him on her first official day.
He hated Matt Hardy because when Matt called him an asshole and ranted about him, it was behind closed doors and privately to other wrestlers (not that other wrestlers didn't spread the gossip around). If Randy ever got in Matt's face and confronted him about it, he was sure that Matt would deny everything.
But, he had a feeling that if he were to confront Maria about something, she would take full responsibility and spit in his face.
And Randy already loved that about her.